Moving to close her front door Jamie was stopped by Steve's large hand holding it open. Even knowing she wouldn't be able to budge him out of her way she still tried to close it for a second. Frustration and concern warred in Steve's deep voice as he begged her to let him in. "Please, just hear me out."
"There's nothing to talk about, Steve. Whether or not you changed your mind I have nothing to say to you." Looking up into his face for the first time in months every second of their last meeting came rolling back to hit her hard. The betrayal he had planned on committing lanced through her already battered and bruised heart making it hard for Jamie to breathe. It felt like that day all over again as she stared up into his ocean blue eyes.
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October 28, 2023
Meandering down the long hallways of the Tower Jamie searched out Steve to check in with him and the others. With everything that had happened in the days following the Avengers defeat of Thanos she'd spent every spare minute with Mathew, Peter, May and Ned. She knew he understood how it was because he was doing the same with Bucky, Sam and all of the others who'd been snapped. They hadn't come out of the battle completely unscathed. They'd lost Nat in the search for the stones and no one could really believe it was real. That she wouldn't saunter in with that smirk of hers and a sassy quip at any second. Pausing at the entrance of the living room Jamie's breath hitched at all of the memories she had with Natasha in this very room.
When she didn't have time to head all the way out to the Compound she'd meet up with the Russian for drinks and girl talk or a movie nights either here or at her apartment. There were many days and nights where they talked about their pasts as they got to know each other. It was at Natasha's urging that she begin training. Well more like a demand. One that Jamie hadn't been able to say no to. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly she wiped at her eyes before continuing on her way looking for the handsome blonde Captain. Still caught up in her grief over losing Nat, Jamie didn't realize she had come upon him and his friend until she heard the man say Steve's name.
Smiling, Jamie was about to knock on the door to what must have been Bucky's room when what they were talking about filtered through the open crack in the door. Her smile faded at the other man's words. "What do you mean you're going to go back to the 40s? You don't belong there. Neither of us do anymore, Steve. And I can tell you know that it won't be like what you hope it'll be. She moved on after you left, pal. You need to let her go." What the hell. Steve was going to abandon them all to go back in time for a chick that already had a family?
Holding her breath she listened to Steve as he tried to explain himself to his other best friend. "It's exactly like I said, Buck. I've tried living in this time. I really have, but no matter how much good I've done I still don't feel like I belong. Peg and I… we never got our chance and I want that. Call it selfish, but I love her and want to spend what's left of my life with her." There was a slight pause before Steve spoke again trying to understand and for Bucky to let him go. "I don't want to leave you behind, but I think this is what's best for me. You belong here more than I do, Buck. Besides, it's not like you'll be on your own. With Sam, Tony and Dr Rayner to help you'll be fine. Please don't say anything to the others. It'll be easier for them to deal with after it's already done."
At the sound of footsteps coming closer and the two men saying their goodbyes Jamie carefully tiptoed past the door and booked it to Steve's room a couple doors down the hall. Closing the door behind her Jamie took a few steps to the side before she slid to the floor with her back against the wall. Mind racing, she thought about what it was Steve was going to do tomorrow. He was supposed to be going back through time to return the stones from where they got them. Apparently he was going to stay in what used to be his and Bucky's time. She might have understood his decision a little better had he talked to her about it. But to do this? This plan of his? There was no way she couldn't get behind or understand it.
The sound of the door opening a few minutes later had her head coming up from where it was resting on her knees to see Steve walk inside. He looked a little sad but she could see excitement dancing in those ocean blue eyes of his. Normally he would have known she was there, but his mind was clearly elsewhere. Not moving from her spot on the floor she quietly spoke, startling him. "Were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?"
"Jesus, Jamie! You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing there on the floor?" Spinning around Steve held his hand over his racing heart as he tried to think of how she knew he was leaving.
Keeping her voice soft, she just didn't have the energy to yell because she was trying hard to choke back her tears. "You know, I get it. I really do, Steve. You're angry and hurt over the life you think was stolen from you. But let me be real with you here for a minute." As she ripped off the truth band-aid Jamie's voice hardened. "I feel like I can just say this straight out because if you follow through with your little plan you'll be gone tomorrow and it won't matter if you don't like it." He silently stood there letting her talk. Steve hoped she'd understand where he was coming from once he explained himself. It didn't look like that was to be the case.
Standing up but still having to use the wall to hold herself up Jamie looked up at her friend with pain filled eyes. "The life you were meant to have had, happened. You sacrificed it for the sake of others, but you didn't die like you thought you would. Here. Now. This is your second chance. Not the one you're about to steal from the dozens of people Peggy loved. She got married. She had kids. Grandkids and great grandkids, Steve."
"If I go back before she ever meets her husband then I'll-"
"Kill them." He shakes his head in complete denial of what his actions would be doing to all of those people. "Yes, you will. Because they're alive today, Steve. They are alive and have lives and families. People who count on them. If you go back to do what you want you'll be killing them. Erasing them all from existence. Can you tell me you'd really be okay with doing that?"
Harshly running her hands through her hair she tried to get him to see that what he was wanting to do was wrong. While he might not feel like he belonged here, he did. That if Steve Rogers hadn't been here then so many people wouldn't be alive today and that the people who still needed his help could die without him here. "What about the lives of all of the people you've saved? Were all of their lives worthless? What about mine?" She asks with tear filled eyes and a trembling lower lip remembering that painful day five years ago like it was yesterday.
"Jamie, you gotta understand–" Shaking her head again when he tries to argue back a traitorous tear slips down her cheek stilling anything he might have said.
"No, it's cool. Based on your little chat with your friend there it's nice to know where we all really stand with you." Making her way over to the door Jamie stopped just before she opened it. Turning to the side to look at him she told him, "You know I might not have known you as long as some of the others, but I love and care about you the same. It's gonna kill them that you won't be back tomorrow. I know because it's breaking my heart and you haven't even left yet." Laughing sardonically she shook her head one more time.
"You know, there's having a selfish moment, Steve and then there's this." Jamie threw his words to Bucky back in his face as she gripped the door knob. Not able to look at him anymore, she speaks to the still closed door. "What you're really doing is stealing that woman's full and happy life and the lives of people she loved. Deep down you know this is wrong. Can you really be happy knowing that you're killing every one of these people she loved to be with her? Can you live with the fact that you're going to make your friends and loved ones mourn you because you'll be dead and gone by the end of tomorrow because you'll have grown old and died without us."
If she'd have turned around she would have seen the effects her words were having on Steve, but she didn't and he didn't have the words or the courage to tell her that he knew she was right. Opening his door she whispered over her shoulder on a hitched breath before slamming his door behind her. "I hope she's worth losing everyone who loves you."
Walking as fast as she could down the hall Jamie made her way to the elevator before Steve could think to follow her. If this was to be their goodbye then so be it. She couldn't stand there and listen to him try and justify his actions when even he had to know how wrong it was. Never in a million years did she think Steve Rogers would do something like this. Something not only morally wrong, but ethically wrong. Blindly brushing past Tony and Pepper, Jamie hit the button for the lobby as she cried. The older man tried to step inside to comfort her. "Jamie, what happened?"
Shaking her head she told him she had to go. Pepper placing a hand on his arm had Tony torn between wanting to help her and letting her go. Listening to his wife's silent advice he stepped back telling Jamie if she needed him to give him a call. She hadn't called him. She hadn't told anyone about their fight or what it was about later when everyone found out about their falling out. Jamie kept it locked down tight and let it fester until his decision took over her mental health. Until she felt like a ghost of her former self.
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March 7, 2024
Steve's strained voice pulled Jamie from her memories bringing her back to the present. "You were right. About everything, but that's not the reason why I'm here. Well not the only reason. I have a favor I wanted to talk to you about."
"Wow, you've got some nerve." Snorting out a disbelieving laugh Jamie stood there looking up at Steve with a snarkily cocked eyebrow. "Not only do you show up after what you almost did. You come here wanting to ask me for something. I've gotta say you've got some serious balls, Spangles."
At his nickname a ghost of a smile crossed his face but it fades away at her continued hard stare. When he doesn't immediately reply she huffs in annoyance and lets him enter her apartment. She knew how stubborn he was and to be honest, Jamie missed her friend, but she wasn't about to make this easy on him. Staying in the entryway she crossed her arms under her breasts and popped out her hip. "You've got five minutes. I'll listen, but I make no promises."
Licking his suddenly dry lips Steve looked at her from where he stood by the floating counter that divided the living room from the kitchen. "Thank you for being willing to hear me out. You have every right to be hurt and mad at me for what I did. I'm not here to try to make up for that. Although I hope that this will give me the chance to start to make up for it." At her hostile silence Steve shifted nervously as he took in Jamie's appearance.
She looked thin. Thinner than she normally was and there were dark circles under her eyes that he was sure she had covered by makeup that she washed off when she came home. When Peter had said that her nightmares had started back up again and that she wasn't doing well Steve's heart had sunk straight to his stomach. Having seen Jamie at her worst nearly six years ago his mind had gone straight to him needing to see her. To check for himself how bad it was. Relieved to see that she looked better than his rampant imaginings, Steve got to the reason he was here. "Peter told me you were looking for a roommate and I think I have the perfect one for you."
Parker and his big mouth. Fuming that he was talking about her to someone who had no reason to know her business she mentally made a note to verbally spank him later. Seeing that she wasn't happy about him knowing about her personal life he swallowed roughly. There had been a time before he screwed everything up that all he'd had had to do was mention the word favor and she'd have jumped at the chance to help. Now he had to hope that her good and sweet nature would make her hear him out.
"Before you tell me no, it's not me." He said when she opened her mouth to do just that. Snapping her mouth shut Jamie impatiently waited for him to spit it out. "Bucky is looking for some space from the Tower and I thought that you guys would be a good fit. I know you were probably looking to room with a woman, but there's no one I'd trust around you more than Buck."
Bucky Barnes was someone she knew quite a bit about from all of the stories Steve had told her about over the years. Not going to lie Jamie was a little surprised, but was leary as to why he needed 'space' from the Tower. What did he need space from? As far as she knew the surly former assassin had everything he'd ever need at the generosity of Tony and then some. Not a very trusting person to begin with Jamie was less so after what Steve had pulled. "Why is he moving out and why would he want to move in as my roommate? Wouldn't he want his own space?"
Even more relieved that she wasn't punting him out the door telling him to get lost forever Steve explained what had been going on. "Him, Sam and Pietro don't get along and honestly I'm getting a little worried one of them is going to push Buck too far one day. As for needing a roommate. I think he wants someone to be on hand that could help him if he has a nightmare or a PTSD flashback." Knowing all about those things because she had her own she couldn't help but feel for the poor man.
"If he wants a roommate why don't you guys room together?" Jamie would have thought the matter simple. Why complicate it by searching out a third party?
He knew she would ask that and was prepared to answer. "Because he wants to stand on his own two feet without having me hovering around trying to take care of him. With everything that's happened to him it's been hard to just be his friend and this would give us that. With how close you live to the Tower and the connection you have to the team you were the first person I thought of when he said he was moving out. And when Peter said you wanted a roommate I thought it was perfect timing." Taking a few steps closer to her he asked, "So what do you say?"
Uncrossing her arms she hooked her hands onto her hips as she thought about it. Just when he thinks she's going to tell him no she pleasantly surprised him by saying, "I'd have to meet him first. Knowing about him is one thing. Seeing him in person is completely different. I have to know if we can stand to be in the same room for longer than five minutes. If we can't, there's no point in him coming here."
"Of course. He wouldn't have any problem with that. Do you have time today or some time this week?" Steve took another step closer, hopeful that she would say yes. All she would have to do is meet Buck and she'd see everything he'd told her about him was true.
"Hold the phone. With you being his bestie I can only assume you'll be over here often." Like old times was left unspoken. He really hoped that this wouldn't stop her from letting Bucky move in. Not on a count of his stupid mistake. "Before I even say maybe, what is this explanation you said you have for me."
"The short answer?" At her nod his hands fall to his sides as he breaks eye contact for a second to gather himself. "You changed my mind. What you said stuck with me and it was all I could think about all the way up to the moment when I finally saw Peggy." When she let him talk he closed the distance between them a little more. "I thought about all of the pictures of her family I'd seen and the stories she'd told me about them. And I just couldn't do it. Not gonna lie. I still thought about staying back then but the idea that you'd hate me.. I just couldn't do it. Not to you or Buck or the others."
Chewing on the inside of her cheek to keep back her tears Jamie looked away from him the more he spoke. She hurt for her friend. She hurt for herself and she hated all of this time apart from him. With him being her rock for so long Jamie had thought she meant the same to him. The fact that he'd planned to leave her behind without so much as a goodbye, he'd shattered her already fragile heart. It hadn't mattered that everyone was back if it meant that she was going to lose him on top of Natasha. It hadn't mattered when he did come back instead of following through with his horrible plan. Just like it hadn't made a difference in her feelings for him even with her favorite redhead by his side. Because he'd broken too much of her trust for her to forgive his betrayal.
Sensing her cracking defenses Steve walked closer until there was only a few feet of space between them. "I'm sorry, Pip. For everything I put you through. For breaking your trust after everything I promised you and for making you doubt me. If you think you can forgive me, I'd really like a chance to prove to you that I won't ever leave you doubting how much I love and care about you." Not doubting the sincerity in his words for a moment she believed and forgave him.
What really did it for her was her nickname from him. At that ridiculous name she closed the last bit of space between them as he spoke. Leaning her forehead against his firm chest she stood there breathing carefully to keep back the floodgates of tears threatening to break through. Knowing how hard this was for her, Steve accepted Jamie's silence as her answer as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders to bring her even closer. Mumbling against his shirt she told him, "You have a lot of ass kissing to do, Spangles."
Happier than he'd been in months Steve grinned as he hugged Jamie harder to him when she finally hugged him back. "Believe me, I know and I'll happily do whatever you want or need from me."
Pulling back Jamie smirked up at him with pure mischief in her hazel eyes. "Oh you're so gonna regret those words, Stevie."
Knowing exactly what she had in mind for him he closed his eyes and reminded himself that he'd rather do the most embarrassing thing she could think up rather than not be her friend. "You know what? Bring it on, Jamie."
"Oh I will, but first I have someone to meet. Let me grab my shoes and my purse and then we can go. That is if he's available." At Steve's assurance that Bucky was, Jamie went up to her room to put herself back together so that she looked presentable and was ready to go. Slinging her purse over her shoulder Jamie grabbed her keys from the bowl by the door. "Alright, let's go. The sooner we get this part out of the way the sooner you can buy me tacos."
Opening the door for her, Steve couldn't hold back his laughter as she strutted past him in her skyscraper heels. It felt just like old times and he wouldn't do anything to screw this up. Not just for Jamie but for everyone else he had let down. "Yes, ma'am."