Her.
All tournaments came to end, we arrived home with victorious little gymnasts and ballroom dancers.
Wednesday came to soon, St. Valentine's Day is mere 9 days away.
"I love you so much."- I murmured softly, smiling as he kissed the top of my head, mellowly trailing his soft fingertips along my bare spine.
"I love you with all my heart, bambina."- stated devotedly Leo, cuddling my naked, small body close and tight to his bare, vigorous, muscular physic.
I turned to glance at my love, smiling as his plump lips melted into mine dotingly. My hand gently cupped his cheek and pecked him lovingly, biting my lip as tears brimmed in my eyes.
"Amore mio."- soothed Leonardo, delicately kissing away my tears.
"I don't want you to leave."- I whispered vulnerably, not wanting him to go anywhere.
Him.
I sighed heavily and wrapped my beloved in my arms as she sobbed soundlessly, clutching onto me tightly.
"Shh, I will be fine, mia bellezza, I promise."- I whispered to her, gently caressing the back of her pretty head, kissing her temple tenderly.
I have to fly to Jakarta for a meeting with Arif Gunardio Darmawan - leader of Indonesian gang. He says he needs protection from Japan's cartel and I agreed to hear him out.
Why just hear him out? Simple as fuck: I do not want to get into any shit. I am peacefully enjoying my mid-thirties, fatherhood, husbandhood, I am planning to have a baby with my wife, I am happy, healthy, powerful and successful - why the hell would I want to mess that up.
Moreover, I am slowly and steadily preparing Adriano, Domenico and Mateo to take over the leadership that they want to share with their brother, something that my little boys are up for and when I pass the empire down, I want to pass clean, strong, stable, secure domain that has no enemies or shit hanging above it.
"Promise to came back very-very soon."- pleaded Cami as I smiled, kissing her plump, juicy lips tenderly.
"I promise to come back as soon as I can, mio amato tesoro."- I swore, lovingly holding her in my arms as she captured my lips in fond, amorous kiss.
Camila lightly nudged me closer and I turned us over, leaving on my forearms as we kissed adoringly and intimately, her tiny hands running along my back balmily. I gently kissed her neck, slowly trailing down to her perky, firm, round, perfect breasts, smiling as her slender fingers ran through my hair.
As I reached her beautifully toned stomach, I kissed it lovingly, delicately caressing it.
Her.
Quite sob escaped from me as I watched Leo kiss and caress my stomach, making my heart swell, yet flutter.
"I think, you are pregnant, piccola."- said my husband warmly, laying doting peck on my stomach, as I bit my lip, containing my sob.
"Why?"- I murmured, my heart brimming with love and happiness.
"I don't know. I just feel it."- he stated lovingly, kissing my body mellowly, slowly reaching my lips, kissing me passionately and intimately.
"We should get you pregnancy test, mia bellezza."- said tenderly Leo and I shook my head, battling tears that I struggled to contain in the end.
"I don't want to find out when you are leaving."- I spoke softly, caressing his cheeks fondly, gazing in my favourite pair of hazel eyes.
I know myself.
I won't let him go if I find out that we are having a baby. I simply won't handle him being away on such dangerous trip, both of us knowing that a tiny bean of ours is growing in me.
No matter how this might sound, but I loved how little Mafia work he had to do: just some shipments, papers, tiny trips to Rome and Madrid, conferences and meetings, deals and formal, innocent alliances. No trips, no danger, no threats and anything of that sort.
He was always safe, I always had guarantee of him coming back home: to me, to our children.
Now I don't have that guarantee and I hate it.
Indonesian gang is small, weak - deals with such gangs, even mere mentions of deals, are never good, they lead to trouble and tension. Our Mafia is powerful: Italian Mafia contains Russian, Spanish Mafia is ally number 1 in everything no matter what - many weaklings want what we posses.
"Amore mio, if you are, you know that I need to tighten security, especially since I have to leave. I promise that I will be with you right after it, I won't have any work and I will be with you, with our bambini and we will be awaiting our tiny Russo together."- soothed Leo as I shook my head, blinking away tears like waterfall.
"Don't go. Send somebody else, per favore."- I pleaded as he held me in his muscular, inked arms, kissing my temple.
Him.
I understand why she is sad, hesitant, frustrated, maybe even angry and I do not blame her for not agreeing with me, for trying to find any other way to keep me here.
I am leaving with absolutely no guarantee of successful outcome of the meeting and my safety is questionable in spite of my status, fighting skills and number of guards I could have.
Of fucking course, she doesn't want me to go. Cazzo, I am still to tell bambini that I am leaving, triplets have bronchitis and fuck, if Cami is pregnant...Fuck.
I hugged her tightly, kissing her temple as she cried in my arms for what seems like forever, my heart aching and burning as I listened her soft sobs, profound pleas for me to stay, to send anyone, to be with her and our babies.
"Look at me, amore mio."- I said calmly, tenderly taking her small hands in mine, kissing them and her diamond rings.
"I will always find my way back to you, mio amato tesoro, I have never broken that promise. I have even more reason to come back: our love, our children, our planned family trips and many more future ones , our 17th wedding anniversary and many, many, many more to come, our plan to renew our vows on our 20th anniversary on Bora Bora and numerous other plans you, our kids and I will make."- I stated sincerely, gazing in my favourite, beloved pair of eyes.
"Sempre, bambina."- I said lovingly and surely, intertwining our pinkies that have matching tattoos on inner sides.
"Sempre" in our handwritings - tattoo that we got almost 17 years ago together. Tattoo that has so, so, so much meaning and love to it. Tattoo that has always been our promise to always be together, to love each each til the end of times, to support and comfort each other for infinity.
"Sempre, vita mia."- whispered vulnerably Cami, gently kissing my hand before I hugged her securely, gladly letting her nuzzle into me.
"Promise me that you will take a test, principessa."- I said calmly, holding her securely in my embrace.
"Promise that you will take it and tell me the result in that cute way of yours once I come back."- I said warmly, kissing the top of her pretty head, smiling as she nodded, clinging me to tightly.
"I promise."- said genuinely Cami, kissing my chest gently, snuggling into me.
Her.
Was it seconds? Minutes? Hours?
How long we spent in our bed, in each other's embrace is unknown to us.
I couldn't detach from him in the shower and he just pulled me closer, tighter to himself. Matching outfits - white sweatpants with alike hoodie - would make us smile happily on average day, yet I couldn't squeeze even tiny smile out of myself.
Not when I see his suitcase and car keys, not when I know that the jet is ready and awaits him.
And it all worsened when I saw that bambini are wearing matching to ours sweatpants and hoodies, after we had breakfast all together, when I watched him hug our children and tell them how much he adores them, treasures and worships them, that he will be back soon, how he soothed our daughters'pouts, how he comforted our sons and calmed them down.
"You will be good for your beautiful mamma, sì?"- asked Leo warmly, hugging our kids, who hid in his embrace, nuzzling into him.
"Sì, we will looked after mamma."- chirped our sons immediately, getting agreements from their sisters.
He soothed them down.
But the sight made me tear up.
Tears rushed down my cheeks as he kissed me in a way that I hate, a way that I know too well and refuse to accept.
"Don't kiss me like that. Don't you dare make it a goodbye."- I whispered vulnerably, running my fingers through his voluminous, velvety, inky black hair.
"You must come back. It's an order."- I spoke softly, pressing our lips in a slow, ardent, devoted kiss, our hearts racing in sync.
I have never demanded anything from him.
But right now I demand him to come back. I demand him to return soon, safe and sound.
Somehow he drove off and I pulled bits of sanity together for the sake of our babies.
"Can we watch movies together, mamma?"- asked Max, hugging my legs, as I gently tucked a curly strand of his light blonde hair away from his perfect face.
"Of course, tesoro. Go ahead, pick a movie and I will check on triplets."- I said warmly, pecking his forehead.
I went upstairs to triplets, my heart bleeding as I saw their tired little selves.
They have bronchitis: dry cough, runny nose, chills, fever, sore throat, a bit out of breath, slight soreness, headache - it all adds to their exhaustion and sleepiness. I cannot stand seeing them so worn out.
"Mamma."- murmured boys, shifting in their beds restlessly, but quietly as their sister is sleeping.
"Shhh, I am here. Everything will be okay."- I soothed them, sitting next to them, hugging them lovingly.
"It's so hot."- sighed Luc, containing himself from taking covers off because they know that they should sweat it out and rest well.
"I know, tesori, it will be okay, I promise."- I whispered, desperately bottling my tears up, feeling too overwhelmed with everything.
"I am sleepy, mamma."- said Emi tiredly, snuggling into my embrace.
"Get some sleep, ragazzi."- I spoke tenderly, kissing their hot foreheads gently.
Boys nodded weakly, closing their eyes slowly as I rubbed their back, soothing them to sleep. Rose is asleep in Sofi's arms, Rain and Ryan hopped on the bed, letting boys hug them and run their fingers through their snowy-white fur.
I stayed with them for a while until they fell asleep. Then I quietly left and went to my beans, smiling softly as I watched them all cuddle under blankets. Enzo is on laying on Tini, Fede is on Max's lap, Lu and El are with Angie and Ari, all of them are enjoying attention and affection.
"Mamma, come here for a big hug."- chirped Tini with a comforting smile, knowing much more about my worry, and Dio, I cannot explain how I feel.
I came to them, smiling as they tackled me on the huge sofa and cuddled me, smooching my cheeks.
"Everything will be okay, mamma. Papà will come home to us soon, Luc, Emi and Sofi will recover soon and we will have lots of cuddles together."- soothed Angelica as Maximiliano gently wiped away my tear.
"Sì, piccoli."- I agreed, hoping and praying for this, and kissed their foreheads.
Entire day I occupied myself with bambini, work and cooking, not wanting to have even a second free.
I calmly waited for ravioli to cook, doing my best to just not think about anything for the sake of staying collected and cool. Once I got freshly made ravioli out, cute laugher caught my attention, bringing small, yet proud smile on my face.
"Neve."- I giggled, wholeheartedly laughing as she dashed in the kitchen, her tail, paws and muzzle coated with dirt.
"Oops."- said bambinos at the same time, idling at the kitchen's doorway, biting back their chuckles and giggles.
"So I presume you had fun?"- I asked calmly as they nodded, smiling adorably at me.
Sure, the house was spotless and Neve caused a bit of a mess. It is nothing. It is absolutely nothing. Our Samoyed can be bathed and dirt can be cleaned up - nothing unfixable.
"Your happiness is all that matters, ragazzi. Everything is fine."- I stated calmly, smiling as they squeezed me.
"I volunteer to bathe Neve. It was my idea to take her to the garden, after all."- said Martina sweetly, taking responsibility just like we taught her, making my heart flutter in pride and joy.
"I want to help!"- chirped Ari excitedly as Angie and Max quickly agreed, but Dio, they themselves need a bath.
"Deal, but tidy up as well because dinner is ready."- I said warmly and they nodded, happily going to the bathroom as our pup rushed after them obediently.
I set the dinnerware and went to triplets, smiling at them as I was just in time for them to wake up.
"How are you feeling, tesori?"- I asked in care, hugging the three of them as they nuzzled into me, relaxing once I cuddled them.
"Tired, but a little bit better."- murmured Sofi, coughing dryly.
"I made ravioli with spinach and cheese filling. Would you like some?"- I said lovingly, smiling in relief as they nodded immediately.
"Would you like to go downstairs or eat here?"- I asked in care, tenderly kissing their cheeks.
"Mhm, downstairs."- said Luc as his siblings nodded in agreement.
"Okay, my sunshines."- I agreed, gently helping them to get up.
We went downstairs and I smiled as I watched bambini hug triplets affectionately, all of them worrying immensely about well-being of their brothers and sister.
While Eliot and Francesca made no attempts to wake up from their nap, we dinned together. In a bit triplets took medicine and went back to beds, being tired and feeble. Kids went to play board games and I sat in the twins' nursery, feeding them on a rocking hair.
Day ticked by slowly, night came by.
I showered and wore silk, black nightgown before doing my routine, trying not to look at his items because it will shatter dumb that contains my tears.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment before opening a drawer and taking 5 pregnancy tests out of it.
Do I want it to be positive? Do I want it to be negative? Am I willing to find out without him by my side?
5 minutes, 10, 15, 20 until my phone rang and 5 tests slowly depicted final answers.
Phone call that changed everything.
Test results that made the wildest, the most confusing hurricane of emotions intensify as fright and pain clouded my senses.