"Hey," she places her hand on my cheek, "You're safe."
I nod to show her I understand, and Billie and I go our separate ways to our classes.
⚠️detailed descriptions of masturbation
For the rest of the day, I think about my conversation with Billie.
I think about all of the times I felt the throbbing or shut my legs when I was with her. When I was admiring her hands, when she was driving her car, when she talks to me a certain way, her jewelry. Oh, do I love her jewelry.
During lunch, we don't discuss our previous conversation, the unspoken preference for a more private location understood by us both. It was somewhat awkward, both of us ignoring the elephant in the room: our date.
I'm honestly so nervous, and I have no idea what to expect. I mean, how does one prepare for a date with Billie Eilish?
For one, stop thinking of her as Billie Eilish, and just think of her as regular old, beautiful, dashing, sensational, funny, sweet, sexy Billie.
Yeah, that didn't help.
By the time we get out of school, I've decided that I'm hopeless and there is no way to tame the hive of nerves buzzing in my stomach. I'll just have to wait it out.
Billie meets me at her car, and opens the door for me, once again. I giggle, "You don't have to do that every time."
Billie strokes my shoulder sweetly, "Yes I do."
I blush and crouch inside, letting her shut the door for me. The drive is quiet and awkward, but not cold. The date is so soon, and I feel excitement bubbling up inside of me. I glance occasionally at Billie to see a contented smile on her lips.
"I'm ex-xcited for tonight," I blurt.
Billie's smile grows, "Me too."
"What are we gonna do?" I ask, curious.
She smirks, "Nothing special."
I scoff, "I doubt that."
"Just wait and see, Sweetheart."
Billie rests her hand on my knee and rubs her thumb back and forth, managing to calm me and increase my heart rate at the same time.
"Is it throbbing?" She asks.
I expect a smirk, but look over to see her staring at the road.
I clear my throat, "Uhm, yes."
She smirks, "Fun."
"What did you mean when you said it 'feels good'?"
Billie pulls into my driveway, putting the car in park, "I can't quite explain it, and I can't very well show you."
"How come?"
She tilts her head at me, "I need your consent, but you can't give consent when you don't even know what will happen."
I tilt my head and she continues, "You wouldn't like it if some stranger touched you between your legs, would you?"
I shake my head, "No, I would hate that."
"Most people do," she tells me, "that's why you need consent before you touch someone there. It's like giving permission."
"I see."
"You can touch yourself there, though," she continues.
"I can?"
She smiles, "Of course you can. If you want to know what it feels like, just try it by yourself."
There is a short pause. "Do you touch yourself?" I ask.
Billie's cheeks tint a shade of red, "Sometimes.. yeah."
Confirmation that Billie feels the same things I do makes me feel assured, and excited to try it for myself.
"Okay, uhhh, I'll see you tonight?"
She smiles, "You will."
I get out of her car, and head inside, wondering what I should do to pass my time before Billie comes to pick me up.
I decide that it may be in my best interest to shower after a long day at school, so I start the water and begin to strip from my clothes.
I try my best to remain calm for the few hours I have before my date with Billie. I've never been on a date before, so I can't imagine what to expect.
I am so excited.
As I clean myself, I think about how it could go and what we could do. I experience bursts of energy and excitement when I think of her, as well as spouts of nervousness and frustration when I think of what could go wrong.
I find that deliberating over the inevitable is unproductive and try to take my mind off of the date once I've gotten out of the shower.
'How long does it take to have sex with yourself?' I type into the computer.
With what comes up, I gather that having sex with yourself is called masturbation, and it can take as few as 30 minutes.
I check the time, seeing that I have 3 hours before Billie will pick me up.
I have plenty of time.
I read about masturbation and how someone is meant to go about it. As I read the steps, I imagine Billie carrying them out, trying to picture an image of what I should do.
I imagine Billie turning out the lights, and shutting the blinds. I imagine her turning on some music, and taking slow, deep breaths as she lays down in her bed.
The website describes that you should tease your body a bit beforehand, rubbing your breasts, and stroking your thighs.
I bite my lip and close my legs as a mental image of Billie holding and fondling her breasts pops into my head. Her eyes are closed, and she rolls her fingers over her nipples, tracing her hands down her hips, to her thighs. My mind's eye can see her slowly getting worked up, and her breathing getting more labored as she touches herself.
The article says to do what feels good for you, and that you may enjoy pushing a finger or two inside of your vagina.
I get slightly nervous at the idea, but feel the throbbing sensation get stronger the further I read.
When I finish the article, I shut my computer and check the time again. I have a good 2 hours before Billie should show up, but the article said most people shower afterwards.
But I just showered 30 minutes ago.
I sigh, unsure of what I should do. I feel the need to touch myself down there, but I'm concerned I won't have time.
I ultimately give in, and push my computer to the side, turning out the lights, and laying on my bed.
"Hello, Dez!" My mother yells from downstairs, "Are you home?"
I sigh and roll my eyes, getting up to turn on the light and greet my family downstairs.
"Hey, I'm home."
"Hello!" My mom says again, "When is your friend going to pick you up?"
I look down at my phone, "In a couple hours."
"Well, I know you might eat while you're there, but you can join us for dinner if you like."
I bite my lip and contemplate, feeling as though a distraction could take my mind off of my nerves for a bit .
"Yeah, I probably won't eat much, but I'll hang out down here with you guys."
My mom smiles, "We're happy to have you."
I sit down and greet my siblings and father, before taking a sip of water. We talk about our days, and I make up a fib about going to the movies with my friend when asked about where I'm going.
"What are you seeing?" My dad asks.
"Uhh, I'm not sure. Billie bought the tickets, I'm buying the food."
"Well whatever it is, I hope you enjoy it."
I smile at him, and get up from the table, "I ought to get ready now."
They say goodbye and I go upstairs and put on my previously laid out outfit, before putting on some light makeup, hoping my lip gloss will make Billie eager to kiss me.
I brush and style my hair, and, soon enough, it's almost time for Billie to arrive.
"Hey, Honey?"
"Yeah, Mom?"
"Your friend is at the door."
A/n:
Hiiii this took a while, but I was updating other books. I promise we'll get to the date eventually 😭