I hugged at my coffee mug, feeling the warmth of the liquid through the ceramic, but this could not warm my heart, which had been broken into tiny smithereens with the news I had just heard barely half an hour ago.
Although it was going to hurt like crazy to know the circumstances surrounding the tragedy, I really needed to know the details.
Of course, I also felt very angry about it too and had my own ideas on how it had happened, but I must know the truth.
Staring down at the little gravel path below where I was seated, I tried to imagine the scenario.
Maya had taken off to Corfu anyway, despite my urgency to keep her here, on her lone quest to find Hugo after discovering that he was not truly gay after all.
He had dumped Marcus unceremoniously whilst out there, when the two of them were on holiday together, for a bikini clad super model. Marcus had been devastated and thought that he was indeed to blame for turning Hugo against the gay lifestyle that he so much enjoyed. I on the other hand never trusted Hugo at all and always thought that he was a despicable user of the highest order whatever the gender of his victims!
Maya, on the other hand had been overwhelmed by this news and after many, many months of worshipping him from afar whilst he dated guys, she now thought she was actually in with a chance of snaring this guy now that his liaisons now seemed to have changed.
I was devastated, so too was her mother, when Maya announced that she was getting on a plane to Corfu to meet him!
I always thought that she was far too good a person for the likes of Hugo Martinez, who to my mind was a user and not deserving of the love of two of my closest friends.
Just where the drugs came into any of this was way beyond me, but it would not have surprised me if Hugo was into them and had contributed to her extremely sad demise.
I gripped my mug tightly as I now thought about it and after my own experience with an hullucinatic drug, I couldn't dare imagine what she must have actually gone through in her last few moments. I hoped that she was out of it and had just gone to sleep. It was the very least this wonderful, beautiful human being deserved.
The bench I was sat upon suddenly lowered as both Marcus and Amelia now sat themselves either side of me.
"It's a very lovely setting for a film isn't it". Amelia stated, looking around her. "You are so lucky".
"Yes, it's very peaceful when David's not shouting orders at us". I smiled half heartedly and noticing the wonderful flower garden before me.
"The crew are very nice". Marcus added. "Very accommodating".
I smiled over at him.
"They're a great bunch". I said.
"They seem to think a lot of you". Amelia went on. "You know, halting filming and allowing us all to stay here to collect our thoughts like this, that's really nice of them".
"Yeah, almost like a family I suppose". I nodded.
I then took a deep breath and looked back down at the small gravel path again. It was all very well having small talk like this, but I really had to try and understand what indeed happened to one of my closest of friends. The person I most turned to and loved and trusted like no other.
"Do you know how it happened?". I very suddenly asked.
"With Maya, I mean. What were the circumstances?".
"She took a drug overdose". Marcus said bluntly.
"Stupid idiot. I mean what sort of crazy assed fool does that!"
I turned to look at him and saw that he was looking down and crying again. I touched at his arm.
"I know....... Stupid people do stupid things on times. But maybe it wasn't intentional. Maybe like me it was an accident. I was lucky, I was found so quickly". I said quietly.
"By Ashcroft". Amelia reminded me.
"Yeah, by Ashcroft". I said looking across to the other side of the beautifully manicured lawn to where he was sat on another bench laughing and joking with one of the hairdressers from the film set.
"Ah.... Just look at him". Amelia smiled, "A proper bona-fide tart, who knows no better than do go flaunting himself around any gullible female that will listen to him! But honestly I do trust him implicitly. It's just so funny isn't it, how tragedies pull people together".
I gave him a scathing look, though he was far too busy entertaining the hairdresser to actually notice.
I couldn't help but think back to that time at Jose's when he had been there with Beth, after telling Amelia that although my ex flatmate was expecting his baby, there was nothing at all going on between them!
That's not what I saw though and Beth was convinced that Ashcroft was with her now and not Amelia!
He was a liar and a cheat and I actually hated him.
Why did it have to be him who had found me lying on the floor of the lavatories in the Ivy. Of all the people!
Then of course the question had to be asked, what was he actually doing there in the first place?
Neither Amelia nor Ashcroft had come up with that answer, although, to be far I hadn't even asked it!
But with Maya, I wanted to know everything!
Every last bit of detail, even though it would hurt me so very much to know, I just had to know!
"Why do you think she did it?". I now asked, averting my eyes away from Ashcroft and back down onto the gravel path again.
"Do you think it had anything to do with Hugo?".
"Hugo?". Marcus repeated. "Why Hugo? He's never taken drugs!".
I looked over at him.
Marcus was looking ashen faced and shocked at my very suggestion that he could have had anything to do with any of this.
"I bet you could have said the same about me a while ago". I reminded him.
Marcus frowned hard at me.
"Well.... Yes.... Of course, but that was just a one off wasn't it, a mistake everyone knows that, including you". He said.
"I'm not so sure it was a mistake. It certainly wasn't intentional on my part. Look, I still believe I was drugged on purpose by someone! Anyway what makes you so certain that Hugo never took drugs. She obviously got them from somewhere". I scoffed.
Marcus continued to stare hard at me.
"I can quite honestly say, hand on heart that Hugo never would entertain the very idea of drugs. Far too conservative for anything like that! Smoking like a chimney, yes that's him all over but drugs no way! Anyhow..... what's any of this got to do with Hugo? ".
Marcus was almost angry at my suggestion, but I was still not convinced of it.
"Oh come on now!". I sighed, "You must have known Maya was still carrying a torch for him. You must have realised that!".
"Yes, I know". Marcus said, looking down sadly.
"Well, maybe he rebuffed her again, who knows........ Its just so confusing and so unlike Maya to even do something like that! I mean, going over to Ibiza on her own and being so determined to find Hugo and proclaim her love for him. Perhaps she couldn't deal with any more of his rejection of her". I said sadly.
Marcus stared at me, his mouth was open as if he was about to argue with me again, but now another voice from the other side of me spoke.
"Maya didn't go to Ibiza".
I turned hurriedly to look at Amelia, who was looking down, her fingers were entwined with one another as she seemed almost about to admit something terrible to me.
"Didn't go?". I asked.
Amelia shook her head.
"No...... She.... She told me not to tell anyone. Especially you Gwen, you know after what happened with you ending up in hospital and everything".
"What's that got to do with anything?". I asked.
"I'm fully recovered now and anyway she could have rung me to see if I was alright and then let me know how she was! We were supposed to be friends!". I said, hurt resonating from my voice.
"I still can't really believe she just left me like that and then not even bother to ask if I was alright. Its so not like her, not like her at all".
"She was bothered ". Amelia said.
"She did ask about you. She was very concerned. She was also very frightened".
I stared at Amelia.
"Frightened?". I repeated.
Amelia looked down and nodded her head.
"Of what you might say and the consequences of her actions. You see, she knew you wouldn't approve of what she was about to do. She was scared, but also incredibly happy. If it's of any comfort to you, she was the happiest that I'd ever seen her". Amelia explained.
"I don't....... I don't understand any of what you're saying to me".
I said, shaking my head in confusion.
"On the last occasion I saw Maya, she was just so happy! Happy and so excited and it was all because of you". Amelia smiled, now grabbing hold of my hand.
"Me?" I asked. "I don't think so...... I was trying to stop her going to Ibiza to meet that scumbag Hugo, the useless piece of shit.........
No offence Marcus".
I said quickly turning to Marcus.
Marcus shrugged his shoulders and gave me a wry sort of smile.
"None taken". He then said quietly.
"Well you succeeded". Amelia smiled.
"Like I said, Maya didn't go to Ibiza".
I stared at her.
"Where did she go then?". I asked.
Amelia suddenly put her both hands over her face through embarrassment and shame. As I remained confused.
I had no idea just what was going on and now suddenly felt Marcus taking my arm and holding it tightly.
"Don't take any of this out on Amelia. She wasn't to know it would turn out this way". He now said gently.
"Take any of this out on Amelia! What's been going on? Will someone please tell me!". I slammed.
Marcus took in a breath as if to tell me, but Amelia shook her head at him.
"It's alright, I'll tell Gwen. It's the least I should do. After all it's probably sort of my fault that this as happened anyway".
"Now don't go blaming yourself". Marcus said, seriously.
"She did have a mind of her own you know. She knew what she was doing when she left with that guy. Like you said, she was so incredibly happy with him. We couldn't have prevented her going, nor would we have wanted to!"
I looked from Marcus to Amelia, then back at Marcus again. I was now totally and utterly confused. They both seemed to be talking in complete riddles.
" What guy? Who did she go off with! Can either of you please explain to me what the hell is going on here! ". I said, feeling quite frustrated and also pretty angry by now that I seemed to be the last one to know anything about any of this!
Amelia took in an elongated breath as I now turned to look directly back at her again. I could now see that tears were starting to well up into her lovely pretty, blue eyes and I could also tell that she was struggling with all of this.
She now reached out and took a hold of one of my hands and with another big breath continued :
"Gwen. Maya was found in a hotel room. She was lying in a bed and had taken a lethal amount of drugs. First thoughts are that she overdosed intentionally, but we'll have to wait and see about that one".
"Intentionally? No...... She wouldn't do that. Not Maya". I said shaking my head.
"We don't know that". Amelia said gently.
I looked down and could see that my fingers had wrapped themselves so tightly around one another that they had turned white.
I shook my head as tears pricked at my eyes.
I could not believe that Maya would want to actually kill herself. Not Maya. She was so level headed.
I took in a deep breath but was unable to look at Amelia, instead I continued to study my fingers as I then asked:
"So where was this hotel room? Where did she die? ". I asked, somewhat shakily.
"It was...... It was in Hamburg....... Germany". Amelia said quietly.
"Germany!". I suddenly screeched. "What the hell was she doing out there in Germany?". I was now properly confused.
"Like I told you, She went there with this guy and he was the one who alerted the authorities ". Amelia went on.
"But she could not be saved".
I stared open mouthed at Amelia. This did not sound like Maya at all!
Going off to a different country with some random guy!
I shook my head in sheer disbelief.
"Does anyone know who this guy was?". I asked, now staring hard at Amelia.
She looked down, averting her eyes away from me. Then I turned to look at Marcus who was also doing the same. It would seem that both of my friends were very reluctant to tell me who in fact this guy was.
I let out a big breath.
"Well......, he must have had something to do with Maya dying like this then!". I suddenly said, "So why the big secret!".
Amelia moved about uncomfortably on the bench, but she still did not look at me.
"Come on. Who was it then?". I asked, now staring hard at her.
My stomach twisted quite suddenly and dramatically as I waited for the name she was about to tell me.
Amelia took in a big breath and now turned to look at me.
"It was Jules, Gwen. She was with Jules Ryback and they've arrested him".
Over the next few days, things were pretty chaotic and dreadful, for all of us who loved Maya.
The media and the newspapers had got hold of the story that,
"An unknown woman has taken her life in the plush hotel room that she'd been sharing with up and coming A list actor Jules Ryback. It is believed that she took her own life after taking a concoction of pills after the star refused to make their relationship official.
No foul play is suspected, although the star is still being held and is helping the police with their inquiries ".
On reading headlines like this and everything that surrounded Maya's sad and untimely death, I became well and truly in sensed.
She certainly did not deserve theses dreadful untruths.
Maya was such a sweet and private person, she wouldn't have wanted to go public about any relationship, never mind one with a movie star!! And as for taking her own life!
Well, I knew she could get pretty down about things, but isn't that quite normal for anyone?
I just would and could not believe that she would go to such lengths as to actually do something so stupid as to kill herself. That certainly was not in her nature at all.
In fact Maya was a great believer in talking things through and not resorting to hiding away, alone and just taking drugs!
I suppose this was all done to protect the good name of Jules Ryback, so that it wouldn't ruin his career, after all Maya was just a nobody. The only daughter of a florist who'd dabbled a little bit in stage acting and who had been hung up and in love with a gay man for years! I could see why it was better to drag her name into the mud and brush her death under the carpet, I mean who would remember her?
Well, we all would.
As the kind, caring, beautiful girl she always was.
So why should Maya Kemple be pushed aside like this and totally forgotten about.
Jules needed to be brought to justice and admit that he was an habitual drug user and that, although accidental, Mayas death was through no fault of her own and that he should be accounted for it.
Sat in Jose's restaurant one busy lunchtime, with yet another newspaper headline staring back at me, I felt angered and frustrated that nobody had spoken to any of us, her close friends about the incident.
Not one journalist or anyone from the police had approached us or even wanted to know anything about Maya.
All they seemed interested in was the effect that this so called "little incident" would have on the film career of this handsome, successful, very bright and extremely talented young movie star .
I felt angered by this.
It was as if Maya didn't matter at all.
I had decided to come here, just to get away from the stillness and quietness of my lonely flat. I felt as if I needed to be around lots of people, although I didn't want to talk with any of them and I certainly was no way near ready to go back to work on the film set just yet.
I wouldn't be able to concentrate and give of my best, so it was not worth it at all.
Marcus, feeling very distraught and quite unable to cope, had gone away for a few days to spend some quality time with friends whom I did not know. I did think that we would be able to comfort one another and help each other through this very difficult time and would be able to see it through together, but Marcus had his own way of dealing with his grief and it sadly did not include me.
I suppose I couldn't blame him though. He'd probably had enough of me when he had acted as my nursemaid during my recuperation from that awful drug overdose.
There really was only so much a person like Marcus could actually take from me, so he had decided to get away, promising that he would be back in time for the funeral.
So now I was left all alone in the flat, feeling very sorry for myself with everything that had happened. So that's why I had come here, to Jose's. A place where I had spent my most happiest of times. A place where I felt very much at home and very much loved. And it was also very busy, which was a truly great thing!
Jose, of course had welcomed me into his restaurant with opened arms and found me a spot in a secluded booth near to the kitchen, where I could also hear Jose's son Remo barking orders at all the staff. There was also a lot of clanking of saucepans, fryers going and the constant swinging to and fro of the kitchen doors as they opened and shut with the waitresses going back and forth.
This particular booth was the least popular in the whole restaurant, but I loved to sit here. It was always my place to be. It was where I used to sit after my shift had ended, where I could unwind and relax and it was always available.
Although this was a restaurant, I was in no mood to eat. I had just sat down here, with the newspaper spread out on the table in front of me with a bottle of red wine as I slowly drank my way through it, pouring myself glass after glass.
I knew it was no way to be and that drinking alone like this held no answers, but in all truthfulness, it wasn't really having any of the desired effects I was looking for anyway.
A shadow had now presented itself from up above me as tears began to sting at my eyes at the photo in the paper showing a happy, smiling Maya. I had no idea where the photo had come from, it was perhaps a publicity shot from one of the plays we had once done. Maya certainly looked a lot younger in it than she actually was. Next to Maya's photograph was one of Jules Ryback looking handsome and dapper in a tuxedo stood on a red carpet, probably attending a premier somewhere. There was a real contrast between the two pictures as I looked from one to the other and back again.
"It's a shame about your friend". A voice now spoke from above me.
I looked up to see that Jose himself was stood looking over my shoulder at the newspaper that I had spread out in front of me.
"Such a beautiful girl". He continued.
I smiled back up at him.
"Both inside and out". I nodded, looking back down at the paper again.
Jose then put a cup of freshly brewed tea in front of me and came over to sit at the vacant chair opposite.
"Thank you". I smiled at his kind gesture.
"Better than wine for you at this moment". He said, moving my empty wine glass and bottle over to the side, out of the way.
"You've been sat here on your own for hours. It's no good".
He then said, concern resonating within his voice.
"I know......". I sighed, "Its a very sad way to be, But I just can't help but to think about the injustice of it all. Someone died and all anyone can think about is how it will affect this man's career, its so unfair".
Jose nodded his head slowly and stared at me with big, deep brown eyes.
"I used to think that having famous people in here was good. The best. But no its maybe the worst. They are not real people, like you and me. They have hardly any feelings. I think they are fake".
"Yeah, well....... I suppose I mostly have to agree with you there". I sighed, taking a sip from the cup.
"I used to get a thrill out of seeing a well known person coming in here, you know make sure they had good service and food of the very highest quality".
I smiled at him over the rim of the teacup.
"You don't have to be famous to enjoy the good food from here Jose". I said to him.
"Your food is always very good, you know that".
"You are very kind". Jose smiled. "You always, very kind".
" But people in films, not so I think" Jose went on.
I replaced the cup down onto the table and sighed.
"Do you remember when I used to pot wash for you and had this great desire of becoming an actress. Always trying to get the biggest parts in Hugo's plays. I had so many hopes, dreams and ambitions. God, things seemed so much happier and less complicated back then". I mumbled.
"Ah, you were a great pot washer though". Jose grinned at me. "The very best in fact. I loved it when you were here. A real ray of happiness ".
I looked at him and laughed.
"Probably I was a better pot washer than I ever was an actress!". I nodded.
"What you mean! You are a great actress!". Jose said, sitting back in his chair.
I shook my head at him.
"I don't think I quite cut it, if I'm being totally honest with you. I seem to get quite a lot of criticism from certain sectors. I think they see me as being quite difficult and highly strung sometimes".
"You take no notice. You are beautiful and lovely person. They don't deserve you if they make you feel like this". Jose went on.
"I know". I sighed. "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this kind of life. The film industry is ruthless and hard work with some very unscrupulous people in it trying to undermine you all the while and get one up on you. To be honest Jose, it's not what I thought it would be".
"You sound as if you've had enough". Jose said thoughtfully, crossing his arms across his chest.
"At the moment, I think I have". I nodded. "I haven't been back on the film set since....... Well, since Maya, then I had that little mishap and ended up in hospital. You know...... I've also walked off the set too when things got a little too much for me".
I took in a large, deep breath.
"But I am contracted to finish this film I'm in the middle of doing. Otherwise I don't think I'd ever be going back. Things have just got so complicated".
Jose smiled at me.
"Then finish the film and come back here and work for me".
I then gave him the biggest grin ever and stretched out my hands across the table towards him. He then took hold of them and shook them up and down as if in a huge big handshake.
This was a precious moment between two old friends and I appreciated his undying concerns for me.
In a funny and strange kind of way, in that very moment I actually felt really normal again. I felt like my old self had suddenly returned, just for an instant and it was good.
I had not felt so like myself in a very long time and it was strange.
So much had happened to me and the people around me in a considerably short amount of time.
All the stuff concerning Jules Ryback, the drugs, Ashcroft Jennings now with Amelia and then him getting my former flatmate Beth pregnant. Then Marcus at last, after months of admiration hooking up with Hugo and then they going on holiday together, only for the self confessed gay man to actually turn straight and break my best friends heart by leaving him for a Beauty queen!!
This all seemed like such a horrible bad dream, culminating in the sad death of a very dear friend.
I took in a breath and realised something quite important.
None of this might not ever have happened if I hadn't accepted that film making job which was presented to me by Alan Rickman himself !
Oh yes, dear old Alan!
I hadn't even begun to scratch even the surface with him yet!
What a roller coaster of feelings and events I had experienced with him!
I mean, I once really hated him. He used to yell at me, made me feel inadequate and small in front of my friends and colleagues at the theatre. Then he went and offered me an actual film role and wanted me to play opposite him in this very erotic film! We had to passionately kiss one another, feign love making and he then suddenly....... he actually seemed to like me.
Then there was Silva, Patricia Mae and all the other people that Alan knew in the film industry where I suddenly felt right out of my depth.
The fiasco at the film premier we attended together was also pretty dramatic, but ended well with us both kissing one another for real and with me ending up staying the night in his house!
But then it got really confusing.
Silva was also there, I was in a guest bedroom and he started to then go very cold on me for apparently no reason.
A shiver ran down my spine and I started to rub my hands down the full length of my arms. It was as if a cold presence had suddenly walked into this bustling restaurant and it unnerved me.
"Are you okay?". Jose asked, noticing my strange and sudden demeanour.
"Yeah, I think so". I shivered again.
"I just came over all weird for a moment. As if............."
"Hello Gwen". A deep, sensual sounding baritone voice spoke out from within all the chaos of this busy establishment.
I looked up to where the deep, velvety voice was coming from as my stomach now started to flip and coil around itself in a very dramatic style indeed. My hands had also begun to shake and my face flushed so hard, I thought it would explode, for there standing at the table I was sitting at was none other than Alan Rickman himself!
Before I could really take in the fact that he was actually stood there, I could now feel the atmosphere in here suddenly change and hushed tones secreted themselves throughout the entire restaurant as people begun to recognise him.
Jose stood up and for a brief moment, after all that I'd been telling him about my disillusions with the film making industry, I thought he was about to tell Alan to leave!
My stomach did another strange kind of flip thing again and I went to reach out towards Jose to prevent him from saying something detrimental to Alan.
I certainly didn't want that!
But Jose changed his demeanour immediately, after being faced with the star and was now offering Alan his chair.
"Mr. Rickman....... Please sit here with Gwen. Would you like a drink? Something to eat maybe...... The special is most unique this afternoon. Would you like to see a menu?".
I glared hard at Jose.
What was he saying just a few moments ago about the fact that he didn't really care for film stars and well known people at all and was agreeing with me that I should just walk away from it and all the people connected with it.
Jose, noticing my expression, now looked decidedly sheepish.
Here was I thinking that I had an allie, someone who kind of understood exactly how I was feeling. Turns out he was just like everyone else, truly smitten by people in the limelight.
Alan was now shaking his head at Jose and almost seemed irritated by his gushing attentions towards him. Knowing Alan now like I do, I could see this most clearly, whereas most people would not have even noticed.
Jose was definitely one of them.
"I could do you a special late lunch, if you wish. Anything you would like, on the house. My son...... My son Remo is very talented chef. He could do you anything you like........ Please.... You should eat".
I covered my face with my hand.
Jose hadn't changed at all, despite his words to me before. He was still the same old Jose, deeply thrilled by the presence of a famous person in his restaurant and doing everything in his power to make sure they would keep coming back, including giving away free food!
"I'll just have a coffee...... Please". Alan said quietly, looking at my now empty teacup.
"And possibly a refill for Gwen?".
I frowned at him.
This was the second time that Alan had actually addressed me as Gwen and not Miss. Stevens like he normally does!
This I thought was most odd.
He was now also staring at me from across the table, eyes piercing with his hands on the table and his fingers entwined. I stared at his hands, so gentle looking and so attractive.
Oh how I would have loved them to be able to caress me, hold me, stroke themselves over my naked body with tantalisingly smooth touches. He was a master of that I knew, but so far it had only been to tease me as I had only been unable to experience a little of what this man surly had to offer.
I now heard a deep clearing of his throat, a thing that Alan always did when he was about to say something profound. I raised my eyes upwards to look at him. Jose had gone now and it was just the two of us alone, staring at one another from across the table with about another couple of dozen sets of eyes also watching us.
Realising this I smiled and lowered my head to focus on the top of the table, only to see Maya's smiling face looking back at me from the picture of her in my opened newspaper.
I bit at my bottom lip and then touched at the picture with a gentle, tentative fingertip.
"She didn't deserve this". I mumbled quietly, with a sigh.
"Maya was a good person. She had such a lot to give. She should not have died".
My voice had now begun to tremble and tears pricked at my eyes. I had been alright speaking to Jose about her, but now Alan was sat here, I was cracking up almost immediately.
But suddenly there seemed to be a bit of commotion from some very excited customers, who were quite intent on interrupting my grief.
"Oh look...... It is him! Its Alan Rickman!!". Someone was shouting from the other side of the restaurant.
"Professor Snape! Oh, wow!! He's sat over there.....Look its actually him!".
I wiped the back of my hand quickly across my face as I could tell that people were now approaching us and could feel wet.
Yes, I was crying yet again for Maya.
She would not have wanted that, any of it. Me being upset over her, time and time again but I couldn't help it and now sadly, my private moment alone with Alan was about to be brutally interrupted.
"Can we have your autograph..... Mr. Rickman...... Please. A photo maybe? Would you mind?".
The shouting had become so intense now as it seemed as if the entire restaurant had started to make there way over towards us!
I did not want this.
I wanted to be left alone to wallow in my grief. To pour my broken heart out to someone who cared for me and understood. I also needed to let Alan know about Jules and that night at The Ivy and how I was now so consumed with hidden guilt, for it was I and I alone who had brought both Maya and Jules together.
If I hadn't of done that, Maya would still be here I was absolutely sure about that!
I looked up at the crowd of people who had now surrounded our table, shoving pieces of paper at Alan and all speaking to him at once. He looked kind and smiled at them, not at all irritated by there intrusions, which I thought was very nice. But he now got up from his chair and was gesturing with a wave of his hand, that I do the same.
"I'm sorry, but I have an appointment to uphold". He now apologised to the crowd.
"Awww...... Just sign this for me please Alan!".
"Can I just have a picture!".
"Just do this for me...... Please!".
"I love your films".
I was now on my feet but I could tell that although Alan was concerned about my mental state and the need to get me out of this situation, he was also totally torn between me and keeping his fans happy and giving a little piece of himself to them as a part of his job.
I could see his dilemma. He was not a rude, obnoxious man and really did appreciate the interest his fans had in him.
He looked over at me and pulled a pleading, do you mind if I just do this, kind of expression.
I smiled and gave a slight nod of my head, sitting back down again as I did so.
I knew that he wanted to give me some space, but I also realised that Alan Rickman was an extremely well-known, well loved actor and that signing autographs and meeting people was something he felt that he just had to do.
But now, rather than feeling annoyed about this interruption I was rather kind of enjoying it as I watched Alan sign his name on various pieces of paper which included, napkins. He also posed for photos and would stand beside these strangers with his both hands clasped tightly together in front of him. He wouldn't put an arm around anybody. That was just not his style.
Jose had now returned with the cups of tea and was looking at the scene before him in awe. Placing the cups down onto the table he then looked down at me.
"Pretty amazing....... You think?". He asked.
I looked up at him and smiled.
"Yes Jose. He is".
"I meant the custom!". Jose grinned, "People are everywhere!".
He went away smiling broadly leaving me still not totally convinced that he actually meant the amount of people in here were amazing or Alan!
But in my mind, there was only one thing that was amazing and that was the beautiful, wonderful man standing there just in front of me, signing away and being very nice and courteous to simply everyone.
Every now and again he would glance over to me and give me one of his sweet little smiles, before carrying on with his public duties.
A middle aged woman, who had got her autograph safely wrapped in her hand, had noticed the little interactions between us and was now leaning down towards me.
"You are so very lucky". She whispered.
I quickly looked up at her.
"You know........ having this gorgeous man as a friend. He obviously thinks a great deal of you. His eyes are shining with pure love". She went on.
My stomach twisted and my fingers were now wrapping themselves around one another with nervousness.
"I..... I..... Don't....". I stuttered, feeling acutely embarrassed by her observations.
She then looked down at the opened newspaper that I still had in front of me, with Maya's beautiful face looking back.
"You don't want to wait a second". The woman nodded towards the picture.
"The poor love, she didn't know how little time she had left. It's so important to make the most of things, don't you think? Go out there and have some fun with this wonderful man".
My stomach twisted once again, as I stared at Maya's lovely face in the newspaper. This woman, whoever she was, was completely right of course!
I had wasted so much of my time by over thinking and over analysing everything rather than just getting on with life and enjoying it for what it was.
I closed the paper, so that her image had gone and took a very deep breath.
Time to live, I now told myself and then went over towards Alan.
He glanced down at me as I took hold of one of his hands in my own. Then I leaned up towards him and planted a featherlight kiss onto his right cheek, just like that and in front of everyone too!
Alan looked totally surprised by my actions but also looked very pleased about it too.
I then looked around at all the smiling people surrounding us.
"I'm going to take this gorgeous man home now, he's had a really busy and exhausting day, so if you don't mind........".
The people all looked somewhat disappointed but nonetheless all moved away from us so that we could make our exit. I was now leading Alan by the hand as he followed me out of Jose's restaurant like an obedient little dog.
"Where are you taking me?". He asked, almost seductively as we now stood on the pavement outside.
I smiled back at him.
"You shouldn't really need to ask". I whispered quietly.
"All you need to know is that I need you now, more than I ever have done before. But I think you already know that don't you".
Alan stared at me, his lips were quivering into a slight smile as I continued to gently rub my fingers over his knuckles as I held onto his hand.
"Then please.......". Alan spoke, his deep baritone voice was almost a whisper.
"Please allow yourself to lead me the way then....... Miss Stevens".