Melanie
I'm going to his place.
My legs are walking themselves up the stairwell, my burning calves cursing the still-broken elevator. My mind is somewhere else though, somewhere far, far away. Somewhere new, different from anywhere I've ever wandered to before. Where everything feels as easy as walking along a cloud, smiles enveloping me at my every step.
But at the same time, it's scary.
For the first time in my life, I have no control over how I feel. My heart races out of control constantly, completely adverse to the screams tugging at my better judgement.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel, how I should feel. Anything.
Engulfed in my own thoughts, my fist collides with the hardwood of his door, all too loudly. Oops. My eyes fall to stare at my feet, although a quick, soft click spins my head back. Our eyes lock instantly, my heart pausing its rough thudding momentarily.
"Hi." his voice is full of shallow breath as his arms rests against the doorframe. His cheeks turn a soft shade of pink as his eyes rake over my face, taking me in as I do the same.
"Hi." I can barely hear my own voice over the thoughts rushing around my head. My hands feel clammy, and I wring them together as I stand awkwardly at his door. Bailey's mouth turns into a subtle grin as the both of us stay oddly silent, no words able to dictate how I'm feeling at this given point. My lips part involuntarily as I try to think of something to say other than a measly 'hi', but my brain feels like mush. Like a switch has been flipped, cutting off the proper functioning of my brains pathways. A switch that conveniently turns off whenever our eyes make its craved contact, against my own will.
"Come on in." Bailey opens the door wider, standing by its side. I smile, dropping my eyes as I quickly scuttle into his warm apartment. I hear the door click closed behind me, his soft footsteps daring my to turn around. I don't though, heading straight towards his kitchen table, chucking my stuff atop of it.
I'm here to work on the project. I remind myself of this as I fall anxiously into a softly padded dining chair, spreading my sweaty palms across my jean-covered thighs. With my eyes no longer focussed on Bailey's elongated, confident movements, my mind wanders back to my thoughts, the ones that won't stop jumping out at me.
Because, even as I'm sitting here, trying not to think about it, it doesn't feel like we're just working on a mandatory project anymore. I don't know how or when it happened, but I can feel it. My bones can feel it, the air can sense it.
Something has changed, and won't stop changing as the days fall away. Something scary, and so unpredictably out of character. Something I couldn't fathom myself even thinking a matter of months ago.
I like him, and his stupid British charm that refuses to leave me alone. I like being around him, spending time together.
I'm not saying he isn't an absolute pain in the ass, because he is. And even as I find myself experiencing these new feelings towards him, I can't ignore how weird this whole situation is. We've been each other's rivals, biggest irritation even, for the last 4 years. It's always been Melanie vs Bailey, Flores vs Whitlock, and everyone knows it.
So what changed?
"What's up?" my head snaps up, our eyes connecting instantly.
"Huh?"
"You've got that same look on your face when I made you run in the rain that one time. You're angry." he turns himself back towards rows of cupboards, where coffee mugs clink together as he busies himself in the kitchen. I bite back a soft laugh that dares to work its way up my throat, attempting to turn my expression back to something that could be classified as normal. Something don't-care like, used entirely to mask how I'm feeling.
"Stop trying to psycho-analyse me."
"Well, it is sort of my job."
"Well, I don't remember hiring you. Take your skills somewhere else." I hear a faint chuckle from the other end of the room, which brings a smile to my own lips.
"Coffee?"
"Yes, thankyou."
"Great, I'll make sure to add an extra shot of poison into yours, just for old times sake." Bailey turns back around, a small smirk beckoning at his lips. I return his gesture with an over-exaggerated eye roll, although a small laugh gurgles in my throat.
"You'd better?" the coffee machine rumbles in the now quiet background, as my body begins to tingle with awkwardness. There's something about being in his apartment, at this very second, that's making my emotions run wild, all logic in my brain silenced.
My eyes focus on him once again as his tall, lean body saunters across the room, careful not to spill anything from the mugs balanced in his hands. He sets one down in front of me, a soft grin taking over his face, presumably as he remembers that day.
"Can you believe this year is nearly over?" my fingers knot around the side of the warm mug, not daring to meet his all-too close eye.
"Not really."
"It feels like yesterday that we only just started this project, and soon enough we'll be presenting it."
I smile again, scoffing quietly as my eyes settle on the whirlpool like flow of my coffee. For the first time since high school, it's hitting me again. But this time, much worse. No more school.
"It just... we've been in school since... forever. I'm scared that it's going to feel too weird not being in school anymore. I mean, what will I do, with all my spare time?" I'm petrified of how weak my voice sounds, how stupid my problem must seem. There's no doubt Bailey will mock me for saying all of this, which is why I'm still cradling my bag, ready to make a quick exit-
"I know. I remember feeling like this at the end of high school, although I knew I'd be going to college, so the feeling wasn't so scary. But now... I don't even know anymore." My head snaps up from my coffee, bewilderment flashing through my head. Did he just read my mind?
"It's going to be so weird, not seeing the same people everyday in classes. And swimming. We've been a team for the last four years, and letting that go will be hard."
"Awww, you're just going to miss me, aren't you? It's fine, you don't have to admit it, we both know it's true."
I'm laughing again, although not because I'm disagreeing with him. What's he's just said is entirely right.
As much as it pains me to admit, I will miss Bailey. He's been a constant figure for me this year, which does sound altogether crazy. I swear, if you had of told me at the start of the year that I'd liked being and working alongside Bailey Whitlock, I would've shot you. Not even kidding, I would have.
"I'm going to miss being around my friends all of the time. We've been our group of four since Sophomore year, always just dropping in on each other whenever. But depending on where we find ourselves next year, that may not be possible. Which is a massive pain, because it's hard for me to find people I don't want to strangle."
Did he drug my coffee? Why am I blurting all of this out?
"If it makes you feel better, we could buy side-by-side apartments. Then, you'll see your best friend each and every day!" I snort out a laugh, poking my tongue out in Bailey's direction.
"Oh, no, I'll be happy to see you go. I'll have a party, with a pinata."
"Nope. You'll miss me too much to have a party without inviting me."
The two of us share a knowing look over the deafening silence, the mere mention of the word 'party' sending a chilling shockwave up my spine. I need to stop thinking like this, it's quite literally pulling the energy out of me. I never realized that simply thinking about someone, whether that be for a few minutes of the majority of the day, could be so different from normal life. Normal thinking. When you're thinking about someone in particular, everything else stops. Hits pause. Until all you can focus on is that person, whether you want to or not.
In an attempt to distract myself, I pull my laptop out of my heavy bag, placing it gently on the table. I unconsciously open our project powerpoint file, clicking open a new slide.
"I don't feel like doing work right now."
"Then what do you propose we do?" A smirk stretches across his face silently, before he bows his head, stiffening a laugh. I try and keep my face as blank as possible as I wait for his answer.
"Talk. Chat about anything. I don't mind, I just reallllly don't feel like doing work right now. Free range questions, hit me with anything."
I giggle. He's absolutely going to regret saying that.
"Why did you break up with Lucinda?" Bailey places his hands over his eyes, groaning loudly.
"I already told you." he peeks through his hands nervously.
"Not really. If I recall correctly, all you said was 'distance'. That tells me nothing. Spill your secrets." I take a sip of my perfectly created coffee, sinking into its warmth as I watch Bailey squirm in front of me.
"Yeah, because it was distance that ruined us. It wasn't working when we were apart, so I didn't see it as fair to her to pretend like everything was fine. So, we broke up. End of story."
He removes his hands from his eyes softly, only allowing me to stare at him harder.
"Did you love her?" The questions as much of a surprise to me as it is to him, and I can tell by the way his cheeks flush a light shade of pink it was the complete opposite of what he may have been expecting.
"Why does it matter if I loved her or not?" He keeps his eyes locked on me, and the space between us seems to thin under his stare. He has that talent, making everything else shrink away just by looking at you.
"Because, from what my friends have taught me, if you love someone, you'll find a way. There's always a way."
"I thought you hated love?"
"I don't hate it, per say, but sometimes, I hate how it makes people think."
His eyes somehow seem to soften, his jaw relaxing.
"How does it make people think?"
"Like their world only revolves around that one person. Sometimes, I'm afraid people get so swept up in love that they forget how to feel anything else, so when bad things happen between them and the person they love, it doesn't register as bad, like it would with anyone else. Being in love changes how people think, for better, or for worse. So I don't exactly hate the idea of love, I'm sure it's a wonderful feeling, but it is scary, I guess."
Surprisingly, Bailey just nods, smiling sweetly. His index finger draws circles along the hardwood of his dining table, and I find myself drawn to it subconsciously.
"I didn't love her, by the way. I know I should have, but I just didn't. Maybe that's why we didn't work, maybe it was because I wasn't as committed as I should have been."
"How did you know you weren't in love with her?"
"I've only been in love, once. And what I had with her felt nothing like it did with the other person."
"What does it feel like?"
"It's scary, overwhelmingly so. It almost feels like you're drowning. Like you're trying to keep your head above water, even though it would be so much easier to just sink. But, there's that part of you that feels strong, proud even, for keeping your head above the thrashing water. It's like what Dory said in Finding Nemo. 'Just keep swimming', and everything will be fine."
"That sounds exceedingly difficult." My eyes track Bailey's dancing finger, until they lace around the cooling coffee. I flick my eyes up to his face, waiting for his softly stated response.
"It's worth it though. You'll know it is." I nod, a newer, final question coming to mind.
"Who was the person? The one you were in love with?"
"Someone I've known for a while. Someone I've only just begun to understand." A boyish grin returns to his lips, one that radiates straight to my own in a matter of slowed, drawn out seconds. Seconds spent with entwined eyes, sharing the thoughts spilling from our heavy minds.
A/n:
hello friends!
sorry for the slow update, this week has been an absolute mess.
also, who tf decided to tell the entire world about unforgettable? it literally gained like 2k reads in 4 days???? and on tuesday, my analytics said that it gained 90-something new readers??? like whattttt???? i can't thank you all enough, seriously.
thank you so so much for reading, you guys have literally been the highlight of my week
lot's of love <3
em, xx