Caution ❗: mentions of abuse,
trauma, violence; please read further if you're comfortable!
Namjoon's Pov
'Pathetic, that's what you actually are!'
He yelled, his constant yelling isn't the only thing I've felt now.
A slap, he slapped me. I didn't even realize he also threw a vase at me until I saw blood in my hands accompanying with hundreds of tears..
Tears of hurt, pain...regret
Oh how much I hate myself for falling over him again..
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"Wake up, old man! It's holiday, you've gotta wake up!" Someone screams near my ears, almost making me go deaf.
I open my one eye, peeking at the evil who's been yelling at me.
"Now, I know you're already awake, old man. Move your body" the person yells again.
I groan trying to wake up where I realize a heavy weight in me. I removed it from me.
"Yeji.. it's fucking 9 in the morning! Why did you wake me up?" I yell and she grasps at my words
"Omg..papa don't curse. Besides it's holiday, means you gotta spend the day with me!" She whined
"Of course, I will honey. Don't get any wrong ideas. Just lemme sleep for another hour " I reminded her. She squints her dragon eyes
"Not happening, Appa!" Saying so, she started tickling me.
"Oh my g-od, Yeji. Sto-stop!" I rolled of the other side of the bed, saving myself from the particular little devil.
...and I fell off the bed, groaning. Suddenly smiling when hundreds of laughter filled the room, again the atmosphere became healthy. I've already forgotten about the nightmare I had just minutes ago.
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I took Yeji in my arms, going to the bathroom to brush our teeth. Well it's Sunday, meaning it's the day for me to spend time with her. It's our daily routine. I like to keep a day out of my busy schedule for her and her only.
What's the point of running an entire business tycoon for her if I can't even spend time for my daughter?
Yes, that's right. CEO of a well known company and what's his only reason to live? His one and only daughter, Yeji. Too much cliché, isn't it?
I placed Yeji in the bathroom counter and bent over in her height.
"Okay ma lady, have you brushed your teeth?" She shook her head. I grabbed the toothbrush and toothpaste for her, applying little amount of toothpaste on the brush, giving it to her.
"Appa, this is not the toothpaste I use" I blink at her words.
"You have a different toothpaste?" She nods.
"Mine's mint flavored and this one is disgusting strawberry flavored" She made a gagging noise.
"But you love strawberry flavored things..and there's also mint flavoured toothpaste out there? Apparently you like it?" I made a look of disapproval
"I do like strawberries, but just not the toothpaste. And don't judge mint toothpaste, it's good!" I shake my head at that she frowns.
"Whatever, you use this one now and soon I'll buy you that mint one, okay?" She nods, I smile ruffling her hair.
She touches the dimples poking out of my cheek.
"Your hair colour is showing" hearing her words I took a glance at myself in the mirror, sure enough the purple dye was starting to vanish from the roots.
"You won't get sad like you used to Appa.. will you?" I frowned.
Realising the reason I dyed my hair...change. For a major change. Changing myself so I could survive for us, nothing really changed aside from a few things.
"I won't, princess" I smiled, hugging her.
I never stopped being sad, princess.
It was the original thing that inner me wanted to say
After brushing her teeth, I let her shower in the bathroom. Ironic, how there used to be times where I used to bathe her, play with her with bath bombs smiling, laughing having fun together.
She's a grown up now, she doesn't need me bathing her although I do shampoo her hair, because they're long and she can't wash it properly. It's not like I'm complaining tho
[It exactly reminds me of my own childhood :((]
Walking to her closet, I pick the outfit she's going to wear. Since it's Sunday, her whole routine is under my guidance. She deserves it. I'm always busy, can't really look over her.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm not really enough for her, do every kid on earth has only one parent? Does she gets bullied in school because she doesn't have any mother or any other parent? Am I doing too much to make Yeji uncomfortable?
These were those thoughts which makes me furious, makes me question myself harder. Years ago, I've been told I'm not enough.. maybe I'm not but yesterday's me is still me..I can't change that. I'm trying to make myself better, for Yeji, for everyone, for me
I picked a red hoodie, with blue jeans for her to wear, with matching red bow. She'll look cute with a bow hair tie. [I'm really bad at children dressing so please excuse that ;-;]
"I picked the outfit you're going to wear today! They are in your bed. I'm preparing today's breakfast in the kitchen. Tell me if you need anything!" I heard some random cursing whispers from the bathroom.
"Is that cursing I hear? Yeji!"
"Sorry, Appa! Won't do it again" she replied.
I went downstairs, entering the kitchen. My house is quite big you can say. Perks of being a somewhat millionaire, I guess.
But I don't own a big mansion either. Just a suitable apartment complex, that is comfortable enough for me and Yeji. Since I don't have anyone around living here, this apartment is enough. Would you believe me if I said, it was actually Yeji's idea moving into this place? Shocking right?
Apparently, she didn't wanted to live in a place where she would constantly forget how many rooms are there, spent at least weeks to remember where her room is etc. She's such a smart ass. Hence, here we are living in an apartment filled with our memories.
We live in an apartment complex doesn't mean, I'm not loaded with money. Because hell yeah, I am. Why wouldn't I be? I worked hard on it.
Each of the wall in this house is made with my blood, sweat and tears. [ I just needed to use this line, lmao]
I may sound like an old person saying this, but I'm proud of the things I achieved.
Coming back from my thoughts, I prepared the toasts, buttering them up, then putting them on the toaster. [Istg- if you guys didn't got any Butter flashbacks]
I just thought of a simple breakfast as I'm horrible at kitchen and cooking stuff. There was a time, where I used to be at least decent at cooking but now I'm nothing but a distruction. [God of the distruction as they say]
I just hope Yeji likes this idea. Me cooking can be a nightmare for real, so if she says otherwise I won't be mad.
"Papaa where are my clothes!" I heard Yeji yelling from upstairs.
"Gosh..this girl. I literally said I kept them on her bed"
"What now" I asked entering her home.
"I can't find my- oh.. there it is" I shook my head. This girl is so dramatic.
"Yeji..you yelled without even finding where they were.." I squint my eyes at her.
"Papa.. please I'm sorry" she gives me those puppy eyes. Well I'm not falling for those, ha
"Those puppy eyes won't work with me, baby" I roll my eyes.
"Uh.. please you're-" she sniffs her nose
"What's that smell?" I also sniff the weird smell increasing in the house.
"Did you burned something, Appa?" I blink, widening my eyes. In matter of seconds, I find myself running to the kitchen.
"Crap the toasts!" I hear Yeji sighing in defeat from the bedroom.
I went to the kitchen only to find it filled with smoke
*Cough* *cough* "What the fuck.." I literally burned the toasts and eggs. They were on the pan, luckily we didn't get killed by gas stove explosion. Damn..all of the hope of having Sunday home breakfast is gone. Yeji will be mad.
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"Hey..so here's your breakfast. I added chocolate syrup so it might look a litt-
"Papa..this isn't chocolate syrup, is it? You burned the whole thing!"
Heh, well that didn't work guess she isn't a kid anymore.
"But honey.. it's a little bit burned.." I nervously scratch my neck. I mean if I were her I wouldn't eat it too...how the fuck am I expecting my kid to eat that.
"That's literally brown and burned, Appa!" She whines almost looking like she's ready to kill me.
"Uh..how about we visit Granma for breakfast?" I said nervously smiling hoping she'd say yes. Well she loves her halmoni [It's a Korean name for grandma] and literally begs me to let her stay with her.
"Oh really, papa? We're going?"
"Yeah, since I already burned the toasts and stuff" the girl nods at that looking over the mess I've made earlier.
"I'll just go grab my hoodie, you wait here princess"
I went to my bedroom, opened my wardrobe. I should wear a red hoodie since Yeji has wore that red one too. We'll match our outfits. I sprayed some perfume on my neck and body. And took my glasses. I checked myself in the mirror for the last time and left the bedroom.
I heard faint soft whispers when I got downstairs. Peeking in behind the wall, I saw it was Yeji
"You know boxy dude, papa is getting stronger. He doesn't cry that much now. He cries some little times when I get hurt or I dimple [Yeji says dimple instead of smile] a lot..is my dimple ugly? Should be..yours are the same as me! But I don't mind it..papa dimples a lot these days" There was my little girl sitting in the sofa, swinging her legs back and forth while talking to a picture.
Oh god..that picture..not that feeling again. No just no..I shook my head.
"Yeji.. princess are you ready?" I said blinking back my hateful fucking tears. I seriously can't broke down in front of her. I saw her quickly putting the picture back to it's place.
"Whom were you talking to, honey?" I said picking her up.
"Nothing, appa" she smiles but her dimples doesn't pop. Something that happens when she fake smiles.
"Why are you talking to that picture again, honey?" I sigh. Yeji shakes her head.
"It's important telling boxy dude what he's missing" I smile at her fooling words. Silly girl.
"Who's boxy dude now?" I said already know her answer.
"It's dada..but don't tell him. He's bad bad so I chose to call him boxy dude" she whispers in my ear.
"You are silly Yeji, you know that?" She smiles unknowingly smiling her dimple/boxy smile.
"Let's go to grandmaaaa!!" She yells.
"Aish, silly don't need to make me deaf" I left the house, leaving the picture of a three year old Yeji with her daddy and Appa.
Three of them smiling brightly showing their boxy and dimples smiles.
[That was a weird paragraph]
Author's Note (◕દ◕)
How did you like the new chapter so far?
Weirdly, I kinda changed the entire chapter in the name of editing. In my note version, Joon's character wasn't this much depressing if you call it that..I changed it and did some changes.
I didn't proofread this so please forgive my sentence or word mistakes! :(
And..!
Song of the chapter is Home by BTS
till then, byee. Please vote and like if you liked it.. constructive criticism are welcomed of course! :))
Word count: 1980+