I've changed outfits seven times. "You do realise it's just Nell and she's not going to care what you're wearing in the slightest." MK pointed out. "I still want to look nice, it's our first date." "First of many. And it's not like it's a blind date. There's literally no one to impress." "Nell is someone and I have to impress her." "She already likes you. No one to impress." "But she could stop liking me." "I'm sure the colour of your skirt isn't going to change her mind about you," Ash says now entering the room. "It might. What if she hates the colour green." "Your eyes are green." They say in unison. "Maybe she hates them." "She really likes the colour green," MK says. "What?" "It's her favourite colour actually." She continued. "It is?" She nodded. "Yeah. It matches her eyes so." "She has green eyes?" Ash questioned. "They're green but they turn darker almost brown when she's sad," I say casually looking at myself in the mirror. "You notice when her eyes change colour." "It's the only indication I have to know what she's feeling. You know how she is." I tell them. "It's sweet you noticed." I shrugged.
"Green pants white shirt unbuttons some and hair up with your bangs out," MK told me and I nodded and changed quickly they both fiddled with the clothes until they liked the way it was Sat. Perks of having two sisters in fashion. "Now shoes?" Ash asked pulling out two pairs of heels. "The white to match the bag and shirt," MK says making all the decisions I was glad because I have been up here for two hours and I was no closer to being ready and she'd be here in 10 minutes. Shoot. "Hair!" I say panicked. Ashley sat me down and she did my hair in a cute bun and MK fixed my makeup. "We never get to do this for you. It's nice." Ash observed. "Yeah you're always away in LA we could never help you actually get ready." "But now you're dating a New Yorker." "Technically she's from LA lived there her whole life but sure." I correct them. "But she lives here now which is important. We'll get to see more of you." "Until she starts working and leaves for months." "Sorry I decided to do life the other way around to you guys." They acted like children and have a life now. I had a life then and act now.
"You look perfect, Lizzie," Ash tells me and I feel the heat rush to my cheeks. "She's here," MK says looking at her phone. We go into the hallway and MK answers the door when it knocks. My breath got caught in my throat. She looked beautiful. She had a simple black wrap dress on with black heels boots and a red lip. "Hi." She smiled at me. Am I dreaming? "Lizzie don't be rude Greet your date." Ash encouraged. "Hi. You look great." I say. "Thanks. Thought I'd dress up for you." She winked and I blushed more than I already was.
"No funny business." "Have her home by 11." My sister teased her. "Of course." She smirked that smirk will be the death of me. "You ready?" "Just need to get my purse." I go to my room and then the panic sets in. This was a bad idea. What if she decided she doesn't want me and that I'm not enough for her. Or I come with too much drama. Or that she likes Scarlett more. Or anyone in the world more than me and we ruined our friendship and I have no one to talk me down and no one to make me laugh or make stupid annoy comments. I should cancel. Quit whilst I'm ahead that's a thing right?
"Lizzie?" I turn around quickly. "We don't have to do this." She speaks softly. "I want to. I'm scared." I sit on my bed and she moved some clothes before sitting down beside me. "Talk to me." "What if this messes up our friendship?" "More than not speaking to me for three weeks and our busy schedules and living in different states already have?" "Yeah. What if you decide you don't like me. Like this." "I'm pretty sure I like you. I don't ask just anyone on a date."
"Promise me we'll still be friends." "Promise. Now can we go? We're going to miss our date." She says not giving anything away. "Do I look okay?" "You look perfect." She smiled before standing up and stretching her hand out to me I took it and she pulled me up.
She took me out to the car and we drove for a while. "Can you tell me where we're going?" "You'll like it." "But I want to know." "We're going to the theatre." "What!" She just smiled at me. "Nell that's expensive which one?" "David H. Koch in Lincoln centre." "The Ballet?" I smiled. "Yes." "Nell." "Don't worry I have a friend from a while back she got me tickets for tonight. And I asked you on the date so don't worry about the money, please." "Okay."
We pulled up and she got out first before helping me out she kept hold of my hands and we went in, we were escorted to our seats and I was getting giddy. "Do you want a drink?" She asked me and I nodded. "Martini please." She nodded pecking my cheek before leaving me. I looked around at all the people taking their seats. Everyone was dressed super nice, was I underdressed? I should have gone with the skirt. Or the grey dress. "You okay, Princess?" "Yeah?" "You're frowning, you're overthinking. What are you overthinking about?" She sat down and handed me my drink. "Are you sure I look okay?" "Yes, you look perfect." "But they're all super dressy." "So are you, you look beautiful Lizzie." "You sure?" 'Yes." She sipped her drink.
The show begins and I am still overthinking everything. I felt her hand on mine and I looked over at her, she smiled at me. "We can leave." "No. I want to stay." "Okay." She lifted my hand and pecked it before sitting it on her lap, I looked at my hand in hers and smiled to myself, she calmed me easily, quicker than anyone else. I leant my head on her shoulder as we watched the rest of the show.
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"That was beautiful," I say as we walked out towards the car she had waiting for us. "Home?" "Nope." "Where now? The ballet was enough." "We had to sit quietly in the ballet now we're going to actually talk." We didn't drive for long. "Castell Rooftop Lounge?" "You've been here before?" She asked. "No." "It's pretty low-key." She says leading me up the stairs and we sat together at a table looking out at the city below us all lit up because of it being nighttime.
I looked over at Nell and she was already watching me. "What?" "Just admiring you." "Well quit it." "Fine." She looked out at the city and I admired her, she was stunning. Why she was sat here with me I don't know. We order drinks and sit and chat and my worries melt away. Things were easy with her. Until I start thinking.
"How is this ever going to work?" I asked interrupting her. "What?" She asked confused. "Us? I need to know. I can't sit here anything longer pretending this is going to work when it's not going to work because you're from earth and I'm from mars?" "We're both 100% from Planet Earth, Lizzie." "I'm serious Nell." "Okay. Talk to me then." "My life isn't easy, it's a lot. With fans and paps and PR and filming, and events, red carpets, not to mention the fact I live in LA over five hours from you by plane, 2 days by car." "42 hours actually but continue." "And you're chill and laid back and my job is nothing but laid back it's intense and overwhelming and you don't want that." "But I want you and all that comes with you. I know what I'm doing." "They already dragged your name through the mud with the Robbie thing and cassie got upset at School." "Let me worry about my family." "And if we go public which we'll have no choice too because paps and people and talking all that will come back and I don't want to lose you because they hurt you." "The only way I'm leaving you if we decide to go ahead with this is if you end things and ask me to. But you made me promise we'll still be friends so you can't completely just ditch me because you know Promises are like sacred." "Stop joking about this." "I'm not, I'm serious." She pulled a serious face before laughing. "Eleanor," I warned she wasn't understanding. She laid her hands on the table and gestured for mine so I placed mine her hers and she held them loosely. "I'm taking it seriously. I understand your concerns. I've been in your world for a year and I've experienced what it's like. Do I love it? No. I hate it." "See." "I'm talking." I pout. "But it's all worth it for you, Elizabeth. I would stand and smile for the cameras if it was by your side." "You would?" "Anything for you." I nodded hearing her actually listening to her words. "Besides we can keep things low-key for a while until we're both ready for this." "But that's like hiding you." "Keep me a secret Olsen when this face gets on the front cover you'll be fighting off potential partners for me." I narrowed my eyes at her. "I'm kidding." I smiled softly. "You're not hiding me." "But I am. Because if we don't go public then I'm not being truthful." "No you're just keeping a piece of your life to yourself for a while whilst you adjust." She explains.
"Have you ever been with a woman before?" She asked with a slight tilt to her head. I shake my head blushing. "Then you need time to process and adjust to this on your own, not with cameras and questions." I didn't think about that. Because things were so easy with her I didn't think about her being a girl since my initial freak out. People are going to judge me and my team might not even let me. This would completely change my image if... I flight pressure between my brows. "Overthinking in that pretty little head of yours is bad for you. You need to talk things through out loud." "I can't." "Why?" "It's mean." "I'm a tough girl I can take it." She boxed her shoulders. "This could ruin my image. Being with a girl." "Personally I wouldn't say ruin, it may change it slightly yes. But if it's what you want it's not ruined." She didn't act offended at all I liked that about her. She knew my worried thoughts weren't really my thoughts they were just the broken part of my brain running wild and corrupting the rest. "That's why you need to take time and really process this. Without outside opinions. Like a trial run." "A trial run?" "Dating is basically a trial run is it not?" "I guess but." "And if you don't feel comfortable with it we stop and we can just be friends." "That would hurt you." "I'd rather have you as a friend and you be happy. Then you are miserable as my girlfriend." "What will people think. I just suddenly switched lanes." "Lots of people do. I switch lanes regularly." "Don't want to know." I hold my hands up. How many people has she been with? She's still young. And she went to college for like three weeks. I know in my first year of college I slept with like two strangers. What if she's been with better people than me? I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't got the first clue. Okay maybe I have some clue but what if she doesn't like it? What if she's used to having the best sex and I come along and it's boring regular sex and she hates it and we have an awful sex life and she breaks up with me and gets with Raffie who clearly is more fruity than I am I mean Flo is her sister, after all, she is anything but Boring. I'd still have to see her and know we had awful sex because I'm inexperienced and she isn't. "How many people have you slept with?" I blurt out and cover my face quickly with embarrassment. When I uncover my face she was softly gazing at me.
"You really want to know?" "Please?" She sighed. Oh, this is bad. This is so bad. "You have to tell me how many people you've been with too." I nodded. "You're going to judge me." "No, I'm not. Yes, you are." She says seriously chewing her lip. "Tell me." "12." "12?" She nodded. Not as bad as I was thinking. Not that I thought she was a slut. I mean she is only 22. 12 is like a lot that's like what? 2 a year? if she had sex for the first time when she was 16. More if she lost her V-card later. "Do you still talk to any of them?" She scratched the back of her neck slowly nodding. "Are you close with them?" "Slightly." "What is their name?" "Lizzie please don't make me do this." "If we're going to date I need to know what one of your friends to hate." I half-joked. "Scarlett." "You slept with Scarlett? My Scarlett? As in my best friend." "Yeah." "When?" "Lizzie." "When?" I asked firmly. Scarlett should have told me this. They're super close and touchy with each other and they stay in the same bed sometimes and I'm so fucking stupid.
I stand up. "Where are you going?" She asked standing. "Home." "Home?" She caught up with me. I went to walk off but she pulled me into a cab. "I don't go to sleep with someone upset at me." She warned me. "Fine." I crossed my arms and fought the urge to cry as we drove to her apartment close by.
We walked through the door and we fired right back up. "When?" "After she got back from your birthday." She says refusing to look at me she looked guilty. "My birthday? And neither of you thought to tell me?" "It was a mistake!" "You don't accidentally sleep with someone so it wasn't a mistake.' "Error in judgment them. We were both upset and we were there and we had wine and we slept together." "Why were you upset?" "Does it matter?" "Yeah, we were talking at that point. You didn't tell me you were upset." "Do you want me to send you a copy of my journal each night?" "No, but we're friends I would like to know when and why you're upset. Especially when it leads to drunk sex with my best friend that you kept from me!" "We kept it from everyone." She walks into her bedroom so I follow her. "Why were you sad?" She shrugged. "I don't remember." "But you were sad enough to sleep with someone." "I had a bad day. Lizzie is that allowed?" "Why?" "Lizzie." "WHY?" "I forgot to take my meds to Milan. I was off my meds I get sad it happens!" She snapped back at me. "You want to see them make sure I'm not lying?" She pulled out a weekly pillbox from the bedside table and tossed it on the bed before going into the bathroom and bringing out pill bottles. "Nell I didn't know." "No, because I didn't want you to know." Her eyes were glazed over. "No one knows." She whispered. "Why?" I whispered back. "Because I've been doing things on my own for a long while... I don't tell people things. I deal with it and I get on with my life. I missed a week my mood crashed I was sad I drank wine and I had sex with someone equally as sad and drunk. Can we drop it now?" She asked cleaning the medicine away.
"What is it for?" "Huh?" "Your meds, what do they help with?" "Mood stabilisers." "Bipolar?" "I would have told you when I knew this was serious. Right now you don't know what you want and that's fine. Really." She assured. "I would have told you when you needed to know." "How long?" "Since I was 18." "Do you like Scarlett?" "Not like that no." "Then why sleep with her?" "Because she was there and I was there." "Did you ever talk about it?" "Yeah, we both agreed it was a mistake we laugh about it." "Did it happen more than once?" "Define once." "More than one night?" "No." I chewed my lip feeling mad and guilty at the same time. I want to leave but I make a habit of leaving when I'm upset with her and she already believes everyone will leave eventually. So I sit on the bed.
She normally would sit beside me. "I told you I ruin things," I mumbled. "You've not ruined anything." She finally sits beside me and takes my hand but I pulled away from her touch. "Lizzie, you didn't ruin anything." "I did. I ruined the whole date. I shouldn't have asked." "I told you your overthinking needs to be out loud and you did that. I answered the question. We're talking it through like adults. Nothing is ruined." "I made you tell me something you didn't want me to know." "I didn't want you to know but you deserved to know." I looked at her and she had a guilty look in her eyes still. "Please don't walk away." She asked me as we looked at each other. "What?" "You get this look in your eyes when you're going to leave and you have it right now. Please don't walk away." Her bright green eyes were dark almost brown she was upset and it was my fault. Who even brings this stuff up on a first date? I shouldn't have asked. "I won't," I tell her and she hold my hand on my lap, I don't pull away this time.
"Promise me it was just drunk sex and it won't happen again." "I promise you it was just drunk sex and it won't happen again." Her eyes didn't leave mine as she made the promise. I nodded. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "Don't be." "It was our first date." "And we had a good time." "Until I ruined it." "You didn't ruin it. Not for me at least." She squeezed my hand. "I'm going to ruin this eventually." "I won't walk away." "I always ruin it." "Nope."
"You want to stay over or I can get you a uber?" She asked me, changing the subject quickly. "Do you have work in the morning?" "I do not." "Stay." She smiled. "I'll get you PJs." "Thanks." She went to her closest and tossed two pairs of basketball shorts and tight tank and a baggy t-shirt. I take the t-shirt and go change in the bathroom leaving her in the bedroom.
I changed and washed my face, when I went to put my facewash back in the cabinet I picked up her full pill bottles. She had three different ones lithium, valproate and lamotrigine. I didn't know what any of them were. Or what they did. I had no clue she was dealing with this all on herself. How have I stayed with her and not noticed her popping pills every day? How have I known her a year and had no clue she was suffering from this.
"Liz?" She came in. "I need to wash my face." She sees the bottles in my hand and I look at her like a guilty child sneaking candy. She ignores it and starts washing her face. "What do they do?" "Fix my brain chemicals." She says. "But there's three? Do they do different things?" She nodded her eyes closed after splashing water on her face.
"What do they each do?" "It doesn't matter." "It does. What if something happens to you and I need to know what medications you take and I don't know what they do?" "In what case would you need to know that?" "If you were in an accident." I offer. "Very optimistic there Lizzie." She teases. "Please?" lithium is for the mania, it helps reduce aggression too but I didn't have a problem with that. Valproate makes my brain produce this thing called Gamma long word acid, GABA for short which is calming and lamotrigine that stops me feeling sad." I nodded trying to remember it all just in case. "You take them every day?" "Yes." "How have I not noticed?" "I take them before you wake up." "But I always wake up first." "Not true. I just go back to sleep after." "Oh." She continued to wash her face." "How did you get diagnosed?" "A doctor." "But like why?" "I went to see a therapist after Ria passed away and she diagnosed me with it." "Oh." She continued on. "What happens if you don't take them?" I was still holding a pill bottle in my hand. "I get all messed up... I can have manic episodes where I don't sleep and I have lost energy and I want to be doing things all the time. Or I can have depressive episodes, normally they just cycle between them states until I can find it in me to take my meds." "Do you come off them often?" "No." "Why?" "Because they make me better." "But what if you could be better without them?" "I can't. it's my brain chemicals it needs them to function adequately." I nodded understanding. "You can back out you know. I get it. Bipolar is complicated and scary if you don't understand it." "I don't want to back out." "But you can." "I know I can but I don't want to it doesn't change who you are as a person. You're still kind and empathetic and protective. Sweet, funny." She smiled softly more to herself. I put the bottle away. "Cuddle tonight?" "We've just had our first date, Olsen. You move fast." "You're a dork," I say shoving her out of the bathroom.
We both settle in bed and I tuck myself into her side. She turns the light off before resting a hand on my back holding me close to her, I smile to myself. "We're dating?" "Yes." "For how long?" "However long you want to date." "But like." "Lizzie, we don't need a schedule for our dating. As long as you need a bug." I nodded. "Sleep, Princess." I nodded again. "Goodnight Elizabeth." "Goodnight Eleanor," I whispered, I lay my hand on her slightly exposed tummy from where her tank had moved up her body she tenses for a moment before relaxing.
"I had a really nice time tonight," I tell her. "Me too." She pecked my head and I closed my eye. This is nice. Being with her after our date. And she didn't run away when I freaked out despite me being pretty hard on her. I was still upset neither of them told me but Nell took a big step telling me the truth tonight and that was enough to move past it. I just hope I don't keep doing this. Overthinking is going to ruin everything for me.