the night the stars fell - poetry collection

numb

my current goal is to be numb to you. unaware of your presence, visage, voice, smell, the individual sound of your footsteps on school tile. i would like to have empty, senseless dreams about nothing. dreams that don't include you. dreams where you're not in my home, where you're not touching me, where passing by you isn't the only way through. i would like to be able to hear the name you hold without thinking of you, without feeling pinpricks of panic, the need to ask for a last-name, or block anyone on social media unlucky enough to share your name. i would like to be intimate with someone i love without you sitting in the back of my mind, reminding me that you've put your hands there too, reminding me of how wrong it felt, how terrified i was in this position with you. i would like to be numb to you. numb to your existence.