Two men wheeled a gurney down a hall.
"I'm asking out Sharon tonight," man one told his coworker.
"Sharon from Payroll?" man two asked.
"No, Sharon from Janitorial."
"Ahh."
"I like her smile. Plus my apartment's a disaster." he chuckled. "Yeah."
"How many pickups we got?"
"Two."
"Good. 'Cause I am starving."
"Oh, you're starving?"
"I am starving. Fried wontons at Mama Lee's when we're done?"
"Eh..."
"What?"
"I just... It's too much MSG."
"Oh, you bought the propaganda."
"Yeah."
"There's nothing wrong with MSG, my friend. All right, you ready? On three."
"Yep."
The two spoke. "One, two..."
The Handler's opened a split second and man one cried, "Aah!"
"What?" man two wondered.
"She moved a bit."
Man two let out a chuckle. "No, no, no, no, no." He showed the clipboard. "No, it... it says right here, she's dead. It's probably just intestinal gas." The Handler moaned. "I had one last week that farted all the way into the oven. It's..."
Man one placed a hand on her cheek and her eyes opened before she rasped, "Get me to a hospital."
"Don't think that was intestinal gas," man one told his partner.
"Oh, shit," man two whispered.
"You can probably kiss those wontons goodbye."
The Handler blinked.
THREE MONTHS LATER
The Handler walked into the Commission, ignoring the whispers of that she was back. She entered and slipped off her jacket, holding her hand out, but no one took her jacket.
She draped her jacket over her shoulder, walked up the stairs and to her office.
"A.J.," the Handler greeted.
"Welcome back," A.J. replied over a speaker as he turned to face her. "And let me say, your recovery has been an inspiration to us all."
"Well," she chuckled, "if it wasn't for this metal plate in my head from the Shanghai job, I don't think I'd be here." she laughed. "I didn't expect to see you until the board," she closed the case and it clicked shut, "meeting. What's going on?" She sat.
"Um, during your rehabilitation, certain management charges were made, unavoidable departmental reorganizations. I'm sorry to say-"
"You're not firing me."
"Of course not."
"Oh, thank God."
"We would never dream of it." A lighter clicked open. "However..." the lighter clicked again and A.J. coughed and sputtered, "you will be demoted."
"What?"
"Due to your long-standing commitment to the Commission, you'll keep your benefits package and parking... uh... in Lot C."
"Lot C?"
"Look, if I'm being completely honest, you've always had a problem with authority."
The Handler stood angrily. "This is about my last file, isn't it? Hazel and Cha-Cha screwed the pooch on that one, not me, and don't even get me started on Number Five, the depth of whose betrayal served as powerful motivation in waking me from my coma, and all the way through my long, tedious, painful recovery back to this office."
"It's not just one thing. Remember that whole 743 incident? Be happy you're still employed."
"Give me two days. A.J., give me two freaking days. I will make this right." She banged the desk.
"The task has already been reassigned." The intercom clicked. "Send him in."
A man walked in and the Handler frowned. "Herb? You're sending him after Five?"
"Don't be ridiculous. We've already sent operatives into the field. Herb is your new... supervisor."
The Handler let out a laugh. "Oh... this is a joke, right? I've dropped turds bigger than Herb."
"Someone needs fiber," Herb joked with a chortle and stopped, seeing her glare.
"Please show the Handler to her new desk," A.J. said.
"I took a bullet in the head for this company," the Handler told him.
"And we thank you for your service." He smoked his cigarette.
Herb led the Handler to her new office. "Home sweet home." She gulped and stepped closer to a desk in the front. "Oh, your desk is over there. If you need anything, my desk is over here." He scurried off.
A woman smiled. "Today is Polynesian day in the cafeteria. Wanna join me for some lau lau?"
"Ask me again, I'll staple your face to the wall," the Handler threatened, clearing her throat. "Okay." She opened the drawer and pulled out Five's nameplate.
She let out a shriek and threw it.
"Ow!" Herb exclaimed, touching his ear.
The nameplate landed between the chalkboards, blood on one edge.
INT. BAR
The hell is wrong with you, Luther?" Five questioned. "I just told you the world's gonna end in ten days."
"Yeah, well, you're always saying that," Luther shot back.
"And so far I've been right."
"Look, you want to go save the world? Knock yourself out. All right? I already got a job."
Five frowned at his words. "Wait, you work in this shithole?"
"Yeah. Well, my boss owns the place. I'm his body man."
"What's that? Like a masseuse or something?"
"Okay, you can make fun all you want, but I take good care of Mr. Ruby."
"Wait, Ruby. The Jack Ruby, the gangster who shot Oswald?"
"Yeah, the one and only."
"Well, it finally happened. That gorilla DNA has taken over your mind."
"Hey, watch it, all right? Jack's a good friend."
"And you're Number One. Numero Uno. Remember?"
"There is no Number One. Not anymore. Not in 1963. Look, I've been stranded here alone for a year. What did you expect?"
"I get it, all right? You watched Pogo die, the world exploded, and I marooned your big dumb ass in time, I'm sorry, okay?" he sighed. "But I'm asking for your help, Luther. The Umbrella Academy needs you."
Luther scoffed softly. "It doesn't need me. It never did."
Autumn walked up to the brothers. "Luther, honey. Jack's about to lose it on a half-wit. A little help?"
"Ah, shit." He began walking away.
"Luther, wait," Five said.
Luther faced him. "Listen. You're the genius who said we should jump. Right? You're the one who got us stuck here. And you're the one who brought Vanya. So if there is a doomsday coming, she's probably the cause. And if I was gonna do something about it, it sure as hell is not gonna be with you." He turned and walked away.
"The Bolsheviks are here," Carl informed. "They're living among us, okay? And they're ready. They're ready to steer America down the long road towards Communism. We're better than them." He backed into Luther.
"Come on buddy, let's go," Luther said.
"Get your hands off me." He tried punching Luther with a grunt and missed him completely. The men left and Luther caught Carl.
"Get him outta here," Jack told Luther. "Now."
Carl dropped his wallet as he was led out and repeated, "Get off me. Get off me! Get your big arms off me."
Five put down his drink. "Dad should've left him on the moon." He hopped down from the stool and his jacket tore.
Five checked out the tear and pulled out a box labeled Frankel Footage.
It was the box Hazel had slipped into his pocket moments before his death.
As he was leaving, he ran into someone. "Ana?"
Adriana sighed. "Thank goodness. Someone not so buckets of crazy."
"Are you okay?"
She nodded. "I'm fine." She hugged him. "I've missed you. Where are your other siblings?"
Five shook his head. "I don't know. I gotta find 'em. You want to help?"
"Absolutely. I've just got to lock up my dance studio."
"You have a studio?"
She nodded. "It's nice to get away and let Dvorak or Tchaikovsky take me to a place with no more cares or fears."
Five smiled softly. "I'm glad you have a place like that."
INT. HOUSE
Vanya pored over missing persons reports.
"My keys, have you seen them?" Sissy asked.
"No," Vanya answered. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's just... Carl needs a ride home." she let out another sigh.
"From the office?"
"From the bar. He just called from a payphone, drunk as a skunk."
"I'm sorry."
Sissy sighed a third time. "Any luck? Someone find you yet?"
Vanya shook her head. "Nothing."
Harlan walked up and grunted, offering Sissy a book.
"I -- Oh," Sissy said. "Oh, no, no, no, sweetie, I have to go out for a bit. But Vanya can read to you for a bit."
Vanya stood. "Harlan? Harlan, come on. Let's go back to bed."
"Harlan? Harlan, honey... Harlan, honey."
"I'll go get Carl."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. And you can stay and read to Harlan." She rubbed his shoulder. "I got this."
Sissy exhaled sharply. "Don't take this the wrong way, but..." she sighed and the keys jangled, "I wish I'd run you over years ago." She started leading her son away. "All right, baby, come on."
EXT. STREET
Diego and Lila waited for a wailing police car to pass while they waited behind a car.
Once it did, he stood and said, "This way.
They ran into an alleyway.
Diego glanced behind him. "All right, we can't stay here too long. They're gonna be looking for us."
"The cops or those Scandinavian fellas with guns?" Lila questioned.
"Both." He jumped onto a dumpster and a building and grabbed at a clothesline.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm not gonna get very far dressed like a lobotomy case."
"You mean we won't get very far." She ran towards the building as Diego threw her some clothes.
Diego climbed down and began fiddling with his shirt and sighed. "Look, I appreciate your help..." he grunted and turned away as he undressed, "but now we go our separate ways."
Lila undressed as well. "Why?"
"Because they're gonna be looking for us. Together. We stand a better chance on our own."
"Mm-mm. Too dangerous."
"Well, you didn't think so back in the fun house when I saved your ass, or did you forget?"
Sirens wailed again and Diego repeated quietly, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
They darted behind a pillar. Lila pulled Diego close and said, "Your fly's undone." Diego glanced down. "Gotcha."
"What is wrong with you?"
She leaned closer to Diego as the police car drove past and the sirens wailed again.
"Come on, we'll take my car," Lila told him.
"What car?" Diego inquired.
Lila picked up a rock. "This one." She threw the rock through the window and got into the driver's seat.
"Hey."
Electricity crackled as Lila hot-wired the engine and Lila giggled before asking, "What? You don't like the color?" He voice grew louder. "Stop being a princess and get in!"
"Shh!" Diego rushed to the other side as dogs barked nearby. He opened the door to the passenger's side. "You know the other window was open, right?"
Lila reversed the car.
EXT. BAR
Vanya pulled up outside the bar and muttered, "Jesus, Carl."
She pulled him up. "You're a mess."
"Sissy mad at me?" Carl wondered.
"I wouldn't exactly say she's happy."
"She tell you that? Or you just... speculating?"
"You lied to her, Carl. You told her you were going to work and you came here."
Carl stumbled towards the car and opened the passenger's door.
"Okay, get inside," Vanya told him.
"She still love me?"
"Of course she does."
"You're lucky, you know that? You got a blank slate. Start over. Be anyone you want. The rest of us are stuck with who we are." He slid in and shut the door.
INT. BAR
Luther picked up the wallet and walked outside.
EXT. BAR
Luther stopped, seeing a familiar face.
A car door opened and Vanya climbed into the driver's seat. She looked at Luther staring as she closed the door.
"Vanya," Luther said.
Vanya drove away.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET
A van with the three Swedish men pulled up across from a dark house. One looked at a map and one cocked a shotgun.
INT. HOUSE
A male narrator on TV spoke. "Since the dawn of time, mankind has been asking the same age-old question..."
"Do blondes have more fun?" a woman questioned.
Allison slept on her husband's chest.
"With Sun Ray hair dye, the answer is yes."
A loud bang sounded on the door, waking the couple who gasped. The bang sounded a second time.
Allison grabbed a bat and the door was kicked open.
"Dallas police!" an officer yelled. "Get your hands in the air. Get your hands behind your head."
"Drop the weapon!" the second officer demanded.
"Allison, put it down!" her husband said. "Allison, put the bat down."
She put the bat down and it clattered to the floor.
The first officer hit Ray's chest as he said, "Raymond Chestnut, you're under arrest."
"No!" Allison cried. "Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Come on!"
"What's the charge?" Ray questioned.
"Assault and battery," the officer answered.
"Officer, that's ridiculous."
"You don't remember?" the second officer questioned. "You beat a man without provocation at Odessa's."
"No!" Allison yelled again. "No, no, no, no, that was me! I... I did that in self-defense!"
"He was threatening us!" Ray added as he was roughly handcuffed. "Aah!"
"Back up," the officer demanded. "Back up right now or you're going with him."
"Allison," Ray called.
"I said back up."
"Allison, baby, let it go."
Allison's voice echoed as she spoke. "I heard a rumor." The officer's eyes glazed over white.
"Allison. Allison, baby, it's okay." He was forced towards the door. "Baby, I love you. It's okay. I'm fine. I'm gonna be okay!" He was escorted from the house.
"Do we have a problem here?" the officer questioned as his eyes resumed their normal color.
"No," Allison answered. "Officer."
The officer backed up and left.
Allison's breath trembled and she let out a gasp.
Raymond was taken away in a police car.
The three Swedish men waited outside the house. One turned the car on and one drank.
INT. MORTY'S
Elliott's eyes widened, seeing Adriana. "You came with the guy in the green vest!"
Adriana nodded. "Yes."
Five looked at the photos. "Elliott, did you develop these photos yourself?"
"'Course," Elliott answered. "Can't exactly drop that stuff off at the neighborhood Fotomat." He began eating. "Government has eyes everywhere."
Five turned away from the photos. "I didn't see a darkroom."
"Yeah, I converted the hallway closet."
Feedback squealed through the mic.
Five scratched out the date and handed Elliott the Frankel Footage. "Can you develop this?"
"Hmm?" Elliott hummed, looking at the box Five was holding before taking it. "Huh. "Frankel Footage." Friends of yours?"
"Cousins on my robot mother's side. Can you do it or not?"
"Sure I can."
"How long?"
"Well, I mean, I'm running low on acetic acid. Beeker's Camera's is open today, but it's two miles away. I mean, I'd have to take the bus. On the other hand, Gibson's is only ten blocks away, but I gotta cut through the park, and there's pigeons-"
"Elliott."
"It's like five, maybe six hours."
A man over the radio spoke. "Attention all units we have a code 3-15 at the Holbrook Sanitarium."
"The hell is a code 3-15?" Five questioned.
"Mmm, fugitives on the run," Elliott answered.
"Twenty-five patients still at large." Five turned the volume dial up. "Many are considered armed and dangerous."
"Oh, Diego," Five whispered.
Elliott leaned closer to Five. "Oh, who's Diego?"
"Imagine Batman, then aim lower." He lowered his hand for effect as the radio chatter continued indistinctly. "You get started on that film." He began walking away. "I'll get back as soon as I can."
Adriana followed after Five and asked, "Can I come?"
Five thought for a moment and nodded. "Sure. I'm always glad to have your company."
INT. CAR
Diego and Lila were in the middle of a stakeout.
Diego spoke. "All right, here's the plan: Oswald finishes his shift at 4:30 p.m. Once he walks out those doors, we force him into the front seat."
"I'm in the front seat," Lila told him.
"Okay, fine. In the backseat. You're gonna pin his arms, I'm gonna cut off his trigger finger and tell him he has 24 ours to exit Dallas."
"That's your plan?"
"You got a problem with it?"
"Well, why don't we just kill him?"
"What?"
"I mean, you think he's going to shoot the president, right?"
"Right."
"Fine, so we kill him. Put a bullet between his eyes. Problem solved."
"Oh, no, no, we're not going to kill a man before he's committed a crime."
"That's stupid."
"Excuse me?"
"In fact, your whole plan is stupid. What, chopping off a guy's finger?"
"No, it's not just any finger, it's his trigger finger, all right?" Lila laughed. "You can't shoot a gun without a trigger finger."
"What if he's ambidextrous? How do you get through a day?"
"Get out. I can do this on my own."
"Dr. Moncton was right, this hero complex is no joke."
"Oh, that is not what this is about."
"Of course it is. Y-You want to prove to Daddy that you're a big success."
"No, you don't know anything about me."
"I know everything about you. You... You are an open book written for very dumb children."
Diego spoke haltingly. "I am not trying to be a hero, okay?"
Five and Adriana spatial jumped into the back.
"Then why are you doing this?" Lila questioned.
"Because he is an idiot," Five replied.
Lila jumped and turned. "Who the hell are you two?"
Five waved. "Hi. I'm his loving brother and this is his friend."
"Who left me to rot in the nut house. Not her. Hey, Ana."
"To protect you from yourself."
Adriana's lip twitched in amusement. "Honestly that's the least surprising thing I've heard."
"I'm surprised you didn't check on that."
Lila smiled. "That's quite sweet."
"Okay, all of you, out," Diego said.
"Lost the crazy lady and come with me and Ana," Five told him. "We have important business."
"I am not going anywhere with you. I'll go with Ana."
Five watched an officer walk past. "Okay, fine." He moved closer to the window. "Officer!"
"Hey." Diego grabbed Five's arm and turned him. "What are you doing?"
Adriana studied Diego a moment before saying, "There's a reward out for you two. Isn't there?"
"She's bluffing," Lila said.
Diego looked into her eyes, then Five's. "She's not. He knows she's right. Fine. I'll go with you two."
"What about me?"
"And I'm bringing the crazy lady." Lila smiled at Diego's words.
INT. PRISON
Allison walked up to the front desk. "Excuse me, Officer?"
"Yep?" the officer answered, not looking at her.
"I've been waiting for two hours. I would like to know what's happened to my husband."
The officer blew onto a pencil. "Name."
Allison folded her hands as her tone sounded annoyed. "Chestnut, Raymond Chestnut."
"He's here. In processing."
"Yes, I know. I would like to speak with him."
"You his lawyer?" The officer finally turned to her.
"No, I am his wife."
"Then I can't help you. Take a seat." He looked away again. "Take a seat."
Allison glared and sat down again. "Honor and dignity. Honor and dignity."
A door opened and a man questioned, "So it's illegal now to hand out flyers?"
"Without a permit, it is," another officer answered as he walked the man down the hall, "and you know the Keetchie."
Keetchie imitated a Russian accent. "Oh, oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize we were living under Communist rule."
"Keep moving."
INT. CELL
"Okay." Keetchie panted and the cell door clanged shut and locked. "Thank you."
Keetchie locked eyes with someone across the way and raised his hands. "Holy shit! It's you." He grasped Klaus' hands.
"Have we met?" Klaus asked.
"Yes," Keetchie answered and Klaus sighed heavily. "No, I mean... I saw you speak in Berkeley in '61."
"Oh. Oh, yeah."
"Yes, you changed my life."
Klaus chuckled. "Oh, great."
"It was fanta-" Klaus laughed. "The very next day... I gave up my law practice, my superficial life, and I came to where it all started. I've been spreading your message of love and peace ever since." He sighed, dropped his head and lifted it again. "Oh, I have so many questions."
"Yeah, well, now... now is not really the time, though, is it?"
"Well..."
"Because we're in jail."
"Oh!" Keetchie chuckled. "You have such a sense of humor." He touched Klaus' arm.
Klaus laughed. "Don't touch me."
"Okay. Any nuggets of wisdom that you can give to me?"
Klaus leaned slightly closer. "Don't go chasing waterfalls. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to."
"That's so... deep."
Klaus chuckled. "Yeah, I know, right? You wanna sit in my seat and meditate on it?" He clapped Keetchie's shoulders.
"Okay." Klaus stood and moved Keetchie onto the bed as Keetchie chuckled. "That hurts in a good way."
Klaus walked to the other side and sat on a bench. "Heavy... is the head that wears the crown." He rested the back of his head on the bars.
In the cell next to him, a man turned and said, "Actually, the line is, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.""
"Oh, great. Your dad made you read Shakespeare too, huh?"
"I taught it." Klaus turned to face the man. "Spelman College."
"Really? You're a professor, huh?"
"I used to be. Then life took me on a different path."
Klaus let out a sigh. "Me too. And I have all these people who have these ridiculously high expectations of me..." Keetchie inhaled deeply, "but I don't want it anymore."
"Remember your Twelfth Night. "Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.""
"Amen, brother," another man said.
"Oh," Klaus stated. "Yeah, but Shakespeare had no idea what it was like to be me."
"Yeah, perhaps," Ray replied. "But it's in the struggle that folks find out their true calling."
Klaus nodded. "Wow, that's deep."
The two men shared a laugh.
"Raymond."
"Klaus."
They shook hands through the cells.
"You're free to go, pretty boy," an officer told Klaus as he unlocked the cell.
Klaus pointed to himself. "Me?"
The officer pointed to Raymond. "Chief got a call from the governor."
"The governor?" Ray repeated as he stood. "You got some damn powerful friends, Klaus."
"Oh, yeah, I don't even know the guy, just some of his wealthier benefactors." Klaus' shirt was grabbed roughly. "Oh, thank God." He was yanked from the cell which shut and locked as he sighed.
"Well I tell you what. If you ever do meet him, make sure knows my brothers here are being held without charge."
Klaus faced the officer. "Is that true?"
"Feel free to file a complaint," the officer replied.
"What?"
Klaus was led away.