Like music to my ears, his heartbeat softly echoed off the walls in perfect harmonies. His eyes were closed, face looking serene as ever while his tiny body floated endlessly in my womb.
"Perfectly healthy, Mrs. Luciano." The doctor said as she pointed with her finger towards the monitor of the ultrasound machine.
My chest puffed, proudly. Bobbing my head in pure satisfaction, I flashed her a warm smile back.
He's beautiful. Gorgeous. In a way that no word in a vocabulary could narrate. By just witnessing his existence through the monitoring screen, the overwhelming love I felt towards him was truly priceless.
"Is everything alright, Mrs. Luciano?"
The doctor asked worriedly as she looked over at me.
Breaking my silence, I cleared my throat and looked her way.
"I'm great." I smiled and her tensed shoulders relaxed a bit. My eyes automatically went back to the baby, "He's a bit big for a baby a few weeks old." I joked, hoping to lessen the tension in the air, to which Doctor Fiona responded with a surprised tone.
"A few weeks old?" She chuckled, "Mrs. Luciano, you're near the end of your first trimester."
I blinked at her hard, twice before blurting out.
"No. I am not."
"Yes, you're." She said, eying a piece of paper lying beside her hand on the table, "You're twelve weeks pregnant, Mrs. Luciano. It said here on your file.
Feeling lightheaded all of the sudden, I dropped my heavy head back on the pillow.
Twelve weeks. That basically equal to three months. Three freaking months I had been pregnant without knowing.
I quickly raised my head, feeling my blood pressure drop rapidly as I asked.
"Um, Doctor..." I was feeling sick to my stomach. Guilt was eating me up alive from inside, "W-what're the risks of taking birth control while being pregnant?
I tried to remain calm but when Doctor Fiona's eyes widened briefly as she stared up at me in shock, I swore I almost had a heart attack.
"W-well, Mrs, there's a myth that taking oral contraceptives can lead to birth and major congenital abnormalities but that's just an old study." She said, adding a weary chuckle before continued, "However, a recent research suggested that there don't seem to be any risks, but you should definitely get off the pills right away once you learn of your pregnancy."
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on breathing through my frustration.
"I knew something was off." I groaned, "I even took the test back then but it said I wasn't pregnant."
"A home pregnancy test isn't always accurate, Mrs, especially when taken too soon." The doctor said, "Which is why here, at the hospital, we usually take the blood sample to confirm it."
Right.
A sympathetic look crossed Doctor Fiona's face as she looked back at me.
"We can run some tests to check if there is anything wrong with the baby. How about that, Mrs?"
"Yes, please." I quickly nodded, "That would be perfect."
"I will go ask the nurse to come and take the blood sample, alright?"
Forcing a smile of relief as I watched Doctor Fiona disappeared behind the door. I laid there, thinking I might just lose my mind if Liam ever finds out about this.
________________
It was around one in the afternoon when I got back to my room. After running a couple of tests, going through some screenings, and performing a full-body check-up on me, Doctor Fiona finally called it a day. It turned out the baby was in perfectly good health, which was very great to hear and I also asked the nurse for a printed copy of the ultrasound image of the baby to show Liam later when he came to visit.
Although, I low key wished he didn't come today, but knowing Liam, he would always come for me.
Since the conversation we had yesterday, I had been trying to avoid him. Luckily, Giovanna and my brothers decided to pay us a visit yesterday and ended up staying longer than they were supposed to. So it wasn't completely awkward between me and Liam. By the time they left, it was close to midnight and I pretend to fall asleep while watching the last episode of How I Met Your Mother.
In the morning, I wake up to Travis informing me that his boss had a quick business meeting to tend to and that he would be back as soon as he could. I told him no worries. It wasn't like I needed Liam with me twenty-four seven anyways. I was getting a lot better now and at least, we finally knew the reason behind my horrible sickness in the past couple of weeks.
I was sitting in bed, having a conversation with Travis about children when Liam barged through the door out of nowhere. Behind him, there were two bodyguards.
I gulped dryly, smelling trouble all over as Liam narrowed his eyes at me. He ordered the guards to leave the room and Travis, who had been settling comfortably on the couch got up and went with them. He could tell by just taking one quick look at Liam's face that he was upset about something and he probably didn't want to be there when he lost his cool. Nobody wanted to. Even I wished I had the choice to leave too.
"The nurse at the reception desk called me at work today. She told me you had an ultrasound appointment scheduled in the morning." Liam noted, sharply as he made his way towards me at the bed.
I just bit my lower lips as he shook his head.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I—" As my brain was trying to compensate the answer, my mouth hung open at the chill in his tone.
Dejection clouded his eyes as he gave me the once over. He took in a deep breath slowly before letting it all out in one single blow.
When I didn't say anything still, he titled his head to the side and sighed again. I looked down at my hands in my lap while his tall frame towered over me.
"Sorry." I blurted out, and for a few minutes, I could feel his eyes on me, burning into the top of my head.
Another minute passed in silence and still, neither one of us said anything until I couldn't take it anymore.
"Are you upset?" I glanced up at him.
Clearly, he freaking was. But the fact that he wasn't yelling, nor cursing rage like he would normally do was scaring me a bit. In that way, when he just let it all out, I at least knew what he was thinking. But this time, it felt like there was a wall guarding his emotions from getting to me.
"No." He shook his head, "But I just want to know, is this how it going to be?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Every time you're upset with me, you're going to cut me out of your life, and now you're doing the same thing with our baby."
I squinted my eyes at him in disbelief.
"Liam, that's not-"
"Then what is it?" He snapped, raking his fingers through his hair as he restlessly stood there, shooting dagger at me, "Explain to me. Help me out here. What else do you want me to do? What else could I possibly do to get you to forgive me? I could beg, London. I would go on my knees and beg you."
I could feel my expression softened, turned almost sympathetic as he came forward and sat down on the side of the bed right next to my foot.
"I forgive you, Liam." I lied, knowing by heart that I could never forgive him even if I really wanted to.
His eyes locked with mine as he leaned in toward me. I backed away. Removing his hand which was sliding up my left thigh, I leaned back stiffly and just stared at him.
"Give me a chance." He pleaded, "If I could go back and do it over, I would. You know I would."
"I know." I told him, "But the thing is, we can't go back in time, can't we?"
In a very slow, and persuasive way of speaking, he then said.
"Please." He exhaled, "I meant what I said yesterday. All of it. I can't be without you. You have no idea how hard it is for me to keep doing this, keeping myself away from you—"
"Well, you sure made it look very easy." I said.
It took me a while to get my answer to us, but once I did. It was like there was no going back.
Liam and I, we could never be more than just two people breathing the same air and sharing the same ground on earth. We were like two parallel lines which never met. It just happened that we were drawn on the same kind of paper, using the same color pen, people automatically assumed we are alike. Even his parents thought we were a perfect match for each other. My parents, too. And even I, myself for a single moment was stupid enough to be conveyed by all these artificial things surrounding us. I got caught up in the idea of being his, that I didn't even realize he wasn't even mine to begin with. I could totally understand why most girls would go for him, and how they stayed blindly in love with him for so long. He was charming. Captivating. You couldn't just have one look at him and be done. But I am about to prove all of those theories wrong.
I might not be able to say I was completely over him yet. But the least I could say now is that I am on my way. And, the more I saw him bending backwards for me, the more I realized I would rather see him to break, than breaking my own heart, trying to mend what we had as a couple.
"London—"
"Let's not do this, Liam."
I watched as his lips parted momentarily, waiting for me to continue.
"I forgive you." I said, honestly, "But we both know that we're better off as just friends. In this case, co-parents. If you still want anything to do with this baby."
He was at loss for words. Although, I doubted that was it was, he always seemed to know the right things to say. Just this one time, he looked completely lost.
"And about Felicia, I just want to make it clear that I do not hate her, nor do I have anything against her and you being together, but I beg you, don't bring her into this." I said and immediately, Liam shot me a distasteful look.
"What the hell?" He spurted.
"Liam, I know about your business trip to Italy." I stated and honestly, I expected him to be a little shock, but his reaction did not at all meet my expectations. Not even close.
"I can explain." He just stated, calmly.
"You don't have to." I cut him off, "Whatever you choose to do with you life, from this day on, it doesn't concern me."
"Are you being serious right now?"
"I am dead serious. Yes." I nodded, "We need to make things clear between us because it's going to confuse the kid and trust me, you do not want that."
"London, I don't want Felicia." He growled, "Hell, I don't even want anybody else! I just fucking want you!"
"But, you can't have me." I stated.
"W-why?" He stammered.
Yes. Ladies and Gentlemen, Liam Alvaro Luciano just stammered in front of me.
"Can we negotiate—"
"There is nothing to negotiate, Liam. This isn't a business deal." I snapped, "This is a life of a person we're talking about, and it's mine. It's my life. My decision to make and I chose to be without you."
Pondering on that for a moment or even two, while I exhaled a sigh of relief, Liam made no further comment to my remark but looked away for one second before he pierced me with his unreadable eyes once again.
"Alright." He nodded, slowly giving up, "I understand."
My brow arched, "Do you really?"
"Yes, London, I do." He said after hesitated for like a second.
As all frustration resided in his once-scowling face, the only thing left was a neutral expression. We just there, listening to each other heavily breathing, aloof yet alert.
Just as I was about to lay back down and got some rest, Liam got up and turned on his heel, striding toward the exit door.
"Going back to work?" I asked, nonchalantly.
"No." He said, "I am just going to step outside for a minute to get some fresh air, and see if it clears my head."
"Alright then." I chuckled, "Good luck with that."
"Thanks." He hummed and was about to turn around when I stopped him again.
"So, that is? You're just going to let me win?" I smirked, "Didn't know it was going to be this easy..."
"I am not letting you win." I could hear him grinning as he turned around to face me, "I am just respecting your decision, and I hope you could respect mine as well."
"Thank you. I appreciate it." My heart swelled with joy and equally victory as I spoke, "And of course, I will. You don't have to worry. It goes both way. You have my full support on whatever you want to do."
He nodded. And everything was starting to make sense at last, until he had to add.
"Good." There was a hint of viciousness leeching into his tone caused my pulse to drop slightly, "Because there is no way in hell I am ever letting you go. Just mark my word on it."
_________________
[ONE WEEK LATER]
"What's this?"
Liam turned and met my gaze. A slight frown curved his lips as he took out a photo from one of the drawers of my nightstand and held it up in front of me.
I breathed a gentle laugh.
"Oh crap. I was supposed to give you that like a week ago." I faked gasp, "It's an ultrasound image of the baby. I asked the nurse to print it out for you."
"Oh. How very thoughtful." Liam noted, sarcastically, "Maybe next time you should invite me to your appointment so I could ask the nurse myself. Don't want to bother you, you know."
I rolled my eyes and clicked my tongue annoyingly.
"You know what? I don't even want to be your friend anymore." I said, "Your attitude towards me lately is just very...bitchy."
I stuck my tongue out at him and scooted away as he came to sit down beside me, pretending to be disgusted.
While his focus so intently fixed on the image of our creation in his hand, somehow, it made my stomach fluttered in a weird way.
"It's a boy, by the way." I said, placing my hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze in encouragement. But upon noticing the corners of his grin dropped slightly, a small frown settled on my face, "What?"
He quickly shook it off.
"Nothing." He smiled while placing his hand on the small of my back.
"God. You're so hard to please."
"It's not like that." He chuckled, "It's just— I just been picturing this mini version of you running around the house and I got to admit, I quite like her. But I guess that can wait. Maybe sometimes next year."
I titled my head to one side and narrowed my glance at him. Dude can't be serious.
"How do you feel about us going away this summer? Let's take a trip." He smirked, "You know just the two of us."
I added a dry laugh, "You're funny."
"What? I am not joking." He stated.
Noticing the way I was practically shooting him a dagger, he quickly came back with.
"Stop looking at me like that."
Oh Liam, I could look at you however I wanted.
"Liam, you know how I feel about having a baby right now. Let alone two of them." I groaned and his smirk grew even wider.
"You love it."
I shook my head, smacking his arm playfully.
"Hell no. It's way too soon!" I whined, "By the time I give birth to this one, it's going to be winter, and a few months then it's summer again."
"My point exactly." He laughed, causing me to roll my eyes.
"And if I were to have another baby, Liam. It won't be with you." I tsked.
"We'll see about that, Mrs. Saint." He smirked.
As much as I didn't want to find his humor funny, or attractive, in some ballistic way, I somehow did. Although, I tried my best not to laugh at his stupid joke and silly comment all the time. I didn't want to keep feeding his already so big ego. It was just too damn hard these days to control myself around him. Not in that way. What I meant was that it is impossible to keep my poker face and don't smile so much around him. He always managed to force a laugh out of me and I don't know how he did it when he rarely did it before. There is a totally different vibe going on between us and I am not going to lie, I quite like how we are right now.
It gave me more sense of control over myself and my feelings toward him. I felt less, I could say in a way. But while this one feeling was growing less, I couldn't tell if it was the feeling of love or hate.
"Honestly, do you even like kids?" I found myself asking as we both couldn't seem to take our eyes off the picture of our baby in his hand.
Liam's eyes were gleaming with pure bliss as they refocused on my face.
"If they're from you, hell yes."