"What even is the sea, anyway? Like, I know that it's water, but that's it. Not much to go on."
Glancing over to Floch, who had been riding alongside me for the past four hours, I shrugged my shoulders.
"It's not just water. It's a lot of water. I don't know much else, man. If you want an in depth explanation, go ask Armin. He's the resident sea expert."
It had taken us months since the battle of Shiganshina, but we had finally cleared Paradis of pure titans. It felt strange being able to ride without having to be on guard, but I didn't feel free like I had always expected to. Now, knowing what we now knew, I felt more trapped than ever before.
We were now on our way to the one place our troublesome trio had been dreaming of from the start - the sea. Only having read about it in books and hearing Armin rave on about it during meals, I wasn't sure what to expect. It sounded ominous, to me.
Facing forward again, I looked between Levi and Jean, who were both several lengths ahead, and began to chew on the inside of my cheek. I had been trying to steer clear of any intimate moments with the two of them, but it was difficult.
After the night I had shared with Levi, he had left before I had awoken, though he made no effort to avoid me. He was giving me my space, and it had been greatly appreciated, though our fierce relationship had partially recovered. We could throw banter back and forth again, but it wasn't as often as it once had been.
Then there was Jean. He was just always there, ready to talk or lend a hand whenever I needed. Occasionally he would throw in a date invitation, but brushed it off quickly when I voiced my reservations. Still, he never took it badly.
There was just too much going on to try and begin a legitimate relationship. I was a captain now. I had my own unit, and my own responsibilities. On top of that, I still helped out at the orphanage, and made sure to keep Verena Jinn living comfortably, despite her insisting she would be fine.
I had managed to move past Eld, and Reiner, and the death of my biological father, Erwin Smith, but I still had to work on myself. I had barely become a person again, and that was my priority before I tried to tie my life to somebody else.
"You look like a lovesick puppy." Floch broke me from my thoughts with his sudden comment, and I shot him an incredulous look.
"You must need your eyes checked, Forster." I muttered, but I knew it wasn't very convincing.
As much as he had pissed me off once upon a time, Floch and I had actually gotten pretty close since he had fought with me for Erwin's life. He could be a little intense and headstrong at times, but so could I, and he was unbelievably loyal. When we worked in our squadrons, he was my right hand man.
"Yeah, no, sorry, but I'm right. Who is it? I can't choose between Jean and Conny. You're always so close with those two. Some of the Garrison seem to think it's Levi, but come on. You two would kill each other before the end of a first date."
Did I forget to mention he could be mildly annoying?
Glowering, I shifted more in my saddle to show him my annoyance, though his smug expression didn't falter.
"Why would you think I'm with anybody out here? What if I was in a committed relationship?" He knew I wasn't, but it was worth a shot to try and throw him.
"Your right hand doesn't count!" The auburn-haired soldier snorted, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes, kicking my horse into a gallop from a canter to speed ahead.
"Joke's on you, I'm committed to my left!"
It felt good to laugh again, but there was still something so hollow about it. Loss did that to a person, but for once I tried to be positive about things, even though there was the possibility of worse to come.
Slowing up between Hange and Levi, I slipped my reins into one hand and sighed contentedly, sweeping my hair from my face only for it to fall straight back.
"Excited, (Y/N)?! I'm excited! New things are so exciting!" Hange beamed at me in an almost infectious manner, but it didn't quite get me.
"It's just water, so not particularly. Especially not when I know what's beyond it." I wasn't meaning to be such a downer, but it was hard not to be. We were sitting ducks. Who knew when the Marleyans would strike?
Glancing towards Levi, I caught his lingering eyes, willing away the faint heat that wanted to claw its way up the back of my neck. It wasn't the time for that kind of thing.
"Lighten up. The other brats seem excited, mostly." Levi muttered, motioning his head towards Connie, Sasha, Floch and Jean, who were all chatting away merrily. Armin and even Mikasa seemed pumped too. The only one who kept a stone face was Eren.
He hadn't been the same since the ceremony after Shiganshina. He was distant, and far less mouthy. I didn't want any part of it, despite having mostly forgiven him. He had his friends to take care of him, so I wasn't about to involve myself.
"They didn't stay up most of the night mapping out the route. Forgive me if I'm a little lacklustre." I replied flatly, stretching my back out in hopes it would click. "Honestly, I would've preferred to stay back at-"
"It's just up ahead! Let's go!" Armin's shrill shout cut me off, and the troublesome trio shot past us in a flat out gallop, the others close behind with Hange kicking off straight after them. Levi and I exchanged a quick glance and followed, but not nearly as fast as the rest of them.
"So, you really would have preferred to stay behind? Somehow I doubt that." The ravonet commented, and I could feel his eyes on me. I could always feel them when he was close by.
"Well...partially...but I guess the devil in me didn't want to miss out on something like this..!"
Kicking off into a gallop wasn't the same now as it had been when riding Boy, but there was still a kind of thrill. Especially when there were no more titans. Levi took my silent challenge immediately, racing me towards where the rest of our group had halted atop the grassy hill.
I wonder why they've stopped all of a sudden?
Once we reached them, I understood why.
The ocean. Armin hadn't done it a lick of justice in his long-winded stories. He had been correct when he had said it stretched as far as the eye could see, though. I couldn't help but sit there, statue still, gazing out across the rippling blue.
Saltiness bit at my senses, but it was in no way unpleasant. It was actually wildly refreshing, and I felt myself breathing deeper on instinct. Everybody was murmuring amongst themselves, but I was silent. I had travelled so far during my time outside of the walls. How had I missed such a thing?
"Uh, guys...go on ahead. I'll lead the horses down." I spoke up after a while, everyone's heads whipping towards me. They all began to dismount and race down the hill. All except Jean and Levi.
Yay for awkward.
"I...uh, we'll help you." Jean offered, his eyes contradicting his smile when they flittered to the captain. Levi shooed him away with a limp wrist, already gathering the reins of Hange's horse along with his own.
"Go down and be human with your friends. That's an order."
The tension was thick, and Jean looked to me for an answer. He'd go if I told him to, but at the same time I didn't want to be alone with Levi.
"Both of you get your asses down there. I have this covered." They were both silent after I spoke, hesitating far too long for my liking, but eventually they sighed in tandem.
"If that's what you want...Just don't take too long, okay? Everyone should be together..." Jean offered me a soft smile, and I reciprocated, making sure to include Levi so he wouldn't get bitter and say something passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive.
"Go on. Git."
Once I was alone, I didn't rush to complete my task. Two by two, I led the horses down the dunes, making sure they were all happily grazing before I finally turned back to the sea.
Boots off and pants rolled up to their knees, everybody was standing in the water, and the sight of such unbridled joy made my chest ache. It was only a fraction of the happiness they deserved, but it had come at a cost that no person should ever have had to bear.
Slowly approaching the water, my attention was drawn to Conny, Sasha, Jean and Floch, who were having an absolute blast. The latter two had obviously tried drinking seawater, and were choking on gags and laughter as the other two howled in amusement.
To my other side, I watched as Hange chased Levi with something strange and wet that they had plucked from the shallows, their excited squawks drowning out the man's panicked curses.
Straight ahead, I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. There was Eren, pointing out into the oblivion of the horizon with Armin and Mikasa watching him closely. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was void of all emotion. There was something brewing there, but I left it well alone.
Unwilling to try and insert myself into any of the three groups, I wandered a little further down the beach, the faint cries of a foreign bird above me a calming addition to the rhythmic lap of the waves. I didn't walk too far before I decided to test the waters for myself, kicking off my boots and rolling up my pants.
It was a sobering kind of cold when it first struck my skin, but it soon became a dulled chill as I waded out further, stopping to look out over the endless blue. How much were we really missing, having been imprisoned on Paridis for so long? How many worlds were waiting for us, far past Marley? How many of them wanted us dead?
How many of them are Devils too..?
Standing there in silence, the ebb and flow of the ocean carried the memories of the past back to me, causing them to wash over me all at once.
Dimitri's self sacrifice in order to protect me.
He would never get to see this.
Marco's murder at the hands of those who we had trusted without question.
He would never get to see this.
Eld's final moments, taking my place within the jaws of Annie Leonhart.
He would never get to see this.
My father's dying breath, the life draining from his eyes as he was returned to the devil he was surely born from.
He would never get to see this.
Countless people had ended their lives never knowing the truth of our world. They met their fate believing this was it, that we were all that remained. I couldn't decide whether I pitied or envied them.
What was the point? What good could possibly come from taking on the entire world? Every man, woman and child on every corner of the earth wanted to dance upon our corpses, so why? How could we ever compete? Why couldn't we have just lived our lives, blissfully ignorant to the hell outside of our own until our time was up?
What's the point of surviving now..?
My yelp came out more like a startled honk when I was suddenly knocked off my feet from the side, having been deaf to the frantic splashing approaching. Once I regained my thoughts and returned to the land of the living I realised I was cold and soaked to the bone, my hands gripping the sand beneath the water as I held myself up.
Sasha was straddling me, a scene I recalled from early on in our friendship, her tongue sticking out of her mouth and her brow creased.
"(N/N), whatever you do, don't eat the green stuff in here! It's nasty! Do not recommend!"
I blinked up at her, ignoring the tickle of water droplets trailing down the sides of my face, and the way my soggy hair stuck to the back of my neck. Slowly, my lips began to curl upward, then I just let go of everything.
This. This is the point.
Laughing loudly, I pushed Sasha off of myself gently, snorting at the way she flailed in the water. Conny waded up to my side and helped us both to our feet, slinging his arm over our shoulders and dragging us in to bump our heads together, Jean and Floch approaching, still spitting out salty sea water residue.
"I hereby declare this day to be forever known as Ocean Day! It shall be a day of merriment! Frolicking is mandatory! Ya hear me?! Man-Da-Tor-Eeeeeee!" He announced in a terrible attempt at a posh accent. "Can I get a here here?!"
As I laughed, Jean and I found each other's eyes, and finally I felt as though things were right. Sure, there was a rough road ahead, not only for the island of Paradis as a whole, but for our personal lives as well, but that wasn't a problem for today. This day was the bright beginning of a new chapter.
"Here here!" We all chorused, solidifying the decree with a splash-fight, laughter all around. All except...
For a brief moment, I turned my gaze back to Eren, a dark, pained aura seeping from his very existence, threatening to creep up and into my skin the longer I looked.
Whatever it is that's eating at you, Eren...I have a feeling we're all going to get dragged into it eventually...
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***It's like 3am please tranquilise me.
I've been wanting to use that redraw/draw over for AGES. I did it when I did the ones back for the Kenny chapters xD
I put a collar on my stray cat friend Alo and she hates it. She spent half the night bapping me in the legs and screaming at me.
There will be a bundle of time skips over the next few chapters. Bear with me. I may get things mixed up.
Next Time: Welcome!***