Maybe it was a dream? Or maybe I hallucinated the entire night because I had some form of alcohol poisoning? Whatever that is, that happened was absolutely painful. My back is aching, my throat is scratchy, and my feet are insanely sore.
Minor flashes of last night are washing up in my mind. The liquor lessons, of course I would want everyone wasted. The dancing, oh yes the dancing. Watched Jeff make a complete buffoon of himself - two right feet mother fucker had the audacity to call MY drinks weak. His dancing is weak, I'll fucking tell ya'. Then I took a small nap. Yes, the nap was short because someone was ringing the doorbell. That explains the burning in my throat. Then, I am blank.
I don't ever recall anything when I drink, it comes back in flashes. Kind of like blinks. These blinks are very slow and hazey.
My head is fucking throbbing. I sit up, and I feel my head sway to one side and I rub it. Whatever, I'll just take an ibuprofen or some version of it.
Something moves next to me, and my body tenses up. I slowly turn my head over.
"No fucking way." I slowly snake my way off the bed. "No, no... this is horrible." I put a hand over my mouth as Harry's body flips over to face me. Wait before we jump to conclusions, let's rationalize this. Let's regroup.
Everyone stayed over last night, obviously. I hear them downstairs. There are only three rooms here. He probably gave up his room to someone else. That is definitely the reason Mari. You see? No reason to panic. Harry moves a bit, which causes the sheet to slide down his upper body a bit and he has absolutely no shirt on.
"Fucks sake." I whisper and put my hand over my head. I think Sylvia is going to either murder me or literally hold this over me, forever.
He doesn't have a shirt on. I look down, and I am not wearing fucking pants. This is fucking ridiculous. No shirt, no pants. Clearly, we... did the dirt. I fucked him, we fucked. I am very fucking sure everyone else knows. Now, I have to go downstairs and face my demise. Face my entire downfall.
"Why are you just standing there?" A voice snaps me out of my thoughts. My body jumps and I see Harry sat up-right on the bed staring at me in curiosity. I lean on the wall, but there is clearly no fucking wall.
"No I am not, I was just admiring the wall panels. Very delicate touch." I rock on my feet and walk towards the walls.
"No, I think you were watching me sleep." He chuckles looking at me as I stroke the wall. God not the word stroke, enough stroking. I huff and roll my eyes at him.
"I was not watching you fucking sleep you douche!" I whispered-yell at him. He makes a weird face before getting up from the bed. Oh god, he is wearing my pajama pants. My chest rises a bit faster as my breath is shaky. Sylvia is definitely going to Law and Order my ass.
"Douche? Like for the ass or?" He laughs pointing at something next to me. I groan and throw him the shirt.
"Douche as in douche bag, you douchebag." I say and as he walks towards me I scramble to stand next to the bed. Harry stops and stares at me and laughs before turning his full body towards me.
"Come on, stop being weird and let's get breakfast." He gestures towards the door.
"Well can I wear some fucking pants or does everyone need a free show?" I get up and grab anything random on the floor. Of course, it had to be Harry's pants. This is going to look so fucking goofy.
"Okay let's go." I practically zoomed past him and ran down the stairs. As I walk down his steps, and turn into the kitchen. I see everyone conversing on the island.
"Goodmorning ray of sunshines!" I say waltzing in and head straight to the refrigerator without looking at any of them. Maybe I can prolong my humiliation if I just don't look at them for a bit. Kind of just John Cena the situation maybe? Yeah, I think that can work. I shut the refrigerator, and Mitch is standing there smiling at me. His cheeks hitting his eyes.
"Not creepy at all man. Not at all." I slowly set the juice on the table. I turn and look at Mitch again and he is still smiling at me through his mug as he takes a sip. I widen my eyes and without a lot of drama throw my hands up.
"Good morning Harry." Mitch walks by him and sits next to Sarah, he winks at me before returning to the conversation. Harry stands next to me pouring his coffee, and I skip towards the empty chair next to Jeff.
"Jeff, my dancing man, how are ya' feeling?" I smile at Jeff, who just responds by groaning and tipping his hat forward.
"Like someone punched my brain." He said.
"Someone has to." I respond which causes both of us to chuckle. I look around and see Harry gazing at me before returning to his coffee. I return my gaze to the entrance, where Sylvia struts in. I thought she would be gone already? I turn on my phone and see that it's 11 in the morning. She is usually running around a lot earlier. She is wearing a relaxed t-shirt and some blue jeans. Definitely not work attire.
"You don't work today?" I asked Sylvia, who looked a bit distracted. Her eyes are looking at me but she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what I asked her. I lean my hand forward towards her and tap her gently before I lean back into my chair.
"Pardon, what happened?" She throws her hair in a high ponytail before grabbing Harry's coffee. Harry just looks at her and grabs another cup for himself.
"No worries, I was just wondering if you are working? Thought you did." I asked her. She got up and smiled. She reached into her bag and handed me a pamphlet.
"Okay? What do I do with this?" I asked.
"First off, read it you twat." She gestures to the paper in my hand.
The pamphlet had no title on it but it had a picture of Einstein on it with a ton of equations based around space inflation and dark matter equations having to do with space stuff, to put it in simple terms. I open the pamphlet and see a variety of pictures of people in a museum. I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with me but it looks very interesting. Fun stuff.
"Why aren't you saying anything?" Sylvia snaps at me.
"Woah there. Pump the hate breaks. What's with the attitude?" I asked her as I closed the little paper.
"You said you like Physics. I found a museum that is having a Physics fair." Sylvia pauses and side-eyes Harry, who is quietly listening in on our conversation. Her eyes come back to meet mine and she takes a breath. "I wanted to take you to an English museum. Something that ain't about drinking and pubs." Sylvia lets out this suspicious breath. I look at her and then at the pamphlet.
She wants to take me to a museum? About Physics because I told her I liked it ? What is this warm fuzzy feeling? I break out a grin.
"Gimme a lil kiss." I say with both my arms pointing towards her. Sylvia slaps my hands away.
"Is everyone else coming?" I asked around.
"Nah, I got to work today. Unlike Sylvia over here." Jeff says smiling at a grumpy Sylvia. "Also, that looks like a bore, sorry." He laughs patting my shoulder.
"Math is cool now, ya' know. Intelligence is hot now." I pointed a finger at him.
"Then I am one ugly chap 'eh." Jeff shrugs as he gets himself ready to leave. I look at Sarah, who then looks towards Mitch. It's like they are having some internal and mental discussion on what I asked. Which was a pretty simple question, so I am not understanding this eye-party thing they are having.
"Uh, we have to finish up on the song we were working on yesterday, remember?" Mitch says as he gets up with Sarah.
"Oh yeah, totally." I said, I get up as well and I follow everyone out the door. I wave goodbye to them all as they all get in their cute little cars. Cute little cars that probably cost more than my entire existence. I turn around and look at how clean the living room was compared to yesterday.
"IT IS MUSEUM TIME! LETS GO!" I yell into the house and run up the stairs to get ready.
I still find it weird that I can't remember much from last night. After the argument from last night, everything is literally vague.
By now, I would have remembered my drunken mistakes but it seems like my brain really isn't budging. I would definitely remember sleeping with Harry. His soft hands, and our soft dancing.
I stand there and day dream for a bit. A soft knock from the door took me out of my millionth daydream of this entire week. I walk to the door and see Sylvia and just as I am opening the door, I am also being pushed into the room. Sylvia checks the door, and she closes the door.
"Sylvia what in the fuck is wrong with you?" I say but she shoves her finger on my mouth.
"Okay you have to tell me." She settles into the bed and pats to the space next to her.
"Tell you fucking what?" I start speaking but Sylvia gestures for me to lower my voice. "Tell you what dude?" I whisper to her. She makes a whole with her one hand and takes her other hand to penetrate the hole with her one finger.
"Dude, come on." I exasperate and get up to my suitcase.
"Aw come on. Entertain me." She lays on her stomach. I never noticed but Sylvia has very separate eyes. They are distanced from one another, and she only emphasizes it when her fucking eyes are glued to me like a fucking hawk.
"Sylvia I don't know." I pull out some of my clothes onto the bed and look at them.
"What the fuck do you mean by that? We all heard you two." I stopped in my tracks. I look at her.
"Heard us? Sylvia, I was drunk as fuck. I don't remember anything." I started taking my clothes off. Sylvia keeps talking about how she heard us all night giggling, and the walls banging but I am in absolute disbelief that I can not remember it.
Then it hit me, I have not had a headache at all this week. No voices, and no pain. Did Harry like fuck it out of me or something? I mean it can also be that I am away from any stress but it just wouldn't add up. I would usually get these headaches like every single time.
"You okay there?" I looked up at Sylvia and just nodded my head.
"Yeah, just thinking that's all." I shrugged. I felt bad lying to Sylvia about my headaches. She has seen them countless times back home but I just brushed it off as chronic migraines. I never really talked about these voices in my head because I can assume how people will take it. A person who hears the same mans voice in their head? People would definitely stare at me. Even when I told my parents about it, they genuinely thought I lost my mind.
It took months convincing Joshua that I was being honest about my flashes of pain. When I finally told him about this voice, he didn't give me a response. He just stared at me with no reaction. I thought he was going to lash out or just break up with me. But, he didn't. He just came with me to multiple doctors and appointments to figure things out. Never once did he give his input on the situation, until he asked what voice it was. More like 'who' was the voice. The moment I told him it was a man; all fucking hell broke loose. It was as if I committed the biggest crime in history or some shit.
Joshua's narrative was that the guilt of cheating was weighing on me so much that I just kept thinking about my lover's voice. That man was something else, because I clearly never fucking cheated on him. After that conversation that ended in bruises. He kept showing up at my job, and every time he would see me talking to a customer who was a man - he would make a grand exit. He would constantly check my phone to see if I was in fact cheating on him. It's as if I cheated on a test and my mother found out, and grounded me. I felt so suffocated. After that, I don't think I can really tell anyone. Every time I get the inkling to do so, my body kind of hesitates. Kind of like a signal to halt. Or to, better yet, proceed with caution because I don't know what the other person would say. So, I dealt with it, mainly internally.
"What are you thinking about?" She swings her legs to the other side of the bed. I put on my socks, finalizing my outfit. I quickly go to the mirror to feather out my hair a bit.
"Do I look museum ready?" I asked and she just nodded her head. "By the way, how did you hear about this exhibit?" I added on quickly before she left the room.
"I saw it online, and thought of you." She said before walking out.
My heart sank a little bit. Not because of the exhibit but of the gesture Sylvia is making. I feel like I should trust her with this secret of mine, and I want to tell her but this void of feeling like I am dumping this trauma on to her seems juvenile and heavy. Sylvia has been nothing but a good friend to me and tells me her shit, but for me to stand here - smiling and nodding with no ounce of reciprocation, it feels shitty. I want to open up to her but my communication skills are at the lowest level you can think of.
God, I sound so fucking pathetic. I am in the coolest place ever, with the coolest people and I am wallowing in my own pit of fucking fear. Just get up and have a good time. Forget what you feel, and just stick to what you know.
I walk to the mirror again, and recheck my outfit. I look amazing, do I feel amazing? Questionable but I don't think anybody needs to know.
"You are worth a good day." I say into the mirror before walking out the room.
"My god, Harry drive fucking faster. The exhibit starts soon." Sylvia angrily motions outside the window.
We have been driving in circles for almost an hour now, and I am starting to sink in this car. I thought it was supposed to be cold today, but I am melting into the leather seats. Harry and Sylvia have been bickering back and forth for that entire hour. If its not the GPS, it is the AC, and if it isn't the AC it is Harry's driving speed.
"It's fine, we can just go to the city and look at stuff." I say from the back. It earned me a glare from Sylvia.
"Well, fuck me, I guess." I mutter to myself.
"No, because we have to go to this exhibit. I wanted to go as well." Sylvia basically breathes out her words, trying to find some form of calm within herself.
"Look it is right there, you see. Now un-twist your fucking ass." Harry snaps back. I laugh at how he says ass, because it was so dramatic.
We finally parked in the back part of the lot and I couldn't be more happier than ungluing myself from these seats of hell. I took a long stretch before I was being dragged by the arm by Sylvia.
"Let's wait for Harry." I stop and see Harry calmly put on some sunglasses and a pink hat. He locks the car and I don't think I found anything more attractive than I just did. He swiftly pulls up his hoodie and starts walking towards us.
He finally reaches us, and he starts walking next to me. As we walk our arms keep hitting one another. I move a bit more towards Sylvia with ease. But literally nothing breezes past this man, because he looks at me with a slight twist of his head and walks a bit faster forward. His pace creates a significant space between us but Sylvia is too busy rambling on about which exhibit we will visit first.
I watch how his pace was smooth going into this sudden march, and he stops right at the entrance. Sylvia approaches the guard and shows him something on his phone, and he escorts us through a different entrance that has no line. Again, what a privilege to not want to be seen.
My eyes feast on the interior of the grand entrance. On each wall resides some form of archaic find with the blurbs next to them. I sniff the air a bit, and it reminded me of a high school trip with your friends. We are guided by one of the security guards to the front desk.
"Here are your day passes." The lady at the front desk hands us each our little lanyards. I take mine and put it around my head. Then I feel someone touch my hair, and I jolt a little bit.
"Your hair was just stuck in the back, here" Harry gestures to flip my hair out of the string.
"No, no it's okay. I got it." I laugh a little bit as I pull my hair out.
"Okay, so lead us." Harry motions to me. What does he mean to lead him? Lead him to where? I literally just got here.
"This is your thing, no? Sylvia mentioned this was your thing." Harry smiled at me. I looked around to see what I could lead them to.
All the signs were pointing to a variety of exhibits. Well, we can go to the actual physics one last. My eyes land on the most exciting one, and I start walking with a small clap from my hands.
"Okay so this is basically everything about space. Feast your eyes on everything amazing!" I said, opening my arms as we walk up the stairs into the dark floor that contained all the curated pieces of universal findings.
"I have not been here since secondary." Harry breathes out as we glide across all the rocks, and ugly rocks.
"Secondary is like High School for you guys, right?" I said without looking at him. I know I am creating all this tension between us but I can't help it. Supposedly the man I am looking at rocks with was also rocking my shit according to Slyvia. Pretty odd transition if you ask me, so I can't get mad at the awkwardness.
"Yes it is." He says looking at the rocks. We both stop in front of a small video explaining the big bang, and the womanly voice plays over our conversation. We both are standing there, letting the tension fill every corner of this room.
"What ever happened to those six seconds before the Big Bang?" Harry asks. He tilts his head and points to the projecting image that is sequencing out the events. I look at him curiously assessing the video, and I can't help but smile at how cute he looks. You can't really make it out at first glance, but I can see how his eyebrows crease a bit trying to retain all the information from the video.
"Well, we didn't know what initially triggered the Big Bang. But some scientists have only discovered the three seconds." I said as I diverted my eyes to the screen. Now I can feel his gaze on me.
"What happened in those three seconds?" He asks with his hands behind his back. I cleared my throat and looked at the screen a bit longer.
"So, basically the Big Bang was this point of heat, inflation, and acceleration. That is how we know there was that expansion that created the boom. When we look at the trigger of inflation, scientists started questioning at what point was the heat triggered? And why did the expansion stop for the universe? That we know of now and the universe we explore." I stop myself and check if he was still paying attention, and his eyes were focused on me.
"Okay, and when these questions arise we begin to learn that the universe was too dense, basically too stuffy and hot to form anything. That was because of atomic nuclei and gluons, but that is a whole other conversation. Anyways, when the universe got much older - it cooled down. When the temperature dropped there was the first formation of hydrogen and helium. A bunch of protons and neutrons matter of fact." I stopped again to make sure I haven't bored him to death but he now full body facing me with his arms across his chest listening.
"Moving on to what this known facts have led us to today. Today we are wondering about dark matter. This matter takes up about eighty percent of the universe. We don't know much of it's beginning or its nurture nor its nature but what we do know is that it has a symmetrical sibling. The matter- antimatter asymmetry finding. That is actually quite annoying to many physicists." I laugh and I find myself staring into the replaying video.
"For every particle of dark matter made in response to the universe, another particle of matter is created which is anti- matter. Yet, all we see is normal matter, and not an ounce of this anti-matter. Hella fucking weird. But, with this thing with matter and inflation we can assume accordingly that this inflation was here a bit longer. This inflation and matter taking up those three seconds, and with this theory we are a bit closer in observing the marvelous enoch of the universe." I took a deep breath and turned to see that Harry was eyeing me still.
"You are so smart." His response made me laugh. I looked at him completely bewildered.
"Dude, I explained to you the basic facts of the universe and answered your question in only one of those sentences." I laughed.
"Mari, not everyone knows about the shit you just talked about. Literally, I think I saw your eyes dance while you were talking about it." He says and all of a sudden all laughter was swept out of the room. He was looking at my eyes? Harry saw my eyes dancing?
"Oh, ha. I mean I did study this for years." I said taking the biggest gulp of my life.
"You can study something for years and not give a fuck. You were giving yourself to your passion, a big difference." He steps closer to me, and I take a step back.
"You have been acting strange since this morning? Is there an explanation for that?" He asked me, but it's not as if the question was being asked verbally but he was pleading a bit with his eyes as well.
"No harry, I am fine. I can tell you about sedimentary rocks?" I said stepping further back.
"Come on, Mari, can you just tell me why you are literally acting so physically repulsed by me right now?" He asks, and now he is the one stepping back.
"Harry, literally it's fine. Maybe you are acting weird." I crossed my arms. He looks at me with a flat face like he knew what I was saying was bullshit.
"Okay, yeah. Sorry for gas lighting you. But..." I trailed off and found myself choking on my words.
"But?" He asks. Not taking his eyes off of me. God it is literally suffocating. His gaze literally chokes me somehow.
"Did we fuck?" I asked him.
-------------------------------------------
Don't be mad. I know I ghosted for a bit, but ya girl is back at school.
These professors do not play.
also, r.i.p ash LOL
Also I did not rob y'all dw dw dw
muchos besitos <3