#nowplaying
= An unfamiliar day - CHEN ❤️ =
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[YUJIN'S POV]
As soon as I reached the top of Namsan tower, I stepped outdoors to get some fresh air. First thing I did was take off my sunglasses and close my eyes. Inhaling the cool air, I faced up and let the setting sun kiss my skin. It was the beginning of autumn, my favourite season and I was in my favourite place. Nothing could be more perfect than this. It felt so great to be back. Since my arrival in Seoul yesterday, I prepared a week-worth itinerary to tour around my homeland to get a taste of the food and culture again.
This is my vacation, a self-healing trip that I can spend time all by myself.
I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned behind to look. It was a man standing there with a hearty smile on his face.
"Hi," he started confidently. "I noticed that you're here alone... and I think you're really pretty." Then he gave me his phone. "Do you mind? I hope we can get to know each other better."
I looked between him and his phone for a moment and returned a polite smile. "Thanks... but I mind," I said, hoping that it was enough to end the conversation.
He tilted his head, "may I know why?"
There was no good reason. It's all because he's a stranger, and up till this day, I don't deal well with strangers.
"I gotta go," I lied, giving him one last fake smile. Deep down feeling slightly annoyed because he was making me leave my favourite place.
"Come on," he held onto my arm. "I just want to know the reason... it seems like you're single. Why not give me a chance?"
"Y-You're just not my type," my smile faded, absolutely hating how he held onto me. I removed myself from his grip, wanting to walk off again but he blocked me.
"What's your type of guy?" He started getting pushy with me.
"I'm not interested, can you move aside please?" I made it clear, but he seemed to refuse.
"Just do me a favour, would you? Spend three minutes with me," he blocked my way again when I tried to step out.
What the heck?
"Crazy," I muttered and pushed my way past him. He grabbed my wrist this time and yanked me backwards, forcing me back to where I was.
"Just pretend to be interested, will you? I'll pay you five bucks. Stay with me for a minute more," he hissed softly. The look in his eyes changed from a gentleman to a venomous one.
"You're... using me?" I realised. So I was supposed to give him my number and get dumped after he wins some kind of bet?
Anger started to boil within me. I do not know who this show was for but I am absolutely not into this game.
"F*ck off," I spat in his face. One thing I've learnt after so many years was to speak up for myself, even if it meant using vulgarities.
"What did you just say?" He chuckled with a smeared look and refused to let me go. Instead, he held me tighter. "Don't be rude, bitch. And you're not that pretty."
Ouch to my ego.
"Go to hell," I glared back, trying to look fierce but deep down my fear grew. I don't know this guy and I don't know what he would do to me in front of other people. He grabbed my shoulder and used his thumb to press deep into my skin, so hard that it gradually hurt.
"You're staying until I say you can go," he threatened me with a smile, but underneath that facade I saw a nasty smirk.
A normal person would have screamed and shouted molest to get this man in deep shit, but I couldn't move.
I didn't dare to.
I realised I was no match for a muscle man like him, and I didn't dare to attract attention from anyone else. I tried to hide my anxiety but I felt so small that it began to trample on my self-esteem. The feeling was as if... I'm back to my old self. And it made me wonder if I had ever changed.
I thought I did.
"Move..." I demanded, but it began to sound like I was begging.
"Let's hang out a little while more," his smirk grew wider. The guy used his thumb to pierce deeper into my shoulder.
"Stop!" I cried, squeezing my eyes shut and immediately felt his hand lifted off of me.
"She said stop." A deep, angry voice intruded.
I turned my head to see another guy step beside me, grabbing the wrist of the jerk who was hurting me.
I stared at him in surprise, inhaling deeply as I captured his features up close. Sharp jawline, milky smooth skin, black Asian eyes, even the crease between his eyebrows when he frowned made him look gorgeous...
"Who the f*ck are you?" The jerk flung his hand out to free himself from the grip.
I know this person.
"Me?" He briefly exchanged looks with me and glared back at the jerk. "I'm her boyfriend. Now piss off before I call the security."
In seconds the jerk was out of our way and I was able to heave a big sigh of relief. Never knew I tensed up so much that my legs turned weak the moment he left.
"Are you okay?" He lowered me down to the ground as soon as he noticed me crumble.
When I was calm enough, I looked up and met him eye to eye. It really is the face of the boy I've missed many years back. It's Myungho, and he has grown up astonishingly well.
Is this a dream? Did he really call himself my...
"Boyfriend?" I blurt out in question. Myungho stayed on the ground with me and smiled back awkwardly.
"I'm a boy, and... still a friend, right?"
I nodded subtly, soon realising that it has been five years since we spoke. Five years since we last saw each other. Five years missing out on each other's lives...
"How have you been?" He asked, breaking the silence.
"Good," I responded with an unnatural smile. I was hoping to cover up the awkwardness but I think I made it worse. "S-Shall we get out of here? Dinner's on me." I quickly rose to my feet.
I realised I didn't even ask if he wanted to eat with me, but silence means consent so I took the lead and walked us out of the place.
...
Thankfully, Myungho was agreeable to everything. Right after we left Namsan Tower, I brought him to a nearby Samgyetang restaurant, one which I had already planned to visit tonight.
"The Kimchi here is to die for," Myungho pushed the Kimchi bowl in front of me after tasting it himself. We just ordered our food and he was already luring me in with the appetisers. But no, I need to watch my diet.
"It's okay," I rejected calmly. Back in Canada, we didn't have such appetisers and I lived without them alright.
"Come on, I promise you'll love it." Myungho sounded confident. Seems like he's been here many times. I wonder with who.
"Nah, I can wait till my food is here," I insisted until my stomach rumbled loudly. Myungho obviously heard it because he couldn't hide his smile.
"Just one kimchi, come on," he inched the bowl towards me, and so I decided to take one.
It was indeed Kimchi heaven because I found myself spending more time eating it than eating my samgyetang. Man, I really missed Kimchi...
Myungho started laughing while I was busy devouring the goodness down my mouth. I immediately felt heat radiating off my face.
"What?" I frowned, not liking how my cool image is gone by now. I didn't ask him for dinner for me to look like a joke.
"I'm not laughing at you, I'm just glad." He said with the smile still on his face.
"Glad because I like the kimchi you recommended? That's a lot of credit taken for someone who didn't make them," I reasoned with a straight face.
He chuckled more. "No, I'm glad that you still like Kimchi. It proves that even after being away from your homeland, you haven't changed."
I stopped for a second, frowning deeply because that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I finally put down my chopsticks for a serious talk.
"It's been five years, Myungho. You missed out five years of my life and the first thing you tell me now is that I haven't changed?"
It took me five years to crawl out of it, and I came back because I thought I was ready to face the society. Until some jerk tried to mess with me at the Namsan Tower today, I realised I still can't shout for help like a normal person.
When I moved to Canada years ago, I sought professional from a psychologist named Dr Carmen, who diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder.
In fact, my anxiety worsened tremendously when I had to move to a new country and call it home. I knew nobody after deleting my contacts, my parents were too busy for me, and I was too afraid to walk into the world alone.
By then, there were only 3 months left to high-school graduation. In that short time, I never stepped out of my boundaries at school to make new friends. Whoever tried to befriend me turned away because I couldn't hold proper conversations. Every time I tried, I would stutter, get sweaty palms or have crazy heart palpitations.
I always escaped from people so that I can breathe again and I thought I was most comfortable alone. But it only made me hate myself. Little did I know, the isolation was making me sicker.
Thankfully, I had Daphne. Although I changed my number, she still found me because my mother was the emergency contact person on my employee application form. I was actually relieved to have a familiar figure calling me at random times for a chat. She even offered to exchange my contact with Myungho so I could open up to another friend and feel less lonely, but I strongly declined.
I couldn't let him know that I landed myself in such a pathetic state.
When Daphne suspected that there was a problem with me, she persuaded me to see a psychologist. That's how Dr Carmen came into the picture.
I almost crumbled when Dr Carmen told me I had a disorder. At first, I was ashamed and had a hard time accepting it. I knew I've always been an anxious introvert but never to the point of a disorder. Dr Carmen had to prescribe medication to me to prevent the bad thoughts from running wild. I was a big mess at the beginning of my therapy and it took me three full months to accept this broken part of me.
Since then, I devoted most of my time working on various forms of therapy trying to fix myself. It took years for Dr Carmen to walk me out of my shell, until one day, I became confident enough to stand on my own and have casual talks with people for as long as five minutes without breaking down.
That was why I had the courage to come back to Korea. I thought I was ready to start a new life in my homeland and live my life like a normal person now.
But what did he say? I haven't changed?
Myungho looked mildly surprised at my reaction. "I-I don't mean it in a bad way," he quickly defended. "I mean you've certainly changed for the better but from the way I see it, the core in you remains."
"C-Core?" I scoffed, looking up to the ceiling. I can't tell if he was messing with me now.
"Yes, core. You know? Like the way you talk, the food you like..."
"-I'm about to throw this red cabbage at you if you keep talking." I snapped, one hand reaching for the kimchi bowl.
Silence whipped the air as I shot Myungho a death glare, but he only returned me puppy eyes. Now we were back to an awkward moment.
"You wanna know what really changed?" He spoke again.
I blinked away and held up my chopsticks to eat again. A second ago I was filled with agitation, now I am afraid to hear the truth. My eyes stayed on my samgyetang as I continued munching on the shredded pieces of chicken, waiting for him to spill.
"You're louder, older, taller with those heels, more vulgar, and..." he listed out loud and I clenched my chopsticks tighter each time. I slammed my chopsticks on the table and glared back, all ready to shoot him back.
"Prettier," Myungho said right at that moment, shutting down all my fight mechanisms.
Did I expect this at all? No.
Did that make me happy? Ye-
"Liar," I rolled my eyes. It's too soon to fall for his sweet talk.
"I can't be more honest," he sounded serious.
"You can't prove it," I said. Myungho spent some time thinking there, and I wished I knew what went through his mind.
"I think five years is long enough for us to have this honest talk. In fact, I waited too long for this day to come," he exhaled. "I know I missed out five years of your life, and you're probably living a good life without me... but I wonder if I can still be a part of your life."
I clasped my hands nervously under the table, as if this was a big decision to make. I promised myself to start anew when I came back but Myungho was not part of the plan. It has been five years, and I was almost sure that I am over him until I saw him again.
He appeared when I least expected it, making me feel like I'm the same old me and I hate it.
The original plan was to see Myungho only when I'm ready and successful...
I lowered my eyes as soon as I decided. "I'm sorry," was all that came out of my mouth, because I didn't know how we could continue from here. Any step closer to me and Myungho would find out about my little anxiety secret.
"Don't apologise," he sighed heavily. "That's not what I want to hear."
" I don't think you'll hear what you want tonight," I told him honestly. "It's late. Let's finish up and get home, shall we?"
"One more question then," Myungho said, nervously stirring his ginseng chicken soup with his spoon. "Do you have a... boyfriend?"
I barely made a friend, let alone a boyfriend.
I met his careful eyes and watched the way he anticipated my answer. But why? Why does he want to know if I have a boyfriend after five years? What is he trying to prove?
"No," I swallowed the lump in my throat, debating how honest I should be but my words just slipped out. "But I have a husband."
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