I decided to head back towards the drawing-room after maintaining my composure from my earlier outburst. I really should apologize to them for it, it wasn't ladylike of me, but the way Anthony acts now aggravates the Devil out of me. As I approach the entrance, I notice that only the ladies and Charlie & Gregory were occupying the room, the older men must be promenading somewhere else or in the garden. I sighed before walking up to Violet to say, "I'm deeply sorry for earlier, it's just been a lot of stress preparing to come home and then with the-" before Violet interrupts me.
"It's quite alright dear, it's not the first time Anthony has had to deal with someone close being unladylike," Violet responds as she nods her head towards Daphne.
Before I could ask, Daphne says, "He tried to set me up with Nigel Berbrooke." making me take a double-take.
"That's absurdly daft! Why in the entire Ton would he have chosen a man like that for you?" I asked as I'm utterly shocked that was even a choice in the matter of Daphne's hand.
"Said he was decent and could provide for me, also thinks his reputation checks out," Daphne responds as I scoff at what I'm hearing right now.
Anthony Bridgerton is definitely a changed man, not just towards me, but his own family too?
I'm not fond of this side of him. Not. One. Bit.
I sighed as I walk over to the window, which was open to let in a breeze, and said, "Maybe I shouldn't have come home."
"Whatever do you mean dear?" Lady Danbury asks as she and the rest of the ladies, including Isa, give me a sadden, worried looks.
"It's just-, I know I shouldn't have expected it to be the same before I left, but I was just hoping that it was, so that Isa and Charlie will get a glimpse of how I was brought up. Like the fool I am, I was wrong," I respond as my eyes start to well with tears, "Anthony's certainly acting like a git."
What I and the rest of the room didn't know was that the men were standing underneath the windowsill of the very window I was sitting near.
-Outside-
Colin breathes out a breath that makes it seem like he's in disbelief of what he's heard alongside Simon & Benedict, while Anthony is standing in the garden looking out to the sky.
"She's right you know," Benedict starts to say as Colin looks at him like he'd grown another head, "She is, hey. You didn't see the state she was in after she stormed out, he really struck a nerve and it's beyond me that he would act that harsh to a dear friend."
Simon sighs as he looks towards Anthony's direction to ask, "Should I even talk to him about it?" Benedict and Colin shrug as if to silently say, "Your choice". At that moment, Simon decided he wasn't going to try to change Anthony's views since Anthony is the only one who can make those decisions, but tries to convince him to apologize for his actions.
"What seems to trouble you, old friend?" Simon asks as he walks to be beside Anthony.
"Just trying to figure the arrangements for Daphne's upcoming wedding to Lord Berbrooke," Anthony responds as Simon scrunches his nose in distaste.
"Shouldn't you be putting your mind on another situation? Say towards conjuring up an apology to someone," Simon says as Anthony sudden his breath as if he had a realization from Simon's suggestion.
"Indeed I should, I'll apologize to Mother before I head off to the study," Anthony says as he checks his watch and turns toward the estate's entrance, "Thanks for reminding me, Hastings."
"Not exactly what I was suggesting, but at least you're heading in the right direction," Simon mutters to himself as he watches Anthony disappear into the estate and head to the drawing-room.
He looks up towards the drawing-room window to see Y/N still near it, watching him, and he silently prays to himself that she stays there long enough to get the apology she deserves. Simon soon found out he hoped too much for the outcome to be perfect, that it came crashing down into the darkest pit of confusion and devastation for both Anthony & Y/N.
-Drawing Room-
I mouth towards Simon from the window, "Everything okay?" which he proceeded to nod and head back towards where I assume Benedict and Colin were standing. I look back towards the chatter of the others, which Gregory, Isa, Hyacinth, and Charlie have been put to bed, leaving me and the older ladies before I hear heavy footsteps leading to the drawing-room. Anthony comes into view shortly after, silencing the conversations.
"Forgive me ladies, but I wanted to come in here before I'm to head to the study. Mother, I'm sorry if my behavior has ruined the mood of the dinner," Anthony says as he stands in front of his mother to apologize. Typical, I'm never getting an apology from his mouth.
"Thank you, dear, but I believe I'm not the one to who you should apologize. Lady Danbury, shall we take our business elsewhere to let them resolve their debacle?" Violet asks as she sits up from her seat and helps Lady Danbury up, who nods towards the others to fall suit, leaving me and Anthony alone. We don't have to worry about being chaperoned.
After a few moments of silence, Anthony finally speaks up, "I'm not apologizing for something I didn't cause." Wow, what a gentleman, great.
"I figured, Viscount Bridgerton. Seems to me you've gotten too big for your trousers over the years," I responded as I turn from the window, leaving it open.
"Close the window," Anthony says as he stays rooted in his spot on the floor. I shake my head no and respond, "They already know there's tension between us so might as well air it out along with the breeze."
Anthony grunts in annoyance as he starts walking towards the window and shuts it with a slam then head towards the door to do the same.
What in the Devil is wrong with him?!
"What did I ever do to you?" I ask with bitterness in my tone, obviously bothered by this behavior.
Anthony scoffs and responds, "As if you don't know." as I feel my blood start to boil in anger, making me turn red in the face. I huff out in frustration and yell, "No, I do not. I have no clue why you're acting like this to me when I am aware that I've done nothing to you! So tell me, Bridgerton, what did I do that made you hate me so bad?!" Anthony then walks over to me and pushes me into the closed door, trapping me against the wood.
"You left! You left me, my brothers, my sisters, and my mother when we were struggling with the loss of my father! We really needed you and you weren't there. How could you be so blind that you don't see what you or your parents did wrong?! Even the whole ton knew about what happened and they gossiped so many rumors, too many that I didn't know what was the truth or a lie," Anthony says as he lets off his hands from the sides of my head, "After you left, I've felt more alone than ever. Every passing day since then, when I was learning how to be the best Viscount, to hold a roof over my family's heads, I needed my best friend, but she wasn't there. She didn't even bother to return the letters I've written to her."
I blink my eyes to rid the tears that welled and then looked at him confused. I whisper, "What do you mean? What letters?"
"After I figured where you and your family moved, I've written countless letters, but you were too invested in your new life to remember your old one," Anthony muttered out as he walks to the other side, facing the windows, still bitter about his feelings towards me.
"Anthony, I never got any letters," I say as I move my back off the door, "I'm not lying, the post never popped up with any of them." as he turns back towards me.
"I could've sworn that I sent them, unless-" Anthony responds as he tries to think of the reasoning behind it.
"It was me," We both hear as we turn towards the door to see someone open it and stand in the doorway, Eloise.
"But-, why sister?" Anthony asked as Eloise twiddles her fingers and says, "Because I too was angry with her, I didn't understand why she left so abruptly. I'm very sorry, to both of you. To cause such a rift into your friendship with one another."
I sighed as an indicator I was not pleased with the confession but respond, "It's okay Eloise, no need to fret over it. You confessed and apologized, so the only answer to this is to accept it & forgive you." as I look towards Anthony, who nods in agreement with me.
"I should be heading to the study, goodnight sister," Anthony says as he starts to head out before turning around towards me again, "Goodnight Y/N, I'm sorry."
"Don't think that I'm going to be forgiving you so easily Anthony, but goodnight," I said not hearing the sincerity in his tone as Anthony nods his head and then exits, leaving me and Eloise together.
After moments of silence, Eloise breaks it with, "Thank you, I really am sorry for causing such tension."
"You're fine, Eloise, shouldn't you be heading to bed for the night?" I asked as she nods and responds, "Right."
Before she leaves, she says, "I still have them, the letters I mean, if you still want to read them."
I still my movements as I try to figure out an answer, one side of me is saying don't read them, it's not worth it, while the other side is saying read them and try to understand Anthony's logic & actions throughout the years. I sighed and said, "Can I have them? It's only right to "listen" to your brother after all these years. It may also help me answer the thoughts and questions he's had conjured." as Eloise nodded and headed to her room to grab them. I just hope I'm making the right decision.
After a few minutes, Eloise returned with a stack in her hands and she handed them to me before heading back out, leaving with no final words. I went back into one of the guest bedrooms before I look down to see when they were sent, the first being dated back to the first day after I left, his father's funeral.
He- he was writing to me since then? God, maybe I'm the fool in this scenario, but as I told him and the others, the news was dropped onto me and I had no choice in the decision.
I reach the end of the stack to see the final date, a week after my parents' passing and service. There are just many letters to get through that I'm not even sure how to schedule getting around to read, but I like challenges, so I'm just going to do it and not question the effort it's going to take. I set them on the desk beside the bed and start preparing myself to ease away into slumber until I look towards my bed to see two sleeping figures in it, Isa and Charlie. They must've had nightmares and came in here to seek comfort from me. I smile at the sight in front of me and then sigh as I start to think to myself.
I really shouldn't be quick to judge Anthony's behavior towards me, he did have to become the man of the house so young at the age he was when his father passed away. But that shouldn't be the reason for acting like such an arse to you and placing such blame onto you for his bitterness and coldness upon you coming back home.
After finishing my thoughts, I head towards the bed and lightly scoot Isa over to make room for me to climb in. I get myself situated and comfortable enough to try to rest my eyes, awaiting what the next days shall bring for the week.
-Next 2 Days-
Throughout the two days, words were barely spoken between me and Anthony. With me being busy with making sure Isa's & Charlie's studies were up to date with the tutors and Anthony of course doing his Viscount duties have been all over the ton, limiting chances to cross each others' paths. It also limited my time to even start reading the letters, maybe I'll have time after I return home from tonight's lavish event. I start getting myself ready to head out to the carriage before I see Isa enter my peripheral vision and say, "You and Charlie okay with staying home for the night? Whatever you two need, Josie will be there to help you guys out."
"We'll be fine, I just wanted to wish you luck. You think you and Anthony will find time to talk a bit more?" Isa asks as I finish up my look for the night and get up from in front of the mirror.
I sighed and said, "Maybe, but I won't be discouraged if we don't. He's going to be focused on helping Daphne find her suitor, or trying to encourage her to accept Berbrooke's proposal."
"He's creepy, why can't he just accept the fact that Simon would be a better option or just pick anyone else?" Isa responded as I laugh a little and kiss the top of her head.
"Not a clue what goes on Anthony Bridgerton's mind, behave for Josie, although I know you and Charlie are absolute angels always," I say as I head downstairs towards the carriage, on my way to the event.
-The Event-
An hour or so passes by of chatter among the ton and I'm just making my way around the room while watching the girls of the season dance with their potential suitors. Their mothers have really prepared them because their movements make them appear so graceful and floating. I remember the lessons Mama gave me and they were one of the most joyous memories I keep close to my heart. I also scan my eyes around the room to spot a certain Bridgerton, but I don't see him to no avail until I head closer to the other room to see him and Simon talking to Nigel, but it doesn't look like a friendly conversation. I grimace at the purple eye Nigel seems to sport on his face and I see Simon nod to Daphne, who is standing near the dance floor witnessing the same I am. I watch her walk up to be beside me as I whisper, "You did that?"
"Yes, he was trying to force himself onto me," Daphne whispers as she scrunches her face in guilt. I shook my head to tell her no and whisper, "Quite a punch, I don't blame you." as I then heard, "But we are to be married!"
"You are to be buried if you so much as look in her direction," Anthony mutters in anger as Daphne walks over to them, "Be grateful you will not take a punch from yet another Bridgerton." prompting him to storm off in the other direction to prevent himself from doing any further damage, only stopping to whisper to his sister that the arrangements were off.
As he passes me in his attempt to leave, I whisper, "You did the right thing, it wasn't bound to work in the beginning with the matrimony." and he said nothing in return, didn't even look back to show me that he's heard what I said or is willing to listen to how I felt about the decision he made. Guess that incident two nights ago didn't change anything in that thick-headed mind of his.