After spending a few hours at the event, I decided to make my departure a bit earlier since I didn't feel the need to stay throughout the entirety of the night, but not before saying my goodbyes to Simon and the Bridgertons, except for Anthony, I don't know where he headed off to or if he was even still here after the conversation with Berbrooke. The carriage pulls up and I entered. After a few minutes of silent thoughts, I sighed and thought back to the day I met Anthony when I was a mere the year of 4 and he was the year of 6.
The Anthony that I grew up with and loved, not the brooding man I've been seeing rearing its grotesque face and overpowering.
-1790-
"Run along dear, try to have fun with the boys," Mama said as she tries to persuade me to do the activities while she was to have tea with a very pregnant Violet.
"B-but Mother, I don't know them," I say in a very shy voice, obviously hesitant about the two boys I'm watching run around and chase each other.
Then I see a tall body kneeling right next to me, Edmund, as he places a hand on my shoulder.
"It's okay to be afraid sometimes, but I can assure you, those two are perfectly harmless," Edmund said as he gives me a reassuring smile that brings me comfort.
"You promise?" I ask as I slowly ease up on my fears as Edmund stands back up to hold out his hand.
"I promise. Now come along, I'll walk you over them," Edmund says as I took his hand and we begin walking down the steps of Aubrey Hall towards the garden.
After taking the trek, we stopped a mere foot from the boys before they take notice of their father standing there with a girl they don't know.
"Father, who's she?" One of them asked as he gets curious, he looked to be my age.
"Boys, this is Y/N L/N. Her parents are dear friends of ours, she's a little shy so if you two would do the honor of making sure she feels welcomed and comfortable during the visit," Edmund says as he lightly pushes me forward to meet his sons in the middle.
"Of course Father, it will be our pleasure," The other one said as Edmund gives a subtle nod and then heads back towards the estate, "It's nice to meet you Y/N. I'm Anthony and this is Benedict." as Anthony reaches a hand out for me to shake it.
"Nice to meet you two," I respond as I shook his hand and then slowly retracted my hand back, "Sorry if I'm being too quiet, I've never met anyone else that was close to my age."
"It's nothing to fret over, we're all friends here. Even though we just met," Anthony says as he makes me smile a little, "Would you like to try out Pall-Mall? There aren't enough people to make it a full competition yet, but doesn't hurt to get practice in."
I nodded my head, yes, and the three of us headed over to pick up our mallet to then start the game. It's actually was the beginning of Anthony's reign with what he and everyone else calls, "The Mallet of Death."
After a few rounds and balls going through wickets, it was determined that the game ended with Benedict as the winner, prompting him to run around and cheer at the fact that he was better than his older brother at something. Anthony and I laugh while clapping as we watch him do a victory dance, showing the great sportsmanship that was expected of a gentleman and a lady.
"Okay okay Benedict, we get it. No need to gloat about it," Anthony says as he puts a hand on Benedict's shoulder to stop him.
"No way, you always flaunt your win in my face. So I get to flaunt mine in your face," Benedict responds as he sticks out his tongue, prompting Anthony to start wrestling him to assure him who's the bigger brother in this scenario.
I smile down at the scene while laughing at the two boys trying to overpower one another, yes, they are definitely going to become one of my dearest friends yet.
-Back to 1813-
I laugh a little at the memory, so much has changed for the better since then. Shame that side of Anthony hasn't been out for such a long time. The carriage comes to a stop and I exit to see Josie standing in the doorway.
Oh no, something's wrong.
"Is everything alright?" I asked as I walk up the path in a haste, not caring about the bottom of the dress dragging.
"Yes, everyone's okay. Isa is just working herself up for no reason," Josie responds as I look at her confused before she continues, "She was in your chambers looking for something and she accidentally knocked over the stack of letters you had on your desk. She frantically tried to place them back in order but I'm afraid there's just too much to do so."
I sighed and said, "I'll go check on her, has Charlie been put to bed?"
"Yes, ma'am," Josie responds as I say my thanks and head upstairs to Isa's room.
I knock on the door to hear through the wood, "I'm fine Josie, leave me be." I open the door and peered in to see Isa slouching over with her head in her hands. I walk over to sit next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulder to whisper, "I'm not at all mad, it was an accident. I know you didn't mean to and I will do all the organizing once I enter the bedroom."
"I really tried my best," Isa says as she sniffles and wipes her eyes, "I got confused by the dates, but I put a letter that was dated earlier than Anthony's on top."
"Wait, what do you mean dated earlier than Anthony's? I thought they all were from him," I said as I try to piece together what Isa just told me.
"Well, I saw one of them wasn't. It was addressed from an Edmund, who is that by the way?" Isa asked as I felt my breath exit my lungs and can't seem to will it back in. I take a moment to catch it before I respond, "Edmund is Anthony's father, when- when was it dated?"
"It was dated April 1803, I just assumed you wanted the letters to be in order so that's why it's first," Isa says as I feel my mind and body go into shock.
Edmund wrote to me a month before his passing? Was anything wrong that I had no knowledge about? I need the answers now.
I clear my throat before I place my hand on top of Isa's and softly ask, "Are you going to be okay if I go to my room and read the letter?"
"Yes yes, go. Don't worry about me, I'm sure I'll calm down eventually after a night's rest," Isa responds as I hug her tight and help her get comfortable as she rests her eyes. I kiss her on the forehead before I exit the room to head toward mine.
I shut the door behind me as I assure that no one is listening in or trying to take a peek at my endeavor. I lay my eyes on my desk to see the letters almost neatly stacked and I walk over to see that Isa did in fact put Edmund's letter right on top. I slowly ease my hand over to pick it out and looked at the handwriting, surely looks like his handwriting.
"Oh Edmund, what did you have to write to me about?" I ask myself as I took a seat in my chair before grabbing my envelope opener and pulling the parchment out of its place to unfold it, and I can't believe what my eyes would be beholding after so long.
April 1803
"Dear Y/N,
I'm writing you this letter to simply give my thanks for everything you have done for my children, especially for me and Violet. Your help is very much appreciated by us and we enjoy your company every time you decide to come by for a visit. Anthony would possibly end me for telling you this, but he really likes having you in his life. He merely says it's because you're his dearest friend whenever Violet or I ask, but I feel there's something more going on in that demeanor of his when he talks about you. I don't blame him if there is, you're simply an amazing choice for a friend or even more. You're smart, dedicated, determined, caring, and especially, kind-hearted, everything I wish for my kids to take from admiring your actions. Before I do too long of this letter, there's only one last thing I wanted to say. I hope and wish that in the future when it comes time for you or Anthony to make an appearance in society, you both either choose the ones that make you happy, or choose one another and become something that will forever be a match made from love. I see the way you both look at each other from near and far, it's the look of love my dear, don't try to deny it, I'm already dealing with Anthony's denial and him trying to hide from that fact. Whatever you guys choose will never falter the friendship you guys have, don't ever doubt that for a second. Have a wonderful day, hopefully, my future daughter-in-law."
- Edmund Bridgerton, 8th Viscount.
I-I had no idea he saw me more than his sons' dearest friends, I feel like such a fool right now. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. The man sent me a letter practically declaring that his eldest son possibly has had feelings of love towards me and his wish that there to be a union more than friends be in place. This was a month before his untimely passing, why did he feel the need to confess his thoughts in a letter that would end up arriving late to me? As the tears welled up in my eyes, I held the letter close to my chest and I let them fall from my eyes.
"I'm so sorry Edmund," I whispered as I feel the pressure of weakness overtake my body and mind, "I'm sorry Violet, Benedict, Colin, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, Gregory, Hyacinth." as I pull the letter from my chest as the last sentence left my lips, "I'm sorry Anthony." I really need to find a way where I can sit down in front of Anthony long enough to get him to give me the time of day to give him a formal apology, but I know it probably won't be happening anytime soon. I couldn't even stand in front of him long enough to get a sincere apology.
-Anthony's POV-
I continue to stare up at the ceiling as I slot through my thoughts in my mind while another figure is sleeping soundly next to me. Siena Rosso, my latest conquest, was the perfect person to help me get distracted from the events that unfolded tonight. Having to have found out from Hastings that the man I thought was suitable for my sister was careless with his honor certainly threw me in for a spin, so now I have to help my sister find another. I tried to keep my attention solely on the matter at hand, but I can't stop my mind from wandering to what Y/N whispered to me as I passed her. No matter how much bitterness I feel towards her, my ears still caught what she said and some part deep inside of me told me to listen to the meaning behind her intentions. I detected no malicious or snarky tone in her voice and it feels like she understood how I could've felt at that moment. Almost like how she was when we were younger, when I felt-
No. Anthony, no, don't even go there. You've grown from those childish feelings, no need to relish the past. Besides, she's not even the same dear friend she was before she left without saying goodbye, she's changed as well. She probably wouldn't even retract the same feelings even if you did tell her how you had felt for her back then.
I check my father's heirloom watch that lays on the table to see it was almost time for me to make my departure so that I don't allow my mother and my siblings to worry about my whereabouts as well as to prevent falling behind on my responsibilities & duties. I leave a kiss on Siena's forehead after I get myself dressed again and head out into the night of the Ton, where there is less chatter to be said or done since it is raining. As I walk the distance, I continue my thoughts about the past few days regarding Y/N's arrival back into London and the incidences that have transpired since then. I sighed as I recall how I've acted, like a foul git, but I can't help it. I've matured from the young man who used to run around and admire my father to the Viscount who simply had to grow up too quickly to ensure his family was safe from ruin. As I get a bit closer to the family estate, I think to myself, "She's either going to have to accept the fact that I'm this way or she's going to be left behind, a mere memory of what my young self used to pursue."
"Y/N was bothered by the way you acted towards her, even had an outburst for God's sake. She also appeared confused about the letters no fault of her own," a little voice in my head says as I stop in my tracks, "You don't even know what she grew up to be and you refuse to show her that some parts of you are still the same since seen last. Also, you're forgetting to realize that she's now has been in your shoes about the grief and sudden responsibilities after a loss of a parent."
I sigh as look up at the sky and then turn my head to look in the direction of where Y/N's family estate was, debating if I should wake another morn to talk or make haste and choose this night. After a few seconds, my heart beats my brain for the answer and I then start running towards the estate, to what I should've done that night after dinner and get out of the pouring rain.
-Back at the L/N Estate, Y/N's POV-
I continued sitting in silence for almost an hour at the desk, not bothering to wipe the mere tears that flow down my face until I heard a knock on the door. I quickly wiped them away and put the letter into a drawer before the door opened to Josie, who is standing in the doorway, as I turn my head to hear what she has to say.
"Mr. Anthony Bridgerton is here to see you," Josie says as I look at her in shock that was what was uttered from her mouth.
After I again managed my composure, I respond, "Okay, I shall meet him in the drawing-room." as I get up from the chair and begin to walk towards the door. Josie shook her head no and says, "No need Miss, he's right here." as she steps aside to allow Anthony into the doorway, who looks very soaking wet, must've gotten caught in the rainstorm.
After Anthony steps fully into my room, I look to Josie to respond, "Leave us be Josie, and please shut the door behind you." as she nods curtly and shuts the door before she heads back downstairs. I then set my eyes on Anthony and say, "Would you like a change of clothes, Lord Bridgerton? I think my father still has a few left here and I can get-" before I'm interrupted with, "I heard you."
Taken aback, I stayed quiet for a few more seconds before I ask, "Heard me whisper to you?" as he nods his head and took a few more steps to stand closer to where I was standing to respond, "I appreciate hearing those words, hearing what Nigel has done made me question whether or not I have been on the correct path towards to thinking about my family's honor and title." and passing me to stand by the window, which looks out over the square of the ton.
"I'm certain you can find better suitors for Daphne in no time unless Basset is conjuring up a proposal soon," I say as I closely watch Anthony's expressions to determine his thoughts and feelings. I secretly knew about Daphne's and Simon's ruse, but I wasn't about to reveal a secret that isn't mine to tell, and also I can tell they both are developing feelings for one another.
Anthony sighed as he turns from the window to look at me, which I see his eyes are slightly brimming with tears, and says, "I've been a real foul git to you, and I know that isn't fair to you."
"Anthony, I-" I try to respond before he says, "Please let me finish, or else I may stumble on my words." as I kept quiet as if to say okay, continue what you wanted to say.
"I know how I've been acting to you hasn't been fair, considering you're now in my shoes except for having the responsibility of a title suddenly dropped onto you, which I suspect is going to happen to Charlie when he's old enough?" Anthony asks as I nod and he lets out a sigh before saying, "I'm sincerely sorry for the way I acted towards you, with the bitterness, anger, and especially yelling at you which I've never done to you when we were younger. I don't even know why I did that in the first place. I get it if you don't want to forgive me right away, but I just felt like you should know that I deeply regret my actions." as he walked to sit on the corner of my bed.
He- he really apologized to me with sincerity? The big brooding bitter side of the man in front of me gave a wholehearted apology that the young man I knew in the past would long to give.
"You'd be correct about me not forgiving you quickly," I said as I went to go sit beside him, "But, it doesn't mean I shouldn't give you the chance to make it up to me and prove that you're better than this stone-cold wall of a human. I want my dearest friend to come through, think you're up for the challenge?"
Anthony lightly laughs and smiles as he turns his head to look at me, then drops his small smile. I look at him confused and try to figure out why he's not smiling anymore until he reaches his thumb to wipe a tear that was falling on my cheek.
"Are you okay? Why were you crying before I came here?" Anthony asked as he looks at me worrisome.
I can't tell him that his father wrote to me before his passing yet. I just can't, it will break his heart even farther than it has already done.
I sighed and respond, "Yes I'm okay, I was just thinking of my parents and how much they're missed." Anthony nods lightly, to silently say okay and that he completely understands, although what I just said was a mask of the real truth.
"I must be getting home then, the rain has let off a bit," Anthony says as he gets up from his seat and starts to head towards the door before turning back to ask, "May I see you tomorrow for some promenading or we could chat in the drawing-room?"
After giving it some thought, I nod my head and said, "It would be my pleasure, Anthony Bridgerton." as I give him a smile, gaining one back from him, "Also, I have the letters. Eloise gave them to me shortly after you left for the study. Do I want to know what's in them or should I not bother?"
"It's completely your choice, but I would recommend waiting on reading them," Anthony says as I look at him with a confused, but curious look on my face before asking, "And why is that?"
"Because they might contain details that I wish to show you now that you're back home and in person, goodnight Y/N," Anthony responds as he laughs a little at my eye roll of "I knew it wasn't going to be easy getting a direct answer."
"Goodnight Anthony, by the way, make sure you remove the lipstick mark from that opera singer, don't want your family or the ton asking questions," I say as I smirk at the sight of him wiping it off and scoffing at how he didn't notice it before to then smile before shutting the door.
I hope that what he has planned to ensure redemption for me to start forgiving him is worth the risk that is being taken.