I sat perched on the couch's handle, staring at the door, my foot tapping to the tick-tock rhythm of the overhead wall clock. Dianna exited from the kitchen, a half-eaten apple in her hand. She froze mid-way and sighed.
"Don't look so glum, Ave! The perks are bound to be amazing." Dianna winked, and took a bite of her apple. "Besides, business trips frequently happen in bigger companies. You were bound to go on one with your job description. You're this Vivian woman's right-hand now. You need to learn."
"I'm not ready, not in the least." I complained, despite knowing this trip and experience could be valuable to my work life in Affinity Black. However, my reasons for not wanting to go went far beyond simple unwillingness. Dianna gave me a long look and chewed on her apple.
"Ave, I understand. This must be scary. After everything, going into the world must be frightening, but you survived. You chose to stand up even if the circumstances pushed you down, and you've already taken giant leaps. More will propel you further into a better future. You have to see all these new challenges as stepping stones to a better you."
I sat stock-stiff, holding back mountains of guilt which tried to claw their way through the moment. Oh, Dia, if you only knew. She had a point to an extent. I did feel scared, paranoid, and hesitant. Sure, I survived, but I didn't leave the other side as strong and intact as Dianna imagined. I lost myself and still stood in the darkness, broken, haunted, and unable to stand up. I lied to Dianna. I lied to myself. I didn't take giant leaps in healing but rather flopped along, doing nothing short of existing. What else could I do when the nightmare hasn't ended? I believed the job at Affinity Black would provide me with a way to gradually ease back to life and perhaps find myself, but this trip wasn't the little tasks Vivian once told me I'd be doing. The trip would no doubt toss me into the deep end and a horrible inclination told me I would sink.
"I can see the internal battle your having with yourself, Ave. But, don't you think it's time to give yourself a break?" Dianna marched over to me, half eaten apple and all. Her olive hands tightened around my shoulders. Her straight-tipped nose grazing mine. A fierce determination embedded in her gaze. If she could pound sense into me, I'm sure she would have taken pleasure in doing so.
"Most PA's are stuck in a dull office but working at Affinity Black- learning the ropes- It gives you an opportunity not only to climb the corporate ladder, but to go places, see the world. All you need to do is give it a try before stamping it as a failure." She patted down my right shoulder, "I hate to tell you, but you need a little adventure and some hot sex."
She pulled me into a long bear hug, "I'm sure it's going to be okay. Who knows, you might even get to enjoy the trip," Dianna straightened, "I need to get back to work, my lunch break is almost over. Call me when you've arrived?"
I nodded with a lump in my throat and watched as Dianna grabbed her purse from the end table, fished her keys out of it and march to the front door.
I gulped back the lump and stood up. "Dia. Thank you. You're a true friend."
Dianna paused in her actions and glanced back with a teary smile. I could see the appreciation radiating in her eyes. She pushed back from the door and rushed to me, giving me another hug. I hugged back with all my strength and once we were done, Dianna left. We didn't need a thousand words to express our feelings because we understood each other. We were sisters not just friends. Because of this, more guilt washed over me.
How hard have I been trying? Did I truly give it my best shot to try and regain my life in the last few days? Or did I simply self-sabotage all the way? I exhaled. Could it all be a simple mind over matter situation? Whatever the case, I could either call Vivian and be a rude-ass who quit or go on the trip and take Dianna's suggestion not to judge the experience before living it. If it could somehow atone for my lies toward Dianna, I'd go with pleasure.
However, there was one aspect I couldn't stop myself from overanalysing. The fact that I'd be stuck with Bladen Black. I already struggled to keep a respective distance between me and him. The way he eased himself closer to me this morning, it meant something, didn't it? It had been a few months since the male population deemed me a huntable specimen and I might be rusty, but Bladen did show interest in me.
At one point I wanted to tell him it couldn't work. For obvious, and non-obvious reasons. We were worlds apart. He existed purely so the universe could let women know that fine, male specimen, too good to be true, did have a place in this world. However, it also warned women with half an inch of a brain cell to be weary. Those deadly looks lead to deadly consequences. Years of tragic love stories during the ages and failed, miserable endings, detested to it.
Of course, I couldn't lie to myself. The man drew me in and made me want to know more about him, about his body. Between us laid an electric connection which made my heart come alive and I underplayed the feelings between us, but I was resolute on the matter of not allowing him close. I made up my mind. I couldn't let another suffer under my emotional troubles. Nor could I be the woman who detached as quickly as she attached and bed the man without thinking. No. I wanted to commit. Call it a believe, or moral values but I preferred it. In that aspect I couldn't be like Dianna nor could I know if Bladen Black wanted it Dianna or Ave style.
Even if I got past all my concerns, I doubt I'd be able to handle heartbreak on top of all my other problems. The biggest reason for my dislike in him being the niggle in my gut, warning me Bladen Black carried skeletons. Huge, destroy the world, skeletons. Maybe that's what makes him appealing? I groaned. Bladen could stand on his head and juggle with his feet, I refuse to let anything happen.
A honk sounded and I almost jumped out of my skin. Argh! Minuscule noises brought me to a near heart attack. I kept expecting some hideous monster to jump from the shadows and pounce on me. After the scare with the freaky words on my bathroom mirror and the mysterious floating dagger, I was skeptical that my mind alone could control what happened and what didn't. I couldn't explain how it all could be real and if I did lose it, I preferred to lose it all at once. I didn't want to be booked into the mental ward and suffer knowing I could do nothing more for myself. I didn't want to know I got lost in the haze. If I transformed into crazed Ave, I wanted to be gulped up by my dream world, and rather be a limp body in reality and an adventurous lover inside the abyss of my mind. What the heart didn't know-
Honk, honk!
My body sprang into action and I grabbed my bag, sparing my quaint home a last glance. I couldn't be sure I would return in once piece. A buzzing beehive of nervous crowded my stomach and behind it, a clump of worry wormed its way into my chest. Would my monsters be quite on this trip or would they rage and cause irrevocable damage? I couldn't be sure but all I could do was try, for my own and Dianna's sake.
Bag in hand, I stepped outside, and locked the door.
A sleek black car awaited me at the end of the driveway. A man, dressed in a pressed suit and a black, thick-white striped hat, held open the door for me to enter.
"Good day." I gave the driver a sunny smile, but he held his stoic poise. His head lowered toward his feet. I frowned and tried to crouch down to get a view of his face, but the man puffed out a lung-full of air. I took a step backwards. The man's breath didn't smell but an odd, almost unseen dust exited his mouth. At first, I thought the man sneezed and I wanted to recoil in revolt, but I didn't feel the wetness saliva tended to have.
A second later and for a reason I couldn't place, the world began swaying and the man before me became a murky blur. My brain struggled to gather tangible thoughts and no matter how hard I tried to detect any viable facial features of the driver, I couldn't. Black pin prick dots began encasing my vision. My head swam, and I reached for the car but missed, toppling forward. The driver's steady yet icy fingers sprawled over my back and steadied me. His equally blurry lilt mumbled something about the heat of the day, and he aided me inside the car.
When I found myself again, I sat inside the leather interior of the car, a water bottle in hand, while the wheels weaved between the afternoon traffic. Sunlight caressed my forearms, and I squinted to see in which direction we were headed, but the road looked unfamiliar, and I sat back. What happened? My head felt sluggish and my eyelids tired. Somewhere in my mind a red light of warning flashed but I still struggled to keep my head upright neither could I concentrate on anything important.
The sunlight disappeared and the car swerved to the right and the water bottle dropped to the floor. I almost toppled over with it but remained upright by steadying myself against the seat. Something's wrong, my mind screamed, this time, hard enough for me to acknowledge and I made my way to the nearby window.
There were no surroundings to identify other than the walls of what I assumed was a tunnel. My ears picked up on a clug clug clug noise and for the first time I realized we weren't driving on tar road, but it rather felt like train tracks. I tried finding a window winder, and opening the door, but both buttons were missing. I was locked in. Panic started swelling in my gut and I scrambled to the middle to question the driver.
With clattering teeth, I opened my mouth to swear but my focus landed on an empty seat. The wheel of the car jerked to the left, throwing me down another dimmed tunnel. I could do little more than gawk. This had to be a trick, a sick trick Bladen arranged. Or perhaps I fell asleep on the couch while waiting for my taxi. Yes, that's it! How else did I find myself in a car speeding down the train tracks? Damesville didn't have any underground railway systems. Neither did the surrounding towns. Bladen stipulated we'd meet up at the small air field outside of town.
A whistle from within the tunnel yanked me out of my stupor and ahead two sharp headlights lit the interior of the car. I lifted my hand above my eyes and as tried looking past the light. As my eyes settled on the oncoming object, my heart sank to my feet. A train barreled straight for the car. My first instincts told me to climb into the driver seat, but on my first attempt my body hit a strange invisible wall. My second attempt failed too. I slammed my hand down on the unseen blockage, catching small water-like ripples in the wall the harder I pounded. I didn't give way. What is this! Why can't I break through?
Petrified, I searched for a means of escape, but nothing appeared logical or safe. The doors were locked and even if I managed to escape and survive a moving car, I wouldn't be able to dodge the oncoming train. The side of the tunnel was too narrow and held no gaps to press my body into.
The railway squealed underneath the strain of the train trying to come to a stop. Sparks shot up from the tracks and from my point of view, I could see the horror on the conductor's face.
I stared back at the man and a thought electrified through my body. He can't help you. No one can. You're going to die! My mouth went dry. My hands broke out into the shakes. And for some reason, all I could focus on was the headlights of the train. My heart fluttered to the back of my spine as if trying to hide from the inevitable and the headlights of death drenched the car in a spectacular white light.