My mother and I were never really that close, but I do remember that she would always read me a story out of our big book of fairy tales every night when she got home from work. But I would always make her skip ahead to stories of princesses and how they found their prince. Every time she finished a story, I would rub my sleepy eyes and as she tucked me into bed I would sluggishly announce "One day I'm going to meet my prince, and we'll live in a big castle with all my animal friends and love each other very much."
She would just laugh and kiss the top of my head and call me a silly girl. I never understood why she called me silly because I honestly thought one day I would achieve it, probably minus the whole castle with animal friends part. But the part where I live happily ever after with a boy was always burned in the back of mind.
It was not until I walked out of that recording studio, alone, that I realized the pain in my heart was not anybody's fault but mine.
I wanted a perfect ending. I wanted a perfect ending with Michael. Unfortunately I did not live in my big book of fairy tails, I was not a princess who could capture the heart of a prince.
I am Frankie Heights, a guitarist in a band, a girl who fell for a boy who did not fall hard enough to grab her and kiss her when he had the chance but instead said "I'm not ready for this...".
I am Frankie Heights,a girl who did not believe in love until love came into her life with hair that changed colors and made her forget why she was a nonbeliever in the first place.
"Frankie?" there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. I didn't realize that I've been sitting on the bathroom floor for over an hour now staring at an invitation to a party that Michael invited me to.
I quickly got up, brushing off my pants and opened the door "Sorry, I must've eaten something bad earlier today" I lied brushing past Casey who looked at me suspiciously.
David and Max were sprawled out on the floor playing with a deck of cards, arguing at the fact that Max apparently cheated and of course he was denying every accusation. Their voices lowered as they realized I was towering over them.
"Hey Franks" David cleared his throat placing his cards on the floor and standing up "You okay?"
I shrugged, trying my best to pretend everything was fine "Yeah, why?"
Max stood up as well, glancing over at Casey who was now behind me with her arms crossed over her chest. David's eyebrows rose as he began rubbing his hands on his jeans. "Well it's just-"
I knew where this was going. I didn't- I couldn't deal with confrontation right now.
"Before you say anything" I interrupted, surprising David as his words formed a bubble in his cheeks, I smiled nervously in return "My old friend I caught up with today invited me to this party" I shuffled back to the bathroom avoiding Casey's stare and retrieved the invitation on the floor. I waved the paper in the air as my band mates watched my every move, unsure what to do. "Annnnd he said I could bring friends"
They eyed each other nervously. I could hear the thoughts radiating off their minds. They knew something happened at the recording studio, they knew something bad happened. But the thing was I didn't want them to know, I didn't want this day - the day where we got signed, to be ruined because I was stupid enough to fall in love. "That's you guys!" I stated as if it wasn't already obvious.
There was an overly dramatic pause, just a bunch of suspicious stares thrown directly towards me.
Max was the first to break the silence. As always.
"Alright!" He cheered, putting an arm around my shoulder and shooting the invitation up in the air "Another California party, the perfect way to celebrate today!" The tension in the room slowly resided as David and Casey joined in with their shouts of excitement and panic running around the room to get ready for the event.
I sighed, feeling a sense of relief that I avoided another confrontation about my feelings. Although, the constant glances Casey gave off made me think my exceeded time in the bathroom would not go unnoticed.
When we arrived at the party we were all completely shocked. We expected a few people drinking and laughing around the kitchen but instead the place was completely packed by a bunch of faces I never saw before. It was almost like an exclusive club but in reality it was just Ashton's condo.
"Holy shit" Casey exclaimed as we stood at the front door scooping out the scene.
Two girls, wearing a little too much makeup and tight black dresses walked past us giggling as they eyed David and Max. And like little puppy dogs, they began to trail behind the girls as a drop of drool escaped from the corner of their mouths.
Casey and I looked at each other before throwing our heads back, laughing. We made our way through the crowd, not once letting go of each other's hand afraid of losing each other in the waves of sweaty unfamiliar faces, and towards the kitchen.
Just then I spotted Ashton leaning against the counter sipping on a drink and chatting with couple of his friends.
"Ashton!" I called waving my hands at him. He immediately shot his head up towards our direction and excused himself from his friends, making his way towards us.
"Frankie! You made it" He beamed giving me a hug, careful not to spill his drink.
"Oh this is Casey, Casey this is Ashton" Casey shook hands with Ashton but I could clearly see how flushed her cheeks were getting.
"So you're the famous Ashton, I heard so much about you"
"Oh really?" Ashton rose his eyebrows at me "I hope they're all good things"
A girl with bright pink and purple hair caught my eye as she made her way pass the kitchen and I just knew it was Beth.
"I'll be right back Case" I said, as she nodded and returned to her conversation with Ashton.
I pushed my way through the sea of sweaty bodies calling Beth's name until I lost sight of her. Just then I felt a hand grab my arm and pull me to the side.
"Nicki!" I beamed as soon as I recognized her infamous blonde hair illuminating against her dark clothing.
"Hey I didn't think you'd make it" She smiled handing me a cup, Beth popped out of the crowd and immediately embraced me in a hug.
"Frankie! I'm so sorry we bailed on you last time" She pouted pouring some alcohol in my cup then placed the bottle on the table next to us.
I shrugged, taking a sip from my cup and flinched at the bitter taste "It's fine, I totally understood."
For some reason I asked where Michael was and immediately regretted it as soon as it left my lips. I quickly took another sip hoping to burn the words on my tongue, but it was too late, for the answer I received was too painful to bare.
"I think he's somewhere here with his girlfriend" Nicki grumbled trying to cover her words with her cup. But I heard it, I heard it clearly.
I felt a sharp pain in my heart, almost as if someone shot a dart without me knowing and it exploded in my body hitting every vital organ I obtained. I forced a smile out, Nicki and Beth watched as I put my cup down on the table and drew a sharp breath.
"Are you okay?" Beth asked quietly careful not to alarm me more than I already was.
"Oh yeah" I stated rubbing the sweat off my forehead. "I'm just peachy"
Nicki put her cup down as well and held me up as soon as I lost all feelings in my legs. "I shouldn't have said anything that was-"
I gently pushed her off me "It's fine, I don't even care. FUCK HIM!" I said a little too loudly causing some people to look at me, but I didn't care.
After all I was the queen of not caring, so why start now? I excused myself from Nicki and Beth and made my way back to Casey. Her and Ashton sat themselves down at a table laughing and throwing peanuts into each other's mouths.
Glad to know at least one of us was having fun.
"Hey Franks having fun?" Ashton said as he saw me trudging towards them.
"Actually I'm feeling pretty sick, so I'm just going to head back to the hotel"
Casey quickly got up "Do you want me to walk you I just ha-"
"No it's fine" I pushed her back down to her chair "I'll just call a cab or something"
I looked up only to see what I dreaded to see- Michael with his girlfriend.
She was leaning against the wall, her black hair slicked into a messy ponytail, her long fingers tracing the collar of Michael's shirt.
"I'll try to see you again before I leave town, Ashton" I said quickly and began fixing my hair "You're new house is lovely" He got up to hug me, his hands rubbing my back "I hope you do come see me"
Peering past Ashton's shoulders I saw Michael catching my gaze, I quickly pulled away leaving them both with a smile as I streaked past the crowd and back out to the crisp California night. I heard Michael constantly call me name but I didn't stop once, I needed to get out of there. I needed to get away from him.
People like him destroy your trust, then they'll either leave or come back to destroy what's left of you. No matter how much you think you know someone, you never completely do. There will always be a little truth about them you'll never get to know.
But one day you find out, and then you'll wish you never had.
"FRANKIE!"
I turned around.
Why the fuck did I turn around?!
Why couldn't I turn back and continue walking?
Move your feet Frankie, fucking move your feet!
He was moving closer to me and I remained standing there completely immobilized "Frankie..I can explain-"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!!" I hissed pushing his hands away "YOU MADE ME BELIEVE YOU REALLY DID LOVE ME" I studied his eyes, the way it flickered along with the street lights.
I lowered my voice as I felt tears building inside me "but you don't do you?"
"I do love you Frankie"
His voice was low and raspy and I almost sensed a little hurt in there. "When I saw you today, I forgot about everything. I forgot about her and I know I should've told you but-
I began backing away from him "I'm tired of getting hurt, I stopped playing my games"
"Why can't you?"
His green eyes began getting moist, his hair blowing softly in the wind as I struggled to keep mine away from face afraid of it sticking to my wet cheeks.
"What can I do to show you that I really do love you" he chocked on his words, gulping back a few tears. Just then the front door swung open revealing Michael's girlfriend. She crossed her arms, her eyebrows furrowed looking dazed and confused.
I shook my head at Michael before finally turned around and walked away, letting all my tears come out.
I wanted so bad for Michael to run after me, to spin me around and hold me against his chest and kiss me like our lives depended on it, but as soon I turned the corner I knew who he had chosen.
And it wasn't me, it was never me.
It would never be me.
There would never be anything between us, except nothing.
Nothing. That's what we were. Nothing. That's what he felt towards me.
Now I needed to start to feel nothing towards him, so as I arrived at the hotel I quickly packed my things. Not caring if my clothes were folded nicely or if my guitar was out in it's case properly I just needed to get out of this town.
Before I left the room I ripped a piece of paper from those free notepads hotels usually give you and left a note.
Was missing home too much, but you guys enjoy the golden state
see you guys soon xx
-Franks
I taped the note on the TV and left. My wounds were still fresh and they stung and burned all the way to the airport.
The airport was empty except for a couple of business men going in and out of taxi cabs. I purchased my ticket back to Florida, made my way through security and sat at my gate. I looked out the extensive window to the vast landscape of the Los Angeles night sky and sighed.
How could something so beautiful inflict so much pain?
I would like to think I was thinking of the sky, but let's be honest I was talking about Michael and hated myself for it.
I got to Miami around noon and before I went back to the apartment I had to make one more stop.
Cody.
The taxi dropped me off in front of the yard as I pulled my bags out of the trunk, Cody ran out with his pajamas on and hugged me without a warning. I lost my balance falling off the curb but was quickly caught by him.
"Hey Cody, it's been a while" I smiled, but he didn't smile back. "What's wrong?"
"Let's go inside first" He took my guitar case and slung my bag over his shoulder, leading my inside. At this point I was worried.
He set my stuff at the bottom of the stairs as I kicked off my shoes and looked around the house. It looked the same as I left, empty with large furniture.
"Where's dad?" I asked walking into the kitchen.
Cody looked at me, this is when I noticed the bags under his eyes were darker than usual, his hair tangled and oily. Something happened, something bad.
"Frankie..." he trailed off, his voice breaking "Dad died this morning."