Marcus: Look, man, I know deadbeat dads always have lame excuses why they don't see their kids, but I didn't know you existed till about a week ago is actually a fantastic excuse. So can you cut me some slack?
Braden: Her name's not Hiccups McGee.
Marcus: Yeah, I know that.
Braden: So why do you call her that?
Marcus: No, that's just...It's stupid. It's just kind of a nickname I give people that, you know, have a distinct trait or physical feature. Like, if someone had big lips, you'd call them Lippy McGee. And if they sneezed a lot, you'd call them Sneezy McGee.
Braden: Oh, so you'd be Ugly McGee.
Marcus: I'd be Ugly McGee. Exactly.
Braden: Shorty McGee.
Marcus: Shorty McGee. You get it, you get it. Listen, man, I'm willing to give this a try if you are. You know what they say... Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery. Maybe we go inside and search the Internet for funny videos of squirrels water skiing *Does an impression* *Braden laughs* Okay, we're getting some where.
With Sally and Eric
Eric: I'm sorry I lied about the appointment.
Sally: The lying's not the worst part. You hid from me at your mother's house, Eric. Who does that?
Eric: Look, she's nice to me. You know, she always takes my side, worries if I'm eating enough and taking my vitamins.
Sally: I do all that stuff, too, Eric. Okay, I don't. You're right. You know, there's only so many hours in a day, and I'm always running around the kids, and I guess I leave you out a lot, and I'm really gonna try harder to make you feel special, 'cause you always make me feel like the only girl in the world. I feel bad.
Eric: Don't feel bad. No, I do, because today at the recital, I couldn't stop looking at Becky's teacher.
Sally: I don't mind you looking. I really don't. Everybody looks. I was looking today.
Eric: And I'm totally fine with that. As long as he was gay, dead or a cartoon.
Sally: Gay.
Eric: Okay.
Sally: But no matter who or what we look at, we'll always come back to each other, right?
Cheerleader: Car wash! Car wash! Whoo! Support our team!
Sally: I'll prove it to you!
Cheerleader: Car wash!
Eric: What are you doing?
Sally: No, no, you're gonna like this. Hi, girls!
Eric: Come on. Honey, you don't have to do this.
Sally: I want to. Hi, girls! Wash it up extra soapy!
Cheerleader: You got it. Oh, wait, hang on. There's a car just in front of you. Better do them first. Yo, got a customer! You take these guys, we'll take the yellow car. Extra soapy.
Eric: Oh, what is happening right now?
Sally: *Laughs* I swear, I didn't plan this. Well, I might as well enjoy this.
Eric: Why is this never-ending?
Sally: At least the guys in the car in front of us are having fun.
With the Feders
Lenny: Okay, everybody. It wasn't a perfect day. I admit it. There were some downs. Sorry about the leg. The good news is the children got through another year of school. Fabulously. You got older, even though I told you not to. Especially you. Stay young. Don't leave me. You prepared us your famous chicken a la food poisoning, which we're all excited to eat. I'm just kidding.
With the McKenzie's
Charlotte: So Bumpty asked me out for ice cream today.
Deanne: I "went out for ice cream" once with your dad. 9 months later, Andre popped out.
With the Lamonsoff's
Bean: This is the best vanilla pudding I've ever had.
Eric: That's butter, son.
With Marcus and Braden
Lady: Here you go.
Marcus: Oh, hey.
Lady: Want me to come in and feed it to you like I did the last time?
Marcus: No, no. I got my kid here. That wouldn't be cool. *Slams door in her face*
Lady: You said you loved me!
Marcus: *Turns to Braden* They're not all tens, buddy.
With the Feders
Lenny: Homeboy, why aren't you eating?
Greg: I saw something today that made me lose my appetite.
Lenny: What was it, me naked?
They both make faces
Keithie: has anyone seen Cassie. I saw her after school before dad broke my leg but I haven't seen her since
Roxanne: Don't worry Keithie, I'm sure she's fine. She's old enough that we don't have to smother her but if she's not back before the party then we can worry. Okay?
Keithie: Okay
Ding
Lenny: That was Eric. He said check the news and fast.
Roxanne turns on the news and...