Levi's on his way to Trost right the fuck now. You better hope this letter makes it to you before he does.
Hange.
***
It was just after dusk.
I collapse on a chair in the Trost Headquarters mess hall. Groaning, I hunch over and run my hand through my hair in frustration.
It's been a month since Maria fell. I've been receiving letters of all sorts, mainly from the scouts and a couple from my parents. I've been receiving all these letters, yet I just haven't found the time to reply with even one single sentence.
I'm exhausted, trying to take care of thousands of citizens that had found refuge in Trost after losing their homes in Shiganshina and nearby villages.
Fellow Garrison soldiers; ones that weren't in my brothers squad had taken a turn personality wise. They went from nice people to complete shitheads verbally abusing even infants.
I've had Mikasa, Armin and Eren come to me in even the worst circumstances because a few Garrison soldiers refused to help them in even the simplest of tasks. Everytime I even picked up a pen someone would burst through the door with another duty I had to carry out to make people happy.
Unfortunately, the results weren't always what we intended. And that's what made being in this regiment all the more difficult than it already was prior.
Pyxis was busy sorting matters with the government and at times Erwin, speaking of what I assumed was my transfer back to the Scouting Legion. But all I received from Erwin was a small nod before he disappeared for a week. The door to the mess hall burst open so rudely interrupting with my train of thought.
Jay stood there, piece of paper in hand. I sigh, realizing it was nearly identical to the ones I had gotten from the scouts over the passed month.
"It's for you." He said, standing still in his place.
"I figured. There's no one else here." I reply getting up and walking to him. Before I had reached him, a hand appeared from around the corner of the doorway and snatched the letter from his hand. Both Jay and I snapped our gazes to the mystery hand, a certain raven walking into full view reading the contents of the letter and leaning against the doorway, ankles crossed as he let out a scoff.
"Looks like I got here before this letter did." Levi deadpanned waving the paper around in front of my face.
"Levi? What are you doing here?" I ask, knowing full well what the answer was. I got his letter. In fact, I got all of their letters. I had them stored in a book in my room I shared with Rico.
"I know you got my letters. I know you got all of our letters." He scoffed shoving the letter into my chest. I look down at the paper, hurriedly scrawled across it was:
Levi's on his way to Trost right the fuck now. You better hope this letter makes it to you before he does.
Hange.
"Her writing is atrocious. But what's even more disgusting is your lack of communication. Want to tell me what the fuck is going on? We all thought you died, Y/N!" Levi seethed, Jay standing awkwardly to the side as he mindlessly twiddled his fingers.
"I think I might go..." He said. I look at him and nod as I run a hand down my face before he walked away.
"Come. Take a seat." I offer walking back to where I was sitting a literal minute before Levi showed up.
"I don't have time to sit down, Y/N. I want answers." He responded blankly, the current expression that represented no emotion at all ruling his facial features.
"It's a long story, Levi. Sit your ass down or I'm leaving." I spit back, my exhaustion quickly turning into short-tempered anger. His dead demeanor remained, but he took a moment to push off the doorway and make his way to a chair I had turned sideways so it was facing me.
We sat in silence for a few moments. Levi saying he didn't have time yet he sat and waited patiently for me to begin what I said I would explain.
"As you know, Maria fell a little over a month ago. And I was there. I witnessed the entire thing. The colossal titan, the breach of both gates. Anguish. Despair. Blood, sweat, tears. Everything, Levi. I remember even the tiniest of details. The missing full stop on a report I had been checking just seconds before it showed up. I even memorized where every single stone landed after the gate got kicked in." I began, my voice not displaying anything.
"I watched people die. I let people die. I saved people, but I also killed them. So many souls, all of them lost because I couldn't pick myself up fast enough to cut that titan so fucking deep it wouldn't have caused such mayhem. I'm tired, Lee. I've tried answering your letters. All of your letters. But I get called back to a duty that many others are supposedly not capable of. Because they supposedly don't have the mentality or physical capability I do. Because I'm supposedly stronger.
I average three hours of sleep at most every night. I know, you may be thinking I'm weak. I know you suffer worse sleep times than I do but I'm just so exhausted. Not just physically, this whole thing has me drained. I miss being a scout. I miss not having to worry too much about what's happening inside the districts and exploring whatever is beyond. I miss my friends. I miss Hange. I miss Zion. I miss Reece. I miss you. I just wish I could come back.." I rambled. Levi sat and listened. Not uttering a word until he knew I was finished.
"The reason behind my lack of communication is quite obvious, wouldn't you think? I'm taking care of thousands of homeless people, people who've lost loved ones. Traumatized teens, orphaned children, wounded elderly. I have a lot on my plate so forgive me if I don't respond immediately." I look down, rubbing my eyes before leaning forward on my knees and letting my head hang. "I promise I'll do better next time. I'm sorry." I finish, my head hanging but not in exhaustion, it was more defeat than anything. Moments of silence passed. It was almost as though I had just spoken to myself.
No response came soon enough so I automatically thought I was going crazy. Maybe I was finally losing it. Maybe I was hallucinating, so I let out a small chuckle, freaking out when I feel a warm hand touch my shoulder. At the sudden unexpected contact, I flinch, my head shooting upwards to find even the coldest coloured eyes looking at me with such warmth.
He didn't need to say anything, even the quietest conversations can have the most meaning. His eyes scanned my face, lingering on the bags that made themselves at home under my eyes. He sighed before looking down and removing his hand.
"Go get some sleep. I'll take over for you." He suddenly said. I furrowed my eyebrows at his offer.
"Thanks but I'm perfectly fine with doing it mys-" I begin before he cut me off.
"You need the sleep. I'll manage." He pushes.
"You don't need to, you're not even a Garrison soldier." I reply, stating a very valid point.
Only to be disappointed by his response.
"And?" He shrugged. I scoffed.
"Have you no pride?" I asked. He just stared at me, making me frown.
"How about this then?" He began. "You work, I'll stay by your side and if I see you're even the tiniest bit drowsy I'll send you to bed and take over for you." He suggested, acting as though this was a better option than the first.
"I don't see the benefit." I say with a raised eyebrow.
"Exactly. That because I'm sending you to bed now. Go, hurry up." He said ushering me out of my chair and towards the door.
"Levi I don't see why this is necessary." I say with urgency, walking around the corner and bumping into someone who I had completely forgot about.
My idiotic brother. He didn't flinch as I bumped into him, his gaze fixed on Levi who stood idly behind me.
"Levi." Felix greets coldly.
"Asshole." Levi addresses. I spin to glare at the both of them.
"Unnecessary. Get your shit together." I spit at the both of them. Felix frowned at me making me scoff. "Don't even go there."
"Fine." He said pushing passed me and Levi. He still held a grudge against me because I chose to take Levi's side instead of his. Because I'm his sister I supposedly have to pick family over friends when he's not necessarily the most trusty person.
I watched as he passed by us, Levi coming into view as I turn my head and focus my gaze on him.
"Levi." I say snapping him out of a daze. He didn't say a word as he grabbed my wrist and began wading through the halls of Headquarters. His grip was tight but not to the point it hurt. Just firm enough to keep me from going anywhere except for where he wanted me to go. I stayed wordless. I didn't want to say anything as he led me through Headquarters looking for a room that had any sort of belonging he knew was mine.
We made it to the corridor mine and Rico's room was on but I didn't dare say anything about just how close we were to it.
I have duties to tend to.
Not caring much for other peoples privacy, he'd hastily knock on a door opening it immediately to check the interior.
Nearly everyone was outside handling the citizens so my surprise slowly rose with Levi's slight act of politeness as he knocked on every door.
He then knocked on the door to my room, and I let out a short breath of relief because I was nearly certain there was nothing that was mine in the open. He opened the door and gazed around, only to yank me further into the room. My eyes widened.
Did he know?
"Get your ass in your bed and go to sleep." He ordered, staring at me with weight shifted on one leg and his arms folded over his chest. I stood in the centre of the room, staring back at him with furrowed eyebrows.
"How'd you know this was my room?" I ask.
"Are you clueless, brat?" He asked immediately after the last word left my mouth. I stood idly, confused. He sighed and nodded to my desk, my chair that sat neatly under it had my scouts cloak hanging over the back.
"Shit." I mutter to myself, head hanging in defeat before I let out a yawn quickly forcing it to stop to hide my tiredness. He glared at me.
"Come on, Lee, what do I have to do to not go to sleep?" I whine.
"Knowing how mature you are, I didn't think you'd go to the extent of trying to bribe me, Sunshine." He retorts walking to my desk and sinking down in the chair.
"It's not a bribery, I have a job to do." I scoff, standing with my arms folded. He shrugged.
"Last I checked, you can't do a job if you're exhausted to the point you're yawning every waking second." He shot back. As if he anticipated it would happen, I yawned again and wiped my eyes clean from the tears.
"Not the point. These matters can't be tended to by anyone but me." I argue.
"And I think those duties can wait a few hours, don't you think? I don't suppose they're the most urgent thing." He leaned back in the chair, gazing up at me with those pools of liquid silver. His hair falling back slightly as his head tilted back so his eyes could meet mine.
"They are." I lie. The small team of soldier could wait a while before we head to Maria and see if there are any survivors. Thing was, I was basically the key to the group.
Besides, they survivors are probably dead now.
"Bullshit." Levi scoffed. Observing his face, the bags under his eyes were more noticeable than mine. I crouch before him, his head falling so he could keep his gaze fixed on me. I take a seat on the ground and lean against the desk, sighing and staring at the wall ahead.
"You haven't been sleeping either, have you?" I ask. He let out an amused breath, a near laugh though I knew it wasn't one. He doesn't laugh. He doesn't even smile.
"You think? We thought you died, Sunshine. No one has slept properly for weeks since the Fall. What did you expect us to do? We couldn't possibly know that the wall fell and be certain your safety was confirmed. That asshole wouldn't let us come to Trost, do you have any idea how difficult it was to convince him to let me come here?" Levi rambled. The room fell silent, the moonlight streaming through the window. I gaze up at Levi, his black hair heavy in contrast with his skin, his eyes glowing.
He's beautiful. They all were.
"I apologized, didn't I? I had a valid reason, didn't I? Don't I deserve some credit?" I whisper. I'm not sure why, maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the exhaustion, but I got the sudden urge to just... let go.
A tear slipped from my eye. One after the other, they subconsciously began falling from my eyes. Levi just stared at me, not knowing what to do.
"Why... why are you crying?" He asked gently, his eyebrows expressing a subtle concern. I reach up and touch my cheek, hot trails of tears burning my face as they slip to my chin before falling to my lap.
"I... don't know." I say staring at my hands, watching as tears fell into them. I see something white come into view from my left, a piece of neatly folded cloth being offered to me from Levi. Gazing up at him, I give him a small nod of thanks before taking the cloth from his hands and drying my face. We sat in silence, a mutual friend of Levi's and I's, before I broke it.
"How long are you here for?" My voice surprisingly small.
"I leave in the morning. I'm... I'm being taken into consideration for a squad captain." He says, leaning forward on his knees and gazing down at the floor. My eyes widened.
"Levi, that's great!" I exclaim. "You'd make a great captain!" I say moving to kneel in front of him. He looked up at me in surprise.
"You're more happy about this than I am." He voices in surprise. I raise an eyebrow before tilting my head slightly.
"Are you... not happy with this?" I ask, clearly confused. He pursed his lips, before he shook his head. "May I ask why?"
"It's a bit soon, don't you think? I've been on the surface for only five months, I think it's a bit rushed." He admit making me laugh.
"If you're being taken into consideration this soon in your career as a captain, you must be really impressive in everything. Physical practices and academics alike." I reassure, placing a hand on his forearm. "You'll make a great captain, Lee. I promise you will."
He looked at me, an unsure look on his face. The most unsettled I've seen him since his first expedition.
"If it helps with your reassurance I'll sleep on it." I say with a sigh as I stand up straight.
"..." He remained silent, standing up quietly behind me. I begin pacing towards my bed before his fingers wrapped around my wrist. I turn to look at him, shooting him a confused look. He released my wrist, looking at the floor before forcing his eyes to meet mine.
"I don't think I've said it. So much has happened since if I have, but I want to thank you, Sunshine." He says. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as I turn my body to face him, giving him my complete attention.
"Why?" I ask him, my voice achingly soft.
"You've done a lot for me. And for them. They spoke up about you a lot, they didn't consider you a comrade, they saw you as a good friend, a sister even. They always tried to get me to warm up to you, and I imagine you'd know my kindness isn't exactly the easiest thing to gain, nor is it commonly shown." He began.
"There's a lot to thank you for actually. I suppose, for bringing us up to the surface in the first place. For defending us, for befriending them and eventually me. For teaching us, for reassuring us and eventually reassuring me. For caring for us, for protecting us, for protecting me from me. I owe you a lot, Y/N. Just... thank you for being a good friend. Thank you for being you." He finished. I stared at him, unsure of how to react. Levi wasn't exactly the most sympathetic person, he rarely ever showed emotion.
And this time, I looked at him as a whole new person, a small, the smallest smile imprinted on his face as he looked at me with a soft gaze.
So, naturally, I moved toward him and looped my arms under his and tightened my embrace. Laying my head against his shoulder, relaxing to the point I could feel him tense under the sudden movement. He smelt nice, a comforting scent of cinnamon and tea.
His breath hitched, and I knew he wasn't the biggest fan of physical touch so you could imagine my surprise when he slowly gave in to the embrace, leaning his head against mine and wrapping his arms around my shoulders, tightening them so much I was nearly certain I'd break.
But if I were to break, I'd prefer it be by the hands of one of my good friends.
***
I figured I'd give a chapter mainly dedicated to the growing relofrienship between Y/N and Ackerdaddy.
Hope you enjoyed my loves!
Aishiteru
jazz<3