"Dastan!" I called down the hall, hoping that wherever he was, he could hear me. I ran with the counselor's pass in my hand but I couldn't catch up to him. By the time I made it to the office, he was sitting in a seat outside of the registry office, using his phone. As I tried to slow my breath around the corner where I spied on him, he held the phone up to his ear.
"Mateo, get out of class. I'm done with this place and so are you. Let's go," he hissed through the phone and then placed the phone in his lap.
Why was I doing this? Why was I approaching him in cowardice after I had finally driven my enemy away? Why was there this constant pull towards him? Whether I feuded with him or missed him, there was passion behind every goddamn emotion towards him and it was exhausting.
I took small, humble, silent steps towards him in my converse and when I reached him. "Do you really hate me that much?" I asked him. I meant to be honest, but when it came out, my voice cracked and my senses choked back tears. It was pathetic. Dastan looked up at me. His eyes were no longer burning of anger; it was more towards my own sadness. "Enough to just leave school?"
"Don't flatter yourself, I leave school every day." The way he said it was like he tried to talk to me in his condescending tone that he exuded in public, but he lacked the conviction. He could no longer pretend with me. He was just as exhausted as I was.
"Not like this. You can't just withdraw completely out of nowhere!" I rejected. "Honestly, Dastan, what the hell do you want from me?"
"What do you think?" he asked me, rolling his eyes back, closing them and then leaning to rest his head on the wall. Just admit it, Dastan. You're as drained as I am.
"I think that you were put on this Earth to physically and emotionally conflict me," I insulted. His eyes opened and then he looked up at me pathetically.
"Was that supposed to be a pick up line or is it so I feel bad for you?" he asked. That's when I couldn't handle myself. I closed the distance between us and smacked him across the cheek. My hand tingled from either impact or how I usually felt after touching him. It spread throughout my hand just as the red color spread from one of Dastan's cheek to the other. His eyes flickered gold and red at the same time, and his chest heaved up and down. Suddenly, he stood up, grabbed my waist, and pressed me against the adjacent wall. This was it. He was going to kill me.
"I am so sorry," he whispered, his forehead resting on mine. Wait...what? "I'm sorry for scaring you on your first day. I'm sorry for breaking your phone. I'm sorry for being a jerk to those girls at the football game. I'm sorry for being the worst Journalism partner. I'm sorry for accusing you of stealing my coat. I'm sorry for making out with Mickie in front of you. I'm sorry for fighting with your brother. I'm sorry for yelling at you at the party. I'm sorry for wasting your day with Jem. I'm sorry for fighting with Hayden all the time with you around. I'm sorry for...for...making you feel like this and anything less than you do right now when you don't deserve that."
I searched his golden eyes and knew he meant every word. Emotions soared through my body, melting away at his touch on either side of my waist.
He didn't scare me because I had already insulted him. My phone was nearly broken already. Those girls sort of deserved to hear the truth. He gave me credit for anything that was assigned for us. I technically did take home his coat without explicit permission. He made out with Mickie because that's what he did before I came here and who was I to stop that? He fought with my brother because Sebastian was still stuck in the past about who exactly he saw on the field in Frankford. He saved me from being kissed by some random drunken guy at the party. He made my day with Jem absolutely unforgetable. He fought with Hayden because that's just what they did and me in the process, didn't help.
He apologized and saw everything bad, but didn't consider what good or logic came out of that. I felt as if all my guilt from earlier was stored and enhanced by Dastan. But, still, I would find it within myself to forgive him for everything...if only he had apologized for not meeting me when he said he would the night that RJ found me. But then again, the good in that was another kiss from the Proliator.
I don't know how long we stood inches apart, staring deeply into each other, but each moment I felt more and more at as if my conflicted, confused emotions faded away. There was no confusing this. I studied every curve and detail of his face: his bushy eyebrows, his defined and slightly uneven jaw line, the faint scars, the pinch of freckles scattered along his nose, and the wavy ends of his hair that dropped into his eyes were light brown or maybe even blonde, as if he had died his hair and it was starting to fade. I looked at every feature and it was safe to say that he was never more attractive to me than he was in this moment of vulnerabilty.
Suddenly the bell rang and before anyone could step into the hallway, Dastan pressed his lips to my cheek and vanished away from me. I was left in a spreading sensation of slight anger and remorse. Most of all, regret.
***
"Hey, bitch," I heard a group of girls yell at someone as I walked off of the school's campus after school. Sebastian stayed after school for some club, Cheyenne was at dance practice, and Hayden was in practice.
Suddenly, a blonde girl—who I'd recognized from two of my classes and the football games—appeared in front of me. Her name was...Justine, I think. Why was she in front of me though? I had never talked to her before.
"Do you need help on the math homework or something?" I asked her politely with a sigh even though I wasn't in a good mood at all.
"Do I look stupid to you?" she asked me with narrow eyes. "I'm not here to ask you for homework answers."
"Well you're in my class, so I just assumed—"
"You need to assume to shut your mouth, bitch," she ordered. I felt more than anything that she had the wrong person. I had no interactions with her, let alone any bad enough to warrant her to talk to me like that! "Because of you, Dastan Vega is switching schools. It's all your fault!"
"I never forced him into that decision."
"I don't really care," she sneered at me, taking threatening steps as I mirrored back. What was she gonna do? Hit me? "Do you know how long I've planned to just win him back this year? A hell of a long time! And you come along and screw it up even though you already have Hayden, who I could be chasing after instead!"
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about. I've never even seen you around Dastan, but he already made his decision to move," I said. What else could I say? Sorry you're caught up in the past with someone who doesn't want you? Yeah right. I had never even heard her name come out of Dastan or Hayden's mouths in the last few months I had been here so that said something about her feigned importance in itself.
"Ha! Don't have such a nonchalant attitude about it as if you feel honored," she accused. What did that even mean? She was less than a foot away from me now. "He's mine. So you don't have a say in when he goes."
"I didn't say I did—"
"Oh, Jessie..." a voice interrupted. We looked over to see Mickie there with her hand on her hip. Justine—or I guess "Jessie"—leaned away from me. "What's going on?"
"It's Justine," she hissed. "And I'm just teaching Angela a message about sending Dastan Vega away."
"And why's that?" Mickie asked innocently.
"Because it's her fault," Justine answered, very articulate. Mickie stepped towards her.
"No. I mean why is he leaving?" Mickie clarified. It was rhetorical. "You must have an answer, right? Because Dastan tells you everything?" She was taking even more threatening steps towards Justine than to me. She got in her face. "Don't try to harass Angela about what you think is going on--as if Vega was important to you and vice versa in the first place. Because that's not the case and he doesn't need you acting--and I do mean acting--on his behalf. He's been off limits to you for years and today's no different. And Justine? Here's a tip: stop trying to gain back someone who was never really interested in you longer than one night two years ago."
It was then that I realized Mickie would never have to physically fight or use cuss words to send someone away. I guess I knew this all along, but of course, she never extended that courtesy to me.
The poor girl's face had reddened yet somehow refused to drop the tears welling in her eyes. Mickie looked to me after seeing Justine off.
"I still don't understand what Vega and Hayden saw in her..." she muttered. "Actually, yeah, I do. Freshman and sophomore year must have really sucked for all of them..."
I didn't even want to know what she meant by that.
I started walking away and she asked me where I was going. "Home," I answered in a dreary voice.
"Why...?" she asked.
"Because I'm tired of clingy boyfriends, stupid bastards, and bitchy girls," I ranted.
"Understandable," she figured. "But that's high school, right?"
"Bye."
"Wait!" she said again. I turned to her once more.
"No I don't want a ride," I sighed, declining the offer before she could make one.
"I wasn't asking," she assured. I raised an eyebrow. "Someone else is though."
She nodded behind me and I saw Dastan leaning against his Harley instead of the black truck he left in.
"He's probably leaving with Mateo," I muttered back to her. After all, it seems that Dastan withdrew or at least skipped the rest of the day, but Mateo was still in school, acting very mysterious with his friend, Nick, and also Chad.
"Mateo just left with Chad," she said. I winced. Wait. "And considering I drove myself to school...he's here for you."
I took a moment before stating my reply.
"Too bad."
"What do you mean too bad?" she asked mistaken.
"Too. Bad," I repeated. "I'm not dealing with him."
"Do you mean that though?" she asked. I couldn't tell if she was switching into some psychological twist or if she was actually glad I was done with him. Part of me thought she'd be relieved with the latter assumption.
"Yes," I answered as sure as I could, but my heart swung with shame.
"Finally," she sighed, relieved, and then began mumbling something to herself as she left. I looked up, away from her, and my eyes locked with Dastan's.
Stay away, I told myself.