I don't remember a whole lot of that night, if I'm being honest. At least, not much after I actually arrived at Dylan's.
Or near Dylan's rather.
It was hard to get past all the cop cars and emergency vehicles that lined her street.
I remember leaving the office, high as the fucking sky with excitement and optimism over the night ahead. I wasn't even going home to change because I just wanted her. After three days of nothing, not even a text, all I wanted was to be in her presence again. I wanted to be near her, to see her, to touch her, to hear her laugh and her voice and... even in three days, it had felt like I'd lost my sun and I was just spinning aimlessly in the dark. I needed my center.
I remember stopping off and buying out a flower shop's whole stock of gardenias because they were Dylan's favorite. I remember their smell from the seat beside me, the same intoxicating aroma her skin had fresh out of a shower. I remember thinking that she made the scent better, and I couldn't wait to smell it on her skin instead of the flowers.
I remember getting into my Range Rover, two bags, full to the brim with takeout. I remember splurging on a double order of Rangoons, just because I wanted to see the amused smile she would give me for it. I remember stopping and getting our favorite wine, a French vintage we'd discovered together in Hawaii. The kind that had become our wine. Dylan always chastised me for getting it because of the price point, but it made her happy. And all I wanted to do was make that woman happy. Forever, if she'd let me.
The rain had died off (finally), but there were a lot of lights out from the storm causing cars to stop and go, one at a time. Even the annoyance of that didn't faze me, however. All I cared about was getting to my girl. All I cared about was wrapping her in my arms and keeping her there. I knew we had plenty to discuss. I knew that we were more than likely going to argue a bit, but I didn't care, because in the end, at least we'd be doing it together.
As I drove along, there was standing water along the curbs, in people's yards, lining all the streets. The rain had made quite the mess, but it felt cleansing in a way. Or maybe I just felt that way because I didn't know what was awaiting me. Now, remembering, it probably should've felt like more of a bad omen. I remember pulling off to the side as police lights came speeding up on my tail. At least four cars, and then an ambulance, whizzed past me, and nothing. My head didn't even think that they could be heading toward my unconscious girlfriend, beaten and bloody to the point she was unrecognizable. My Dylan left to die on the floor of her bedroom, her own blood pooling around her like the rain on the ground outside. I was so blissfully unaware of what was going on, that I pulled back onto the street behind them, jamming to whatever peppy pop song was on the radio, practically bouncing with excitement the nearer I got to her house. But when I turned that final corner...
It was like the oxygen had been sucked out of my lungs, out of the entire car. My heart climbed its way into my throat, where it tried to tell me that everything was okay. They weren't there for her. They were there for some old neighbor or something, someone I didn't know about. There was no way the sirens and flashing lights were for Dylan, not my Dylan, not my dream girl waiting my arrival...
But even has my heart pled its case, my brain knew. I threw the Range Rover into park, three houses down from Dylan's. They had the majority of the street taped off, but people were starting to gather around the bright yellow borders. Neighbors, looky-lous of all sorts, whispering and voicing their unfounded hypothesis of what had occurred. They gazed upon the scene as if it were some form of entertainment instead of an actual crime scene.
My ears were ringing like I'd just climbed out of the ocean, all echo-y and full of water. My heart rapidly pounded in my ribs as I attempted to dodge the growing crowd of onlookers and the cops at the same time. I knew they'd stop me from going in. I knew they'd try to keep me away but... I didn't care, and it sure as hell wasn't going to stop me.
Honestly, I don't even know how I was actually moving. It was like my legs had a mind of their own as they passed people and puddles, mailboxes and law enforcement alike. I could hear vague, various shouts behind me, but I kept moving. My legs kept dragging toward the door, dragging me toward where my girl was waiting for me.
She had to be waiting for me. I refused to accept anything else. My movement, however, stopped when a stretcher was wheeled out the door, down the sidewalk in front of me.
"No..." I murmured.
"SIR!"
I spun as a cop wrapped their hand around the cap of my shoulder and spun me around, but my eyes never left the stretcher and the paramedics running it toward the awaiting ambulance.
"Sir, you need to stay behind the line!"
Suddenly, everything felt off kilter. It was like I could feeling the world, turning at top speed. The swimming feeling in my ears took over my whole head and my mouth went dry. I couldn't think. I couldn't form words. I couldn't...
"Sir..."
"My girlfriend..." I mumbled as tears began to cloud my already blurry vision. "That... That's my girlfriend..."
"Okay, okay," the officer stated. I only then realized it was a woman as her face went white with horror and her voice switched from commanding to empathetic like a switch had been flipped. "Why don't you come over here..."
"Where are they taking her?" I asked, my brain snapping into at least moderate functionality. I blinked as the hot tears began to trickle down my cheeks. I began scanning the crowed for any sign of familiarity.
Surely, they were wrong.
Surely, whomever had been wheeled out wasn't Dylan. There had to have been some mistake. She was probably just waiting in the crowd, watching like everyone else, right?
"What happened?"
"Sir, if you could just come this way..."
"No. No. I have to go with her. She shouldn't be alone."
"SIR!"
The officer's voice didn't stop me as I took off in a full sprint toward the ambulance, but the two males, one in uniform and the other a suit, both built like weightlifters, stepping into my path, did.
"I need to go," I stated, now struggling not to slip into a total sobbing mess. "I need to see her. I need to make sure she's okay..."
"Buddy, just breathe," one of the men stated, holding me back as the rear of the ambulance closed. "Just take a breath."
"NO! I need to be with her!"
"They need to get her to the hospital right now. And we need to ask you a few questions."
I blinked rapidly as the siren hit again, and the ambulance pulled off. I looked to the man in the suit holding me back and shook my head. "What? No! I don't have time for this!"
"Sir, just a couple minutes and I'll take you down there myself, alright?" the man, who I began to assume was a detective stated. "We just need to find some information out so we can get what happened tonight sorted. Just some basic stuff, okay?"
"Did you talk to her? Did she see anything?" The detective only glanced to the officer at his side, not answering my questions, and I knew. I knew she hadn't said anything because she wasn't able to say anything. I knew what had happened was so much worse than my brain was even willing to think about. "No. No. Just tell me she's okay. Please just tell me. Tell me... Tell me..."
I could feel myself slipping. I could feel the black hole of horror sucking me under and I couldn't stop it. I felt like I'd gotten hit in the chest by a two by four as I sank to my knees on the wet lawn. Once again, sounds seemed to dull into nothing but hums. I felt dizzy and nauseous and hot and cold all at once. I felt like I was on another field, another dimension, another fucking planet.
This couldn't be real.
This couldn't be happening.
That wasn't Dylan being sped away in the ambulance. It couldn't be.
And somehow, in the midst of the swirling madness, I knew the nightmare of what had happened that night was only beginning.
The fog continued as I got to the hospital. I'd managed to call Ryder as the detective drove me toward Chicago Memorial. Dylan's father had already been contacted, but he was apparently visiting family in Detroit, so it would take him a few hours to get there. By the time I practically stumbled into the waiting room, Ryder and Lita were there waiting.
I'd answered the detective's questions. They were basic, almost trivial things, but information they needed to get the investigation started. He warned me that they'd likely need to speak with me again, but I think he could tell that I wasn't in the headspace to give him anything more useful.
Lita jumped up and ran to me the moment she spotted me, instantly burrowing into my chest with sobs. It took me a few seconds to realize she was even embracing me, and even when I did, I couldn't muster anymore strength than the noodle armed hug I gave her back.
"Have they said anything?"
Ryder shook his head as he strode toward me, about as somber and expressionless as I had ever seen him. "I'm not sure they'll say much to us," he answered. "Not next of kin."
"Has anyone called Shayne?" I asked. I could hear how monotone and robotic my own voice sounded.
Ryder nodded his head a bit. "Her dad already had, but yeah. He's on the way."
"Where is..."
"They took her back to surgery," Lita answered with a sniff as she pulled her face from my chest. "They said something about swelling on the brain..."
I closed my eyes and tried to count, just to focus my thoughts on anything but the most dire of circumstances. "I don't understand," I choked out, my eyes welling up once again. "I don't know what happened. I was on my way. I didn't even get an alert that the alarm had tripped, and I should have."
"Maybe she forgot to turn it on..." Lita guessed.
"The power went out," Ryder stated. "Even if she'd had set it, nothing would've happened with the electricity out. Whomever is behind everything, probably knew it was the perfect opportunity."
I scrubbed my hands over my face, pulling my skin as if I was trying to stretch it. "Who the fuck would do this?!" I exclaimed, my voice suddenly a shout. "The cops said no one was there. They were gone by the time they arrived, but the back door was left open..."
"Who called the police?" Ryder asked.
"One of her neighbors," I answered. "They heard... they heard her screaming."
"Jesus," Ryder muttered as Lita attached herself to his side, practically disappearing under his arm.
"I should've been there..."
"Man, don't..." Ryder began.
"I never should've left her alone. I never should've..."
"Ash, stop," Ryder interrupted me, his tone more forceful than usual. "You guys were fighting. She probably wouldn't have let you in. You know how stubborn she is."
"I could've protected her! I could've stopped it! I could've..."
"Or you could be in here with her!" Ryder shouted. "You think this monster would've had any qualms about taking you out?"
I sank against the wall behind me as I lost all control of my emotions. I was crying and shaking, and my head was throbbing, and I couldn't see straight. My body felt heavy as my shoulder shook and bent over, clutching my knees as if to tether myself to Earth.
"Buddy, breathe," I heard Ryder say softly just before I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders in the tightest of hugs. "Breathe, Ash. She's gonna be okay."
"You don't know that," I sobbed. "You don't know..."
"Dude, come on. You know Dylan better than all of us at this point. You know she's going to fight her way through this."
"I can't lose her," I cried, digging the palms of my hands into my eyes. "I can't, Ryder. It'll kill me. I can't..."
"I know, man. I know."
I felt Lita's much less crushing weight, wrap around the both of us, and Ryder shifted so one arm was around me and the other around his wife. All three of us just stood there for a moment, all holding each other. Ryder the only one not overtaken by emotion, though I could see wetness brimming his eyes.
Just as I began to calm down, relax as much as I could in those circumstances, I heard a roar behind me:
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
And then a fist connected to my jaw.
And once again, the world spun. This time for an entirely different reason than shock.