◤ Fluff & angst ◢
"I only cried where people couldn't see me. In my dreams"
Your POV
It was a hot day in the 'big' holidays and the students as well as some teachers decided to spend the day at a lake to refresh us a little bit.
Of course we also brought food and some drinks because Gojo-sensei would starve if we wouldn't bring anything to eat. Some students like Maki, Nobara or Nanami-sensei held books/ fashion magazines in their hands to spend their time on a blanket and sink into the stories or events of there magazines and books.
I brought a book too, but I wasn't sure if I would read a bit or not. Yuji planned that we would spend time together in the water and on land with eating, swimming, playing games and other stuff.
To my bad, I slept and felt horrible the night before and was tired after such a long night. Nothing bad happened it was just a time were I felt sad and didn't had the energy to be happy. Usually these days came when I was on my period but exceptions proof the rule or something like that said Megumi.
After some walking we arrived at the lake and admired the waterfall and the clearness of the water.
You were able to see the fishes and the floor, but before I could take a closer look, the water started to move and got blurry.
"Gojo-sensei you Idiot! You made my clothes wet!"
"He's still a child at heart, Nobara...Maybe you should eat all of his Mochi in front of him."
"How cruel of you to even think that, Maki-san!"
"Maybe you should buy all Mochis in whole Japan and eat them, when he is searching after a store with some mochies left, in front of his nose while he craves it."
Nanami suggested while taking of his suit jacket only to reveal a blue T-shirt. The blonde male leaned at a tree and opened his book where he already sunk in and focused on the story.
"You are so mean Kento! Don't encourage the kids!"
"But he is right..."
Utahime said with a mischievous smirk before she lifted a cup of the to her lips and started to drink the warm liquid. Gojo dragged her here, probably to anger and provocate her a bit because she slammed her tea in his face a few days ago. Megumi commented the whole thing with a 'Kids these days' while Maki just shook her head in disappointment. Nobara and I just laughed while Yuji ran to get some towels for the white haired giant.
"Why are you all backstabbing me?"
The white haired man child let himself fall dramatically into the clear water while whining like a 5 year old.
Everybody focused on something and stayed busy on the land, except for Yuji who jumped after Gojo into the water and started to playfully teased his teacher.
I searched after a calm place a little bit away from my friends, comrades and teachers to deal with the sadness. It was nearly unbearable now and my hope to return to the others in happiness slowly faded away.
"Why do I feel sad? There is literally no reason to be sad right now." My head rested on my knees and hot tears formed in my eyes.
Why do I have to cry now? Why in the near of other people? Why-
"Y/n?"
My eyes tore open in shock which made my tears fall finally down my cheek.
Yuji slowly approached me until I was sure that he seated himself beside me.
I pressed my face further into my knees to prevent him from seeing my tears. I was embarrassed and in shame even though I knew that he was the last person to make fun of me and there was nothing to be ashamed of.
Everybody cries sometime and it is normal to have feeling, to let them out and deal with them.
"Hey baby, talk to me...please."
The last word sounded like he was begging for me to talk with him. His hand found my hair and stroked them slightly, but a sudden rush of anger came out of nowhere and my head suddenly left the 'save' place on my knees and I stared at my sweet boyfriend with anger. I wasn't even angry at him for trying to cheer me up and talk my heart out, that would be ridiculous.
Maybe I was angry at myself but I really had no clue.
"Why? I don't want to smash your pretty little world. You have friends, a teacher who is like a father towards you and you make it look so easy to deal with problems! You deal with Sukuna without breaking down in tears and you face your death at least twice a week without letting tears fall down your face! Why is it so easy? Why?!"
I nearly shouted but I ended up whimpering the last part while tears fell uncontrollably down my cheeks and heavy sobs shook my body. The anger was away and the only thing I felt was the ache of my heart. It was unbearable and felt like I was drowning and didn't got any air to breathe.
The feeling was choking and teared me apart.
"Oh Y/n..."
His brown eyes looked pained and helpless. He didn't hesitate to hug me and embrace me tightly while his naked shoulder catched my tears.
I didn't saw Sukunas mouth appearing and vanishing like somebody who wanted to say something but decided it would be better to not say it.
The curse and Yuji thought the same when I spoke about breakdowns. The moment where Yuji stood in front of the 1000 year old man and cried like there was no tomorrow while Sukuna mentally complained about Yuji's 'weakness'.
Yuji started to move back and forward with me in his arms until I started to calm down and my sobs started to disappear.
Now I doesn't only felt regret because I was mean to Yuji, I also felt ugly and worn out.
"You know, I never cried in front of people because these kids in my childhood said that I was weak when I cried, but now you are here and make me feel...loved and protected. Only because you hold me and let me cry. I'm sorry..."
I nuzzled deeper into his shoulder and breathed his own scent mixed with the smell from the lake. New tears filled my eyes when he started to speak and caressed my back.
"You are not weak when you cry and everybody cries. It isn't a symbol of weakness but you probably have heard it too much. I don't care if you cry, vomit, shout , laugh or whatever. I love you as a person not because you don't cry or struggle with your problems like the rest of us.
And when I love your personality, I also love your feelings and it honestly makes me happy when you cry when I am near. It shows me that you trust me enough to let your guard down and be yourself. That you share your feelings with me and sometimes even your thoughts. Y/ n I love you and the fact that you have feelings, trouble or whatever doesn't change the fact that you are and will be my favourite human being in the whole universe."
Yuji pulled my head from his shoulder and looked with sparkling eyes at me. There was so much love and happiness and trust and positive feelings in them that made me feel warm and loved. He was the best boyfriend I could have imagined.
He wouldn't betray or make fun of me because I cry, that was a statement he made clear a moment ago and made my heart beat even faster than before.
"I love you so much Yuji Itadori."
I leaned forward and hugged him while giving him a kiss that held all of my emotions in it.
"Then come on!" He took my hand and dragged me to the others. When we stood in front of the lake he pulled me into the crystal clear water.
He smiled the whole time which resulted in him catching a fish with his mouth. The pinkette did the same face when he ate one of Sukuna's fingers. The curse just shouted that his fingers taste better than some raw fish and that Yuji should be lucky to have eaten several of his fingers.
This started a big discussion and some time after we went out of the water to eat some snacks. The finger food was far more delicious than actual fingers.
At the end of the day I was exhausted from playing in the water, eating with Yuji, talking with the others and just having fun.
"That was an exhausting day for sure."
"Yup," I let myself fall beside Yuji on the bed and closed my eyes.
I already changed my clothes and all I needed to do was to snuggle closer to my boyfriend and let sleep take over me but-
"Uhm Yuji?" I turned to face my boyfriend and continued when he answered with a hum.
"I know that it isn't easy to deal with your problems...and I feel a little guilty about that I said that to you. I also don't wanted to shout at you when you tried to cheer me up. I'm sorry"
He chuckled and pulled my head on his chest.
"It is alright "With akiss on my head the pinkette drifted into sleep with me tightly in his arms. Afew minutes after I followed him.