My hands trembled as I looked in the mirror. I was dressed in a blue gown for Mohena's birthday, she was Sunil and Monica's one year old. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, immediately opening them as soon as the door opened and my son rushed in, his curls bouncing as he giggled.
"Come here you, little monster," I say as I pull him in a hug.
He giggles against my shoulders and wraps his tiny 4 year old hands around my neck.
"You ruined your kurta," I pout at him.
"Sorry mumma," he pouts too.
I smile as I kiss his cheeks and hug him close, inhaling the baby powder smell that somehow was a relief to me.
"Sanju! Niche aa jao!"
We both hurry down, my son, Agastya, rushes to Mohena and just spends the days with her. I go and stand with Sonia and Mom. They are both excited to see me because this is really the first time in 4 years since I've really attended a function.
I stopped attending after my mental health took a hit. It was probably two years after Rohan and I got married, we had both mutually agreed on planning for a baby and I just wasn't able to conceive for two years. We consulted doctors and everyone and they said it'll take more tries, that my uterus lining was a little thin so it'll take a little longer and after 6 months when we discovered i was pregnant, we were overjoyed only to lose my first child to a miscarriage. I still remember waking up and realising I was bleeding only to end up in the hospital and being told that I'd lost my child to miscarriage. And after trying for so long and really not getting the results, my mental health went down the perils. I got clinically diagnosed with depression and just really stopped socializing.
Then a year later, we decided to adopt and we adopted this munchkin who soon became our world. Rohan and I couldn't have asked for a better blessing than Agastya. He literally brightens our mood. I still remember the first time he called me mom, I'd broken down in tears and the tears just wouldn't stop because I was so overwhelmed.
I hear Rohan's laughter and turn my head as I look at him and my face breaks out in a smile as I stare at him.
Pyaar only he is.
"How are you feeling, beta?" Dad asks as he pulls me in a hug.
"I'm doing good, papa,"
"It feels so good to see you in a crowd, you really make the whole crowd so much brighter,"
Sonia clears her throat and I laugh at her reaction.
"Hanji Sonu tum bhi, but I'm biased towards my shona betu,"
"Dekho dekho, khule aam, he's admitting that he loves her more," Sonia whines to mom.
"Stop messing with her like that," mom says as she shoves dad a little.
Dad just laughs a little and pulls me and Sonu in a hug.
"I'm just gonna go somewhere na," mom comments.
Sonia pulls her in a hug and to an outsider it may seem odd that we four a group hugging in a room full of people but only they know how much this hug means to me.
"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart,"
If the hug didn't bring out any tears, this comment makes me teary eyed and I sniffle as I blink. At that moment, arms wrap around me and pull me to a warm, familiar chest.
"Hi, baby," he says as he kisses my forehead.
"Hi," I whisper as I turn around and hug him.
"You feeling alright? Don't wanna escape?"
"Not so fast," I murmur against his skin and close my eyes.
It's silly how much being close to him calms me down, even after all this time. He just knows me so well.
"You make things easier," I whisper.
"Mhmm,"
As the slow music starts, we start to sway a little, everyone staring at us as we get lost in our own world.
"Hey Ro,"
"Yeah?"
"Can we go sit outside? I want to see the stars,"
"With Agastya?"
"Oh no, let him enjoy his cousin's birthday party," I say as I stare at that little munchkin circling around Mohena.
Rohan takes my hands and we walks outside, sitting on the porch.
"It's cold,"
I take a hold of Rohan's hand and play with the fingers as we stare at the sky. I love the fact that we are able to see the stars today.
"It's a beautiful night," he murmurs as he leans his head back and closes his eyes.
"Yeah, it's a beautiful night, more so with you here,"
"Such a sap," Rohan jokes as he nudges his shoulder with mine.
"Shut up before we get angry,"
As I said these words, I placed Rohan's hand on my belly.
"Wait, you mean I?"
"No, I meant what I said Rohan,"
"Wait, wh--"
He pauses, his eyes widening and he starts shaking his head, mouth opening and closing as he stares at me.
"What happened, Rohan?"
"No, don't joke like that,"
"Who said anything about joking?" I say as I take his face in my hands and lean until our foreheads touch.
"Sanjana,"
"We're expecting a baby, Ro,"
He breaks down. I expected him to cry, but he just starts sobbing, his shoulders shaking as he hugs me tight.
I'd gone to the gynecologist yesterday, she'd told me that it could be a little risky given my last miscarriage, but she'd said it'll be better this time, they'll put me on meds that could help. But I was still scared. I couldn't help but be scared.
"But I'm scared," I whisper once his sobs die down.
"Me too,"
"But I wanna keep our child, no matter what the outcome,"
"Baby, if you're waiting for me to say yes or no, please don't, it's your body. I'll support your decision because I might have also lost our first child to miscarriage but I wasn't as connected as you, you went through so much more than what I went through, and so I'm going to follow what you decide,"
"I want to keep the baby,"
"Then we'll keep the baby, we'll do everything to save our angel this time,"
"Thank you so much for everything Ro,"
"Thank you, Sanju for being the reason I want to wake up every day because I get to look at your beautiful face,"
"I love you so much,"
"Are y'all done? Can you both come inside now so we can go ahead with the cake cutting?!" Monica says as she stands by the door.
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So yeah.
Honestly this was predecided, it was all set up before I realised how much I really don't like the 'pregnancy trope' in books and I couldn't find a better idea so I just went ahead and wrote this. But I hope y'all liked this Epilogue.
I'll see you in another book then!