From the moment we are born we are destined to be fearful. For bravery ain't travelling alone in anyone's veins. It's always accompanied by its friend. A friend that fuels its existence by simply being there.
Fear its name. A loyal companion to everyone within us. Inseparable for without it we would lose so many more things. We can be courageous and brave for fear within us shine yet we can also be reluctant and miserable because of it too.
What we fear however always varies and from human to human, we sometimes think of someone's else fear as laughable. Some speak of them no matter how bizarre they may come off and others hide them as weaknesses.
Jimin however never hid the truth any time someone would have asked him what he feared the most. Yet no matter how confidently or seriously he has responded "myself" none so far had understood truly what he meant. None had seen the gravity of that single word and would laugh or even think of him as fearless, showing off that he had only himself to fear and none could harm him.
A man without weaknesses he was proclaimed and as he stood on his couch, rereading that old article of an interview he had once done, he felt suppressed. His fists clenched the paper slightly before he flipped the whole magazine to the side, regretting slightly that he had tried to distract himself by going through that old stuff in his library.
If it wasn't for the late hour of the night and the cold temperature that had taken over the environment, he would have allowed himself to let down his guard and go to sleep. However after he had adjusted the room temperature multiple times to the point that the place should be feeling like summer, he understood well that his coldness was coming from within.
That luring ice, the numbing that was taking over his skin, his fingertips that felt like crystals ready to fall apart. All was because of his mind and that awareness had made him lift up his guard and grow on edge.
He couldn't let himself be overtaken. He couldn't allow them to play him as a puppet. And he wouldn't. This time he was determined.
The white mist that had formed around him, didn't scare him. The ghosty hands that he kept feeling against the back of his head and kept ignoring. No, they didn't scare him.
But... that was nothing but a lie.
Under his stoic face in the deem light of the single lamp he had on, his heart was beating fast and his breaths were flickering like the flame of a candle stunning by an open window. He stood still in the middle of the darkness in his head, sensing the snowstorm that could come for him.
His foot started moving rapidly in place making him place his palm over his knee in an attempt to halt the movement that portrayed his edgy state of mind however his foot did not halt, bringing him to jolt from his seat in hurry.
The breath that escaped his lips echoed in the silence heavily right before he left his hands to travel his face in weariness.
"It's gonna be okay. The morning will arrive soon... I need to get my thoughts to settle" He murmured to himself knowing that he had brought this upon himself for he had left himself fall emotionally and he had left the occurrences around him take a toll on him that in no way he could afford.
For he had enemies watching over him with every breath he takes. Unlike other people he had his fear, luring in the shadows to steal any moment of weakness he could display and turn it into an opportunity to live.
How much easier would it have been if he was afraid of heights. Of insects, of other humans. But he was afraid of monsters and they all were in him.
Jimin's steps echoed faintly as he walked towards the bathroom, in need of some water that could possibly help him get a better grip on his slipping state. Once he opened the door and rushed to the sink, no hesitation took place as he splashed and splashed his face with water.
In search of a freshness that could remind him that he was still him and he had a grip over his flesh. A feeling that left him staring at his wet palms once he closed the running water, only to witness his hands turning a pale shade of blue.
A smirk reached his lips at the sight for logically he knew it was impossible and his mind was trying to deceive him just so it could make him panic and lose further control.
"Just because you have been playing around lately a bit too much, did you start thinking that I am someone easy?" He spoke while he lifted his gaze and faced his reflection in the mirror.
"The only thing you will manage is to make me stubborn. No matter what it takes, I could shut you down forever..." Malice shone in his orbs as he gritted his teeth against his reflection that had started presenting to him as a mad man.
"Shut me down? Have you finally decided that my thinking is the right one?" His reflection morphed into the dull eyes of someone he was well familiar with, the bright smile on his lips and kindness over his face, making Jimin take a step back from the mirror.
That action of his however made his reflection lose that smile and look at him in a way that almost made Jimin want to cry.
"You can run, it's okay...you can try as much as you want... but in the end, you will see. How I feel... how you feel... is the same." He felt his hand reaching out to the cabinet near him and he observed it grabbing a razor and pulling it out, him unable to control his own body yet words managed to escape from his lips.
"P2 let go of me right now!" He demanded only to witness his reflection smile at him again as pure as ever.
"Go ahead...thank me. For I have been suffering for you. Go ahead, kill me if you can and then I will be the one to thank you." The pain in his voice had Jimin's chest be consumed by ache as the razor broke and the blade of it was carefully removed before finding its way to rest against the skin of his throat.
"You want to end it as much as I want...so please don't hate me." His reflection's eyes got filled with tears and as he felt his own hand pushing harder against his skin, he brought the other hand and forcefully pulled it away.
"No. It's not like that. I am not like you."Jimin argued with a trembling voice right before the blade escaped from his grip and met the ground. His breath unleashed as if someone was holding him tight, while the strength abandoned his body and he collapsed on the floor, feeling weak but conscious.
"From all of us, you will love me the most. You will wish you would have left me free you. You will see one day that I am the one who wants the best for you. And life isn't that."
"Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!" His voice roared in agony and desperation as he covered his ears, trying to escape from those poisonous words that could destroy him.
"Pray, pray that I vanish. Pray that my pain comes undone. For if not I will be the one you will become one with. You will love me, you will embrace me-" The loud screams that he unleashed in order to cut P2 words echoed in the atmosphere, as he was using all the strength he had inside him to shut him off. To get him out of his head.
For he unlike anyone else was the worse for him. Because every time he comes, he lets him be present. He never takes over him completely but can shut him off and leave him as a spectator to his own life and that somehow masses with Jimin's mind more than anything else.
It feels him with fear of being replaced, of losing his rightfulness as an entity. It was like he was being stripped from the role of the main character and forced to be on the side and watch every he was and he had built be crumbled, played with and destroyed.
"I won't lose! Even if I am a monster, even if I am never to be loved. I will hang on to my pride and my ego! I will chain myself to the life of a warrior! I won't be the one you step upon!" He announced with all he had in him, confidence beaming through his voice as he managed to get himself off the floor slowly and turn around and step out of that room.
The feeling of coldness inside him like a veil was lifted, and a rush of fire took over him in every heavy step he took onto his living room and into the kitchen.
He rushed, opened the cabinet and grabbed a knife then without a split of hesitation he laid his hand on the counter and slashed his skin with it, enough for the scarlet colour to erupt from his flesh and travel on the counter. A pain that had gifted him the needed slap of awakening and had brought to him full control over his body and mind.
His teary eyes flickered after some seconds, and a sharp breath escaped his lips, full of relief and anguish that he had managed to drive him away quickly and with less expense than the last time P2 had visited him.
Jimin let his head drop low as the clutches of fear left him breath better, allowing him to relax in the silence of the night that no longer felt threatening.
His hand let go of the knife and grabbed hold of some paper towel, wrapping his wounded hand in it as well as he could before he walked to the couch where he had abandoned his phone.
The first person he called was Jin, the wait in line made him feel shameful and guilty over his own condition but once he heard his voice, a smile reached his lips.
"I need help" Was all he said and the way his voice cracked made Jin rush out of his bed, opening the drawer by the side of his bed and loading his pockets with medicine before he hurried out of the door.
And Jimin hanged up, knowing that his cousin and best friend will appear before him in a matter of seconds like he mostly does. Of all the people he knew, he was the only one that never hesitate to go to him whenever he was in need. And even though Jimin was aware that he didn't deserve him for he was nothing but a burden to Jin, he felt safe enough to close his eyes and let his body plop on the couch at that very moment.
A tear escaped from his eyes the way his blood drops were flowing, staining the white paper towel but he could feel no pain and that tear was the sadness of someone else. What represented his own feelings was only the rhythm of his rapid heartbeat that was pumping in his ears until his phone buzzed and drew his attention.
His eyes travelled to it slowly only to see a notification that he had received a text message flashing on his screen. A text message from a number he did not recognize as he brought the device closer and unlocked his phone.
He opened the text only to be met with some pictures of you and Jungkook at the party. Pictures that he hadn't seen before and thus made him confused until another message popped up. "The famous actor Park Jimin feels threatened by his rival and places his new assistant by Jeon's side to help him end his career once and for all."
His eyes grew wide as he read that statement, his mind getting stuck as he instantly understood that he was about to be framed for something. Something that could paint him out as someone cruel, malicious and cowardly towards his own coworkers as well as in the eyes of the public.
All this time whoever was after him sure had played loosely and stupidly according to Jimin's belief, yet at this very moment for the first time, he found himself not disappointed at their moves. For this sure was as challenging as he used to crave it to be yet he was not pleased either for a hint of anger rose inside him towards the fact and only, that whoever was after him, had decided to involve you in his quest to harm him.
--- To be continued...