There was something curious about the way Rose missed Sirius. Pretending a wound is fine doesn't cease necrosis, in fact it worsens it.
Rose was worsening, silently.
December 19th 1977
Sunbeams shined through the glass of the Herbology greenhouse. Lily and Rose sat together in the floor, Dorcas(with a single pink tulip tucked behind her ear) leaned against a table beside Xenophilius who's company she'd come to enjoy.
Earlier, they'd all prepared each of the the three greenhouses to be left alone through the holidays. Conversations flowed freely as the group worked in such close proximity. All the while, Xeno had a record playing ambient music, humming to himself as he fidgeted with the variety of necklaces around his neck, his long platinum hair swaying with each bop of his head.
The greenhouse itself was more alive than it had been in weeks, usually Rose stayed there alone, in a silent space, a miniature library of books floating around her and the foliage as she filled her time with work and reading.
Among them an old leather bound journal with pressed rose petals peeking from it's pages.
Regulus had grown far busier and far more reclusive again, and so Rose found herself in the company of friends-of-friends on the occasion she chose to have company at all.
This was one of those times, the air was light.
"So." Dorcas began, pointing a hand towards Lily and Rose.
"From what I've gathered, your dad was like, a hippie then?" She asked rather jokingly, the girls shared a look before nodding in unison.
"I suppose he was free spirit of sorts. The kind that abandons your family." Lily said.
"You think if he WAS a hippie he'd look like me?" Xeno asked with a light-hearted chuckle.
Lily rolled her eyes, but answered anyway.
"Probably. Different hair though." She half-joked, Dorcas looked over at her again.
"Lils, I think everyone has hair different than this lad. Well, maybe not that one Malfoy prefect, you remember him? Such a prat."
Rose tapped Lily's leg, a memory coming back to her.
"I remember that guy! I bumped into him literally on my first ride to Hogwarts and he just glared down at me. I hated it." Rose said with a small sting of laughter.
"Speaking of you hating situations..." Lily began, looking over at Rose pleadingly.
"Lily, I know what you're going to ask and I think it's an awful idea." She responded.
"James invited BOTH of us over for New Years, okay? It's one night." Lily continued to plead, this had obviously been a going discussion between the two of them.
Rose sighed helplessly.
"Lils, you know I'm going. I just don't want to." She explained, this led Dorcas to yet another line of conversation.
"You know Sirius told us about him and Remus right? I mean we all kinda figured there was something going on there, and he wasn't super specific about it, but he mentioned that you knew, no judgement. I'm just asking...where does that put you two?" Dorcas asked, Rose simply shook her head in response.
"As for Sirius, I'll guess we'll see on New Years, but Remus and I are still cool, he leaves me chocolate with little notes on it sometimes. Granted the notes usually just say "eat" or "feel better", but I miss him a lot. I hope I've not hurt him." She said, Lily awed sadly, and Dorcas nodded.
The conversations drifted off, and music took over the space for the most part. Rose stood and began to clean up around the greenhouse, Xeno and Dorcas started their own quiet conversation, and Lily sat contemplatively in the floor. Each one enjoying their time differently, but all equally content.
While dusting off a shelf Rose found a small beetle, it's shell shined green and purple, it was dead, but perfectly in tact.
She picked it up gently, placing it in a small jar, and mentally noting to come back and frame the little guy properly later.
—
December 31st 1977
The Potter's house was huge.
It was spacious and the wooden details throughout were simultaneously homey and elegant.
James greeted them excitedly, welcoming them into the home, the warm scents of Christmas candles still hung in the air, and sunlight seemed to beam through every window creating streams of light all throughout the household.
And who else would come walking down the stairs, right through one that static light other than Sirius Black?
He spoke to James as he made his way down the stairs, mumbling of some motorbike, his hair was wet, with a towel in hand lazily drying it. He wore a tank top and loose jeans, you'd think it was the peak of summer by the way he looked. Steam rose up off him and swirled throughout the sun rays as he walked.
Once he'd reached the bottom of the stairs he only remained there until Mr. and Mrs. Potter made their way over to the door, he then took his leave. Throwing the damp towel over his shoulder with a slap, forgetting whatever it was he needed from James.
James cleared his throat and extended a hand towards Lily and Rose.
"Mother, This is Lily, and Rose Evans." He said, a proud smile on his face as he meet eyes with Lily, she looked just as happy.
Rose adored that he made her so happy. She so often saw Lily smile and giggle out of her peripheral vision when James was around.
James' parents introduced themselves. His father had a bushy grey mustache and hair just as curly and wild as James'. His mother's
cheeks were wrinkled, and her hair much like her husbands had gone grey, but her smile was ever-present, she was warmth personified.
Aside from a family dinner(that Rose found a way to escape without so much of a glance at Sirius), James' parents didn't hover, allowing him to manage the houseguests on his own.
—
There were a few leftover Christmas decorations scattered about the home, and outside a large Christmas tree leaned against the garden fence. Dried and wilting from time.
The Christmas gifts from James started arriving for Lily far before Christmas had actually came, and much to both Rose and Lily's surprise they were not over the top at all, but sweet and sensible.
He'd even gotten Rose a gift, another plant. The potted succulent sat on her worktable in the greenhouse along with a bundle of snowdrops and a small container of strawberries on the day they left Hogwarts for the holidays. Alongside a note from "Your future brother-in-law".
Rose rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the smile that formed.
Now, Rose, Lily, and James were all together in his room. Rose played aimlessly with the sword she had found years ago while exploring with Sirius and Peter, though they had given it to James. She swung it back and forth. Tapping her shoe cautiously with the tip of it occasionally.
There was a light tap at the door, then a slightly louder one, James opened it and Sirius stood there, wearing a scarf and long coat over his less warm clothing choices.
He must have grown tired of the grating silence Rose could almost feel even from a different room.
"I uh— I'm going into the garden if you lot wanted to join." He said, glancing over at the sword in Rose's hands, just the sight of it seemed to trigger a core memory for him.
"Even me?" She asked, slinging the sword onto her shoulder, flat side down.
"Even you." He said, without the bitterness she'd expected to come from him.
"I'm bringing the sword." She added, and Sirius almost smiled.
"Okay." He agreed as they each prepared for the cold and followed him out.
—
The four of them stood around the forsaken Christmas tree, Rose tapped it lightly with the sword.
"You guys wanna burn it?" She asked, James responded with a confused look.
"What? No." he said swiftly.
"I kinda did." Lily peeped up with a shrug
"See? Lils gets it."
"How are we gonna burn it?" Sirius asked.
"Sit it in the middle of the garden, and ya know- set it on fire." Rose explained, wanting to give the poor tree a proper burial.
"I mean...fine..the sun's gonna go down in a bit, we'll have a few drinks and...a burning tree." James agreed.
As New Years Eve went on Sirius warmed up to Rose more. He and James were on a mission to keep the girls awake until the new year and drink after drink it became a harder task, time blurred together more and more, speeding one hour and slowing the next.
Sirius even played around as Padfoot for a while to entertain them, during which James and Lily made their way to the kitchen to fix some snacks and probably have a bit of time together.
Rose sat in the grass, the fire from the tree burning still, though most of it's needles had fallen away.
She pulled at grass and sprinkled the blades along the sword sat next to her, Sirius padded over, nudging her hand like a real dog might, looking up at her with puppy eyes.
She stopped pulling at the grass, and did as he bid, handing over her attention.
He'd transformed back immediately, moving his hair out of his eyes.
"I think I've forgiven you." He said, and Rose recoiled a tad.
"You've forgiven me? You said all those cruel things. I have to forgive you too." She said,
attention going back to pulling at grass.
"Then forgive me." He sat next to her.
"I miss you." She said, not really in response to what he had said, but as a statement all on its own.
"I've missed you for what? Over a month now? I find out you've finally been honest about you and Moons from someone else? I've missed so much." She continued, pulling at the grass faster.
He placed a hand atop of hers, she released her grip under his touch.
"I thought you cared for me." She finally admitted, solemnly.
"I was enthralled by you." He corrected, running a hand over the cold metal weapon sitting next to her.
"I remember when it started, Snape had called your sister a slur, you comforted her first, then you made your way to Snivellus and hit him without hesitation. I realized what a good sister you were, and without Lily even having to ask." He recalled, cautiously touching her hand with his own.
"Plus, it told me you would understand my situation with my brother...." He trailed off, regret so deep in his mercury eyes, recalling moments with his brother that had long passed.
He'd once told Rose that when he and Regulus were small Regulus enjoyed to play as imaginary knights. They'd both taken up fencing growing up and fencing was rather boring to Sirius until Regulus came up with the knight game. Then, Sirius got bored of that. He wanted to be a pirate instead. Regulus didn't care much for playing pirates.
Knights served.
Pirates took.
Sirius' voice brought her attention back out of a memory that was not even her own.
"And you may have once understood that but now...now I'm put in the position of being angry at you, jealous of Regulus', afraid for him, afraid you'll hurt him. Rose, if you break my brother's heart what am I to do about it? If I help you break his heart what does that make me?" He sighed, rubbing the tattoo on his neck.
"Well...what do you want, Sirius?" Rose asked, he smiled a sad little smile, but answered with a joke.
"I want to live out my days with you, Regulus, and all the lads except I lock you all in a tower somewhere and we do the whole Rapunzel thing. I want Lily and James to be happy forever, I want my little brother safe, and I want you and Moons." He said, his sarcasm falling into despair.
Rose took that in, closing her eyes briefly before opening them again. Dim orange light from the fire illuminating her features and making her hair appear as alive as the flames themselves.
"Earlier you said you forgive me. What if I want to remain...friends...with Regulus? Can you still forgive me knowing that?" She asked, he released her hand.
"I think I can." He said, and something inside of Rose threw her arms around him in the tightest hug she could muster, when his face buried into her shoulder it was warm and Rose could feel it heating further.
She'd thought their everything was over, but here they were.
"I don't remember the last time a girl made me blush." He admitted when she pulled away.
"What about boys?" She asked with a cheeky smile.
"Boy. Remus." He said, looking away with a deepening flush to his cheeks and tip of his nose.
"And...he use to make me blush all the time. Godric, I remember the first time I saw him, I didn't even think it was possible to fancy someone in first year but when I saw the way he looked I just thought, "wow that kid is badass, I'm gonna force that wanker to be my friend" and it worked. My heart use to stop just looking at him, still does sometimes." Sirius explained.
You would expect Rose to be jealous, but she never found herself feeling that way. Remus was a very private person, so she'd never ask him about these things, but she could assume he loved Sirius, and that knowledge brought her happiness, not anger. Remus was a wonderfully thoughtful lad, and a loyal friend, what more could she want for one of her best friend's companions?
Of all that happened that night Rose remembered her talk with Sirius the most. The rest had meshed together, but each word he spoke to her was vividly carved into her memory.
When it finally came time to count down to the new year they did so with Lily's small gold wristwatch, outside under the stars.
The boys hadn't purchased fireworks of their own, Sirius had grown rather sensitive to the noise of them. It was New Years Eve however, and others had planned for fireworks, the moment Lily counted down the time(just to be scooped up into a kiss by James) they burst into the shy far in the distance, Sirius' eyes grew wide for a moment before Rose placed her hands firmly over each of his ears, he added his own atop of her's and smiled at her.
The fireworks erupted into the sky and shined back down into Sirius' eyes, filling them with color.
Rose simply held him there, their foreheads leaned together.
As unconventional as it may have been, Rose was happy.