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『𝙒𝘼𝙍 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
🆃🅷🅸🆁🅳 🆆🅴🅴🅺 🅾🅵 🅹🅰🅽🆄🅰🆁🆈, 2018 (🅿🅰🆁🆃 🅸🅸)
I knew he was waiting for me. I came to the restaurant and saw him waiting for me.
Prom told me that he was feeling unwell and it just happened that I was in his home area, so I took him to the clinic and hurriedly went to the restaurant that Yin shared the location with as I didn't want Yin waiting for me.
I arrived at the restaurant at 5.30 pm and I thought he was no longer waiting for me but he was still there. I saw him look to the left and right as he worried because I wasn't coming yet. I wanted to step into the restaurant and meet him but I didn’t know why my heart felt so heavy.
I still can't. I still couldn’t face him like this. I still couldn’t forget what he did to me and it hurts me so bad. No words could explain the excruciating pain I felt all this time.
I wasn’t mad anymore but I'm hurt, there's a big difference. I was doing my best to stay with him for almost three years but he was the first person to show me I didn't deserve to be loved. I wasn’t sad, I was just tired. My heart was tired.
Why am I here?
Why am I still going out with him? I kept asking myself that question while watching him from the entrance, making sure he didn't see me.
It was 6 pm now and I was still watching him from the outside. He was still waiting for me.
"War, where are you?"
"Are you okay? Did something happen?" He sent me a message but I just read from the notification. He called me several times as well but I didn't pick up.
He kept staring at his phone screen, waiting for a response from me. He also didn't stop glancing at the entrance of the restaurant, so I could tell by the look on his face that he was definitely worried.
I didn't reply to his message and I continued to watch him from behind the restaurant's entrance. His eyes didn't stop looking in this direction and I nearly lost it, thinking he had already noticed me. Thankfully, he didn't.
7 p.m. I was still standing where I was and he was still waiting for me. I guess standing there for so long makes me seem weird to people.
8 pm. He was still sitting still. He didn't order any food and only ordered one drink, perhaps he was still hoping I would show up.
9 pm. ‘Why are you still waiting for me, Yin? Please go home,’ I whispered to myself as he had no sign of going home yet. He was still sitting there, waiting for me.
"I took Prom to the clinic because he's not feeling well. My phone is in silent mode. You're not waiting for me, right?" I sent a message to him, so that he would go home and not wait for me anymore. I saw him immediately reading the message that I sent him.
"It's okay, War. I'm home now.”
“Don't worry," Yin replied, making my heart ache because I was looking at him now and he was still waiting for me at this restaurant. He also didn't eat anything at all.
As soon as I saw him leave the restaurant, I sprinted and hid behind a wall, never taking my eyes off of him.
I saw him walking slowly and I followed him from behind, making sure he didn't see me. He stopped and sat on a bench in that area and...was he crying?
He inhaled deeply as he continued to sit motionless. He suddenly covered his face with trembling hands and repeatedly wiped his cheeks.
I didn't do anything but watch him. I was taken aback. This was the first time I saw him cry in front of me.
He was crying.
Yin was crying...
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『𝙔𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
My heart was shredded. My heart was broken. The tears that ran down my cheek were filled with sadness and regret because of how many times he had said that he felt hurt and upset but I didn't even care. Our special relationship we had has fallen off and he doesn't care about me anymore. I lost him.
I hurt him with my bad attitude and negative words. But the truth was I love him and I didn’t want to lose him. He wasn’t just my best friend but he's everything to me.
I lost the person I ever loved in my entire life and it was me who messed up everything.
"I'm sorry, War for causing you pain. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you, War. Please come back to me," I said in a sob while covering my face with my shaking hands. Streams of tears flowed faster than my heartbeat.
I lifted my face and looked at the paper gift bag that I had brought for him. It was the watch for his birthday present last year. I still haven't given it to him and I wanted to give it to him today but...it seemed like he was really giving up on me.
When we were 15 years old, I gave him a watch as a birthday gift. He really appreciated it and always told me he would wear that watch forever. I felt bad because that watch was merely a cheap one and not very high quality. That watch could break at any time, possibly even before we graduate from high school, at which point it is no longer functional. That's all I could afford for him because I'm not rich.
So, for his birthday last year, I started working part time after school at a restaurant near my house to buy expensive watches for him. The quality of that watch was good and he could wear it for a very long time.
I started working part time in March until July and for that reason, I always had no time for him when he asked me to hang out with him. Despite the fact that it would have required my entire four-month salary, I really wanted to purchase him a fancy watch. I didn't tell him I had a part-time job since I knew he would be curious and concerned if I did. At the same time, I didn't realize I had ignored him.
I wanted to buy that watch before his birthday but suddenly my mom told me that my brother had to use some money to pay for his university studies. So, my mother used all my savings for my brother. Yes, I was sad, disappointed but there was nothing I could do. The money I saved since March to buy birthday gifts for War just disappeared like that.
So, I had to start over by getting a part-time job in order to save the money back because I didn't have enough money to buy him that watch before his birthday in August. Finally, in November, I had enough money to get him that watch.
On the day he messaged me and asked me to go visit him at his house because his ankle was sprained, I had already asked Fern to accompany me to buy that watch for him. I wanted to give him that watch the next day. Unexpectedly, he had given up on my behavior and I lost him that day.
When his ankle sprained, I didn't go visit him because I had to work as soon as I came home from school and study all night to keep my promise to him that I would attend the same university as him. Since I'm not as smart as he is, I must put in more effort if I want to go to the same university as him. If we weren’t accepted into the same university, I didn’t want him to be sad.
But it was too late for me. My stupid behavior made me lose him. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to lose him. I miss him. I love him more than anything.
I'm sorry, War for pushing you away when you needed me most. I'm sorry for ignoring you when all you needed was reassurance that I still cared. I'm sorry for neglecting your happiness to fulfill my own. I've taken your kindness for granted over the past few years because I thought you would never leave me. I'm sorry, War. I need you in my life. You mean the world to me. Please don't leave me, War….
Several minutes had passed since I simply sat there, breaking into tears when suddenly a young boy, probably aged seven to nine years old came to me. "This is for you, phi," he said while handing a tissue.
I smiled and took it. "Thank you," I replied.
"Someone asked me to give it to you, phi. And he also asked me to give you this." I wrinkled when he handed me a plastic bag containing fried rice and mineral water.
"Take it, phi. He said you need to eat."
"Who asked you to give it to me?"
He pointed in one direction but when I looked at it, it was empty. "Awww, where is he going?" That kid scratched his head while furrowing.
"He said you know him, phi," that kid said and I slowly took the plastic from his hand.
"Have you already eaten?" I asked him while caressing his hair and he nodded, showing a plastic of junk food in his hand.
"That phi gave these to me," he said, grinning happily.
I smiled. "If you meet that phi again, can you tell him I say thank you for this?" I asked and he fastly nodded, growing a tiny smile on my face.
22/3/2022