"Are you sure you've got it covered?" I ask, already gathering my things to leave, but still watching Annie warily. Jade's fingers, covered in sticky, home-made bubbles, fly dangerously close to Annie's just-straightened-for-the-Bash hair.
It's been a rough morning at the center.
Many of the kiddos are going to the Bash tonight, or rather, they'll be going during the early evening when the night is still appropriate for the young ones. It's enough to have sent them into a frenzy, all of them buzzing off the walls, excited for the party once their parents pick them up.
And the icecream truck that comes to the Bash every year.
As they've reminded us at least one thousand times since eight o'clock this morning. Yeah, it's probably the icecream.
"Go, go," Annie waves me off, rocking to and fro and gently rubbing Jade's back as the young girl screams louder than a banshee, "Erica will be helping out once she's done with lunch. Go take care of the Bash stuff. Make it the best one yet."
Her excited grin is infectious.
"Thanks." I smile gratefully at her, liking her far more than I did at the start of the summer.
Not quite enough to tell her that the half-day is less about Bash prep and more about getting home in time to greet Mom and Dad, and then pretending there's tons left to do so that I can avoid going with them and go with Luke and Brynn instead.
But still.
"I owe you one," I call over my shoulder, giving some of the kids hugs goodbye before leaving. The goodbyes are quick though, since Finn stayed home with Laura and his dad today, and the other kids don't quite like me as much as he does.
By the time I walk down Grams street and see my parents car already in the driveway, I'm even more grateful for the fast exit. My shoulders tense immediately, a swarm of nerves bubbling in my gut.
But there's something else, too, something I'm not used to feeling around my parents. Something like hope, maybe, if I had to pinpoint it.
Pushing my key into the lock, I try to squash it a bit, knowing there's no one quite like my mother to ruin something good.
"Dylan!" Her voice fills my ears before I'm even fully through the door. "Good, you're here! I was just reminding your grandmother about the first summer we spent here, do you remember?"
She's perched on the couch, looking too formal for Grams little cottage, in her linen white pants and wide brimmed sun hat. I almost tell her that she's indoors and doesn't need it.
Almost.
I lean beside Grams instead, dumping my bag to the floor and crouching low to kiss the top of her head. She grabs my wrist lightly in response, kissing the soft inner side.
"Hi, Mom." Not the conversation I expected to walk into. Maybe one about my future plans, or school, or getting Dylan to see a shrink, but not reminiscing about our first summer here. "Of course I do."
I think about that first summer a lot. Sometimes I wonder, if we never moved here at all... would Casey still be gone? A painful sting courses through my veins.
"That was the summer Casey decided to be a professional surfer, his dreams of being a doctor some day be damned." Mom surprises me by smiling slightly. It makes sense - the rare occurrences only ever happen when she thinks of him. "You wanted to be a paleontologist."
Ah. Now I see where this is going. What does Dylan want to be when she grows up, now?
I steer the conversation away, focusing on my brother instead. "Well, it was the summer we met Luke. The boys spent day after day on the beach, watching the older guys riding the waves."
At the mention of Luke's name, the light dims in Mom's eyes. "Yes, well..."
Before she can continue, I peer around into the kitchen. "Where's Dad?"
"Ran to the pharmacy for me," Grams squeezes my wrist again and I wonder if it was really for me, so I wouldn't have to face them both at once. Not when I'm supposed to be having a nice night. I smile at her warmly.
Mom zeroes in on my expression, her mouth popping open slightly before she remembers to compose herself.
"Well, I'm going to get into the shower. Brynn and I still have lots to do." I sling my bag over my shoulder and head upstairs, feeling my mother's incredulous eyes on my back the entire time.
The sun is low in the sky, the air still warm and salty as the music gets louder, the late afternoon rolling into early evening as families wrangle their kiddos and get them into car seats to go home.
Gulls cry over head, scrounging for dropped French fries or s'mores fixings, the happy jingle of the icecream truck still singing in the background for any teens who also want a treat.
Laughter fills the air, mixing with the scent of delicious barbecue food - courtesy of Luke's father, actually - and tasty fried treats. Music and footsteps echo from the dance floor inside the Rec center, it's wide porch doors propped open to the surf.
Girls dressed in bikinis and cover ups, summer dresses and heeled wedges, mingle with guys in backwards baseball caps, cut-offs or form-fitting tees showing off their muscled arms. They dance, they sing, they take photos at our booth.
And as the night sky darkens, turning dusty over the ocean, carnival lights illuminate the sky, festive fair music and game buzzers drowning out the sounds from inside.
"The carnival was a good call," I say to Brynn, watching the rush of older teens bursting inside the picket fence the second the lead carnival employee opens the gate. Within moments, there are lines at every ride, even the one that spins so fast it makes me puke.
"Every idea you had was a good one." Brynn agrees, licking a drop of vanilla icecream from her long pointer finger. It's her fourth cone of the night. "You should try to enjoy the night, too, Dyl."
"I am." I reply too quickly to be anything but defensive. I shrug it off, going back to staring at everyone else having fun.
I'm not not having fun. In fact, I'm happy, watching everyone enjoy the fruits of Brynn and my's labor. It's oddly satisfying to see the night come together the way it is. To see young kids to the senior citizens group liking what we put together.
But there's something missing - always something missing.
He should be here. He should be here. He should be here.
It's a running thought, behind every move I've made. Got popcorn at our favorite vendor, remembered how we'd toss it at each other's mouths, seeing who could catch more. Lit up the torches as the sky darkened and couldn't forget the look Case would get in his eye anytime he'd watch fire, so fascinated by the flames as they danced. Hummed along to the DJ's 90's playlist and heard Casey singing way too loudly and way too off-key to Smash Mouth.
I blink, realizing I don't know what Brynn just said.
"Miss Dylan, Miss Dylan!" Finn's pudgy arms wrap around my legs before I can ask.
"Finn!" I exclaim, lifting him into my arms and quickly scouring the crowd for Laura or his dad.
"Hey there, pretty girl." Luke's body is instantly behind me, warm and inviting as he wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his face into my hair as he kisses my neck.
His damp hair tickles my cheek, the clean scent of him making me dizzy with pleasure.
"I promised Finn one ride on the Ferris Wheel before Laura takes him home. Care to join us?" Luke raises a knowing brow at me before looking to Brynn. "Brynn?"
"Abigail just texted me actually, I've got to head inside and handle a boyfriend emergency. But you guys have fun." She pinches my arm in both a teasing gesture and one of comfort - likely to check in on me again later - as she leaves.
"You both think you're so funny, like being that high up isn't absolutely terrifying." I frown, but follow Luke to the line anyways, holding Finn to my waist, his little body like a personal space heater at my side.
"You're sitting in a bucket, Pickle, safe as can be." Luke holds me to his chest as we wait in line so I can feel the rumble of his laughter against my body.
I almost tell him how the little buckets look anything but safe, but Finn being in my arms shuts me up. No need to scare him, too.
I gulp, glaring at the Big Wheel. I don't mind rollercoasters. You're going too fast to notice how terrifyingly high in the air you are. But on a Ferris Wheel, you move so slowly, halting at the tip-top, hovering over the world. Seeing how tiny everyone is below you.
My stomach twists in knots as we step inside the creaky bucket. Settling Finn safely between Luke and myself - the way Case and Luke used to position me - I keep close to them, leaving ample room between me and the thin side.
Luke chuckles, his arm slinging over the back of the seat to grip my shoulder. He keeps it there the entire time, even as he animatedly talks with Finn, pointing out different booths and arcade games.
Too anxious to move a muscle, I face Luke the entire ride, watching his face, committing every feature to my memory.
Sometimes... sometimes I worry that there will be a day when I can't recall every detail of Casey's face. When I won't remember the exact shade of his eyes or the little space between his two front teeth or the specific constellation of freckles that dotted his nose in the summer. I worry about it all the time, actually, because once I forget those things, I'll never get them back. And what will be left of Casey then, when the people who knew him best can't remember him?
I stare harder at Luke, forcing myself to remember every bit of him, of the face I've fallen in love with again these past few weeks.
The straightness of his nose, the way the tip is always, always sunkissed. The creases at the corner of his eyes from how hard he laughs, similar ones in his cheeks from his damn dimples. The red tint to his cheeks, the sharpness of his jaw. The slight crookedness of his lips, the dark line of lashes that rim his pretty eyes. Eyes that look at me like I'm so goddamn important.
"What?" Luke mumbles then, ignoring Finn for a second when he sees me staring.
"You're just beautiful." I tease, blinking quickly to get rid of the moisture in my eyes.
I turn from him then, noticing we're once again at the very top of the Ferris Wheel. He squeezes my shoulder as I suck in a breath.
"It feels like we're on top of the world!" Finn shouts, raising his little hands over his head.
"Yeah," Luke agrees, catching my eye and not looking away. "Yeah, buddy, it does."
A hand clenches my heart, the love and longing in his eyes almost undoing me completely. I open my mouth, ready to admit how much I love him. I want him to hear it.
Finn's cries that the ride is ending - and it is, we've begun our last rotation downwards, stopping briefly every few seconds for people to get off - interrupt the moment. And Luke's too busy calming him for me to bring it back.
When we're finally on the ground again, my legs feeling wobbly, maybe with relief to be safely out of the sky, Luke stares at me over Finn's head.
"I'm going to bring him to Laura's car." He kisses my cheek. "Go say hi to your parents," He nods behind me and I turn to see Mom glaring our way, a classic corn dog in hand. "And when you're done, meet me on the dance floor. We're going to finish what Finn interrupted."
My cheeks flush, knowing he knows. Knowing he's challenging me, daring me to just fess up already.
God, I hate that he knows me so well.
I try to glare up at him but melt at his cocky smirk.
God, I love that he knows me so well.
"See you on the dance floor."
I watch him walk away, watching the crowd devour his and Finn's retreating forms until there's no point in watching anymore. Then, taking a deep breath, I turn and face my parents, together at the same time, just like he told me to.
***
"Really, she didn't say anything about me?" Luke chuckles, holding my hand above my head and twirling me around.
I can't help the laugh that escapes me as I clumsily tumble into him, the other young couples filling the dance floor doing the same, a country love song blasting through the speakers.
"Nope." Surprisingly, Mom fixed her expression when I joined her and Dad. She didn't mention Luke or Finn or seeing me get off the Ferris Wheel with them. Instead she complimented the Bash, said the DJ was great. She showed me the photo she made Dad take at the booth.
I'd laughed and told Dad I couldn't believe he'd done it. It was a real laugh, even. For a second, it felt like he might say something, too.
He said nothing. I let that part go as I recap with Luke.
"No questions about college?"
"None." I beam up at him, convinced tonight must be a dream. Not only is everything going to plan, it's going better.
It doesn't feel real.
"Wow." Luke grins, too. "It's shaping up to be a pretty great night, then, isn't it?"
I appreciate him so much for not using the word perfect. For knowing no night, no celebration, ever will be. But for helping me see that pretty great can be good, too. I can even enjoy pretty great.
"It is." I sigh, leaning my head into his neck as he pulls me close, the beat of the music slowing. "Luke, thank you. I'm... I'm having fun, and you're a huge part of the reason why." I tilt my head back, finding his eyes staring back at me. He bites his bottom lip, hiding the knowing smile. "I..." The rest of the Bash fades away - there's not tables surrounding us, parents eating and watching the younger crowd dance, there's not other couples elbowing us or anything else in the room except for him. "Luke, I lo-"
A piercing laugh spears through our perfect bubble, snapping my head in her direction. Because I know it immediately and if there's anything that could distract me from this moment, it's her.
Of course it is.
When I see her, flaming hair and too bright smile, her delicate arms spread wide as she spins, my stomach flips. And when my view widens, my focus billowing out from just Maya's face, I see who she's dancing with.
And my vision blurs red.
I'm written too many apologies during this story guys and I'm so so sorry for that. At this point, it all feels like excuses. I'll just say this has been a hard time for my mental health, and while I'm doing much better now, I feel terribly that I've kept dropping off the way I have. I'm doing my best and even though I've said it before, I will get this finished and I'll be really trying to keep consistent updates. Everything is outlined from here on out and major scenes have already been written out. Thank you beyond words for being with me ❤️