"I've gotta put her in the water..."
"No, no we have some time – I can figure this out for you!"
"I have to do this Lizzie...Lizzie?"
"I'm still here..."
"You know I love you right?"
"Of course I do darling."
"Good, because I need to ask you something – and I need an answer from you ok? Because when I get back to you everything will be different."
"Ok."
"I know this isn't the way guys usually do these things, and this is long overdue, but I guess you can forgive me on this one."
"I forgive you...you don't have to ask me you already know the answer."
"I wanna do this right... Lizzie Carter...Will you ma..."
Mo woke with a start, heart racing and her body drenched in sweat. Every night she relived the same conversation, and every time she woke up Steve would always be beside her, waking as soon as she did and holding her while she sobbed. This time was no different.
"Shhh it's ok sweetheart, it's ok". He soothed as her body violently shook, a large hand stroking her hair and pushing it back from her face to cool her down.
"I'm sorry...sorry." She got up and made for the bathroom, leaning against the basin and slashing some water onto her face. As Mo looked back up again, she saw a pale and tired young woman staring back at her. She certainly didn't feel 23. She'd been put under just a month shy of that birthday.
There was a knock on the door. "Lizzie...you ok?" Steve asked from outside.
Her hands tightened against the basin, hear a crack before she realised it had crumbled beneath her grasp. Mo now looked at her hands, shaking and backing away from the now broken bathroom sink. She was a danger to herself, what if she hurt someone by not knowing her own strength?
By now Steve burst in, looking at the sink and then at his wife. "It can be fixed."
"But I can't..." she looked at him, eyes red from crying.
"You'll learn to control it, soon it'll just become normal." He told her, "come on, come back to bed..."
She shook her head. "I can't sleep..."
Steve nodded. "Then at least come and lay in bed, I leave in a few hours." Steering her from the bathroom, they got back into bed again. He pulled her closer. "Relax, you're tense..."
"I've just crumbled part of the bathroom sink, of course I'm tense."
He rolled onto her. "Sweetheart...relax." Gently ordering her before placing his mouth over her own, leaving a trail of gentle kisses down her neck, fingers pushing the strap of her nightie down over her shoulder. If there was one way he knew how to take her mind from her problems, then it was this way.
Her back arched against him, body pressing more against his while he slipped her nightwear from her. Steve would always make her feel safe and secure. Nothing else mattered when she was with him. All thoughts and fears melting away.
"Remember those nights when I used to spend hours between these beautiful legs of yours?" He murmured into her ear. Hand trailing between her soft thighs.
She nodded, responding with a small and breathy "uh huh".
Back then it had been a thrill, sneaking into his cabin after hours. She still felt the same feeling even now they had nothing to hide.
"So open them wide for me sweetheart, and let's try and make this baby of ours." If anything was to help the healing process then it would be someone who she could care for.
Feeling her move apart for him, he slowly slipped inside of her, her body arching into his. "Am I hurting you?"
Mo shook her head, "you could never hurt me darling." And groaned slightly as they began to move against one another slowly, her legs wrapping themselves around his waist allow him to go deeper until he knew he'd hit the right spot.
"There it is..." he smirked, picking up the pace a little more while her hips moved to find the perfect rhythm. She could feel the climax inside of her rising.
"Steve..."
"That's it sweetheart, just hold on for a little bit longer." He encouraged as she tightened around him moment by moment. Her delicate little moans and gasps were enough to know that the pleasure within her was coming to its peak. Bringing his lips onto her own once more, he kept his fingers linked with hers. "Let go Lizzie...go on." He instructed as she came undone underneath him while he finished deep inside of her.
They laid there against one another for sometime after, making the most of their time together before he left for the first of the three missions that they had. They weren't sure how long he would be gone, but it would take as long as it took.
"Do you think it worked? Mo asked him quietly while he toyed with a lock of hair.
"If it didn't, then we'll just keep trying." His lips brushed against her forehead and then he looked at the time. "I should get ready. I've gotta leave in an hour." Giving her another kiss, he ventured into the bathroom to take a shower and get dressed.
Mo laid there, staring at the ceiling for a while. The letter from Howard sat in the beside drawer next to her. She'd not had the heart to read it yet. Her body felt a little defeated and before she knew it, Steve was gently rousing her, telling her he needed to go.
"Come back to me." She kissed him one last time as he promised her that he would return to her as soon as he could.
Watching the quinjet disappear into the sky, Mo wrapped her cardigan around her, looking round the now quiet and mostly empty tower. Hill was somewhere and Helen Cho was in her lab but that was it.
Mo found herself alone for the first time since coming back into the world - and the only thing that scared her more than anything right now was herself.
**
"Jarvis?"
"Yes Captain..." the AI's voice now answered. "Is there anything I can help with?"
She shook her head. "No...just, kind of wanted to hear another British voice." And hugged her knees into her chest while she sat on the bed. "I know you're not real, but...guess you're the only person I have that I can talk to."
"I am here for whatever you want, Captain."
"I'm not a Captain anymore Jarvis...I'm nobody."
"Everyone is someone, Captain - including you."
She swallowed, "I wouldn't even know how to fly a plane anymore."
"But you can fly" Jarvis pointed out helpfully, "therefore that makes you a Captain. A plane is a plane."
Glancing to the drawer, she took the letter from Howard out and looked at the familiar writing in the front.
Doll face
Mo smirked and opened the envelope, pulling the letter out. Howard's writing stared back at her.
Mo.
If you're reading this then it probably means you're here and I'm not. But no matter about that, what matters is that you're awake.
Don't freak out, but then again I can't exactly break this gently in writing. Tests I've done on you have come back to show that Hydra managed to successfully enhance you using a recreated formula. It doesn't quite match Erskine's, but it's close enough.
It's gonna be a lot to take in doll face, and may take some getting used to - but I have every hope that you will use what you've gained to your own advantage and no one else's.
So, I've taken it upon myself to provide you with some things should you need them. They'll see you through, and before you ask, yes I got the vibranium from the black market. I can almost hear you judging me right now, but you know a guy like me doesn't go through life successfully without picking up a few tricks along the way.
Besides, this is needed. And one day you could be needed too.
Whether you choose to pick up the shield is something only you can decide, but just remember this...
Don't try to be like Steve, he was his own person, so you go and be your own hero doll face. I know you're more than capable of that anyway.
All my love.
Howard.
Mo swallowed and folded the letter back up, sliding it into the envelope. They were wise words considering the letter had been written just a week or so after she'd gone under. He had faith in her though, and for Howard to have that in someone other than himself was a big thing.
He would have always rooted for her though, even if she'd chosen not to under then he would have taken care of her. But he still had even after she was gone, ensuring that weekly testing was done so that nothing changed, making her a suit and shield in case she needed to use it. It was her choice, and he had obviously known that she would have been against the idea of using her enhanced self to step up like Steve had.
But Steve had been created for just that.
She hadn't.
In her eyes she was just a test subject, but whether Hydra had planned to use her for something more would remain unknown...