Kang Nari
Kang Nari wondered if other people's families were like this too. Were other's parents also neglective of their children? Were other people's houses like hers too?
Kang Nari lived in a big mansion. Alone. Nari had called it the 'Kang Mansion' though that was not the name of it. She had hoped adding her Kang would mean it would feel hers.
She was wrong.
She didn't live in a home. She lived in a hollow mansion without any memories. She lived in a cold mansion without the warmth of her family. She lived in big mansion, alone, surrounded by material things.
She supposed there was a reason to this. Valid or not, that she can't say, but a reason, nonetheless.
She was an illegitimate child after all.
Hence the name, Kang Nari. Kang wasn't her father's last name; it was her mother's. This was why her records weren't available to the public. Her grandfather had ordered for everything about her to be hidden. No one knew who Nari's family was.
Were they even family? Weren't families supposed to live together? Weren't families supposed to love each other? At least, that's what she had seen in dramas and movies. Or were they lying?
Despite being surrounded by the warmest and the most expensive blankets, Kang Nari felt cold and alone as she laid in her bed. She wanted the warmth of a family. She wanted her mother to console her when she had an upsetting day, like she did today. She wanted her father to scold her when she made silly little mistakes. She wanted her grandfather to be proud of her when she achieved something. She wanted her half-brother to love her, to be protective of her. She wanted a sister to share all of her secrets with. And above all of that, Kang Nari just wanted to be acknowledged by them? She wanted to be acknowledged as a part of that family. She didn't want to be hidden away from the rest of the world like she was a dirty little secret.
A tear escaped Kang Nari's eye as her mind pondered over what her fault was.
She felt a pang in her chest as she found it hard to breathe. She let out a chocked sob as she brought the blanket close to her face, imagining it was her mother she was hugging. Tears rolled from Kang Nari's eyes the way a stream does down a mountain, soaking her pillows and blanket.
Was it worth it? Being rich and being surrounded by some of the finest things in the world yet being alone and scorned by your own family? Nari wondered if Geum Jandi, the scholarship student, felt the same way. How was her family? Despite not being rich, was she happy in life? Was she loved by those around her or was she as bitter about life as Kang Nari was?
Kang Nari's sobs felt suffocated as she pressed her face into the mattress. Yeah, she was definitely having a mental breakdown at the moment, all the events of the day, all the bullying finally hitting her like a truck.
It all started with her taking a shower after coming back home. She just wanted to unwind and let go of everything negative from the day. But as always, her mind spiraled out of control soon enough and here she was, cursing at everything in life and drowning herself in her own misery. Nari had these days where she would not be able to control her thoughts and it would eventually lead to her having a breakdown, with no one usually around to help her out.
Kang Nari had no source of comfort. That much was obvious from the very fact that she had no stuffed toys in her room. Her room felt polished, expensive but it definitely didn't feel like a place that would comfort her. She liked to use her room as a means to escape from the world, not a place she can seek solace in.
Nari forcefully held back her sobs as she heard a knock on her door.
"Ms. Nari, it is time for dinner." Butler Kim announced from the other side of the door. Nari was in no condition to respond. Her throat felt heavy due to crying and her nose congested. She was sure her face was red and her eyes puffy. She knew she looked as terrible as she felt.
Despite hearing no response from the miss inside, Butler Kim knew she heard him. He knew she would come downstairs too. Miss was not someone to purposefully ignore the servants or to be willful. If she didn't respond, it was either because Miss was busy, or she was upset. Kang Nari, too, knew that despite hearing no response, Butler Kim understood. He always did. Nari supposed he was the closest thing she had to a family.
Nari begrudgingly got out of the bed and went towards the bathroom to wash her face in an attempt to reduce the puffiness. She started splashing cold water on her face.
She hated dinner time. She dreaded the time when Butler Kim would come upstairs to call her for dinner. She despised it.
Because she knew. She knew that she would be down there eating her dinner alone. Her dinner was made by some of the finest chefs and served in expensive crockery and was presented in a way suited for a king, yet it never satisfied Nari. She would eat her fill and it wouldn't make her content or happy. She would sit at the long dining table alone and eat as the sound of her utensils would be the only sound, she heard throughout the entire ordeal.
Feeling satisfied with her face, Nari wiped her face dry with a towel. Taking a look at herself in the mirror once again, she left her room.
Kang Nari glided down the upper halls of the house, her long cotton long-sleeved night gown hovering on her frame. Her hair was clipped up, keeping her face in clear sight. She probably looked like a ghost from a horror movie, yet she felt like a person going through a haunted house. The house was eerily quiet on the upper floor.
Kang Nari noticed the servants pause and line up as she reached the stairs and started climbing down. Her puffed eyes did not go unnoticed by them as she neared the end of the stairs. Butler Kim politely bowed down as he led her to the dining room and pulled out a chair for her.
The food had already been served and it even smelled great, yet it couldn't do anything to wake Kang Nari's appetite. The sound of the utensils echoed throughout the dining room as Nari started eating.
As always, Nari felt lonely. Oh, how she wished to have the chatter of the family around her.
Nari remembered she once invited the servants to eat with her when she was younger. This act of hers had been reported to her father's wife, Nari's stepmother and Nari had been badly reprimanded by her.
"What else can we expect from you? You are a daughter of a maid after all. After all, you can't turn a raven into phoenix." Those were the words Nari remembered the most from that day. From that day, Nari had been warned by her step-mother to not repeat the mistake again.
According to her stepmother, one should always know their place and if something forgets its rightful place, it needs to be either thrown away or shown where they belong. It is better if the line is kept clear. If the line is forgotten, the result will be something like Kang Nari's existence.
Kang Nari knew her mother did not come from a well-known background. That much was obvious from the frequent taunts from her stepmother and stepsister.
One thing was for sure, Kang Nari never tried anything like that ever again. And so, she ate, without any appetite and with the feeling of loneliness clutching her heart.
When the car stopped by the Shinhwa School's gates the next morning, Kang Nari felt dread building in her stomach once again. Seeing the bullying at school yesterday had already taken a toll on her, she wondered what else she will have to see at this school. She still couldn't understand why her father had her going to Shinhwa, especially since he didn't want her existence to be acknowledged by anyone.
Shaking her heard at her own thoughts, Kang Nari let out a dejected sigh as she saw Butler Kim open the car door for her. Getting out of the car, she was surprised to find the entire courtyard frozen and looking in her direction. The scene was entirely different from yesterday when Kang Nari had arrived to an empty courtyard. Instead, the courtyard was filled with people today.
Clutching the strap of her backpack, she nodded at Butler Kim to let him be on his way. Looking away from Butler Kim, Kang Nari proceeded to walk towards the main doors. Kang Nari was dressed in the classic Shinhwa uniform with her hair tied in a ponytail, a pink bow-ribbon tied at the base of her ponytail. The whispering and awing of people grew as she walked past them.
Kang Nari was startled as a boy appeared in front of her. Letting out a gasp of surprise, she looked up him questioningly. If Kang Nari remembered correctly, it was the guy from yesterday. He had a small flush on his cheeks.
"A--Anyeong." The boy stuttered his greetings.
"Annyeonghaseyo." Kang Nari replied politely, ignoring the fact that the boy had dropped the formalities.
Unable to speak any further, the boy just forwarded Kang Nari's napkin towards her in two hands.
"T--Thank you for your help yesterday. Here's your n--napkin." The boy stuttered out, the flush deepening with each word.
Kang Nari paused, looking at the napkin being presented. Noticing her pause, the boy quickly clarified, "I--I've had it washed."
Kang Nari nodded at him before gently taking the napkin away from him. The boy just stood there with wide eyes, looking at her without any hesitation. Trying to get away from the awkward situation, Nari passed him a polite smile before walking past him.
She could hear guys cheering the boy on as she walked on. She couldn't figure out what the big deal was she reached the doors.
She let out a shocked yelp as a figure rushed past her to open the door for her before she could even reach for the handles. It was another boy around her, looking at her with literal hearts in his eyes as he held the door opened for her.
Noticing the door was being held open for her, Kang Nari gave the boy a gentle smile, thanking him politely before walking in the building.
She heard something along the lines of 'the goddess smiled at me.' from the boy.
She noticed that as she walked through the hallways of Shinhwa, the crowd parted in front of her like the Red Sea. She sighed as she realized this was going to be her reality now.
Author's rant:
And so we get to know Kang Nari's life a bit. I know I said Kang Nari will have her encounter with another F4 member in this chapter but the chapter was getting long and I felt as if it would get draggy and feel boring if everything is packed into one chapter so I decided to break it into two more chapters.
Since you guys didn't get much of Nari's interactions with other characters, I decided to publish this chapter along with chapter 5 as an apology for a boringish chapter. Expect Chapter 5 sometimes soon after this one.
Kang Nari's family will not be introduced just quite yet. Nari's relationship with her half-siblings will be explored later on in the book. I'm trying to not paint every character in this book and Nari's life as black and white. I'm trying to give them a reason for acting like they do. Their behavior towards Nari has a reason, regardless of how absurd it may feel at times.
Let me know what you guys think.
As always, thank you for reading and supporting this book.
Enjoy!