aster's pov
"Maybe i should just wear pants." i suggested.
"You cant even see them. I promise." We both sat on the bed, my legs extended on Fezco's lap as he took a beauty blender with concealer and used it to cover my bruises.
"Are you sure?" i bit my lip nervously as he continued blending in the concealer on the big bruise on my shin.
"Promise." he finally looked up at me with a warm reassuring smile.
"I dont know if i should go." i hesitated.
"You're going." he was stern. "You've been in this house for a week. Go hang out with your friends."
I stood up from the bed and walked over to the mirror.
"You look beautiful." I could see Fezco in the mirror sitting on the bed, his eyes glued to my body.
"Thank you." i smiled to myself while looking down at my legs. "The bruises are really covered up." I was relieved.
Its sad that i even had to cover up bruises on my legs in the first place.
"Thank you for doing that." i walked over to him to hug him goodbye. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. Not that i didn't want to see Maddy and celebrate her birthday. I just wasn't really in the mood to socialize.
"Leave already." he chuckled as he tried prying me off of him.
—
"You're here!" Maddy screamed as i walked inside.
"Of course. I wouldnt miss your party." i smiled as i pulled her into a hug. "Happy birthday! You're finally legal!" i held her tight.
"Aster!" i turned to face Suze Howard. One of my mom's bestfriends.
"Hey Suze." i hugged her.
"Hey sweetie. Glad you made it." she smiled before heading to the kitchen.
"Cmon the girls are at the table. Its time for cake." Maddy took my arm and dragged me towards the dining table of the Howard household.
On the way there i set my birthday gift down with the rest.
"Look who made it!" Maddy announced to the girls as we took seats at the table.
"Hey girl." BB waved before taking a hit from her vape.
"Hey BB." i smiled at her. "We havent seen you all week." she added.
"Yeah." i answered awkwardly.
"Yeah where have you been?" Kat raised a brow while we all waited for Cassie to come with the cake.
"I wasnt feelin good. So i just stayed home." They just nodded along and moved on. Perfect timing because Cassie was headed our way with a candlelit cake.
Later into the party everyone started dancing. I took this time to pour myself a shot. i walked over to a table to pour a shot of Ciroc.
"Pour me one." Maddy said while dancing to the music playing in the living room.
"Kat do you want one?" i glanced over at her as she sat on a foldable chair outside.
"No im okay." she shook her head and continued to stare at the ground.
Maddy and I exchanged looks then looked back at Kat.
"You wanna dance?" Maddy offered.
She just shook her head at Maddy and smiled.
"Whats wrong?" I questioned her as she shook her head once more.
"Cmon." Maddy took her by the hand and took her inside to the kitchen. Me following right behind them.
"Whats wrong?" Maddy questioned.
"I like.... cant fucking stand Ethan." She admitted.
"I was wondering."
"I dont know. Hes like sweet and like something good finally happens and im like a million times more miserable."
"Well theres a difference between what you think you should want and what you actually want." Maddy explained to her, while i nod my head agreeing with her.
"How do i know what i want?"
"Well you don't." i speak up.
"Then whats the whole world always talkin about?" Kat looked at both of us with confusion in her eyes.
"This shit is hard and confusing. The last thing you need is to feel worse because you're not feeling something you're supposed to feel." Maddy responded. "You do what feels good to you."
"Agreed." i nodded my head. "Life is way too fucking short to waste your time on something you dont actually want." I smiled at her.
Finally we see a genuine smile appear on her face.
"I love you guys."
"I love you too." We said in unison.
"Now lets go take that shot and dance." I drag the both of them back outside to continue pouring shots.
We all took our shot glasses and clinked them together. "Happy 18th to the baddest bitch on this planet." i could feel the vodka burn my throat as it went down.
"Lets go dance." I followed the two towards the loving room where everyone was dancing.
"Hey Cassie." i walked over to her. She was downing an entire bottle by herself.
"Hey." she forced a smile. "Do you know if Nate is still coming?"
"Uhhh i think so." i shrugged.
She nodded her head.
I just made my way towards the couch where Lexi sat.
"Hey Lex." i smiled at her.
"Hey." she smiled back.
"How are you? I feel like i havent talked to you since... you know... Rue went to rehab."
"Ive been good." she nodded her head.
"What you been up to?" i leaned my head against the couch.
"Not much... im doing a play for school."
"No fuckin way." my head perked up. "Hows that going?"
"Its good. I just did auditions and already picked people for the roles." she nodded her head.
"Thats actually really cool. Isn't the drama club putting on Oklahoma?" i questioned as she nodded her head.
"Ugh totally boring. Its about time we see something different." i smiled. "Whats it about?"
"Uhhh well...." she seemed a little uneasy on telling me. "Its about friendships being tight knit and over time just grow apart as they grow older."
—
Once Nate showed up i left. Thank god he did because my social battery was dying.Plus the tension in the house between Nate and I.
"Hey babe." Fezco called out as i walked into the room. "How was it?"
"It was cool. But then ugly Nate showed up." I took off my heels and crawled into bed. "but im glad he came because i wanted to leave."
I laid under the covers with Fezco.
"You want to go on the roof and smoke?"
"Fuck yeah."
I slipped out of the dress and changed into sweatpants and a baggy shirt.
We got up on the roof and smoked our own joints while staring at the sky.
"I think you've become my comfort person." i sat in between his legs, laying against his chest.
"Whats that?"
"You bring me peace." i smiled. "When im around you i dont have to keep my guard up. So I'm comfortable around you."
I felt him kiss the top of my head.
"Fez, you ever been in love before?"
"Yeah, right now."
"No like.... before i came along, have you ever loved someone else?"
He was silent.
"Dont worry i wont get mad." i added while turned my head to see his face. He laughed and shook his head at me.
"Ive never been in a relationship, not until i met you. So to answer your question, no. Ive never been in love before."
"So if we both never dated other people before, how do we know that this is real love?" i took another hit from my joint.
"Uhhh i dont know. We just feel it. But i think even if we did date other people in the past, it still wont determine anything we feel now. All relationships are different and the connection you have with a person wont be the same. So you cant really compare that shit."
I just nodded along with his words.
"Why? You having second thoughts about our relationship?" i felt his face lean in closer to mine. I could feel his facial hair poking the side of my face, it tickled.
"No. Im just curious. Love is like a really complex topic." i turned my head to kiss him.
"It is." he agreed. "Why you think it took me this long to get into a relationship?" he laughed.
"Do you remember when we kissed on my birthday last summer?" i smiled to myself as i looked at every single speck of white in the sky.
"Yeah a little." he laughed. "I think we both were a little too crossfaded for that. All i remember was you walking up to me, you called me out for just selling drugs when i should be partying. We got high and then you made me take hella shots with you. I dont remember who kissed who."
I rested my arms on his legs and nodded.
"I kissed you. Thats all i remember." i admitted.
I felt him wrap his arms around me. "Im glad you did because i wouldn't have had the balls to initiate the kiss."
"Why not?"
"Because.... the people you hang out with and the way you carried yourself, i never thought you'd pay any mind to a guy like me."
"What do you mean?" i fidgeted with his watch as he elaborated on his words.
"Well like... you're like the prettiest girl in this town."
"Shut the fuck up. No im not." i immediately shut his statement down.
"Deny it all you want. Its true, Aster. You're really beautiful and I bet if you wanted, you could have any guy. You're beautiful and you have this confidence in you that makes you 10 times more attractive. You know your self worth and you didnt want to settle for some lame. And im just some drop out drug dealer. Of course i believed i never had a shot with you. Girls go for piece of shit assholes like Nate Jacobs."
He did have a point. Girls these days go for the asshole who will break their heart, but will obsess over the 2 minutes they treated them good and stay. I never let the beauty of a person ever enable their shitty personality to corrupt me. A toxic person was a toxic person in my eyes and no good looks could change that for me.
"I wish you could see yourself the way i see you. You always think so bad of yourself. In reality you're the most beautiful person I've ever met, on the inside and out."
"Thank you." i smiled to myself. Fez views me in a way that i could never. I dont know why i have a hard time thinking positive things about myself, but i just cant.
"You know you're so much more than a drop out drug dealer right?" i kissed his hand and held it close to my cheek. "You're so intelligent and kind hearted. Dont even get me started on that d-"
He covered my mouth with his hand. "Why you gotta bring up my dick in every conversation?" he laughed.
"I was going to say devotion." i remove his hand from my mouth.
"You're a fuckin liar." he continued laughing. He wasn't wrong, i was originally going to say dick. He knows me so well.
"No but seriously, a drug dealer isnt all there is to you. I hope you know that." i smiled at him.
"You know you're like the only person in this town that talked to me about something other than drugs?"
I didnt say anything. I just listened.
"All my life its been about drugs, whether its dealing, or whatever. I dont think ive ever talked to a person about my personal interest, or how im doing, or my life goals. You're the only person who's ever asked me." i felt his head lay against my shoulder. "Thank you for that."
I could feel my heart breaking into pieces.
"We should go buy ice cream." i blurted out of nowhere.
"Right now?"
"Yeah why not?"
"Baby its late." he watched as i stood up.
"I dont care." i argued as i forced him up from his sitting position.
"Aight lets go." he finally gave in.
We invited Ash and then we all got in his car and drove to the nearest grocery store and raided the ice cream aisle. "Whats the best ice cream flavor?" i pushed the cart as i followed them down the long aisle of freezers.
"Rocky Road is my shit." Fezco stopped suddenly and grabbed a container of rocky road.
"And you?" he glanced over at me.
"Hmmmm i like rainbow sherbet." my eyes lit up once i spotted it.
"What are you? Five years old?" Fez and Ash started laughing at me as they grabbed it from the freezer.
"Fuck you guys." i tried running them over with the grocery cart.
"What flavor do you like?" i ditched the cart and looked down the aisle.
"Moose tracks." Ash responded, now pushing the cart.
"Oh its right here." i opened the door and grabbed a container of Moose tracks. Before i could put it in the cart, Ash hit me with it.
"Ow!" i fell to the floor and held onto my ankle.
"Shit my bad. I didn't see you there." He stifled a laugh.
"Guys you like my new ride?" We both turned to see Fezco driving one of the electric motor carts for the handicapped. I didn't even know he left.
"Fez get off of there. Thats not for you." i glared at him.
"Wait lets race." Ash ran out of the aisle to get himself one.
"What do you think Faye would like?" i questioned Fez as he drove in circles.
"Shit i dont know..." he shrugged his shoulders.
"Im gonna guess she likes strawberry," i grabbed a container of plain strawberry ice cream and set it in the cart.
"Should we get whip cream?" i questioned him as he nodded his head.
"Race you there." He tried to make the cart go faster.
"Okay Lightning McQueen." i rolled my eyes as i pushed the cart towards the dairy aisle.
Soon enough, Ash came over to us with an electric cart.
"Guys stop. You're embarrassing me." I mumbled as they kept tryna race each other.
I cant take these motherfuckers nowhere.
Now i was looking at the chip aisle trying to decide what i wanted to snack on. "Babe look out." I quickly turned around and sure enough, Fezco was hitting me with his electric cart.
"Fez!" i groaned in pain.
"Im sorry babe. You were in the way." he tried maneuvering past me to try and catch up to Ashtray. They were having another race but in the chip aisle now.
"Im sorry i was in your way." i rolled my eyes at him as i grabbed a chip bag and threw it at him.
"Babe. You're being rude in public." Fezco snickered as he drove past me again. Ash laughed with him.
"They should put speakers on these." Ash suggested. "Imagine cruising down the produce area, bumpin to 50 cent or something."
"I fucking hate you guys." i muttered to myself as i pushed the cart towards one of the open register. Then finally Fez and Ash decided to put the carts away and help me.
"Let me pay." Fezco walked over to pay for all the ice cream we got.
I dont think ive ever paid for anything since dating him and im not complaining.
"Thanks sugar daddy." i kissed his cheek as he put his card in the card reader.
I watched the teenage sales clerk eyes grow bigger.
"Should we buy a bag of ice for your ankles?" Ash elbowed me.
"Shut up and get the bags." i playfully smacked the back of his head as he laughed to himself.
Ash and Fezco carried the grocery bags to the car and we made our way home.
When we finally did make it home we woke up Faye and just stayed up eating ice cream. I don't think we all once got along and had a good time together until right now in this moment.
We were eating ice cream while playing uno. Somehow, someway Faye ended up winning. I think im starting to like Faye. At first i thought she was weird, but now that i got to know her, shes a lot of a better person than i expected. I assumed because she did heroine that she was going to be some sketchy chick and i wish i had given her a chance.
It was super late when we all went to bed.
Fezco had fallen asleep on my chest and i just laid there staring across the room. The lights from outside were shining inside so i wasnt staring at complete darkness.
Fezco was sleeping with no shirt on so i was softly rubbing his back while he was sound asleep.
I hate how easy its been for me to express emotions. I was laying there crying.
I didn't have my journal with me so i pulled out my phone and started typing.
Im looking back on every time I've ever prayed to god. Each time was for help and safety for something bad not to happen. I only reach out when i feel like i need him. Tonight was the very first night i actually talked to god and thanked him for giving me you. I always think back on the fucked up things in my life. Then i think of life once you've been put into it. You make every damaging person and moment in my life so little.
You're the only star in this darkened sky.
—sweeteasaint
im so excited for the next following chapters. im going to introduce a well known character from a different show. i promise you it will not fuck up the vibe of the story !! ahhh omg i dont wanna spoil who it is so ima stfu