"Do you realize how incredibly hard it is to keep my hands to myself around you?" Asher growled, his mouth brushing over the soft skin on the underside of my jaw.
The bathroom hand job had occurred three days ago now, and we'd pretty much been all over each other ever since. We snuck away from the group at least once every time we were together. I'd wait until Shayne was passed out and sneak over to his room, or vice versa. There was a lot of sneaking around happening, and although there was an incredibly hot element to that, after four days, I was beginning to wonder if he was intent on keeping me a secret.
I let out a breathy laugh, barely able to think straight as his lips and hands roamed over my body. "I don't really recall saying you had to..."
"Not looking to enact a live porno for all my friends, babe. Sorry," Asher chuckled. He straightened his posture, so that he was looming above me, his chest heaving with rapid breaths. "Fuck," he groaned, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pressing his chin to the top of my head. "Not that the fact we keep disappearing is all that better."
"Why do you care about them knowing what's going on, Ash?" I asked, pulling my face from the curve of his neck. I looked up to find his crystal eyes roaming the grounds behind me as if they were searching for something. "They're not stupid. I'm pretty sure everyone here has realized we're messing around already. I mean, I've told Shayne and Lita."
His posture went rigid in my arms. "You did?"
"Is that a problem?"
"No, I just..."
I took a step back from him and folded my arms over my chest. We had just arrived back from an afternoon at the beach, and I was still in nothing but a baby blue two piece. That night was the rehearsal dinner, with the ceremony the next day, and honestly, I probably should've been more concerned with getting myself ready than making out with Asher Wilde, but here we were.
"Hey. Don't look at me like that," Asher stated, reaching for me. His tone sounded like that of a teenage boy about to get shut down, all pleading and kind of whiny. "I didn't mean..."
"What's going on here?" I asked. "Am I just supposed to be your dirty little secret?"
"I didn't say that!" Asher exclaimed. "Why are you picking a fight with me, right now? I'm confused."
"I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out what we're doing here, because if this is some sort of fun, vacation tryst, that's fine. But I'd like to have that information before I get too attached."
"Stop. You know what this is. I'm not trying to keep you a secret, Dylan. I just don't like my business being the talk of the island either."
"Exaggerate much?"
Asher crystal gaze grew gray as he rolled his eyes at my sarcasm. "I like you, Dylan. I think I've made that perfectly clear, but I'm not exactly one hundred percent available, am I?"
"I don't know. Are you?"
"Jesus Christ," Asher groaned. "Don't act like I haven't been honest with you. You know I have a lot to deal with when I get back to Chicago. I'm going to have to at least have a conversation with Bridget, and I don't know how that's going to go. She's immediately going to go to my dad, so then I'll have to explain why I've decided to blow up his plan for how my life is supposed to go that was probably made before I was even fucking born. There's a lot at fucking stake here, and I'm sorry if that fact that I'm under immense pressure from outside sources is making me a bit nervous about letting the world know that you blew me the last three fucking nights, alright?"
"Well, then allow me to relieve some of that pressure." I stooped over and scooped up my wicker beach bag and stomped past him, heading down the path that led to my bungalow.
"Where are you going?" he asked, reaching for my elbow.
I yanked away but stopped and turned to face him. "I don't want to put any extra pressure on you, so we're done here. Consider any pressure you're feeling because of me, relieved."
"What? Dylan, come on!"
"No. I'm tired of being the girl that's okay for blow-jobs but remains behind the scenes. I'm not doing that again."
"I'm not trying to make you do that! I'm not denying that we have feelings for each other, Dylan! I just need some time to get my shit sorted!" Asher cried. "It's like you're purposefully misunderstanding me right now!" "See you at dinner."
"Dylan!"
He kept calling after me, but I kept walking.
Hey, if I was going to get my heart broken, I was going to be the one to do it.
"Would you stop glaring at that boy?" Shayne asked, leaning toward my ear as we sat at the outlandishly long dining table. Lita and Ryder's families were all now present, along with a few other friends that I'd met in passing. They'd rented the banquet outdoor dining area of the hotel for the rehearsal dinner, and we were all now gathered outside, surrounded by the ocean breeze, torches, and the exquisite smells of island delicacies. I, however, was busy glaring a hole through Asher, who had yet to attempt to even speak to me.
"You wanted to push him away," Shayne stated. "You can't get mad because he's giving you what you asked for."
I turned my glare on my brother. "I wasn't trying to push him away."
Shayne scoffed loudly enough; it caught the attention of a few other guests. "Bullshit. I know you. You, my darling sister, are the Queen of Self Sabotage. You are... one hundred percent sure you're going to get hurt, so you cut it off first, because at least then it was your choice, right?" My glare lessened a bit as he gave me an unwavering stare. "Am I wrong? Is that not the exact thought that went through your head when you picked your fight with him this afternoon?"
"I didn't..."
"Pickle," Shayne interrupted. "You know you did."
"Fine. I did. So what?" I retorted, folding my arms over my chest and sinking into my chair like a pouting teenager. "It was bound to happen eventually anyway, so might as well get it over with."
"There's the self-defeatist I love," Shayne stated with a soft chuckle as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "See the problem with that attitude though, is you take away any chance it has of actually working out."
"I thought you wanted me to stay away from him," I stated. "You don't think it's going to work out either."
"I never said that," Shayne argued. "I just said you needed to take it easy, which, you so very clearly haven't, but I never said it wouldn't work. It just might, but not if you don't give it an actual chance instead of automatically putting him in the same category as every shit-bag you've dated before." I didn't respond, just stayed scowling toward nothing in particular. "Look, kid, I love you. But if you don't knock this shit off and actually give someone a chance, you're gonna be alone forever. And you don't deserve to be alone forever, Dylan. Not every man is Brock. Not every man is Mason who couldn't keep it in his pants if you paid him to try. Ash is different. I can see it in the way he looks at you. His eyes get all sparkly and soft and honestly, it's kind of disgusting..."
I laughed and nudged into him with my shoulder. "Shut up."
"I'm serious. That man really, really likes you. And yes, he has... some shit he's got to get figured out when we get home, but don't you think maybe you should be there to help him instead of making him feel like he's already not doing enough?"
That made my heart hurt. The thought that I made Asher think he wasn't good enough didn't sit well. I spent my life feeling like I wasn't good enough, and now I was doing it to the boy I liked? If that was how I was going to treat him, how was I any better than his father? Or Bridget? At this current moment, it was hard to see a difference, and that was enough to make my stomach churn. "I'm doing exactly what everyone in his life does," I stated, softly. "I'm telling him that what he's doing isn't enough. I'm trying to force my way on him instead of hearing him."
"And she has her 'ah-ha' moment," Shayne beamed.
"I'm an asshole."
"You can be," Shayne nodded, squeezing me into his chest. "But you never mean to be. And you always make up for it. Just like I know you're going to do with Ash."
"I need to talk to him."
"Go get him, girl. He's been staring over here like a lost puppy all fucking night."
I smiled as I stood and stooped over, pressing my lips firmly to my brother's cheek. "Thank you."
"For what, kiddo?"
"Not being afraid of calling me on my shit," I answered. "And... also not being a dick about it."
"We all have our trauma response. I blame Mom for most of mine."
I snorted with laughter. "That's probably fair."
"Go talk to the boy. If I have to look at those big ol' sad eyes too much longer, I'm gonna go comfort him, and then I might not let you have him back."
"I'm going, I'm going," I laughed. "Love you."
"Love you, too, Pickle."
I took a deep breath and headed toward the bar where Asher stood with Mason and some other guys that they apparently played rec-league hockey with. Asher's eyes locked on me the second I rose from the table, and never left as I continued my journey toward him.
"What's up, Tits McGee?" Mason smirked, throwing an arm over my shoulders.
"Dude, she has a name," Asher instantly snapped.
"Yeah, but I'm not sure I've ever actually called her by it," Mason smirked.
I rolled my eyes and shook off his arm. "Ash, can I talk to you a second?"
I watched as he ran his tongue over his lips a bit nervously. His eyes were still stormy like they were earlier as he nodded. "Yeah. Sure."
"Here they go sneaking off again," Mason sighed, shaking his head.
"Dude, if you don't lay off, I'm going to lay you out," Asher threatened. "Stop being a fucking prick, alright?"
"I'm just messing with you, man, chill," Mason stated. "You should be in a good mood after the last few days."
Asher stopped directly in front of Mason. I hadn't realized how much smaller Mason was until now, but Asher practically dwarfed him. "Stop talking about her like she's a piece of meat, Mason. Enough. I won't say it again."
"Okay, okay. Jesus," Mason responded, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry. It was all in good fun." He turned to me. "You know that, right? I wasn't trying to be an ass."
"I know, Mase," I nodded. "You just take it too far sometimes."
"I hear you. I'll back off."
"Thanks." I gave him a smile and headed away from the crowd, toward the moonlight sand, with a silent Asher. "You didn't have to do that," I said softly.
Asher shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. "I don't like the way he talks about you. I don't like the way he talks about women in general, but I especially don't like how he talks about you."
"You're sweet," I stated with a soft smile.
He returned it, but it disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. "Didn't think so a few hours ago."
We stopped near a decorative pile of rocks and plants, just far enough away from the crowd no one would hear us, but close enough we could still hear the buzz of the party. My eyes rose to Asher's face as he looked out over the water. He was so beautiful and stoic, like the hero every princess dreams will rescue her, but his eyes were so sad, and my heart broke a bit knowing that I'd put that sadness there.
I took a deep breath, trying to get my words straight before I let them out. I realized in that moment that apologies weren't my strong suit, but I couldn't risk leaving things like this. Not with him. "I'm sorry," I began, my voice barely more than a whisper. "I'm sorry about how I acted this afternoon. You've been nothing but... kind and honest and... I shouldn't have treated you like that."
Asher nodded his head, finally bringing his gray eyes to mine. "Okay. I appreciate that."
"I am... not good at this, as my brother so kindly pointed out to me," I continued. "I am so used to being treated like shit that I projected that on to you and used it as an excuse to push you away. You haven't done anything wrong, Asher, and I'm sorry. I should be more supportive instead of always thinking the worst of people."
Asher sighed and the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. Next thing I knew, he had a hand wrapped around my wrist and I was being tugged into his arms. "I don't want to hurt you, Dylan," he whispered into the crown of my head. "That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to rush into this and put a shit-load of pressure on it, just to have it blow-up in our faces."
"I know," I whispered back, my voice clouded with the tears that pooled in my eyes. "I just already like you a lot and it scares the hell out of me that once we go back, it'll be like none of this ever happened."
"It won't be, baby," Asher reassured, pressing his lips to my temple. "There's no way in hell I'm letting that happen."
"Promise?"
"I promise, Dylan. We're gonna explore the hell out of this, but I've got to take care of shit back home before I can go in headfirst, okay? I don't want to promise you things that I'm not one hundred percent sure I can give you. I don't want to be another guy that fills your head full of empty words and then just dips when things get too hard. That's not who I am as a person. That's not the kind of man you deserve."
"I know."
"I may not like it, but I owe Bridget a face-to-face conversation. Trust me, I would much rather just disappear like a ghost in the night, but considering we work together, probably not the best laid plan."
I chuckled a bit and buried my face into his sternum as his arms only tightened more around me. "Probably true."
"She's going to go completely off the wall. I'm already prepared for that. And then she's going to run to my dad and for all I know, by the end of the day I won't even have a fucking job anymore."
I lifted my eyes to his, horrified at his suggestion. "Your dad would fire you for breaking up with a girl?"
Asher pursed his lips into a tight smile and shrugged. "Can't really say. I haven't exactly told either of them 'no' a whole lot in my life, so I guess we'll have to try it out and see."
"I really hope your father doesn't punish you for wanting to be happy."
Asher let out a scoffing laugh and swayed back and forth with me in his arms. "I am about seventy percent sure that he will."
I shook my head. "I don't... I don't want you to give up your whole life for me, Ash..."
"Stop," he interrupted, placing an index finger to the center of my lips. "I'm not giving anything up that I'm not willing to, alright? I'm miserable at the firm anyway. I don't get even a crumb of respect from anyone in the office, including my so-called girlfriend, and I've gotten more blowjobs from you in the last four days than the woman I've been dating for a year and a half. Trust me. I'm not giving anything up."
"What'll you do if he fires you?"
Asher's shoulders lifted to his ears. "Don't really know. I'm not even sure business law is what I even really want to be doing."
"You paid for law school and now you're not sure what you wanna be when you grow up?" I teased.
Asher laughed. "Mom and Dad paid for law school. I'll figure it out. My brother's a defense attorney in Boston. Honestly sounds more enjoyable than helping the rich get richer. "
"Says the rich boy."
"Alright, smart-ass. That's enough out of you."
I giggled as Asher squeezed me tighter, his teeth nipping playfully at the side of my neck. "Am I forgiven?"
"You're forgiven," Asher stated, bringing his forehead down to mine. "You look too good in this little dress to say no to anyway."
"The short skirt wins again!" I laughed.
Asher chuckled a bit than cupped my cheeks with his hands. "What happens when we get back to Chicago may not be fun for me, Dylan. In fact, I know it won't be. I can guarantee that much. But that doesn't have anything to do with you. We're gonna figure out what this is. What it can be, because I feel way too good around you to let you go without a fight."
My mouth turned into a pout as a stroked his cheek. "That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."
Asher chuckled. "It really shouldn't be, but I'll take it." He pulled me to his chest and squeezed me tightly once more. "Now, let's go back to the party and I'll hold your hand in front of our friends."
"GASP!" I shouted. "Not PDA!"
"I hate PDA. That should tell you something."
"It does, Ash," I stated, rising to my toes and brushing the softest, whisper of a kiss against his lips. "Thank you."
"I like you, Dylan, a lot," Asher stated, his hand resting against the back of my head as he stared into my eyes. "Don't doubt that just because I keep my personal life close to my chest."
"I won't," I smiled. "Never again."
"Good. Now fucking kiss me because I'm tired of your lips not being on mine."
I giggled as he pressed his lips to mine, both of us doing more smiling than kissing.
Shayne was right. Maybe this one could work. And at this exact moment, I couldn't think of anything I wanted more.