They hadn't heard the keys in the door, nor any sound of Cheong-san's parents entering the apartment.
"Cheong-san? Su-hyeok?"
They froze with the sound of Mrs Lee's horrified voice. Cheong-san managed to wriggle out of Su-hyeok's hold, immediately blushing a brighter red than before, which he hadn't thought was possible. No one moved. Mr and Mrs Lee's mouths were open, Cheong-san was desperate to think of something to say, Su-hyeok wanted to disappear, or wake up, anything to get him out of this situation would have been a blessing.
Mr Lee finally coughed, "What were you doing?"
Silence.
The comfortable quiet was no longer. Su-hyeok was about to answer, but gave up when he saw that Mr and Mrs Lee's focus was entirely on Cheong-san. As guilty as he felt, he didn't want to be drawn into any of this. Not after everything his own mother put him though.
CHEONG-SAN
"W-we, um, we were..." my eyes were pointed to the floor, feet shuffling awkwardly, "E-experimenting."
Shit. I had no idea what the actual fuck I meant by that, and neither did my parents by the looks of it.
"I'm quite sure this isn't a school experiment," my mom looked pissed.
"No..." I began slowly, finding my brain had completely exploded leaving nothing that could help me.
"Then what do you mean by experiment?"
Every time they said 'experiment', I hoped that the floor would just collapse under my feet.
It didn't.
I was never that lucky.
"W-what I mean is, um, Su-hyeok has a... girlfriend and he was asking about my, um, experience with On-jo and we thought we'd test something out to see if his, uh, girlfriend might like it."
I was taken aback by own stupidity. If anyone believed that, then I would be very concerned.
"Su-hyeok."
"Uh, yes Mrs Lee?" he sheepishly stepped forward.
"What's your girlfriend called?"
A quick strike of panic hit him.
"Nam-ra," he eventually stammered out.
"Cheong-san."
"Yes, mom?" I couldn't make eye contact.
"Did you like it? Kissing him?"
I wanted to die. My dad was stood further away from us, but the small shaking of his head, and look of disapproval on his face showed me what he thought. My mom only blinked about three times in five minutes.
"I, um..."
I couldn't say I liked the kiss, because then they would know, but I couldn't say I didn't like it, because then they would know about Su-hyeok and think it wasn't consensual, when it had really been me that initiated the entire thing.
Fuck. Fuck!
"I'm sure... Nam-ra will like it. But neither of us enjoyed, uh, kissing one another because we're both guys."
"Yeah, that's not really my thing, kissing guys," Su-hyeok stepped closer to me.
I was grateful for his presence, but even more concerned that my parents would find out.
Neither smiled, let alone looked convinced.
"Fine. Go and do any homework you have," my mom waved us off.
Thank fuck.
We spun around and entered my room faster than I had thought was humanly possible. I leaned against the door, making sure neither of my parents would try and come in. Su-hyeok closed his eyes, unable to mask the signs of guilt. Tears fell from his closed eyes.
When I knew for certain that neither of my parents would come in, I left my position against the door, and headed straight for Su-hyeok. I held him as he wept silently into my shoulder, his legs giving way. I sat him on the mattress in the middle of my room, instead of the bed, just in case.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I can go, I can leave. I can live in a bus shelter, or even at school somewhere. I'll go. I'll be okay."
He tried to stand, but I softly pushed him back down.
"You're not leaving. It'll all be okay."
I didn't truly believe that things would be okay now that my parents had seen us kissing. But if they were going to kick someone out for not abiding by heteronormative society, then we would go together.
SU-HYEOK
If Cheong-san didn't believe what he was saying – and he clearly didn't – how could I? I was a burden to his family already, and now I was a disgrace and en embarrassment. I half-expected Mrs Lee to come in, grab me, and tell me that I had to go.
Every few seconds, I would look up and watch the door. My vision was blurred from the seemingly endless streams of tears. Neither of us knew what to do. Both of us desperate to hug one another and sob, but we didn't dare. My knees were pulled up to my chest, and when I wasn't looking up, my forehead rested on them. Cheong-san had shuffled further away, his hand still daring to reach out and stroke my knee.
There was a hesitant knock on the door. Cheong-san's hand snapped off my leg, I wiped my hand across my face, removing any stray tears. Cheong-san nodded at me.
"Come in," he called.
Mrs Lee surveyed the room, analysing the distance between us, taking notice of our every movement.
"Su-hyeok," her voice was cold, "Can you come with me?"
If I didn't know what she actually did, I would have thought she was a teacher.
I nodded, and stood up, slightly shaking.
She smiled cooly as she pointed at a chair next to the kitchen table. Shit. This was really like school. My heart was surely loud enough for both of Cheong-san's parents to hear. I sat. I kept my back straight and stayed to the edge of the chair.
"Was it really an experiment?"
Never mind. This was worse than school. This was a fucking interrogation, and there would be no way I would walk out of it without being convicted of something.
"It... I, uh, I can't say."
Guilty.
"Excuse me?"
"I... don't want to say."
I was digging my way straight to the electric chair.
"Why?"
"Because..."
Forget digging, I was already dead and buried.
"Su-hyeok?"
I dug my nails into the palms of my hands, pressing down so hard, I felt small drops of blood being adorned on my fingers. I couldn't cry in front of them.
"Yeah," I eventually spluttered out.
"Why don't you want to say?"
"Because I can't."
"You've already said that," Mrs Lee's hardened face softened for a moment, "Look, Su-hyeok I just want to know what's really going on between you and Cheong-san, that's all."
She wants to ruin you. She's going to destroy you.
Ah yes, the perfect addition to my panic: my awfully loud subconscious.
"We're... dating."
We all froze. I'd told them. They'd heard. Cheong-san didn't know. Fuck.