Another week has passed and I am happier than I have been in a long time. Most of you will probably say that I'm lying not only to you but to myself...and I don't disagree. But Jules combined with the drugs I still have from Fez are tricking my brain into believing I'm happy.
But I'm not the only one who talks herself into believing she's content. Desi had the most relaxing two weeks in a long time, and yet she felt lonelier than ever. But the new friendships she formed and the beautiful moments with her daughter can't take away the pain and suffering. You should probably never say this out loud, but most of those moments don't mean much to her anymore. Even if the joy and affection of others is true, Desi doesn't believe them because she doesn't really love herself like she used to. It's fucked up but true. As soon as she closes her eyes or has a moment to herself, she is haunted by loneliness.
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The teacher let's me leave my class early to prepare for the cheerleader's pep rally during lunchtime. Maddy told me that this is what they do before a big game. Her, Cassie and I worked together a lot to come up with the perfect choreography. It should make the cheerleaders look good but also showcase my abilities as a choreographer and dance coordinator. I noticed that the coach has been keeping a close eye on my work, but she seems satisfied for now.
My phone starts ringing as I walk down the hall and I answer the call, while entering the cafeteria. "Hello?" A familiar crying sound can be heard in the back of the call and I frown. "Destiny, sweet child, I'm sorry for calling. She just won't stop crying. Rosie's temperature is also a bit high and she refuses to sleep. I need to get her some medicine but I'll need you too watch her while I'm gone," Marta says and I can feel my heart starting to race from worry. "How high is her temperature? Should I take her to the doctor?" I ask, frantically. "It's nothing to worry about but she's been coughing and crying for a while now. I think it's a cold"
Fuck, the coach expects me to be there for the performance. It'll look bad when I leave now, but my baby needs me. "Okay, the lunch break is about to start in 10 minutes and the performance is about 5 minutes long. I can leave after that but I didn't drive to school today. BB picked me up" "I could come and pick you up," Marta offers and I shake my head. "No. Please stay with Rosie and I'll find a way" "Alright. See you in a bit" She ends the call and I collapse on a chair next to me. Worry and frustration floods my body.
The doors to the cafeteria open and a few football player walk in with their jerseys on. Nate is amongst them but I ignore them and try to think of ways to leave the school after the performance. "You need some help, babygirl?" I slowly raise my head and look at the boy that approached me. He has a stupid smile on his face and shamelessly looks my body up and down. I'm wearing the cheer uniform because Maddy forced me to. "What do you want?" I ask in irritation and he takes a few steps closer.
"I think that's a question I should ask. What do you want? Because I can give it to you," he answers and I'm holding back an eye roll. I really don't have time for this. "Yeah, I'm not doing this with you rn" I get up from the chair and try to walk past him but he stands in my way. "You can't just leave me like that. It's rude-" "Get out of my face," I warn him and a deep voice calling for him makes us look over to the footballers.
Nate glares at him and threateningly walks over to us. "Is there a problem?" he asks and the other boy takes a few steps away from me. "No, her and I were just-" "I was leaving and you were going to stay out of my way" I interrupt him and walk off in annoyance. My phone vibrates in my hand and I look at the message Maddy sent me.
Maddy 💅🏻💸: we need you. Cassie's boobs don't fit in the uniform
Desi 💕💸: omw
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Jules and I sat in the cafeteria with everyone else and enjoyed our lunch. Talking to her brought a permanent smile to my face. And when she was startled by the sudden loud music, I only fell in love with her more.
The football coach hyped up the crowd and shortly after, the players were hopping around the cafeteria acting like wild, brainless idiots. I didn't really acknowledge them but Jules was searching the room with her eyes the whole time. When the cheerleaders came in and did their dance routine, Jules pointed to someone standing on the sidelines.
I see Jules waving from her spot by Rue and I return it. Then I continue to focus on the cheerleaders.
Looking back I don't know how anyone could have missed the obvious signs. Nate Jacobs had barely managed to take his eyes off Destiny the entire performance. He occasionally glanced at Maddy, but the new girl caught his interest. He somehow felt like she would be part of his life for a long time.
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After the pep rally, I follow the cheerleaders back to the locker room and change back into my outfit. Most of them are still in the showers or already on their way to class. "Maddy, did you drive here today?" "No, why?" she replies and I exhale loudly. "BB picked me up this morning, but she has an exam in the next period and I have to go home immediately. Rosie is sick," I say and she starts typing on her phone. "Cassie's mom is picking her up right now. Maybe you'll see her in the parking lot" Feeling relieved at the good news, I kiss Maddy's cheek before grabbing my bag and leaving the locker room.
In the parking lot, there are few people already getting into their cars but Cassie and her mom are not among them. Sighing, I take up my phone and intend to call Cassie, but a voice interrupts me. "Yo, Destiny" Irritated, I look over at Nate leaning against his truck. How does he even know my name? "What?" I ask dismissively. "Let me take you home" A few people look at us curiously and I already know that our conversation will create new rumors. "Why? I don't even know you"
"Yet," he says with a grin.
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Nate and I don't speak as he drives, but I notice him glancing at me from time to time. It really annoys me and I don't feel like dying in a car crash. "Keep your eyes on the road, Jacobs" He chuckles and stops at a red light. "Don't you trust me?" Nate asks and I look at him like he's stupid. "I don't know you" "You held a knife in my face. I don't think we could get any closer," he tells me and I roll my eyes. Suddenly, I feel something warm on my knee and almost jump in surprise. It feels comforting which is a red flag in my eyes. As I turn to look at him I notice he is already staring at me.
"Why offer me a ride home? You said it yourself. I held a knife in your face. So what do you want?" I ask him and push his hand off my knee. "I want to get to know you" That's bullshit. The stop light turns green again and he starts driving. It's not hard to notice how handsome he looks while doing so, even though I'm trying not to look. Ugh, I hate myself for feeling somehow attracted to him. "I know your lying," I tell him and look out the window.
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My phone vibrates in my pocket and I quickly take it out to escape any further conversation with Nate.
Maddy 💅🏻💸: bitch why are you with Nate?
Desi 💕💸: he's taking me home
Maddy 💅🏻💸: and why tf would u get in car with him? he's crazy
Desi 💕💸: I don't care...I need to get to my daughter
Maddy 💅🏻💸: I'll beat his ass if he touches you
Desi 💕💸: I can handle myself
"Who are you texting?" Nate asks and I notice that we're already in front of my house. He knows where I live? "Why do you care?" "Because I'm trying to get to know you," he answers, and I can tell that he's getting frustrated. "And I'm not. Thanks for the ride tho," I reply and open the car door to get our. But he suddenly grabs my wrist and I look back at him warily. "Can you stop being difficult and just tell me?!" His outburst almost makes me laugh and I roughly slap his hand off mine. "Look at you having a temper tantrum. I've dealt with some of those before and I'll tell you right now that you won't get your way. Now leave alone" He stares at me for a second before he chuckles in amusement. "I like you. Let me take you out tomorrow" "No"
He rolls his eyes and I get out of the car.
"Did Maddy tell you about the guy from the party? She blacked out and he still fucked her," he says all of a sudden and I look at him in confusion. I honestly don't know if I should believe Maddy but Nate does, apparently. "She doesn't want to talk about it," I answer and he nods slowly. When he looks up his eyes have gone dark. "His name is Tyler Clarkson. He's 22" Disgust spreads through my body and he smiles when he notices my reaction. "That's statutory rape," he adds. That's awful but what does Nate expect from me?
"Then call the police if you know all of this. What am I supposed to do? Find Tyler and beat his ass?"
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I carefully place Rosalyn in her crib and sigh in relief when she doesn't wake up. I've been feeding, cuddling and caring for her for hours and she never fell asleep. She kept whining and rubbing her eyes because she missed her daily naps.
"Finally" I carefully step away from her crib and lie down on my bed. Watching Netflix or listening to music would wake her up again and that's why I take my phone and scroll through Instagram. Being friends with Maddy, Cassie and Kat, who drastically changed her appearance, really increased my numbers of followers in the last two weeks. Most of them are the popular girls, football players or some weird college guys.
The first picture I see on my homepage is one of Cassie and McKay watching a movie. I smile at the cute caption she wrote. Cassie told me about all the awful ex boyfriends she had. I'm happy that she found a sweet guy like McKay. I like the picture and keep scrolling until a pic of Maddy pops up. It looks like she is in a bowling alley. "Looks like fun" I tap on the list of tagged people and frown when I see the name @nate.jacobs18. Why is Maddy with him? I still like the picture and comment a heart before closing the app and turning on my side.
Rosie's peaceful face makes me smile and I put my phone on my nightstand and watch her until I fall asleep.
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AN: opinions and/or feedback?