Trigger Warning: The use of drugs and an overdose
//
I'm currently standing around the counter with Bella, Abby, Lia and Ivory as they stare at a pack of weed and Molly in front of them. Abby and Louis apparently bought them off of someone.
We're a crack house now. A fun one.
The guys are outside - oblivious of what's going on as they set up the security system and locks outside.
"Abby?" I laugh as she places one pill on her tongue before swallowing it. "You're crazy." I shake my head.
"I did this once before a school dance and everything around me was so slow and fun."
"Who's the weed for?" Ivory asks as she drinks her third bottle of beer.
"Everyone I guess. Think of it as a platter."
"You a druggy, Abby?" I laugh.
"No, it's just for fun. You can try some if you want." she smiles, "but only if you want to. Dont even do shit you dont want to."
I listen as a lighter flips on as Lia lights the end of a joint that she rolled. She freezes with all eyes on her.
"This is so ladylike." Bella laughs - already high from the molly she took minutes before.
Lia exhales smoke in a smile. "Well be the men of the house tonight." Lia holds it out for me, the end by my lips. "Only if you want some?"
Staring at it for a good second I think I lost my mind because I press my lips to it. Don't cough Dont cough. Taking a small inhale It touches my lungs before exhaling, waving the smoke away.
Harry taught me last year - once again - and I got the hang of it.
"They're going to be so confused when they come inside." I laugh.
"Louis placed it on the counter." Abby drinks some of her vodka cooler before offering me some. "Here you can have this."
"Thanks." taking it in my hands I begin to drink It as I stare at the molly on the counter in curiosity. "What did you say it does again?"
"It's like a pleasure drug."
"So like energy?"
"I think they take it in euphoria all the time." I stare at the drug as Abby slides one towards me from a new bag, "did you want one? I feel the same, just a little loopy in a fun way."
I take a small breath as I drink down the vodka cooler. With four chugs I place it down as I take the pill in my fingers. It sounds fun.
"Louis bought them?"
She nods.
"It's not addicting or anything right?"
"Nope." she shakes her head and as I watch Ivory and Lia take one from the other bag.
So I take the pill - like some blood sister's oath or something. Placing it on my tongue I close my mouth and swallow. The small pill goes down fast and as I stand here I only wash it down with more alcohol.
Oh shit, aren't you not supposed to mix drugs??? The boys used to do it all the time, im sure im fine.
I seem fine.
I even reach over and take another small puff of weed.
Who am I?
Thinking to myself for a few minutes I giggle in excitement to tell Harry. I even perk up, turning around to go run to him but trip over my feet. I fall back into the table, hand on my head as I feel my body go numb.
Abby's already in front of me, tilting my chin up, "you okay?"
"Is it supposed to hit this quickly?" I practically moan out, my vision fading. "It's working really quick." I exhale hardly as she rubs my arm.
"Maybe it's just cause you're a lightweight."
I try to catch my breath, the room spinning as my body goes numb. I feel like I cant stand. Like my brains shutting off but im still human from the inside. "G-give me a second." I nod, "its supposed to feel good, right?"
"Yeah, sweety." she brushes back my hair. "When it kicks in it's fun."
The room spins, colours bouncing as sounds go slow and funky. I even crack a smile, reaching up to bop her nose. "You look funny right now," whispering under my breath I feel another hand hold me up.
My eyes feel like they're twitching and that brief euphoric moment fades.
"Just a party drug," Abby says but it sounds like she's telling herself. I'm not sure who it is. The voice is distant.
I nod, hands beginning to shake as my heartbeat slows. "Harry," I say under my breath. I shouldn't have done this without him. My heart goes slower as I barely mumble. "Where is he?"
I try to walk once more but I only fall, hands catching me again. "Slow down."
"Where is he?" panic forms in my chest but my heartbeat is slow. I feel like my forehead is sweating but my body is ice. "I need him."
"Ill get him." a voice call but as soon as the voice moves away I fall on one side unsupported. Someone catches me. "Someone get him." the voices get louder.
"Lets get you to the couch." the rims of my eyes go black and my head rocks back in darkness before I blink it away.
"W-where is he?"
"You're okay." im set on the couch as a hand brushes my hair. "Don't be scared we got you."
"Ive done this before and i-i-i-its-" I stutter as everything goes numb and my tongue feels like it's disappearing.
This was a mistake.
Harry Styles
Were outside as we put up the new security for the house. It's a type of computer-automated system that sounds when someone enters. It locks every door, big cameras and all that stuff.
We've put them all around the house and were simply drinking beer as we set it up.
I'm not sure what the girls are doing but it seemed like they were up to no good. I think I smell weed. Im sure Violet will be out here high as shit soon.
Niall sits down on the ground, "my neck hurts."
Its currently night but we're working with a flashlight and the porch light. This has to get done.
"From what?" Louis asks as he types on his computer.
"You haven't done anything," I shake my head as I screw in the cameras to the corner of the door.
He throws up his hands, "who do you think put all the cameras up around the property? I had to walk like half a mile."
I hum, "maybe you did leave. It was quiet."
"Dick," I get an empty beer can thrown at me. "Respect me."
I swat it away. "Nasty."
I screw the last bolt before I turn it on. The system shinning a red light. I wave into the camera so Louis can see if it's working. Louis goes, "got it!" and I step back to crack my knuckles.
"You guys do anything fun yesterday?" Liam helps set up the technology.
Niall only snorts. "Lia and I drove down to an art museum and I saw so many painted naked bodies." Niall shivers, "it was cool though. Even went to the Eiffel tower. I forgot how big that thing is."
Louis only shrugs, "Abby and I went out to a restaurant. Saw some guy on the street who told us where to get some weed." he smirks, "we were running low."
Zayn pops his head from the other side of the house. "You did?"
"Yup."
"Fuck yeah."
Liam smirks.
"I kinda like it out here in Paris." Louis says, "but again-"
"Dont," Zayn says, shaking his head. "Just don't go there." Rubbing his eyes I notice the gun in his belt buckle.
"Do a trick with it." I nudge my head and he only pulls an imaginary gun to my head and shoots.
"I'm going to go check the fucking cameras again." Niall stands and walks the other way back to the road.
We all begin to laugh and soon I hear steps on the other side of the door.
My eyes scrunch when the door swings open. Lia stands with a worried look on her face and my heart drops. "Harry it's Violet-"
I brush past her. My heart rate up as I notice the three girls who are setting her down on the couch.
"What happened?" I rush out and Abby looks over at me with near bridged tears.
"s-she took the same drug we did. We all feel fine."
My heart stops and I round the couch as they all pull back.
She sits on the couch, eyes shut and hands holding her thighs tightly.
I hear her mutter sadly. "Harry. Someone get Harry."
"Violet, baby?" I take a seat next to her, pulling her to sit sideways on my lap. "What's wrong? Im here." I brush back her hair but she doesnt speak, she reaches for my shirt but it doesn't seem like her hand can grab on.
Her breaths are slow and I shake her cheeks for her eyes to slowly open. My eyes widen from the sight.
Soon all the boy's flood in and people give us space.
"Violet? Youre okay, I got you." I hold her hips as her hands shake.
Louis walks in and notices the drugs on the counter. "What did she take?" he speaks low and darkly. "I thought we were going to use that another day."
Abby runs over to him to whisper and my breaths only quicken.
I look down at Violet when her hand slips to fall on my knee as she squeezes it. "Harry?" she says slowly.
"Yeah, im here." I kiss her cheek.
Her face cringes in sadness, "I-I dont like this." she takes small short breaths. "It doesnt f-f-feel good," I wipe the tears from her eyes. "I d-didnt mean to."
"Shhhh. It's okay."
"I ... can't ... breathe." is all she says and my fingers go to her neck. My heart drops from her pulse.
I look up in panic, "what did she take?" I shout loudly and get everyone's attention as her head falls into my chest unresponsive.
She only weakly cries, "I don't like it." which breaks my heart each time.
"Jesus Fuck!" I shout, "what did she take?"
She shivers in my hold and Abby only shakes her head. "She drank a cooler, took a smoke off Lias weed and then took molly."
"You gave her ecstasy?" I yell. My eyes widen as I feel her shake in my hold.
Zayn walks over to us quickly. Lifting Violet's head as he examines her. He opens her eyes, and checks her nose like she snorted something. "She's barely breathing." his hand goes to her forehead. "burning up. Fuck-" he backs away in a hurry, "let me see if I kept anything in the cabinets."
I only kiss her cheek. "You're okay."
Abby only cries, "we all took the same one-"
"Where did you buy it?" I say slowly so she can understand each word.
"Louis and I-"
"Where did you buy it?"
"You don't understand. We gave her a new package of it-"
"Where the fuck did you buy it Abby?" I shout.
"On the street."
My heart drops, my body going numb for a moment. I whisper to myself, "it was laced." before raising my voice, "that packet was fucking laced with fentanyl. You don't buy in the street."
Abby only cries and Louis raises his voice.
"We didn't know." He tells me to calm down.
Looking down at Violet her face is white, I tilt her chin up and open her eyes that are dilated. "You're okay," I tell her as she falls into my chest. A weak sound comes out of her as she shakes. "Nothings going to happen to you."
"I dont like it." is all I hear from her as she repeats. It's a barely audible sound that makes tears form in my eyes. "I dont like it at all."
I begin to kiss down her face. Her forehead, chin, cheek and anywhere I can. "You're okay. I know baby but I got you."
Her breaths go weaker and I watch as Niall storms inside. His shoulders drop. He reads the room before letting out a, "oh shit," he walks over to us, kneeling down as he stares into her eyes that are dropped to the floor. "Can you hear me, sugar?"
Nothing.
"Does anyone have naloxone?" He stands quickly, racing upstairs. "Check the cabinets. Liam check your bag. She's overdosing."
And soon they both race up.
My eyes are only on hers as she breaths weakly. Practically wheezing.
"You gotta keep breathing," my hands shake her cheeks. "I know you didn't want this." I almost cry, "I know it doesn't feel good, I'm sorry." I kiss her cheek and I think her body suddenly spasms because she grabs onto my shirt. I brush her hair, "it's okay."
"I-I dont feel safe." the sound wouldn't exist if the room wasn't so quiet. She doesn't feel safe and that's the sole sentence that breaks my heart. "I can't breathe... I don't like it." her eyes fill with tears, "I can't see anything. Why can't I see?"
Those words scream inside of her but on the outside, her eyes don't move - locked on her lap. Her voice is low and muffled as her face pails, even though she's burning up.
"I'm right here, angel."
"Harry?" she weakly says again and I brush back her hair.
"Yeah."
"I don't like this." she wheezes. "Don't leave me, please... h-help me."
I hold her hand, holding it tightly because I know she wants to do so herself. "Not ever leaving you. You're safe. I'm trying, angel."
I hear more ruffling upstairs. Anxiety creeping in my stomach.
Abby only tries to talk, "Harry-"
"For fucks sakes. Stop."
I hold her tighter. "It's okay, angel. I have you. I love you so much, sweet girl." she doesn't deserve this. It was the one time she did things like this. Of course, the universe did this.
Niall's voice yells, "I don't have anything- fuck." I can hear his panic and I only tell myself that this isn't happening. That's she's only high and she's okay.
Liam and Niall bicker upstairs. "Do we have time to run to the store? Bring her in the car and just inject her. I dont have anything in my bag. Only things to reverse a fast heartbeat."
I'm about to agree but suddenly her head hangs in my chest. My breaths go robbed as her body slumps against me.
Niall and Liam come running down the stairs. "I have the car keys, let's go-" Niall pauses, "Harry get up, let's go."
My hands hold Violet's cheek and shake her face but nothing. "Violet?" I whisper, tears pouring down my eyes. "Oh no no no." my fingers quickly press to her neck trying to feel for a pulse.
"Harry let's go!" He yells.
"Theres no fucking time." my fingers press harder but there's no heartbeat. "She's not breathing."
The room goes dead quiet and before I know it my hands are under her legs, pulling her up.
I hear their voices, "someone call a fucking ambulance-"
"We can't."
"Yes, you can."
"Call someone," I yell. "This is Violet. Call a fucking ambulance."
I panic as I race up the stairs. "No no no." I break as I run across the hallway to the first door I see. Kicking it open I hurry to the shower. "You cant do this." I stare down at her, "you don't do this." I cry, "you dont die on me. I got you. You're okay. I promise you're okay." tears fall as I enter the shower. "I got you."
Turning on the water I fall down. Settling against the wall as the cold stream falls down on us. The water hits the side of her face. My finger is still on her pulse. I kiss her neck. Usually, the water helps. Usually, people wake up.
"No," I sob as I take her chin and shake it. "Angel, come on. Please." crying, I kiss her, "I'm sorry." I apologize so many times before my fingers are going into her mouth. I push them all the way down until she makes a gagging noise, suddenly puking as I turn her body to the side on my chest.
She heaves, throwing up in the shower. She's still not conscious and I do it again. Making her throw up I cry into her shoulder as she does so. My clean hand brushes back her hair, "you're okay. Breathe." I hold her close as she keeps throwing up.
The noise wretches in the shower until she flops forward. My eyes scrunch and I place her back in my chest. "You should be okay." I panic, "you should be breathing?" my fingers on her pulse try to find a beat but theres nothing. "Violet no.'' Turning us over so shes on the ground, my hands go to her chest. "I'm going to help you. But you gotta help me too." my voice panics, water trailing down my hair and tears on my cheeks.
I start compressions as the ice cold water trails down my skin. She lays underneath. She looks so helpless. My hands press down in a cry, "come on."
My hands tilt up her chin as I breathe into her mouth twice, filling her lungs with oxygen that she was deprived from. I start compressions again.
"We still have so much," I cry, "if we never came here you'd be fine." tears fall. Italy was safe. Italy was her safety. "We could have been in our home... our fucking old life. You can't die on me. I need to build you a better one. I promise it will be so much better." My hands keep their rhythm. "We'll rebuild."
I tilt her chin. Breathing into her mouth.
"Come on, angel. Please."
Pulling away I do more compressions, sobbing out.
"You don't die on me. You said we'd go together. You can't leave me like this sweet girl. Please, angel, please."
As I tilt back her chin, breathing into her mouth she suddenly chokes. I pull away, my hand reaching for her head as I lift her up so she throws up once more. I pull her on my lap as her eyes open and she pukes the drugs out of her system.
"Oh my god." I brush back her hair in relief. "You're okay." I rest my head in her neck as I kiss her, "im here. You're okay. Everythings fine, sweet girl."
After she finishes I hear the sound of a small but wailing cry. It squeals at the beginning before a sob makes its way out of her.
I break, hugging her as my free arm turns up the heat as it falls on us.
Her hands roll up to her chest as she falls into me. Her knees curl to her chest as I hold her close. "I'm so sorry." I cry as tears coat my cheeks. "You're okay now."
She gasps from her sobs. "I'm sorry." she now tells me, "I didn't know-"
"Don't you ever apologize," I shake my head, pressing my temple to the side of hers. "Please dont ever apologize for that. I'm so happy you're okay."
She nods, crying into my chest. She was so scared. Shes still so scared. I keep kissing her cheek and temples. "Nothings going to hurt you, baby."
"Why would someone do that?" she sobs out.
"People are bad. Im sorry." I can't stop myself from repeating it.
"I-I couldn't see anything." she sobs, "it hurt so much. My heart- I thought it was melting inside my body."
Brushing back her hair she only wraps her arms around me before I turn her body all around. On my lap, she falls into me. Too tired to do anything else.
She cries and cries as I hold her.
"I died." she says, "I died and-"
"I brought you back." I shake my head as I hold her tight. "No one can ever take me away from you."
She nods quickly, shivering but not from the temperature. She's completely shaking in fear.
I hold her so tight I just mesh the two of us together.
I hate that this happened to her.
I hate it so much that it makes me sick to my stomach.
My hand rubs her hair as I kiss the side of her cheek."We'll leave when you're ready-"
"No no no." she panics and holds me tighter. "Please don't go. I don't want to yet."
"Shhh, it's okay." I brush her hair back. "When you get cold I'll carry you out. You won't have to move a single muscle. I'll make sure we go right to our room. You won't ever have to pull away. Tomorrow's a new day."
She only cries harder.
This was a scary moment. A real fucking scary moment and Im sure theres a lot going on in that head of hers. I'm not sure where she went but all I know is that currently, she's scared. Traumatized and she needs me.
These things happen and it breaks my heart because I had her in my arms.
But this isn't a first. And I hate how it's not. But I'm sure as hell going to make it her last.
I kiss the top of her head. "Always safe with me, angel."
She hugs me tighter, squeezing my neck twice in response that says she loves me and that she's got my back.
I sniff, suppressing tears as I lightly cry in her neck.
Only now and only today are we letting it out. We're letting it go and breaking.
Tomorrow's a new day.
:(