KISSING MY KRYPTONITE
(A/N: TW // Controlling parents.)
My professor is sleeping with my father.
I cannot in all honesty imagine.
I've been scavenging for my soul since I lost it from my body a few days ago, and I'm still searching. I wanna just distance myself from everybody, dis-identify with my thoughts and all.
In my complex mind, I expected my father to engage in some shady business as usual, but the reality is far worse. Why does it have to be her? This is flippin one of the cheapest twists I've ever had in my life this year because I damn abhor it so much and it fucking hurts. I failed once again and it's the worst feeling in the world.
As I fully grasped, my father is much worse that I thought and my professor, Cordova, is far more complex than I care to think about. For another round, she kicked my knees to my weakest..not in literal sense pero ito 'yung pinakamasakit, at dito rin ako sobrang nanghina kasi parang dinurog niya ako ng pinung-pino.
"Naglalasing ka because of that woman? Tanga mo naman.."
"W-who are you?"
"I told you, that Cordova is a witch. There's no way a playgirl like you who doesn't believe in love will fall into her. She's not even your type, kaya siguradong ginayuma ka lang niya-"
Anger flooded my veins, I snapped my hand to grab her neck weakly, nakasubsob ang muka ko sa table at unti-unti na akong nilalamon ng antok when that annoying voice came.
A thought fluttered in my head that made me rub my eyes to see who's the owner of that voice, na mukang narinig ko na noon.
"Xiomara?"
Mahina akong napabulalas, hindi tumigil sa pagkurap at sinundan ang babaeng mabilis na naglalakad ngayon palabas ng Mix it UP na naglaho nalang sa kumpol ng tao.
Nasa gilid lang ako, hinila ko pa kung saang tagong parte ng bar na 'to ang lamesang ginamit ko dahil gusto ko lang naman matulog nang matiwasay tapos lalapitan ako ng kung sino?
Who is that woman? I highly suspect it's Xiomara because of her voice and the context of what she said.
Goodness sino ba talaga ang taong 'yon? Ngayon ay mas lumakas ang kutob kong kilala ko lang siya, nakakasalamuha araw-araw o nakilala noon pa.
Isa lang sigurado ko, base sa laman ng mga sinabi niya, kilala niya si Professor Cordova..
And what is she implying? Kung totoo mga sinabi niya, noon pa dapat ako tinablan ng gayuma sa sobrang ganda ko. Plenty of women are dying to be with me, begging to get into my pants and be my girlfriend. Kung totoo man ang gayuma, hindi tatalab sa 'kin 'yan kahit kailan.
Xiomara, kung sino ka man, sana hindi ka maging lason ng buhay ko.
The same depressive cycle occurred the next few days; a series of events has been happening in our lives, and I saved my problem to myself because I didn't want to bother my sister and mom.
"What's happening to you, Ezra?!"
"Kanina ka pa rito?" Tinatamad akong napaupo mula sa couch, si Yngrid 'yung nagsalita, I fell asleep at hindi ko na napansin ang pagpasok niya.
We don't have maids kasi mukang desidido na si mom na umalis kami ng bansa, but we do have security guards, and they all know her well, which is why she was able to sneak in.
Makalat ang buong mansion particularly dito sa living room dahil sa mga empty bottles ng beer. I was bored as hell too kaya wala akong ginawa kundi mag-jam mag-isa sa mini bar rito sa bahay.
Yngrid's blue eyes roamed the place, "Is my Ezra okay?"
Napapikit ako saglit, this sweet lady always makes me feel loved and cared. Napakabait niyang tao, but she doesn't deserve a stupid piece of trash like me.
"Jazzver called me to check you up, you looked depressed. I just can't.."
Naliligo pa rin naman ako araw-araw, baka nagre-reflect lang talaga mga dinadalang problema ko sa itsura ko ngayon.
"None of your business," umirap ako rito, napamaang ako nang magsimula itong maghubad, revealing her orange two-piece. Sanay naman na ako pero alam ko ang ginagawa niya, hindi siya titigil hangga't sa umamin ako.
"I'm just worried, now please join me to the pool," she pulled my shirt. "Let's discuss about what's bothering you.."
"I'm not in the mood, Yngrid," I shoved her hand but inwardly, what she said somehow scraped my heart and I truly appreciate how she makes me feel like that. I was about to walk past her when she pushed me to the couch and straddled me.
Mas lalo akong nahilo sa ginawa niya.
"How about now?" Mahinang saad niya, her voice sounds so soft and sweet. She's offering me her full weight, hindi tumigil ang isang kamay niya sa paghaplos sa muka ko.
"We have already talked about this..right?" Seryosong baling ko rito.
"I know, ayaw mong magsalita eh. Pang-ilang kulit ko na ba 'to? I'm the one you used to confide in about your personal problems but you're not the same person anymore, you've changed a lot."
I have been so honest with her since we broke up and the last time we had a heart-to-heart talk. Matagal na naming itinigil ang larong alam naming sasaktan lang kami pareho bandang huli, we both have decided to move on in our lives.
She may not look like the queen of my dreams but she has this beauty to die for as well, she deserves somebody who doesn't complicate her life..not a waste of time like me.
I gently pushed her shoulders, feeling dizzy, "Nothing changed me or shit."
"Are you in love?"
I shook my head, she looks unconvinced.
"You're lying," singhal niya, she twisted her mouth and for a second Professor Cordova's lips slipped in my head.
Napakurap ako, "I'm not-"
"Really? Prove it," panghahamon niya, her eyes jumped to my lips and seductively whispered. "Kiss me, Ezra.."
I really don't wanna open up any of my personal issues with anyone yet dahil hindi pa ako handa ngunit napaisip ako sa sinabi niya.
Me? In love? That's bullshit.
I couldn't brush the thought off, a nerve in me is pushing me to prove her something and for myself.
So to end this conversation, maybe kissing other woman will help me answer that question so I gently pulled her nape and about to kiss her when Zamantha Abvelino slammed our door open.
"Can't you knock Zamantha?! Nakakadalawa ka na sa 'min, ah!"
But seriously, thanks to this gal. Medyo nagising ako sa katotohanan. I gently pushed Yngrid away from me, napahilamos ako sa sariling muka.
Zamantha groaned annoyingly, "Muntik nang mapahamak ang pinsan mo, may gana pa kayong.."
Pinsan? What? I blink my eyes in confusion.
"What do you mean? What happened to her?"
I took my phone to check who's calling.
"Zamantha!"
Pero hindi na siya sumagot at nagmadaling tumakbo palabas ng pinto.
"What's wrong?" Yngrid asked while putting on her clothes.
"I think my sister and Rhio are on trouble," naguguluhan akong tumayo ako para sagutin tawag ni Cash.
°°°
"Mom.."
I'm watching her sobbing again, inaalo siya ni Cash ngayon.
We awhile back found out the truth. The sword of justice for Tita Emerald and Kuya Sachienzo's deaths has been served. Finally, we will be able to live in peace.
The justice that has been sleeping for over a year has finally awakened, but the family has suffered and struggled tremendously in order for us to reach that level.
Many innocent people were put in jeopardy, but not this person, and we find out why in the end: the trusted member of family we thought was on our side is actually the villain all along. Brent Laczamana..
"He's a giant bag of dickheads," I swore at the thought of him, rage is quickening my blood.
I stared at Rhio's unconscious body on the hospital bed, with Tito Steven, my mom and all the people crying for her name. Parang kapatid ko na 'to eh, naiiyak ako sa sobrang galit..
Kung ano mang pinagdadaanan ni Rhio ngayon ay ganon din kami, affected rin kami because apart from her father, we are her sole remaining family.
Tita Emerald was also my mom's bestfriend kaya isa siya sa sobrang apektado ngayon, she promised tita na hindi niya pababayaan ang pinsan namin. However, things, turned out differently. Rhio has been admitted to this hospital with Zamantha as a consequence of a familial betrayal and accident. Fucking Brent's doing..
"Wala pa rin ba si Friedrich?" My mom's voice waivers.
"We don't need him here, he's useless," I hissed in anger.
"Ezra," suway ni Cash sa akin.
Nagkakandagulo na ang buong pamilya pero ni anino niya wala paring paramdam hanggang ngayon, mas may pakialam pa ang ibang kamag-anak namin mula sa motherside kaysa sa kanya. Ano'ng klaseng ama siya?
Ang gulo-gulo ng pamilyang 'to. Punong-punong ng galit puso ko ngayon, I felt so off balance to myself, I'm afraid all of this will end me up to get the best in me and will bring out the worst in me again.
I didn't discuss about anything regarding dad's affair because I didn't want to add up to their distress.
Pero natagpuan ko pa rin ang sariling nasa harapan ng office ni daddy sa mismong kumpanya. I was able to enter the building, but his secretary refused to let me into his office because I was drunk, so I decided to lie down on the floor in front of his door and wreak havoc around.
"Ezra!" My father furiously dragged me inside his office dahil nagkaeskandalo na sa labas ng office niya at nakikita lahat 'yon ng employees niya.
"Kailan ka titino?" Agressivelg in rage, I wrenched on his suit collar and used his own words against him this time.
"Did you come here to say that and embarrassed me to my people? How disrespectful you can go, Ezra," he firmly gritted his teeth. His superior and harsh features darkened with a hint of bewilderment as to why I'm behaving in such a way.
"How can I get over the consequences of my father cheating on my mother? On your very own wife? Ito 'yon eh, the consequences. You have hurt her..all of us enough," tears start stinging across my cheeks.
"Ezra Meziah Y Veneracion, can you try to refuse giving me disgrace and stress for the first time? You are becoming alcoholic, have mercy to yourself!"
"Have mercy to yourself and your family. You caused the huge breakdown of this family, not because I am like this or alcoholic! Wala kang kwentang ama!"
He slapped me using the hard back of his hand. What a stunning blow, Friedrich Veneracion? He just gave me a head-turning slap, what sweet dad he is. To him, in this situation I am just nothing but a detestable and gross insect. Like a trash that should be stomped on again and again.
"Get away from me!" I should and yanked off from his secretary's hands who attempted to help me out. I laughed and stared at that familiar woman, "You?"
She's Tito Steven's Secretary all the way from Cambridge University, the woman who tended me a hot coffee in that presidential office.
"I also work here," she answered terribly.
Dad firmly gestured her to leave us in which she followed obediently.
"Ezra, that was innumerable years ago! What's going on with you? I'm too old for that nonsense now! Are you out of your mind?!"
"Rafa Eli Cordova," I was able to bluntly let her name out of my mouth while catching for my breaths.
His eyebrows puckered..
"Are you telling me she's my mistress?" Tumawa siya ng pagak. "Is that why you're angry? O alam mo na? You saw us together in that restaurant right?"
I looked at him confusingly, a little calmer now but my heart won't stop beating erratically. He knows that I have transferred to Cambridge all along..
"As I have correctly understood and to clear up your accusation against me, she purposefully failed you in her class because she chose to do so."
My mouth hardened, I can't believe my ears.
"What?! Did you blackmail her?! What did you do to her?!"
He stared at me in amusement, studying every detail of my furious reaction.
"You want to run things fair and square right? Gusto mo ng normal at walang silbing buhay? No pain, no gain? I just made it all simple to you. Are you not going to ask why I did that?" He fixed his necktie and composed himself. "Why do you appear to be more concerned about her or what I did to her now than anything about your grades?"
He could simply manipulate my grades without having to deal with Professor Cordova, but he wants it to appear logical and show me that's what I'm only capable of. Thinking about it now makes me feel so dumb and useless.
"Gano'n na rin 'yon! You blackmailed her so you can get what you want or why you did that! That's plain and simple!"
I couldn't just have to live with this, I'm tired living with this sick feeling all my life. Habang nabubuhay yata niya akong pahihirapan ng ganito, pagmumukaing walang silbi hangga't sa hindi ko sinusunod gusto niya.
"You know what I want, Ezra," he uttered seriously. "I've always wanted you to be like Cash. Stop living a wayward life and become a worthy member of this family. Quit trying hard to pursue your swimming dreams, that will not benefit you in the end. You can't make money out of that crap, get into politics."
Again, here's his ambitious mind and thirst of power all have to do with vice.
"If it is too late for you to attend law school, start by learning how to manage a small company and potentially enter politics in the future, but first you must be highly well-trained! I can give you all of that!"
That's it, 'yan naman talaga ang gusto niyang mangyari noon pa. Akala ko after transferring to Cambridge, mas luluwag na turnilyo ng pagkakakontrol niya sa buhay ko pero mas humigpit pa pala.
He has influence over that university and can make his unfair intentions possible more easily but he didn't use it that way. He wants me to fail and stumble, fail to meet the average quota for my varsity pursuits so that I can quit swimming and do whatever he determines for me.
But, sorry not sorry, I was able to learn the truth that he had meant to keep hidden from me for the rest of my life. Kung hindi ko napagkamalang kabit niya si Professor Cordova ay hindi ko malalaman ang totoo, walang usapang ganito. Those were the perks of it.
Kasi kung hindi ko 'to nalaman ngayon, habang buhay niya lang akong paiikutin sa palad niya.
He'll keep fooling me that I'm not good enough unless I follow his rules and obey his commands. He's ambitious, manipulative, and driven by his desire for power at all times.
"Stop blackmailing everyone in my life and start treating me fairly. If that's what you want, be a father so I can be a nice daughter if that's what you wish.."
I said that because I know whatever I do he will just do nothing.
He stares down into my hate filled eyes.
"I did not blackmail your professor; instead, I presented her with options, and she chose to continue on with her reality's endeavors. You're just another of her ignorant and pigheaded students, and what makes you so special that she'll favor you over herself, family, and career? Nothing, Ezra, you're nothing more than a piece of nonsense."
I lost for words.
The silence between us lasted as a long instant, 'yung init sa talukap ng mga mata ko ay nagsimula nang pasuin ako sa sakit.
He was looking kinda dumb with his gaze of overflowing expectation on me.
You're just another of her ignorant and pigheaded students, and what makes you so special that she'll favor you over herself, family, and career? Nothing, Ezra, you're nothing more than a piece of nonsense.
Paulit-ulit na naglaro ang mga salitang iyon sa utak ko.
Sa naging palitan namin ng masasakit na salita, those are the words that made me feel more miserable. Those words, and the actual fact that lives between them, are more painful than palm strikes that might crush the throat into the brain.
Professor Rafa Eli Cordova..
I can't believe I fell into this woman..
Whatever is the reason kung bakit kailangan niyang pumili between the two options dad has given her is not important anymore because I've known enough and she was perfectly right.
I am not that special enough for her to choose me over her life. Humigit-kumulang tatlong buwan niya lang akong nakilala, she doesn't know much about me and so I am with her.
My dad was right, I'm just another of her dumb students.
But for that few months, I've seen myself trying so hard to improve because of her pero binalik niya lang ulit ako sa tatay ko..sa miserableng buhay ko.
"Now pick up yourself because it's your turn to decide and choose," he firmly commanded.
Hopelessly, I rose up and didn't sit on the chair after some internal debate with myself as I didn't want to appear any more helpless than a rug.
Maybe it's time to make a decision and get back on track with the life they want me to reside.
°°°
"She is an airline flight attendant and a former television producer," Cash smiled at me meaningfully.
We're in airport today, siya nag-volunteer na ihatid kami ni mom. She introduced me to one of her colleagues here as if she was proving anything really, and when she didn't see me act in silly ways like hitting her up apart from merely introducing myself back, she flashed me a much more compelling stare
"Gusto mo landiin ko? Cash she's your friend and you hate me playing with them."
"I was just checking something, but may I ask you a question instead? I haven't tackled this back in the house dahil seryoso masyado pinag-usapan natin and we rarely do that."
We've talked about what I did to dad in his office. Sinundo niya ako noong gabing 'yon when she figured out pinaggagawa ko ro'n.
Maarte niya akong tinaasan ng nanunuring kilay, "Are you in love with that professor of yours-"
"What the hell, Cash? In love? Hell no!" I made an unbelievable face, I threw her keys to her because I was the one who drove her car earlier.
"I failed to ask; kung totoo ngang kabit siya ni dad, this is the first time you have acted like way. Can you explain that?"
"I have nothing to explain. C'mon hindi na ako bata katulad no'n, I can speak up now!"
"Really? What you did at the office does not give the impression that you are mature enough. You still have a long way to go in terms of growing up that's why I don't blame dad but I also don't condone the way he hurt you."
"Just forget that," I shrugged, besides we have talked about this already. Dad apologized about the slap but he's still firm about his stand tungkol sa naging bangayan namin.
We're leaving for Paris today to celebrate Christmas, and she promised to follow us as she's so overburdened with clearing some messes and to various events that she needs to accomplish before taking a trip.
Sunod-sunod na problema ang hinaharap ng kumpanya ngayon, we're on the verge of declaring bankruptcy, which is why Mom has been miserable for the past few months, raising fears that we'll lose all we have in a heartbeat. It's not because my father has a mistress, but because our business and wealth are continuously crumbling.
Kaya pala wala na kaming maids sa mga nagdaang linggo dahil plano na ni mommy na mag-migrate kami sa Europe without referring to us first because she is getting out of control or just before she goes insane.
As a daughter, I have to do my bit, and being by her side is so vital, right now, so I intend and agree to spend a vacation in Paris with her, but we will not be migrating.
She needs to take a breath and unwind so I am and I think this is the best time before we start over again.
"Take care of mom, please. I'll make sure everything is alright and be back to normal; dad is also working difficult to recover our losses and repair the damage. Nahihirapan lang 'yang si mom ngayon because of Tita Emerald. Hindi niya lang kinaya mga pangyayari at nalalaman. I believe going to Paris will help her recover and ikaw rin."
"Are you really sure about this? You know what, I can change my mind right here-"
"Pretty sure, you have to take a break too. Wag kang tanga na naman utang na loob," she rolled her eyes. "Make pizza with mom more often, alright?"
We discussed a bit more seriously hangga't sa napunta sa pinsan namin ang usapan.
"Rhio needs you," seryosong saad ko rito. "Please take care of her too.."
Alam kong isa na iyan sa dahilan kung bakit hindi siya makaalis-alis ng bansa, bukod kay Tito Steven wala ng ibang kakampi si Rhio kundi kami lang. Malaking pamilya ang Veneracion kagaya ng mga Sandoval pero sa kondisyon niya ngayon, kami lang ang pwede niyang pagkatiwalaan.
Ito rin ang rason kung bakit hindi na nagpumilit pa si mommy about staying to Paris for good, kaya ayoko rin dahil walang ibang dadamay kay Rhio rito kundi kaming malalapit sa kanya.
After that substantial conversation with my beloved sister, hinanap ko na si mommy.
Nasa washroom ako ngayon, sabay kami ni mommy pumasok rito pero mas nauna siyang lumabas.
Kailangan kong hubarin itong black coat ko para maghilamos.
I switched off the faucet and drew sheets of facial tissue to wipe my face, my soul damn near flew away when I saw Professor Cordova's reflection on the large mirror in front of me. What is she doing here?
She was applying red lipstick on her lips when her dark eyes met mine, I just remained my firm composure dahil nauna na 'yung gulat ko kanina, siya naman ngayon.
Naka-grey pencil skirt siya matched with a grey blazer and white inner top. May logo ng Cambridge ang kaliwang parte ng blazer niya, she looks so damn formal..and pretty as usual.
"Miss Veneracion.."
Nilagpasan ko lang kasi siya, I don't know how to deal with her in the first place.
I know I accused her of being one of my father's mistresses, but I horribly fought it and confronted my father about it.
When I discovered the truth, the pain I felt that night in Sapori D'Italia didn't get better; in fact, it got worse.
It was all because, after learning everything, I realized how much she made me look like a fool throughout the semester. Do you know how it feels? When you think you've done everything you can yet it's still not enough?
Because I tried to be better and improve myself, pinaniwala niya akong kaya kong magbago..
She accommodated my request for special home classes, patong-patong lahat ng requirements na ginawa ko para lang makahabol. She knew my efforts through those course of time, she was aware of my strong desire to join the varsity team, she comforted me and even offered me advice when I lost the game of medals.
Tapos malalaman ko, those were just for the show. I'm convinced now..
"Miss?" I shortly muttered, swallowing down my negative energy.
She is no longer my teacher, and I am free to address her as I see fit. Kung hindi lang siya nakapormal ngayon, I would pretend I don't recognize her.
"Can you spare me some of your time? I wanted to talk to you."
"I'm afraid I don't have any much time left," I peered at my watch.
Tahimik kong inisuot 'yung black coat ko pagkatapos, nagkibit-balikat ako at desididong lumabas na nang hawakan niya ang kaliwang braso ko.
Napakurap ako at naging semento sa tinatayuan ko, kalaunan ay nagawa ko ring salubungin ang mga mata niya. Dang it, I hate the silence growing between us..
She pulled back her hand after a few seconds of staring me deeply, not in anger or what, but rather in apologetic way.
Her voice is low, but firm, "Two minutes.."
I stared at her, carefully scanning her face, she looked down to her watch.
"Excuse me? Para saan ma'am?" Tugon ko sa pormal na boses.
"Miss Veneracion you know what I am talking about," balik niya sa mas pormal na tono. "That day..can I ask how did you..figure it out.."
"I have these internal issues against my dad having mistresses and I thought you're one of them," I explained emotionlessly.
She pressed her mouth by her hand in disbelief, "Oh my gosh.."
"I apologize for accusing you like that, the diamond necklace pushed my mental assumptions to dreadful conclusions," I said, my mouth hardening. "On top of everything, my philosophy grade has added insult to injury."
"I did that because.."
"Because you have to," I cut her off.
She shook her head, "Because it's the best for you.."
Umiling ako to disagree, "Kailangan mong pumili and that's it."
"As your professor-"
"Stop using that card, ma'am," I swallowed the frustration I'm getting in this conversation. "In a bitterly ironic twist, you are a professor who wants the best for your student yet binagsak mo."
"I'm still trying to come up with the perfect words," mahinang tugon niya. "But yeah, I didn't play by the rules. I failed you.."
"Let's just get right to the point: you will never choose me because I am just your student and I understand that now," I uttered hitting the head of the nail.
Napakuyom ang mga palad ko inside my coat when her eyes glistened, she was good at suppressing it.
"If that's what you want to believe then be it," mariing saad niya. "I'm sorry for causing you trouble, I know you'll do great to your next try once again.."
Ayoko nang patagalin 'to, I need to end this now.
"Don't worry, ma'am, I didn't get the grades I deserved, but it doesn't take away the fact that I learned a lot in that subject I never anticipated to learn so much in. I still see you as my former dynamic teacher, kasi kahit puso ko natutong magmahal," mahina akong napatawa ng mapakla. "Mahalin 'yung subject na inaayawan ko lang no'n."
Hindi ko alam bakit nasaktan ako sa sarili kong mga salita, nakakapanghina naman 'to.
"That's so nice of you to say," she nodded her head a bit.
"One of the most essential lessons I learned was this: It's how I shouldn't be tricked by your personal logic again; I shouldn't have trusted what I only saw; I should've spent more time digging deeper into your professor's shadow before trusting you."
Ang hirap pala kapag namulat ka sa katotohanan, ang hirap nang pumikit at magkunwaring walang nangyari.
"I beg your pardon, everything I did was sincere, and my desire to track your growth as a student was genuine," her hands balled into fists.
Walang halong mema at karupukan..
"Never again will I fall for your deception.." I breathed out, "Never again.."