CIII. ACCEPTANCE OF THE POISON
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❝How long will it be cute
All this crying in my room❞
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ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER POISON.
Well, perhaps that was just her general thoughts every morning she were to flutter her eyes open. The feeling was like every moment she was to live another day was like drinking poison that would never kill her. And it was slowly driving her insane.
Why was she like this?
Why was it that every time she were to wake up from her slumber, she would hope — unnecessarily hope — that things might change, that her surroundings might differ from the days before, that the world would change while she was gone for the few hours... but of course, that was too much for her to ask as everything would only be the same.
But what did she expect anyway? A miracle?
Don't make yourself laugh, Lucia.
As Lucia laid on Ron's bed, her eyes would immediately travel around the many posters that filled the room before they settled on the makeshift cot near the bed where Harry always slept on. Although she daily reminded herself to clean that up for Mrs. Weasley, she had always procrasinated to the point of forgetting, but perhaps that was just her mind playing tricks on her.
Perhaps that was just her mind wanting to put off the reminder that she should just let go now.
The sun shone brightly through the sheer scarlet curtains of the room that had kept shut since the start of August and after she began to find herself in deep despair. She must have fallen asleep in the middle of her crisis... well, what could she do, right? Despair and melancholy was all she's been these days, and quite frankly she felt as though it was slowly getting annoying.
Aside from the constant numbness, Lucia reckon that annoyance was also something she's been feeling along with the hopelessness that seldom rushes through her veins so prominently in the past. Maybe that was why she had covered the small mirror in the room with a blanklet — because she was getting annoyed of herself everytime she were to see herself in the mirror.
If she felt as if she wanted to slit her throat everytime she was to see herself in the mirror, she couldn't imagine what the three Weasleys felt whenever they were to see her sorry state. She wouldn't even be surprised if they were starting to hate her.
Because she was starting to hate what she had became.
Just how long are you going to go through with this?
Lucia uncovered the mirror, staring at the horrible reflection of herself she had grown to despised so much. She hated how she look, she hated her state, she hated everything that was her. It was mocking.
Until they come back...
Don't be naive... That will take thousands of years. They are on a long mission without even a proper plan, and by the time they get back, you could have already succumbed into those intrusive thoughts of yours. Think, Lucia!
But I'm nothing without them...
You were already something before they even came into your life. They're maybe your friends, but they were not the ones who shaped you.
They were... I can't be the one to shape myself... I changed after I met them...
That was the most rubbish thing that had ever came out of your mouth.
You think?
Get it into your head that you had been something long before they came. They were not the ones that created your personality, your bravery, your smarts. It was hidden inside you the whole time, and they just helped you blossom with it.
But I can't let go of them...
You're not letting them go. You're just learning to navigate the world by yourself again, and that is nothing like letting them go. It is due time for you to finally realise that and stop from this messiness you are in lately. This burden you carry... others are carrying them as well...
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny are trying their best, but what you are further doing is hurting them more than you are hurting yourself...
I'm... I'm hurting them?
That was the last thing she wanted.
She needs to stop.
She needed to stop all of this. She shouldn't go further than she already was.
Enough was enough.
It was due time for her to finally get her act together instead of being a parasite.
With every fiber of her being, Lucia dres the curtains of Ron's room, letting the sunshine properly enter the room that she had locked herself in for days... weeks... She had enough of her own stubbornness and knew that whateer she was doing currently won't change the fact that Harry, Ron, and Hermione were gone from her grasp. They've gone off on a mission.
What mission? She couldn't remember.
Perhaps she may never remember. The only one that held that specific memory of hers was Ron, but for now, while she could and still had time, she needed to focus on the people around her rather than the ones that had got away. She needed to comprehend of the fact that the Minister of Magic was dead. Scrimgeour was dead and some Death Eater was now the acting Minister.
As she put away the makeshift cot, Lucia slipped into the bathroom and stared at her reflection before she grabbed a scissor from the drawers of the cabinet. Her hair already had split ends from the days she spent stuck by herself, swallowing in her own misery. Trimming it wouldn't hurt.
But perhaps that was just a way to assure herself she was not growing crazy.
With her hair in an updo after the trimming she did, fastened by a simple red ribbon she had shaped into a bow, Lucia slowly walked down the steps until she reached the landing, being greeted by the familiar sight of the Burrow's kitchen and instantly, the scent of mushroom stew filled her nostrils. Right as she was about to take another step forward, pots and pans fell to the floor, causing a loud and cluttering noise to fill her ears, leaving a faint sound of ringing. Lucia wheeled around and was greeted by a gobsmacked Mrs. Weasley, who was looking back at her as if she had seen a ghost.
"Y-You're not — Lucia — I —" Mrs. Weasley stammered, stealing glances out of the window to where the spies of the Ministry were watching back at them, thinking this was just them in disguise via Polyjuice Potion. But as Lucia move forward to gather all the fallen pots and pans, causing Mrs. Weasley to stagger backward, she then caught sight of a familiar locket that had always been kept hidden underneath the fabric of the clothes she would wear.
"I'll just sit it here, yeah?" she said with her gentle voice, as she put the pots and pans on the table. "I'm sorry for scaring you,"
Mrs. Weasley couldn't say anything. She didn't know what to say, for this was the first time in a while since she was able to see the girl looking tidy and all and all, balance.
She wouldn't say she was healthy, as even with a heavy amount of makeup could not hide those dark under-eyes of hers, but it was still something to see. After days and weeks being locked in that room, mostly drinking ice water, and sometimes not even eating the food that would be given t her, she was up and about in her normal floral dress instead of the nightgown.
"I — uh — oh dear..." was all Mrs. Weasley could muster out as she sunk into a chair, hiding her face, and Lucia recoiled slightly, nervous.
"I-I'm sorry," said Lucia, getting to her knees across from the elder witch, head down, ashamed. "I'm sorry for burdening you and Mr. Weasley and Ginny. I-I've been selfish these past few weeks... all I've been doing was think of myself only, and never yours. Never once did it crossed my mind that you three were upset with all the things that were going on too, a-and —" Lucia clenched her fist over her lap, squeezing her eyes shut, "and I'll be sure to get out of here if you want, just say so. It's the least I could do for causing so much trouble around here —"
But her words were short-lived as Mrs. Weasley threw her arms around her, bringing her into her embrace. Lucia stiffened in stun-silence, not knowing what to do as Mrs. Weasley closed her arms around her, not giving her a chance to escape. The elder witch caressed the back of her head soothingly.
"That's the last thing Arthur and I want," she said quietly, body quivering as she held back her sobs. "You were never a burden to us, Lucia. Quite the contrary," she pulled away from the young woman, cupping the side of her face, staring into the blotchy eyes of hers. "We felt as if we should be there for you. We wanted so badly to comfort you, but whenever we do, it always seems like we're doing it all wrong — as if we were making it worse... We didn't know how to make you feel better, so we decided to give you some space..."
Lucia felt her lips wobbled, gripping onto her dress.
"When I saw you standing here, I thought that maybe this was just a dream. Maybe I'm a hallucinating because all my children are out there — some maybe fighting, and some were in hiding — somewhere, and I have no way of tracking them. It made feel insane, ut when you turned around, I was relief,"
Relief?
Mrs. Weasley brought her back into her arms. "Because I know now at least two out of all of my children are safe,"
Two out of all of my children... Two? Did she mean her as well?
"It's okay, Lucia. You will never be a burden to Arthur and me, and please stay with us. Stay with us forever, we don't mind. We love you, dear. You are as good as our child, don't you forget that," she said, and at her words, Lucia couldn't help but feel her eyes burning with tears again.
"I-I'm sorry, Mrs. Weasley," sobbed Lucia into Mrs. Weasley's arms. "I hope to never worry you again... I'll be better... I'll learn to be the way I was before..."
"That can wait," said Mrs. Weasley gently. "For now, eat and drink is enough. Look at you! You look near bones! I need to fatten you up!"
Lucia heaved out a tearful laugh.
"C-Can I at least help you then?" she asked, sniffling.
Mrs. Weasley gazed at her softly.
"Of course,"
It had seemed that to the eyes of the remaining Weasleys, Lucia was slowly getting better from her ways before; she had started eating regularly, joining them for breakfast and dinner. To say Ginny and Mr. Weasley was shocked to see her fixing food for them along with the Weasley matriarch would be an understatement, but they were glad to see her smiling once again after having lost that said smile for weeks. She had even joined Ginny sometimes in playing Quidditch in the orchard, and sometimes the both of them would participate in other activities to distract Lucia's mind from returning to the darkness she was once succumb in.
"You actually did this stuff for years?!" shrieked Ginny when she and Lucia had opted in doing gymnastics exercises in the morning.
"Well, yeah," said Lucia simply, doing an aerial on the makeshift beam. "Of course, I actually did this for a couple of years only before I transitioned into doing stuff with rings and ribbons," she added.
"Yeah, no," said Ginny, trying her best to balance herself on the beam without falling. "We're not ever doing this again. I thought we were going to the bars thingy!"
"Are you even ready for that? You can't even balance yourself on a beam," Lucia snorted, before she did a handstand on the beam effortlessly and dismounting herself back to the patchy grass.
Ginny gaped.
"You're not going to make me do that," she deadpanned.
And Lucia giggled at this.
Sure, it was nice to see her back up to her feet again, but somehow, they also couldn't put their guard down, especially whenever she was alone and they often find her in the middle of the orchard, looking up to the sky, as if pleading for something to change in their world — in her world. But as always, nothing would change.
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley would send their daughter out to accompany the lonely girl, giving them task to do together, hoping for Lucia to get all her feelings out, but her only reaction to all the activities they had done throughout the month was a mere smile.
Sometimes it was worrisome, for this seemed to be her only emotions. To smile.
"So, all we have to do now is wait? Like, for days or..." trailed Lucia peculiarly, wiping the sweat on her forehead as she and Ginny took a couple step back to examine their little project in planting a small chili plant.
"Sometimes it'll takes weeks, so all we have to do is wait... unless Mum let us use her magic fertilizer!" she yelled loudly, loud enough for Mrs. Weasley to hear from within the house.
"Learn how too plant properly, then maybe I'll reconsider!" yelled Mrs. Weasley back.
Lucia smiled wearily at this, as Ginny let out a loud, "Tch,"
"You know, it's fine. I just hope it can survive, you know?" said Lucia, crouching down beside the plant they had just planted with all their efforts. "It really is interesting how different magical gardening and normal gardening is,"
"It is, isn't it?" said Ginny in deep thought. "I'll be honest with you; this is my first time planting something normal too. Usually Mum does it,"
Lucia sighed longingly. "I hope one day I'll be able to plant something behind my own house..."
Ginny frowned.
"Of course you will,"
"Yeah, I know, but I do want to have a big garden one day. And for that to happen, I have to actually live with someone. I can't do it on my own," said Lucia smilingly.
"Why is that?" she asked.
"Because I don't like living in a house that's meant for a family, but I myself don't have one," said Lucia, standing up, looking up at the sky. "I get lonely very easily now that I finally thought about it. It's a bit pathetic, really,"
"All you wanted to be, was to be wanted," said Ginny quietly.
Lucia turned to Ginny peculiarly. "Hmm? Did you say something?"
The redhead's eyes widened.
"Oh, nothing!" she said, grinning at the older girl. "I was just thinking!"
"Ah, pondering thoughts sometime can be very annoying," said Lucia, nodding. "Sometimes I ponder over why in the hell on earth do those guys do not get that we can see them from here?" she said, beckoning over to the Ministry spies that were trying their hardest to hid away from their eyes.
Ginny smiled wearily at this.
"They're dumb, that's why,"
Lucia nodded.
"Fair,"
August wore on and before the only four inhabitants of the Burrow knew it, September was beginning to dawn on them, which doubled Mrs. Weasley's stress levels. Lucia would find her steal glances at the grandfather clock, to see whether anything changed, but it was still the same. Lucia was greatly comforted by the clock, for every time she was to see it, she would only be met by Ron's hand on "Travelling" instead of "Mortal peril."
During breakfast one morning, Lucia woke up bright and early and immediately went down to eat with the others, however the atmosphere the filled the kitchen was slightly solemn. Mr. Weasley sat with the Daily Prophet propped up for him to read, and gradually she saw his brows furrowing. She just couldn't point out whether it was out of anger or not, but she didn't question it, only eating her bacon.
"Oh, Arthur!" shrilled Mrs. Weasley, causing both Ginny and Lucia, who were in deep conversation of where Harry, Ron, and Hermione might be, to jump in startlement and looked toward the witch questionably, but also with wary written on their face.
"Did something happen?" Lucia asked Ginny, as if the girl even know the answer.
She shrugged. "I dunno..."
"Molly, calm down," said Mr. Weasley. "What is it?"
"While you are still hung-over last week's published, you should be more wary of today's!" said Mrs. Weasley, slapping the newly published Prophet on the table in front of Mr. Weasley, fear garnering in her eyes.
Mr. Weasley looked at his wife confusion, before he laid down the old, dated newsletter to the side, picking up the new one. His eyes scanned the columns, before Lucia and Ginny saw a look of incredulity painting his lips.
"To think —" gasped Mr. Weasley suddenly, throwing the newspaper across the table, anger evident.
Now she was curious.
Lucia stood up from her seat and grabbed the newsletter to read it herself, and she, too, was lost for words by what caught her eyes first; a large picture of a familiar, hook-nosed, black-haired man stared up at her, beneath a headline that read:
SEVERUS SNAPE CONFIRMED AS HOGWARTS HEADMASTER
Severus Snape, long-standing Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was today appointed headmaster in the most important of several staffing changes at the ancient school. Following the resignation of the previous Muggle Studies teacher, Alecto Carrow will take over the post while her brother, Amycus, fills the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
"I welcome the opportunity to uphold our finest Wizarding traditions and values of our ancestors, so that children of our world would know their worth —"
"Snape, Headmaster!" gaped Ginny over Lucia's shoulder, looking at her parents.
"We must inform the" — Mrs. Weasley lowered her voice — "Order,"
Mr. Weasley was about to speak, when Lucia threw the newsletter on the table, gathering their attention to her. She sat back down, crossing her legs, "I don't think that's a bright idea, Mrs. Weasley. They probably know about it anyway, especially Kingsley," said Lucia. "It also says here that attendance is mandatory for all eligible children, which means..."
"Which means you and I will be going back," said Ginny, sitting back down, bewildered. Lucia nodded.
"No, you two are not!" protested Mrs. Weasley. "I won't allow you —"
"Molly, we have no say in this," said Mr. Weasley, face screwed in defeat. "They have to go whether we want them to or not,"
"But Arthur, surely we can go into hiding," said Mrs. Weasley lowly, but desperation laced her voice. Lucia could merely soften her gaze at the woman, for she knew this was the last thing the woman wanted... her daughter going back to the place where the most powerful wizard was killed...
"With the Ministry watching us, our chances of going into hiding is dim," said Mr. Weasley, conflicted. "The best chance we got to make sure they're safe is to send them to Hogwarts,"
"You're mental if you think that's the best chance!" cried Mrs. Weasley. "Death Eaters will be roaming freely there. And what if they take this chance to kill off Lucia?"
"It says only Amycus and Alecto Carrow, not Rodolphus Lestrange," assured Lucia. "I think I'll live,"
"It's okay, Mum," said Ginny, wanting to reassure her mother. "We'll be fine. Sure, there's going to be Death Eaters, but the whole Hogwarts against three Death Eaters? I think we can take them on,"
"Ginevra, I do not want you to take on Death Eaters, do you understand?" said Mrs. Weasley firmly.
Ginny was about to argue, but Lucia cut her off.
"Going back to Hogwarts may have its benefits," stated Lucia, trying to convince Mrs. Weasley. "Maybe Ginny and I can help the" — she lowered her voice — "Order with some stuff? Hogwarts has the largest library in all of Britain. There's bound to be something in there that could assist you all,"
"But I like combat..." moaned Ginny.
"If we can't help in combat, then let us use knowledge," said Lucia, a look of determination crossed her face for once after a long while.
"We can write to you every day if you want just to assure you that we're fine!" said Ginny.
"And if they're intercepting our stuff, then I'll use my Patronus,"
"You can do Patronus?" inquired Mr. Weasley, surprised.
"I hope I can still," said Lucia sheepishly. "Now, how about it?"
Mr. Weasley turned to Mrs. Weasley, "How about it, Molly?" he asked her, as if she was the last decision maker. "They willingly want to do this even with knowing the dangers that comes with going back there. They're not being force, so how about it?"
Mrs. Weasley tightly squeezed the old newspaper in her hand, before her shoulders slumped. "Fine," And Lucia and Ginny turned to one another, smiling. Mr. Weasley sipped his coffee humbly when Mrs. Weasley startled them once more: "BUT,"
"Yes?"
"But if anything goes wrong, we're pulling you two out of there immediately," she said firmly.
"Deal!" said Lucia, and Ginny chirped, "Sure,"
"Well, it seems that we've come to a decision right on time," said Mr. Weasley, beckoning over to the two barn owls that was flying down at them.
Lucia went over to take them; she was both surprised and unsurprised to see that there was only one envelope with the Hogwarts insignia for both Ginny and herself that consisted of booklist for the year. Usually, there would be a letter of confirmation that would come with it, but she guessed that would be useless since attending Hogwarts was now mandatory.
She gave the letter to Mrs. Weasley, who heaved out a soft and determined sigh.
"Looks like we need to go shopping,"