๐ข. ๐Œ๐ˆ๐‚๐‘๐Ž๐‚๐Ž๐’๐Œ๐ˆ๐‚ ;...

By wafflewines

195K 7.8K 3.6K

โ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด, ๐˜“๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ช๐˜ขโž ๐—›๐—”๐—ฅ๐—ฅ๐—ฌ ๐—ฃ๐—ข๐—ง๐—ง๐—˜๐—ฅ was a somewhat... More

! WARNING !
PRELUDE
001. "though I think I'll be laughed at if I said I was lonely"
002. "the world holds its breath for a little while"
003. "if I listen closely I can hear it even now"
004. "i have some wine and recite an old tale of us"
005. "the sky is blue, there is a breeze from the sea"
006. "i'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home"
007. "faces from my past return."
008. "within me, here's a precious place of myself alone"
009. "i drank champagne with kings and queens"
010. "the fatal flaw that makes you long to be"
011. "you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain"
012. "someday, you too will understand these words"
013. "cannot believe that this was all a dream"
014. "the sound of a heart misunderstanding nobility"
015. "free your mind and keep your thoughts on me"
016. "i took an interest in you after hearing rumors"
017. "you, who's like a dream is a butterfly high to me"
018. "it's amazing how I become breathless"
019. "Even the darkness we see is so beautiful"
020. "we don't wanna put it on the brake hold tight"
021. "They aren't our words nor our eyes"
022. "the more time flows the more it deepens"
023. "decay too far gone absorbing no light or water"
024. "ripped by reality, tinged red by blood"
025. "i try covering my ears but I can't fall back asleep"
026. "the fool-like destiny curses me"
027. "the key of my fate that I gave to the sky"
028. "i still don't understand this frosty, vicious blue"
029. "so let's wipe that cold tears now
030. "it's a night like that but I'll keep on thinking in the city at dusk"
031. "anyone please turn that clock forward"
032. "just let my battered feet bleed from these wounds"
033. "What a cruel thing to self-inflict that pain"
034. "the path that used to be familiar, it's now unfamiliar"
035. "it was a long time since my firewall broke down"
036. "what can "night" for you mean, infinite? You could run with me"
037. "but to put it together here I have the pieces"
038. "so tired of this stagnant place that I keep living in"
039. "we were in the playground, things are getting muddy"
040. "my voice drowned out in the thunder"
041. "devil's on your shoulder tryna make you insane"
042. "adults tell me that hardships are only momentary"
043. "the ones who came before us want to maintain"
044. "Won't look down won't open my eyes"
045. "the sounds of you went further and further,"
046. "the light pierces through the darkness"
047. "i wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night"
048. "feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away"
049. "but it's you who makes me lose my head"
050. "his crown lit up the way as we moved slowly"
051. "what should I do about you?"
052. "where I can't be yours and you can't be mine"
053. "Lighting the flame in my heart until I reach the distant future"
055. "your large embrace that held even my despairs"
056. "I remember you said don't leave me here alone"
057. "my heart yearns for the dream I forgot"
058. "she is gone but she used to be mine"
059. "my feelings are growing, boy I can't cover up"
060. "the night is short can't take you for granted"
061. "but what do you do when there's this great divide?"
062. "oh crimson flower, bloom proudly! Illuminate my fate,"
063. "we keep behind closed doors"
064. "from your lips, you spoke one last goodbye"
065. "dance the fiery dance, starlight shines in me"
066. "i wonder if your heart will never freeze over"
067. "wishing to become stronger, I cried"
068. "this is me praying that this was the very first page"
069. "a moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing."
070. "tell me why we're drowning still when the lifeboat's empty"
071. "But I don't think I ever planned, for this helpless circumstance"
072. "but there's nothing, like doing nothing, with you"
073. "i'm always waiting for you to be waiting below"
074. "you make it difficult to not overthink"
075. "yeah, I figured this was something I deal with my whole life"
076. "i don't wanna paint this town alone"
077. "if you want, you can call somebody else"
078. "how you touch my soul from the outside?"
079. "felt a knife in your back"
080. "and let it all rain down, from the blood stained clouds"
081. "'cause lately, I don't even know what page you're on"
082. "out of the hum of the street lights and into a forest"
083. "don't act like it was hard"
084. "i swear that I would pull you from the tide"
085. "am I someone you cannot live without?"
086. "this is how we get notorious, oh"
087. "but you're a egotistic maniac who never says the L word back"
088. "it leaves me aching to see those eyes"
089. "oh, my lover, oh, my other, oh, my friend"
090. "but the blood on my hands scares me to death"
091. "worlds apart, when it went dark"
092. "yeah, I figured this was something I deal with my whole life"
093. "here we are wasting our chances for the last time"
094. "how much do I have to long for you like snow piles up on the ground?"
095. "it's just a little bit lonely in this home its always"
096. "a room stained with blood, please, somebody save me"
097. "and it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you"
098. "yeah I can feel, I knew theโ€…momentโ€…you passed by"
099. "you never know what people have up their sleeves"
100. "i whisper as I hide myself in this small room"
101. "when I folded, you saw the best in me"
102. "now, without you, what on earth am I to do?"
103. "i've had too much to drink tonight"
104. "there is beauty behind every tear you've cried"
105. "and what once was ours is no one's now"
106. "you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness"
107. "they're burning; I'd rather be numb"
108. "yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running round"
109. "I miss the way you'd laugh at me, no goodbye, no apologies"
110. "collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home"
111. "don't know if you get it 'cause I can't express how thankful I am"
112. "oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink, beneath the skin of our tattoos"
113. "i wish you were more than an imaginary stranger"
114. "every moment becomes eternity, do you hear me"
115. "but if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?"
116. "if I was dying on my knees, you would be the one to rescue me"
117. "i look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up"
118. "voices calling me, i'm in chaos now"
119. "it might be over but fear might suit us"
120. "i drive and I drown, but I don't know how"
121. "hopefully it isn't too late"
122. "now my forever's falling down"
123. "last time we called it a wrap"
124. "i miss the part where I was falling hard for you"
125. "the ugly duckling and the swan, as well as the butterfly before it flies"
126. "we're still the same. howling ghost they reappear"
127. "i've been here the whole time singing you a song"
128. "all along you're hiding even when you're by my side"
129. "cause I love how it feels when I break the chains"
130. "and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin'"
131. "i'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger"
132. "say my sun, a poem about my life"
133. "do it for your people, do it for your pride"
134. "you could walk straight through hell with a smile"
134. "the end"
EXTRA . "i gather up the onesโŸofโŸyou,โŸlink them together"
EXTRA. "and I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old"
EXTRA. "It isn't that easy to forget a memory worth a handspan"
19 YEARS. "you seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses"
10K SPECIAL. "oh, no, I still wanna reminisce it"

054. "you and I both have to hide on the outside"

1.1K 64 27
By wafflewines


LIV. STILL BURN DEEP IN OUR HEART?

19:09 ─❁────────── 19:79

◁                         Ⅱ                         ▷

You looked the same as always

I unintentionally averted my eyes

༻───────────────༺



          "BAO BAO, I TOLD YOU to be careful when you play pass Buckbeak's room,"

It was no longer a secret that Lucia had managed to stowaway a champagne ferret back to Grimmauld Place from St. Mungo's, especially after the said ferret had jumped out of her purse and began to run around the house, leaving the inhabitants at that time stunned. But that wasn't what they focused, for all the could think to ask was where she had gotten the ferret in the first place?

Her mere answers and replies were, "I grabbed him when we were walking back to the train station." Sirius had no problem with the sudden extra guest, only warning the ferret and her to stay away from Buckbeak's room if she didn't want her pet to become hippogriff dinner. However, the same couldn't be said for Mrs. Weasley who fretted all about this: "How do you know he's safe!" she had said to Lucia, but Lucia was adamant on keeping Bao Bao and couldn't care less of what the others would say. In the end, all Mrs. Weasley could do was accept the reality.

She sighed and realised that nothing was going to convinced Bao Bao otherwise. "Fine, but if you end up being Buckbeak's dinner, don't say I didn't tell you so," she said before continuing up the flight of stairs that led to Buckbeak's room, balancing a plate of sandwiches in her hand.

After returning from St. Mungo's, there was an odd shift in Harry's behaviour — of course, disregarding the obvious angst that occupied his personality, she meant something almost pitiful.

Even after they made up, Lucia could still sense that Harry was being distant. Not only to her, but with everyone in the house. What could he have heard so horrible to the point he became this way? No one was getting to him without him snapping at them — Ron and Sirius tried, but still nothing. The only time Harry had even gone out of his room was during Lucia's small birthday party that merely consisted of the Weasleys (minus Mr. Weasley, Charlie Weasley, and Percy Weasley), Sirius, Tonks, Moody, and Harry as guests. And even then, he didn't bother to conversed with anyone, only giving her a present which was a bag filled with all of her favourite Wizarding sweets.

It was alarming.

But as Christmas crept nearer, Lucia's sullen attitude was quick to be replaced by one of great giddiness. It was a big contrast to the Lucia that was just like a duckling in despair that could even utter a single quack. It felt as though she had something to look forward in a day where she didn't even celebrate religiously... which, she kind of do.

Aside from the unfortunate accident of Mr. Weasley and all, Lucia had people she could spend the holidays with instead of sitting in the corner of the room with her embroidery kit and knitting tools. She was about to experience Christmas with others that was not in Hogwarts, and never had she been more excited for the holidays.

Harry's behaviour did, however, dampen her mood for the holidays a bit, but she also didn't want to be the only to be enjoying the festivities when someone she cared for so much was down in the dumps. He was worrying her a little, and each time she passes his room, all she could be reminded of was the wary and exhausted expression he had just moments before they left for their small trip.

By the time evening had rolled, she had enough of this. Lucia ran up the stairs and landed on the landing of the first floor, in front of his room. She knocked countlessly, but there were no answers, which led her to one option only — barging in.

She kicked the door open, ready to attack but was gravely disappointed when there was no one in the room. She huffed and decided to go on a rampage all around the house, barging in every single room there was until she halted in front of the room that belonged to Sirius' mad of a mother, Walburga Black, which was closed off.

"Harry!" she knocked with one hand while the other was holding a plate of sandwiches. No answer: Bao Bao climbed up her body to her shoulder expectantly. "Don't pretend you're not in there — open up! You must be starving, having not eaten for the entire day —"

"This is Buckbeak the hippogriff speaking: Harry is not in here. Please try again later or leave a message after this beep. Beeeep."

Her eyes twitched.

As much as an air-headed person she sometimes could be, she was not that stupid. Only someone with little-to-no braincells would believe that horrible voice acting.

Harry was in the room with Buckbeak, but she couldn't go in because of the door being bloody locked from the inside —

She took a deep breath and managed a small, sincere smile. "Well, Buckbeak, can you tell Harry when he comes back that I left him a plate of sandwiches outside the door? Also, can you please help him reconsider in joining us downstairs?"

There was no answer.

Lucia heaved out a sigh before she said with a pleading voice, "Please?"

Her ears were not deceiving her when she heard footsteps from inside the room, making its way to the door and just like that, the door unlocked itself. Harry creaked open the door, expression unreadable and almost emotionless.

"What are you doing hiding from everyone?" Lucia asked, worried, as she undetectably put her foot down against the threshold, fearing that he would close the door on her and lock himself in the room for the whole holidays without eating, again.

"I haven't been hiding from anyone," he spat at her, feigning innocence.

Bao Bao hid himself behind Lucia's hair, scared of Harry's scary expression.

Harry squinted his eyes at the ferret, before scoffing.

Lucia furrowed her eyes and was about to retort at him for using such tone with her when suddenly he rounded on her and walked out of the Buckbeak's room. "Harry!"

She let out a frustrated grunt and followed him to the second floor, yelling out to him, "Harry!" and "Wait for me!" when he finally stopped inside his shared bedroom. Lucia bumped into his frozen body and looked over his shoulders, shocked to see whom it was. With Ron and Ginny was Hermione.

"Hermione! When did you arrive?!" she gasped excitedly, setting down the plate of sandwiches to hug the bushy-haired girl.

"Just now actually," smiled Hermione.

Harry rolled his eyes, tapping his shoes rhythmically on the floorboards.

Ginny gazed at the girl questionably, perplexed by Harry's unusual behaviour. Lucia merely shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head, indicating that she herself doesn't have the slightest idea as to why he was like that. Quickly, Lucia moved around Harry and found a spot between the two Weasleys while Hermione was standing.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were skiing with your mum and dad." Harry asked Hermione rather rudely.

Lucia narrowed her eyes at him. She thought things were already resolve between Harry, Ron, and Hermione for the past few months, but she guessed wrong.

"Well, to tell the truth, skiing's not really my thing," said Hermione. "So I've come for Christmas."

"What's with that tone —"

"— I came on the Knight Bus," said Hermione quickly before Lucia was able to finish her sentence. "Dumbledore told me what had happened first thing yesterday morning, but I had to wait for term to end officially before setting off. Umbridge is already livid that you lot disappeared right under her nose, even though Dumbledore told her Mr. Weasley was in St. Mungo's, and he'd given you all permission to visit. So... How're you feeling?" she asked.

"Fine," said Harry stiffly.

"Oh, don't lie, Harry," she said impatiently. "Ron and Ginny say you've been hiding from everyone since you got back from St. Mungo's."

"They do, do they?" said Harry, glaring at Ron and Ginny.

Ron looked down at his feet, but Ginny seemed quite unabashed.

"Well, you have!" Ginny bellowed. "And you won't look at any of us! It took Lucia barging every room in this house for you to come out!"

"It's you lot who won't look at me!" said Harry angrily.

"Maybe you're taking it in turns to look and keep missing each other," suggested Hermione, the corners of her mouth twitching.

Ron and Lucia stayed silent, watching the scene unfold.

"Very funny," snapped Harry, turning away.

"Oh, stop feeling all misunderstood," said Hermione sharply. "Look, the others have told me what you overheard last night on the Extendable Ears —"

"Yeah?" growled Harry, his hands deep in his pockets as he watched the snow now falling thickly outside. "All been talking about me, have you? Well, I'm getting used to it..."

"We wanted to talk to you, Harry," said Ginny, "but as you've been hiding ever since we got back—"

"I didn't want anyone to talk to me," said Harry, who was feeling more and more nettled.

Now, Lucia was agitated.

"And that's the problem with you, Harry," Lucia started, standing up abruptly so that she was in equal eyeline with him. "We've all been trying to get a hold of you since we got back from that bloody hospital, wanting nothing more than to hear what is wrong... but guess what? The only thing you've been doing is shutting us out!"

Harry opened his mouth, as to protest her words, but Lucia turned sharply to him

"Let. Me. Speak."

And he immediately shut his mouth.

"I can't take it with you and that stupid accusatory tone. Stop it, please! I'm begging you to stop that and to stop thinking that we're talking behind your back you... you..." her body shook, and Bao Bao, sensing Lucia's anger threatening to burst, jumped to Ron's shoulder. Lucia's chest heaved up and down heavily, "You stupid — thickheaded — donkey!"

Harry took a pause. "I — Did you just call me a donkey?" he asked, incredulous.

"No!" Lucia claimed, but the entirety of the room knew that it was false.

Ginny then stood up as well. "Lucia's right. you know? It is stupid of you think those things, seeing as you don't know anyone but me who's been possessed by You-Know-Who, and I can tell you how it feels."

Harry remained quite still as the impact of these words hit him. Then he turned on the spot to face her. "I forgot."

"Lucky you," said Ginny coolly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said, and he meant it. "So... so do you think I'm being possessed, then?"

"Well, can you remember everything you've been doing?" Ginny asked. "Are there big blank periods where you don't know what you've been up to?"

He racked his brains, "No," he said.

"Then You-Know-Who hasn't ever possessed you," said Ginny simply. "When he did it to me, I couldn't remember what I'd been doing for hours at a time. I'd find myself somewhere and not know how I got there."

But it didn't look as though he believed her as much. Nevertheless, his expression was now relaxed from before.

"That dream I had about your dad and the snake, though —"

"Harry, you've had these dreams before," Hermione said. "You had flashes of what Voldemort was up to last year."

Lucia remained silent.

"This was different," said Harry, "I was inside that snake. It was like I was the snake... What if Voldemort somehow transported me to London —?"

Lucia snorted. "Oh honey, that's not how it works."

"What d'you mean?" Harry's eyes furrowed, puzzled.

"One day," said Hermione, sounding thoroughly exasperated, "you'll read Hogwarts: A History, and perhaps that will remind you that you can't Apparate or Disapparate inside Hogwarts. Even Voldemort couldn't just make you fly out of your dormitory, Harry."

"You didn't leave your bed, mate," said Ron. "I saw you thrashing around in your sleep about a minute before we could wake you up..."

Harry started to pace back and forth, deep in thought. Without thinking, he grabbed the sandwich from the plate beside of Ron before eating it hungrily. Lucia stared at him, thoroughly confused; just as she had thought they had eased him a bit, he was not meeting her eyes for some odd reason. She had thought it was the same with the others, but that was not the case, for he did met eyes with Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. So, why was it only her that was dealing with this?

Had she done anything wrong for the past week? Was calling him a donkey crossing the line?

That couldn't be it... But from what Harry's expression was, she had to beg to differ; he was avoiding her like a plague. With her lips wavering and her heart sinking, Lucia rose from the best abruptly, catching the attention of the others in the room.

Lucia glanced up questionably before her eyes widened when she saw the glimmering eyes of Lucia DiFiore that were glazed with tears. Her hand was clenched tightly, body quivering. Before any of them could speak, she had already pushed herself out of the room after harshly bumping shoulders with Harry intentionally.

Seconds after she had stormed out with tears, from over Sirius' chiming voice, they could hear a loud scream of frustration before there was a loud sound of a door slamming echoing the halls of Grimmauld.

Sirius peered into the room, staring at them, puzzled. "What happened in here?"

The three teenagers turned to look at Harry; Ron shook his head, and Hermione sighed in disappointment. Ginny, however, was glaring at him with daggers pointing to his head.

Ginny was enraged. Though she had an idea what Hermione and Ron were thinking, she was thinking completely different. This wasn't the cry of a girl upset over a boy; it was the cry of a girl that's afraid of losing one of the only few friends she had. She was scared.

The youngest rose from the bed with her arms crossed.

"Ask your Godson," Ginny spat. "Hope you're happy, Harry." She added spitefully before leaving them to themselves.

Sirius turned to his godson. "Okay, care to explain?" he crossed his arms, leaning against the doorway.

Harry bit his lips guiltily. Once again, his temper have gotten the best of him, and now he may or may have not just lost another friend...

No one — not even Ginny — had seen the girl. Even during dinner, which Harry finally had decided to show his face at, was solemn as Lucia was absent the entire time. No matter how many knocks were heard on her door, she didn't answer, nor did she even verbally responded, leaving the rest of the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place dejected and worry. The food that was left in front of her door by Mrs. Weasley was left untouched by the time she went to pick it up to clean.

The night was sparkling as she watched it performing an opera of constellation, and it felt as though she was their only audience. She had been sitting on the bay-window longer than she expected, for the night greeted her when she felt as though only minutes had passed. Now it was the eve of Christmas, she should be sleeping, but she couldn't. She could merely sit by the window with her hand petting gently the ferret that was curled asleep on the fluffy pillow that became his bed, a blanket on top of him.

Why have it come to this? Why have their friendship deteriorated so much in such a small span of time?

She thought their friendship could leave a trace in time, but was she wrong this whole time? Did the discord around the world finally slashed its blade on their bond to the point that it could never be mobile anymore?

Once again, the dandelion method proved to be wrong. Only, this time, she was experiencing it herself.

Carefully as she tip-toed out of her singular bedroom, Lucia walked along the quiet corridors and to the drawing room, her only memory that haunted her mind was the foul expression of the very person she cherished so much, and although she didn't care if she wasn't the one that occupied his heart, the thought of their friendship in jeopardy was much more scarier to her.

Sure, she was in love with him, she wasn't going to pretend she wasn't anymore, but having their first fight just days ago and them not talking at all was a completely different story... she felt hopeless and could not care less about her jealousy toward Cho and his kiss when their friendship could end at any given moment.

That was what she thought anyway.

"Toujours Pur," she stared at the tapestry. She wondered, did her dad side of the family burnt his face from their own tapestry for marrying her mum?

That would surely be a funny sight to see...

"Always pure"

Immediately, Lucia whipped her head towards the doorway. Harry stood there awkwardly before entering.

It was clear as crystals to Harry that she had been crying: Her blotched and puffy face was all he could see under the dimmed lighting of the room. Awkwardly, he moved beside her. She looked at him apathetically, her eyes red. Nonetheless, she did not move.

"Can't sleep?" He attempted, but she merely looked back at the tapestry without a word. He nodded his head, "I'll take that as a yes..."

Lucia didn't say anything, remaining indifferent. She wanted him to feel what she felt these past few days, to be ignored by your friend, and to feel as though you had done something wrong. But the aching feeling in her heart was so prominent to the point that even she could not ignore.

"You didn't come down for dinner, you're not hungry?" Harry attempted awkwardly, fiddling with his joggers. She had never made him so nervous — well, she did many times, but never was it a terrible thing before.

Lucia glanced at him briefly, before looking away indifferently.

Harry bit his lip, "Um, Lucia — I — look —"

"What did I do?" she asked abruptly, not looking at him. Feel bad for me, bastard.

"Pardon?"

Oh, aren't we getting posh around here...

"What did I do wrong?" He stared at her quietly as her voice raised little by little, "What did I do wrong, Harry? — what did I do to make you look at me so... so loathsomely?" She downcast her eyes to the ground, quivering. Then she whispered to herself, "What did I do...?"

She wanted him to understand how badly he pained her and want to watch as the guilt slowly eats him up alive, and she could tell that it was effective, for she saw Harry looking away from her shamefully without an answer to justify his actions.

She would be surprised if he did start to justify his action, because he was indeed in the wrong and she wasn't going to prove otherwise. But she also did understand where all the turmoil was coming from, especially with the Ministry and practically the entire Wizarding world trying to swallow him up into a state of despair that was seemingly working.

Harry swallowed the dry lump in his throat as her gaze on him didn't falter. The guilt from within him only tenfold at her words; she was blaming herself and it was all because of him. And you know what was worse?

She wasn't even shouting at him.

Instead, she was merely staring at him with those mocking soft and gentle eyes that he had grown to love. He both hated it and loved it at the same time. God, he wanted to gouge his eyes out.

It was clear that he was in the wrong, and yet here she was degenerating herself instead of him for something she did not do.

Harry saw his mistake from the first time, but he didn't do anything to prevent all of this. he was at fault. And he knew that.

"Stop that," Lucia didn't say anything; she stared at him. Finally, after all these days, his eyes locked hers and she saw the ever so satisfying look of remorse and determined shame.

Her calculated eyes seemingly masking a rage that was left malcontented for all these years, intimidating even more so than before. He gulped.

"I-It's never yours or Ron's — or Hermione — or Ginny — but me. It always been me that is at fault, and it's about time I finally grow a pair and accept it," said Harry, voice quiet, "You had every right — calling me a donkey and all, because I was being a donkey and who knows? I still maybe am..."

"I know," said Lucia stonily, not even one bit disagreeing. "But you weren't being a donkey,"

Harry rose his gaze back to her, puzzled.

"I should've called you a mule instead,"

"But... isn't that the same thing...?"

Lucia snapped her eyes sharply at him, causing him to shut his mouth once again, pursing them.

"Continue,"

"I — okay — uh," he stammered, nervous. "I-I was self-conscious that bloody Voldemort was inside of me and berated everyone around me even though they were only trying to be nice and helping me and I shouldn't have acted so mean and snappy. So yes, I am a mule." Harry stared deeply into her eyes, apologising. "If anyone has to be sorry, it would be me. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad that you're feeling conflicted or is suffering, because it's not your fault for feeling like that. But Harry, I'm angry with you because you never give us the chance to help you — to accompany you whilst you're going though this,"

"I know..."

"You keep on saying that we're talking behind you're back — yeah, we are!" Harry's eyes widened, but Lucia was quick to debunk his hurtful thoughts, "We're talking behind your back about ways to get it through your thick skull that being human isn't wrong. Everyone goes through these types of days, and I can't imagine how worse it is for you with the Ministry not only breathing down your neck, but also with what you've went through all these years. You were being human and I understand that,"

"Wait, wait, wait. Is this your way of holding me accountable because all I'm hearing is you justifying me..." Harry furrowed his eyes, "You've been through the same thing — maybe even worse than me, but you never did what I did. You don't act like a rightful git that snaps at their friends just because. Hold me accountable, please."

"I am holding you accountable, but I can't act like you're not allowed to act the way you did after you spent days thinking you're the one that attacked your best friend's dad!"

"Shout at me, Lucia."

"I'm not going to shout at you," she said, increduloused.

"Do it and hold me accountable for snapping at everyone who didn't deserve it — you didn't deserve being treated by me like that. Friendships may have their difficulties, but I shouldn't be using excuses for the way I acted." Then his next words brought shock to her. "I dare you right now to scream at me — to tell me how rude I am and how much of a knobhead I've been. Make me feel humiliated and ashamed. Yell at me for being the insensitive little shit I was."

Something from within her wanted to do it, but she refused. "Harry, I do not shout, because I don't think anyone deserves it,"

"Why not? Or are you just saying that because you're scared?" Harry arched a brow at her, edging her on.

Lucia clenched her jaw, "I'm not scared. I'm just not going to yell at you just because of something so trivial," she digressed.

"Trivial?" Harry could laugh. "Is it really a trivial matter when it made you clearly cry? Is it really a trivial matter when it's the reason why you're blaming yourself for something I did?"

"Stop it, Harry," Lucia bit her lips, bleeding as she repressed her growing anger. "I'm not going to —"

"Do it Luciana!" he demanded. "Blaming others is one thing, but blaming yourself for something you're not supposed to is another —"

"Shut. Up." She seethed, her temper rising.

Harry shook his head. "Not until you admit that I was in the fault, and you have none. It was all because of me that our friendship became rocky!"

"— no, it wasn't!"

"Yes it was — !"

"No. No, it wasn't!" That was the truth; Lucia didn't think their friendship had gotten rocky these last few days because of him, but because of her jealousy toward his now blossoming relationship with Cho, when she had told herself that she should be happy for him...

That this was merely a trivial crush that would disappear quickly...

"Then what is my fault, Lucia?!"

"You know damn well what your fault it, Harry Potter! And it's for making feel something I shouldn't from the beginning!" she yelled and simultaneously, the door swung shut by the unknown wind in the room. "You — because of you, I'm shouting right now! Because of you, I've become impatient and filled with feelings I can't even control! Because of you, Harry, I've become this girl that can no longer navigate this world calculatedly!"

Harry stared down at her, slightly taken aback by her vague confession.

"You make me so mad — but happy and sad at the same time! You make me want to do things I would have never thought I would do, and that scares me so much! You make me want to break the rules — I-It's like the moment I became friends with you, my world suddenly shifted into a universe that I'm not even sure is real! And all these new things you introduced me to... it makes me scared." Her eyes were filled with a flurry of emotions that ran wildly around the room, Harry having a hard time to catch every single of them, "I'm scared that I'm going to lose not only you, but the others too... I shouldn't be feeling anything like this — it's not normal for me — and do you know what pushed me off the cliff? What made me realised that entirely? When you act like you did a few hours ago, you git!"

What? Did he hear her right? Questions were running through his mind, heart thumping against his ribcage like it was about to jump out at any time.

Lucia gasped, quickly clamping her hand over her mouth. What the hell did she just do?

Oh no... Lucia could feel the beating of her heart changing rapidly as anxiety dwelled in her heart like a virus she couldn't be cure of. She did not just reveal everything to him — someone please enlighten her that this was all a nightmare, and she did not just expose herself so easily like that?

But by the speechless look Harry had, it completely told her otherwise.

Merlin, help me.

"Lucia —"

Hurry and change the subject before he says something you'll regret hearing, Lucia!

"Look, Harry," Lucia cut him short, calming down. "Y-You weren't entirely to blame for our friendship going like... this...

Harry stuck his hand inside the pocket of his black pullover, snorting. "I beg to differ," he said, but she casted him a look. "Fine. If you're not going to admit that I've ruined out friendship, then why not just admit that I really am a knobheaded, git of a mule?"

"I won't —"

"Yes, you will."

"No —"

"Yes."

"I won't —"

"You will,"

"Fine!" She shouted once more, but it was more quiet as she was cautious enough to not awake the whole house. Lucia whipped her head at Harry, lips wavering. Her eyes were filled with tears as her nose flared. "You are a knobhead, happy?!"

"Well —"

"No, actually, you're more than a knobhead, you're like this little buzz I hear in my ear constantly and all I want to do is swat it to death!"

"That a little bit too extreme..."

"You wanna know why? It's because you've been using that mouth of yours to berate and accuse us more than you are trying to communicate with us!" Lucia flailed her arms around, "This may be hypocritical of me, but is communication not the key, Harry? If you're not trying to communicate with us, how do you suppose that we communicate with you? Ever since we got back from St. Mungo's, never once did me, Ron, and Sirius stop from trying to talk to you, but all you do is shut us out. It's even worse when you didn't even try to spare me a simple glance! It's irritating, but we're being as patient with you as you are with us even when you're randomly throwing us dirty looks and being an outright git!"

Though very much in shock, Harry still couldn't help but feel a twitch on the edge of his lips as he freely took the bullets that were being shot by her.

Lucia glowered at him, pointing her finger at his chest, jabbing him. "We're not psychics, Harry, we're your friends; we can't just read your mind and know instantly why you're grumpy today, and the next day you're all dandy as a dandelion! We need you to tell us, instead of pouring your anger out onto us." She then turned passively to him, voice gentler, "Really, it's okay to feel angry at everything, but it isn't okay to be angry at us. You wanna be angry at the world? Go ahead, no one's going to stop because they frankly deserve it! But don't you dare be angry at us for no reason, Harry James Potter, because we're trying our best too."

Her words settled in him like bullets imbedded into his body. It was affective in ways that was indescribable, and simultaneously it was opening a whole new perspective for him; he really had no reason to be so mean to his friends... not when they themselves were trying their best.

"I'm sorry," he admitted quietly, "I'm so sorry... I'm —"

Then, a swift motion filled his vision; she raised her arm up, and he immediately squeezed his eyes shut. He knew that motion all too well... the motion that indicated that he was about to be hit.

He knew it.

He guessed it.

There was no way an apology was enough to make up for everything he had done to her. Every single misery he had imbedded in her. He was, after all, the bearer of bad luck. And this slap would most likely be the least harsh punishment he would recieve from now on...

And he was going to accept it.

Well, that was what he thought anyway. He thought that the slap was too fast to the point that he didn't even feel it, but that seem to not be the case as he slowly felt arms wrapping around his waist, urging him closer; Harry fluttered his eyes open slowly and was stunned to see Lucia closing the gap between him and her.

She cradled his head with one hand as she nuzzled her face in his shoulder, "I don't want to fight you... I don't even want to yell at you, because that's just not who I am... and I understand that you've been through so much. It'll be weird if someone that had to see someone dying in front of them, to being defamed by the government, to also have the evilest of all evil coming back from the dead, not act like you did. Your actions and reaction could be flaws, but what is human without flaws, am I right?"

Harry bit his inner cheek.

"Truthfully, I've only heard what you went through, but I never personally experience it," Lucia tightened her embrace, "But this burden you carry... It's like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders by yourself... it's not healthy..."

"I have to do it," He whispered, breath ragging, "I have to do it... for you and every —"

"But you're still so young, Harry. Even as time crosses the world for all of us, it doesn't change the fact that you deserve way better than to have this much burden on your shoulders..."

Harry closed his eyes, gnawing his quivering bottom lip as he enclosed his arms around her. No. He mustn't let it out...

Harry, stop it!

"That's why, please let us help carry all of that burden with you,"

Her words... he had never felt so much relief by just a mere, simple sentence. Slowly but surely, he felt the numbness he had been feeling all this time being lifted, the shackles that held him from being... normal... shattering. The lament he was hearing relentlessly becoming carols.

Harry didn't know what this phenomenon was, but all he could do was let out those repressed emotions. He cried.

"I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay," He let those tears fell like waterfalls into her shoulder as she held him close, threatening to not ever let him go. "It's okay..."

"Thank you..."

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