Can't wait to get graduate and leave this college as soon as possible. Because I don't want to feel worst anymore. My most special memories feel like get tainted. Practice room, football field, parking lot, sports locker room, classroom, practical labs, his office cabin and his apartment.
I still don't believe it, all this time he was just fooling around with me. My worst thought because of which I am so afraid to get involved in this, has come true. After all this month, I get too attached to him. I don't know how to ignore his presence or the moment we spend together. That's why I want to get graduate and runway from this place as soon as possible. Yes, I threaten him that I will make him feel worst. But I don't know how I will do that. Clearly, I still have feeling for him. I am not able to understand my emotions this time. I been faced the betrayal before, I always cry out loud and move on from it so soon. But this time, I don't know exactly what to react. I feel like crying, screaming, but I am to numb from inside to do that. I don't blame anyone for my state. I am the one who is solely responsible for it, when I clearly over analysis this think multiple times, I still decided to get involve. I feel so stupid that I fall for it. For him.
All the small moment we spend together. It's really lead to growing my feeling towards him. All the little things he did, it meant much more to me.
When I used to feel cold, he held my hand and put it inside his hoodie pocket to make it warm.
Whenever I was at his place, he makes me sit on his lap and feed me. And eat a bite from the bread which is still in my mouth. Which obviously lead to a kiss. When he licks the ice cream out from my lips, instead of wiping it with the tissue.
When we passed each other in a hallway, sometimes he looks at me and pass a sweets smile. But if there is no one around he winks and kiss my cheek, like really fast. Make me blush the whole day, just thinking about a simple kiss. But it's his bold move to make in college.
Watch him fall asleep while talking on the video call all night, vise-versa.
When he looks like tough guy but got sad while watching simple movie like Titanic and other sad/ romantic movies. Made me love him more. He is soft and devil. His duality can't be describe. Whenever we watch movie together, he always, always falls asleep in middle of the movie as his head rest on my lap. Sleeping like a baby.
When he still didn't wake up in the morning when I try to wake him up, he groans and turn around and sleep on his stomach, I go lay on his back. Kisses his neck. And annoyed him. But end up getting tarp into his hug and fall asleep again, with my head lying on his chest. Listing to his calm heartbeat.
In these 4 months, our weekends were full of moment. Feel like I have lived my life in this past few months. This breakup, his explanation that he is just fooling with me it's all feel unreal. I don't want to accept this but the way he behaves cold towards me now force me to accept this breakup.
Few weeks passed when I got the explanation of how I been fooled. I stayed focus to my studies not only because final exam is close but also to keep my mind distracted. Other time I spend with my friends. They are fun to be around. It always takes my mind off. I stop visiting to him, with a query anymore. Mahir and his team still practice football whenever they get time to stay in formed. I don't go like every day which I used to do when Anzan sir trained them.
I try to keep healthy distance with Mahir. I don't want him to get false hope from me by any means. Apart from that, Anzan get jealous whenever he see me go ground watching Mahir trained. Because few times he took me to corner and said "Instead of watching him. You can do me." Well I stayed focus on my book more then on Mahir, but Who going to explain this to Anzan. But I like it, even if is just fooling around with me, he still feel jealous.
I came alone to the mall to find myself a pretty dress for a farewell party. I have decided, I am not going to cry, or feel worst because of someone else. I will dress pretty, look beautiful and move my ass on the dance floor while having liquors and enjoy my few last day left in this college, especially this last party.
I am done with the shopping and going out of the mall through escalator. Whereas someone is going to up from the side escalator. Anzan with his new girlfriend or I say his ex-girlfriend or past lover. Because I am his ex now. He look at me and smirk and I ignore him like he is invisible, even though there is a feeling like a big ass knife stab right into my heart.
So now he is doing shopping with this girl. When I asked him to go on a shopping with me, he denied. I have to convince him like 100 of time, then he gets agree with a condition. He warns me that he may do something, but I ignore it, like how anyone will make out in public places. Well I was wrong. He is too bold. Did he going to do the same thing that he did with me, with this girl? Ugh!
Suddenly this world feels so small. Where ever I go, I bump into him. Before I reach to the ground, I turn around to steal few glances of him. What the fuck, am I hallucinating or what. They are totally a different couple. Did they transform into someone else or what? I run to take the up escalator for confirmation. I saw that couple again. Yes, they are different people. I am definitely hallucinating him everywhere I go.
***
As I was in cab going back to home I got text from Anii.
Anii : "Hey. Did you get your dress."
Me : "Hey. Ya just bought it."
Anii : "Cool. I will come to your house. We will get ready together."
Me : "Sounds good to me."
I paused for a while and text her.
Me : "I saw someone."
Anii : "Someone? Like People or therapy."
Me : "Good point. I will consider both."
Anii : "Seriously, who u saw?"
Me : "Anzan. But it's just a hallucination for sure."
Anii : "Oh god. Not again. Plz get over him already. It's easy for u to get over with Mahir so y not Anzan sir. u know what, let's rock the party tonight, we will set u up with a nice person, then U will definitely forget him after this."
Me : "I am planning the same. See u later."
***
Evening, 6:30 pm.
We present ourselves in pretty dresses in front of mirror. We were doing are last touch-up before leaving for the party. My dad literally stops on my bedroom door. He is analysing us and our outfits.
"Okay.. again, is this allowed? Like wearing something like this allowed?" He points his finger to our dresses. Anii is wearing a silver glittery sequin kimono cardigan something like one-piece short jumpsuit with multilayer necklace.
And whereas I was wearing maroon bodycon cowl neck sundress corset which having raisin off shoulder. With my most favourite, thigh accesorie.
"Yeah why wouldn't it be allowed? Its party. Farewell party. It's happens only once." My dad gives us a meme face as a respond.
"Whatever!, you can wear whatever you want to wear. I aint stopping. So are you guys planning to fool around with boys or what."
"Dad, please. We are not like that. Be a dad please not a friend." I annoyed
"Okay, okay. Enjoy."
He leaves but comes back. "Except if you are wearing bikini or something to college. I will not permit you."
***
Evening, 7:45 pm.
We reach the campus. Party already had been started. Only few faculties are there, to keep an eye on us. If anything goes wrong like fresher's party, there must be someone to take care of the situation. Everyone's eyes were on us. At first, I feel uncomfortable. But as soon as I saw Anzan, I decided to play bold. I intentionally put the sleeves down as I saw him, to look sexier and to give the look of my collar bone and cleavage.
Anii ditch me and join Atharva, who is with his Football team. I saw Maddy and Trisha rocking the dance floor. And Mahir The-most-wanted-popular-guy he is bit drunk and few girl were hitting on him and he is enjoying that. I guess it's his way of dealing with loneliness. Maybe he will seal the deal. I went to the liquor counter and order a Virgin mocktail. As I sip, we a side eyes, I slightly glance at Anzan's direction. He is looking deadly handsome as always. With black silk shirt, black pant and white and black blazer. Giving me hard time to resist his presence.
He throws the hem of his coat to back and put his hand inside the pants pocket and walk towards me. I ignore him while sipping my drinks. He came and stood next to me ordering a drink of his own. He drinks the rough neat alcohol in one go. And put the glass down with a slam sound and grab my wrist, taking me away from the crowd.
"What the fuck you are doing. Isn't it against the rule and illegal?" I asked as my wrist hurt from his tightness. He cages me between his arm and the wall and said
"You have no idea how hard it is to force myself to stop thinking about you sometimes." with that he came close to me and snuggle into my neck "And this pretty dress of yours, not helping me at all."
"Not my problem that you have no control over your emotions." I said in a rude tone and push him away from me. He didn't look much affected by my rudeness. His gaze fixed to mine. His eyes always been my weakness. The way he looks at me. The love he shows through his eyes, makes me give up on myself and let it go. He again came close to me. My eyes only fixed on him. He looks calm. I stroke his throat knot with my index finger. With that he gulps in sensation. I can see his eyes get close as he throws his head to the back and he breathe heavily with the sensation I been giving. He feels weak with my gesture and fall on to me making me to stop. When he finally gets his normal breathing rhythm he said.
"Really? Go home. And change to something else. Or the best option would be stay in house." he said in a serious tone.
"Who are you to order me?" I asked but he stay silent. Simply looking into my eyes, or I say trying his best not to look down at my exposed thigs and bit of my chest. "You're no one to me Mr. Anzan. You're just my teacher, so behave like one. Don't interfere in my life." I said and push him away and went back to party.
I drink a large whisky before hitting the dance floor. I was dancing around with a bunch of strangers. They are from college only, but I don't know them. I saw Anzan from afar giving me Piercing stares. I intentionally bring a guy close to me, put my hands around his neck and let him put his hand on my ass. I was drunk and wasted. No sense of good or bad. What I have now is just anger, betrayal, grief. And I don't want to feel any of this emotions. I started to feel the music and hands around me. I pull the guy closer to myself. Giving him access to feel me. I rest my chin on his chest as I move. I don't know what Anzan is feeling right now, but I am definitely feeling like to cry. He watch me for a while and left the party by clenching his jaw one last time.
Anii looks angry. Don't know why. Maybe she is just jealous like always. Maybe be because some other girl must be trying to flirt with Atharva. Mostly in relationship boys are the one who is possessive one, but in their case is just vise-versa. I decided to ignore her TV drama. I was focused on the guy with whom I am dancing. He giving me dirty looks, but I made myself concentrate on the music. Someone walks past me and hit their shoulder to mine accidentally. I look and found Anii with eyes full of tears. With her look my hangover is gone. I hold her wrist to not letting her go.
"What happened? Why you are crying." I asked in worried tone.
"Why do you even care. You enjoy your own little world." as she taunts me and left me dumbfounded. It took me few seconds to compressed before I follow her behind.
Maddy and Trisha consoling wretched Anii, who is seating on a staircase. Mumbling broken lines in between her sobs "How could he?....... I loved him-...... I loved him so much...... I-I ..... It's to hard.... my heart... I can't take this......"
She keeps crying while her right hand pressing her chest. I assume her chest must be in pain. I feel my legs are frozen. I have never seen her this devastated before in my life. She is always a happy soul. Seeing her, crying her heart out, makes me feel numb. I gather the courage to approach her, but she fires me with her rage
"Why you even here? Did I ask your help?" she shout. I still went to her ignoring the fact she hates me. I don't know the reason, but it's broke my heart that my best friend hates me.
"Anii. I am sorry. I don't know what makes you mad at me. But I will be always there for you." I try to console her too.
"Dont lie. You're a liar just like other. When I needed you, you are not their."
"No Anii. Please can you first tell me what's exactly going on. Why you crying? What happened? What did I do?" I hug her and asked. She throws me away and went to her car by making irritating sound with her heels. But before she sits into her car, she said
"Why don't you ask the other liars."
I don't know what just happened. I don't know what's wrong with her. I don't know how to make all this better. I look back at Maddy and Trisha with questionable eyes. Asking them for explanation, what's going on?
"We don't know either." Trish sigh heavily and said.
"Last, I saw her with Mahir. Maybe he know what's going on." Maddy said. Without wasting any time, I went inside to search Mahir.
"I need to talk to you."I said as I saw him at the corner, kissing a random girl.
"Huh? I am middle of something." he said annoyingly.
"It's urgent."
+++
"WHAT THE FUCK! What the fuck you taught him. He definitely got this from you. Anii is totally miserable. I can't believe this. They were so in love. Atharva also love her so much, then why he did this." I screamed at Mahir.
"Hey don't fucking blame me. I was passed out, like so early before any of this happened. I got to know about this just today, like you and Anii."
+++
Mahir P.O.V
I was enjoying myself around the girl. She is totally on me. I got myself a deal finally, after long time. I was about to take her into my car after long foreplay session on the couch at the party, until someone pull me by my jacket.
"Hey! What the fuck?" I wined.
"I need to talk to you." Atharva said.
"Bro. wrong timing. I am about to score." I point at the girl, who is sitting in my car's passenger seat.
"It's really important. I am fucked up bro." he said with a crying sound. I got worried. I never seen him crying or something.
"What happened?" I asked
"I am feeling guilty." He said and broke into tear.
I left the girl and took Atharva to the side, to have a talk. We sit at one of the benches on the playground. No one can see us here or hear us. I offer him a drink to calm him down. He gulps the drink like its nothing. He has more alcohol tolerance than me. He is way better than me in most of the things. One of them is relationship and alcohol.
"What happened? Did you do something wrong?" I asked calmly as possible. He stay silent for like minute. "You okay bro? if you won't tell me, how will I help you." I said again.
"I slept with a other girl." he spill the worst mistake of his life.
"WHAT THE FUCK. How can you? When this happened? What's the matter? I thought you love Anii so much. How can you do this? Tell me your kidding. For God sake, just say you are KIDDING Atharva Rajput." I said in a squishy tone. I am on denial to accept this. Atharva can't do this to Anii. He loves her. They are in relationship like forever.
"I still love her. I always loved Anii and I am not kidding, I-I did. I slept with another girl. what I do now? I can't face her. She trust me so much and I broke her trust. This...this guilt is eating me." he said with the sob.
"First of all, calm down. And tell me how did this even happened?"
"At your house." He said
"WHAT? Why you giving me so many shocks." I said with the feeling like my head is about to get explode.
"When we win the football league and you threw the party at your place. Then it happened." I said nothing. I nod and keep listening to the further story. He continues "You wasted at the very beginning. Party is going well. I took care of the guest on behalf of you. Late at night most of the people left. Anii and other girls as well. Few boys were wasted just like you and fall asleep at your place in the hall. I also feel tired to go home and apart from that I was also drunk, so I wasn't be able to drive. I went to the guest room to sleep. I throw myself on the bed. I thought everyone left, but-" he pause, feeling guilt to tell further. I rub his back to make him calm and he continue again, "Then I realize there is a girl in the washroom. She come out, before I asked who is she? Or what she is doing here, at this hour? She came close to me and started kissing me, then one thing let to another."
"So, it's a drunken mistake." I asked and he nod. "Who is she? Means you have seen her in the morning at least."
"I was so drunk. I was not at all in my scenes. It happened all sudden. My vision was also blurry to understand who she was? But one thing I remember that she has a scratch mark on her neck. She left early in the morning before I even woke up." He explain.
"Oh! What you gonna do?" I asked confused as hell. I also done the drunken mistake once which led to totally destroying my relationship with Viyona. I have no idea what to suggest to him either. When I did this mistake, I never got recover from it. Viyona, even she forgives me but deny to get back with me. She doesn't trust me with relationship anymore, neither do I trust myself. After that I just concentrated on flings rather than putting myself into the complicated committed relationship.
"I don't know. I can't take this anymore. This guilt is too much. Anii always try her best to be a better girlfriend. I loved her. Should I tell her the truth?"
"What? No. she will feel betrayed. Only you and me know. She will never found out about this, if none of us tell her. It's just a drunken mistake. Forget about this and-" before I complete someone interrupted our conversation. We look behind. Atharva was about to cry, I am feeling like runing away from this mess. Mostly, we both are shocked.
"How could you do this to me? How could you even suggest this to him?" Anii questioned us both. Atharva was not able to utter any word. He is scared to lose Anii. Even when Anii is not around, Atharva always talk about her. He can't stay away from her for long. He is a very nice and loving boyfriend.
"Anii, its not what you think-" I tried to explain on behalf of Atharva, but Anii is not in a mood to listen. She already made her mind that we are wrong.
"Just shut up. Don't try to feed me with lie. Don't try to cover up, Mahir. I-I heard everything." She said while crying. Atharva finally able to move, he holds her in the arms, trying to make her calm. But Anii push him away "Stay away from me. I feel disgusted by your touch, by-by your presence." Atharva put his head down, avoiding eye contact with her. I know this feeling. Even if this time it happening to him, it still feel like Deja-vu. "I loved you so much. I left everything behind in Mumbai to be with you, here. How can you do this to me Atharva." She said by grabbing collar of Atharvas jacket.
"It's a mistake. I was not in my scenes. It happened all sudden, it was not intentional. Tru-Trust me." Atharva said with the sobs. This is the worst explanation I ever heard from a guy who sleep with another girl, while having a girlfriend. But I can't get in middle of a couple fight. And that's what I was thinking, happened. Anii slapped hard. Making me starlet at my position. Damn! That slap, will definitely left mark on his cheek. Atharva rub his cheeks. But still didn't make any eye contact with her.
"Trust you? Really. You slept with another girl. you cheated on me." She said with rage. I don't know how Atharva still standing in front of her. I feel like running away. "Am I not enough for you. Don't you love me anymore?" she asked which makes Atharva looked at her.
"Please baby, don't say that. I only love you. You're the only one, baby." He holds Anii's hand and said with sobs.
"Don't touch me." She took her hand out from his grip. The field went silent before she speaks again, and this time the target is me "Mahir, how can you suggest something like this. Your friend did the mistake and you telling him to cover it up and lie to me. How could you even say that? You been in this situation. How could you say such things?"
"Yes, I been in his shoes. And I always wish that Viyona must not saw me that day. Or I could have control myself. I don't want my friend to face same thing that I did. Listen Anii, he loves you so much. It's just a mistake. I am just trying to save you're relationshi- " she slap me hard, making me to stop from uttering bullshit.
"Stop it guys. Don't say that it's just one mistake. You will never get out of this by saying this." She face Atharva and continue "All this day, when you acting strange. Distancing from me. I thought I did something wrong. But it was you."
"Listen Anii." Atharva about to say.
"No you listen to me. Don't you dare to show me your face ever again." With that she strome out from the field. Atharva try to go behind her, but I stop him.
"Brother, now is not the good time to talk to her. She is not in condition to listen. Let her be for a while." He node in agreement.
"I should go home. I can't even stand."
"Fine. I will drop you."
"It's okay. I will go. Sorry, you lose your deal." I chuckle at his comment.
I Went back into the party to distract myself from the big tragedy. I had few drinks and found a girl to dance with or I say to relax with. But again, this time Viyona shoot my deal.
End of P.O.V
+++
Morning, 9:45 am.
I feel warm hand around me. More like hugging me. I woke up to Mahir besides me. In my room. On my bed. I don't remember this happened. I look under the sheet. It shouldn't be what I'm thinking. He has no upper cloth, just his pant and whereas I still have my dress on. Relief. I glance at his face. He is sleeping peacefully. I don't feel like disturbing him. I get myself out from the bed silently to get fresh. Before I went down, I cover him with the sheet and ruffling his hair softly. With my action a soft moan left his mouth. I can't help but blush.
"Moring dad. I am hungry. I really need a plate full of breakfast."
"Good morning. What happened to your diet?"
"It's just for the party. To I look better in the dress."
"And what's with the red cheeks?"
"What?" I touch my cheeks with back of my left hand.
"Looks like your pretty dress, successful played its charm." my dad said with the smirk. I can't response to his statement rather than making disgusted face. Soon Mahir also join us for breakfast.
"Moring everyone."
"Did you sleep well beta." Dad asked.
"Yes dad." With that he showed spoon full of food into his mouth "Umm.. Its yummy." He said.
"Glad you like it. You guys enjoy your breakfast. I have to go. There is early morning meeting." With that dad left.
"So?" I asked
"So what?" he asked back.
"What happened last night. You? In my bed?"
"Oh. When I told you about Atharva and Anii fight. You drink like crazy and keep cursing at me. Soon you started to throw up and passed out. So, I bring you home and dad told me to stay. So, I did."
"Damn it! I forget about Anii. I must call her." I tried many times to call her. Message her. But she just not ignores me, but everyone in our group.