Zale
How did Kyra make it look so easy?
She and Castiel had known each other for all of a month and were already smoothly planning out their wedding. Hurdles I would have expected to be insurmountable were leaped with ease and grace.
After their engagement, I ordered a celebratory meal. Fen picked up Astrea from the school so she could join us, and her reaction when Kyra explained that she and Castiel were going to be married was hilarious. She hadn't known Kyra was seeing anyone. Naturally, no one explained the circumstances to Astrea. She didn't need to know that Kyra and Castiel were still getting to know each other, or that they were moving up their relationship timeline to preserve Astrea's happiness. Fen did tell her that they were soulmates, which made Astrea squeal with happiness.
Later that night, Astrea, Fen, and Kyra retired to the movie room while I sat with Castiel and Benny over drinks.
"How will this work?" I asked. It was a nosy question, but I was too curious not to ask, and Fen wasn't here to do it for me.
"Hm?" Castiel hummed in question, looking thoroughly relaxed as he leaned back in his seat and gazed into the lit fireplace. Ever since things were settled between himself and Kyra, his guard had been melting away. Apparently, he had decided I posed no threat to him. He wasn't wrong; I would never intentionally ruin my sister's happiness.
"You and Kyra. You can't both inherit your thrones and be together." They might have gotten away with it if their territories shared more than the smallest border. Merging nations would have been tricky at best, but they were both surrounded by too many rivals. Spreading themselves thin trying to run two countries at the same time would leave them vulnerable.
"All hail King Benny," Castiel said, looking to his brother, who was curled up in the armchair and snoring softly. He looked like a kid who had tried to stay up too late and just couldn't make it.
"Really?"
That surprised me, but it was really the only way forward. No way could Astrea rule. Not Vidonia, at least. Not after the number Euripides did on it. He had created a culture of bigotry and mistrust, and intolerance to anyone who was different. Not to mention, she couldn't take over a country she no longer lived in. Astrea and I hadn't talked about her officially living with me, but I was certain she would agree.
"Really," Castiel answered. He swirled the drink in his glass, studying it with passive interest. "Benny and I talked about the possibility when I started pursuing Kyra. I never saw myself making a decision like this, but I couldn't get her out of my head." His eyes cut to mine and he smirked. "You understand, don't you? If I'm not mistaken, you share a similar connection with Fen."
I nodded instead of answering, because no way was I explaining all the ways I had complicated our relationship to Castiel. But watching Castiel and Kyra navigate this situation like it was straightforward when neither one of them felt the bond like Fen could had me thinking. How was it Fen and I had that advantage, but were so far behind them? Castiel had already set up a meeting with his parents and their advisors to explain the change in succession that would need to take place. He and Kyra had set a tentative date for their wedding over dinner. They just needed their parents' formal approval before they could finalize the details.
Meanwhile, Fen and I were stuck in limbo. I knew it wasn't a competition; relationships needed to develop at their own pace. Still, it stung.
I was ready for more, and I didn't understand why Fen wasn't giving it to me.
"I'm going to bed," I said abruptly, and stood up. "There are guards outside the room. They'll be able to show you to your bedrooms whenever you're ready."
Castiel's eyes lit with interest, but he didn't pry, which I appreciated. Instead, he saluted me with his half-full glass and slid further down in his seat, staring into the flames.
I didn't go to my bedroom. Instead, I went to the movie room to find Fen. I was all out of patience, and we really needed to talk.
I found him, Astrea, and Kyra all sharing the same seat. It was meant for two people, so they were tangled around each other, with Astrea in the middle. Fen's legs were stretched out to perch on the seat in front of theirs, but were occupying the space in front of Kyra instead of his own. Astrea rested on his torso with her arms hooked around his middle and her legs stretched out across Kyra, while Kyra looked remarkably unbothered.
It was dark in the room and they all turned toward the light when I opened the door, with Fen really craning his neck to see since he was pinned down by my sister. He smiled welcomingly and said, "Join us!" with his arm extended out in my direction as though there was a remote possibility that I could fit on the seat with them.
There wasn't.
"Actually, I was hoping to borrow you," I said.
Astrea's arms squeezed him tighter and he wheezed dramatically. Kyra tugged Astrea by her arm until Astrea groggily plastered herself all over Kyra instead of Fen. Fen smiled gratefully and joined me in the hall.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Could we talk? Not here."
Fen immediately frowned in confusion, and I knew he must be thinking of the late hour. If I wanted to talk with him, why not earlier? Or tomorrow?
I hooked an arm around his waist and pulled him against me for a kiss. "Please?" I asked.
He leaned into the embrace and looked up at me with bright, wonder-filled eyes. I loved how he looked when we were close and alone. This expression he wore, it was one I had never seen any other time. It was just for me.
For us.
"Your room?" Fen asked.
"Please."
An instant later, we stood in my bedroom. I pulled Fen to the bed and we settled on the edge. I took his hand and made sure I had his complete focus. "Fen, I love you."
His eyes widened in surprise, then filled with tears. "You mean it?"
It didn't matter how hard I tried to open myself up to him, or how many times my therapist stressed the importance of communication in a healthy relationship. Apparently, I was still bungling everything.
I had meant my declaration to be a starting point, an introduction to the topic I actually wanted to discuss. It wasn't supposed to be a revelation. It wasn't supposed to make Fen cry and climb onto my lap to hug me, but that's what it did.
"I thought it was obvious," I said, hugging him back.
"Zale!" he complained. "It wasn't." He pulled back to look at me and shook his head affectionately. "The only way to be sure something is obvious is to come out and say it."
"But I know you love me," I pointed out. "And you've never come out and said it." It was there in his eyes whenever he looked at me. It was in his giving nature and his dedication to me and my family. It was in his every touch. I just... knew.
"Zale!" Fen said complainingly again, and this time he swatted at my arm. "You're supposed to let me say it."
That made me smile. "Then say it."
Fen huffed, but sat up straighter and looked at me with a very serious expression. "Zale, I love you."
And I had to concede that Fen was right. I might have known before, but that had nothing on actually hearing the words from his lips.
Lips that I kissed with a hunger I hadn't felt in a long time. Tingling heat and awareness and need built up within me in an intoxicating combination I'd almost given up on ever experiencing again. Oh, I'd been interested in intimacy with Fen before. But never with the immediacy I felt now. Never with this aching hunger to get as close to him as I could.
"Fen," I whispered, combing a hand through his hair. "Do you feel it?"
We hadn't really talked about sex before, and neither of us had ever made a move in that direction. In fact, I was convinced that Fen was either demisexual like me, or possibly asexual. I didn't mind if he was, though that would certainly put a damper on moments like this, when I wanted him.
"I feel it," he said, and slid a little closer to me so our thighs were pressing together. It wasn't enough.
I couldn't imagine Fen being the type to like it rough. He was too gentle for that, and anyway, the whole point of this was to let our bodies express our feelings. Why would I treat him any way other than delicately? So, I lightly wrapped my hands around his waist and nudged him back on the bed until he was laying down, looking up at me with wide eyes and a dazed smile.
"I love you," he whispered again, and the words sent a shiver down my spine.
"I love you too." I climbed over him and kissed him again, probing with my tongue and imagining mirroring the motion with my dick in him. My pants grew uncomfortably tight, so with a groan of frustration, I backed away from Fen long enough to cast them off. Almost as an afterthought, I removed my shirt and underwear, too. They'd only get in the way later.
Fen sat up and his eyes shyly flicked over my body until he blushed and looked away... but his hands were steady as he stripped off his own clothes. When he was bare, he laid back down and held his arms out to me in invitation. Cute.
I held up a finger and hurried to get the lube out of my nightstand. I knew when I put it there that it would come in handy, eventually. Then I eased myself back over Fen and held it up for him to see. "Do you want to do the honors, or shall I?"
He blushed and his whole face crinkled in embarrassment. "Zale!"
I laughed and got to work. I slicked the palm of one hand and the fingers of my other. Fen's eyes watched me curiously, and I thought he was fighting the urge to cover himself since his knees kept pushing up and inward, only for him to straighten his legs out again. Was he a virgin? I thought he might be. There were definite nerves in his eyes, and he was breathing shallowly while he waited to see what I would do.
I wrapped my hand around his hard length and pumped a few times, taking special care to linger in his most sensitive areas. I kept up an irregular rhythm so I knew he'd be distracted when I gently eased his knees up to allow easier access to his entrance. When I pressed one finger into him, Fen's eyes fluttered shut and he seized up.
"Are you nervous?" I asked.
"No," Fen lied. I slipped another finger in and his eyes squeezed shut. "Okay, yes."
I angled my fingers and curled them so they'd stroke his prostate, and Fen's entire body shuddered. "Why?"
"This is, um" – he shuddered again – "This is sort of embarrassing."
"What's embarrassing about letting the man who loves you make you feel good?" I asked.
Fen finally looked at me again. "You love me," he said, and the words were full of wonder.
"I do."
He pushed himself up so he could reach my mouth for a kiss. I pumped my fingers into him in sync with my tongue until he was shuddering underneath me. Had he even noticed when I added the third finger? Did he know how sensually his body moved under my touch, or how lewd the sounds he made were?
I needed him.
I pulled away to ask, "Are you ready?"
He shuddered again. "Please."
I didn't need told twice. Fen watched dazedly as I pulled my fingers out of him and slicked myself up. He watched as I took a pillow from near his head and eased it under his lower back to help him stay comfortable and to help him feel good. And, more daring than I would have given Fen credit for, he watched as I lined myself up with him and slowly thrust into his body.
I watched carefully for signs I hadn't prepped him well enough, but his expression filled with wonder as I sank into him. I groaned at the sensation of his body pressing around me, and Fen's eyes flicked up to meet mine. "You feel incredible," I told him, and he blushed.
I hooked my arms under his knees for leverage and started up a slow rhythm driving myself into him. It took Fen a minute to get his bearings, but he experimentally started pushing back against me, and his participation made it feel even better. "Just like that," I said, and he blushed again, but thrust up even harder. "Perfect."
Fen's hands came up to trace my abs, and I could feel my muscles quivering under his touch. If I wasn't careful, I wouldn't make it long enough.
I lubed my palm again and stroked him in time with our thrusts, and it made Fen lose the rhythm. He laid back limply on the bed, eyes fluttering and hips jerking.
"Are you close?" I asked.
Fen bit his lip and nodded. "I... I want..." His eyes squeezed shut and he whimpered. I knew what he meant.
I kissed him. "Together."
A few hard thrusts were all it took to send me over the edge, and Fen along with me. He looked up at me as he finished, his eyes desperate and pleading and his mouth open in ecstasy. Light burst between us, so bright I almost had to look away. Fen's head bumped the headboard, and I realized I'd been pushing him up the bed with how hard I pressed into him, but when I tried to pull back, Fen's legs locked around my waist.
Something happened, in that moment. I didn't realize until I'd come down from my high that once again, things had changed between us. Where I had felt Fen before as a separate entity, now it felt like he was a part of me, so intertwined we'd never untangle ourselves. I could catch the edge of his thoughts, though I thought his mind must be mostly blank right now as he recovered. Maybe it should have been distressing, to be so inextricably tied to another person. I couldn't be upset over it, though. It felt good; it felt right.
In the aftermath, we watched each other for a few long moments before Fen broke out into a beautiful smile. "Why didn't we do that before?" he asked, and I had to laugh. I tweaked his nose playfully, making Fen scrunch it and swat at me.
It wouldn't have felt like that before. I didn't bother saying it.
With a parting kiss, I collapsed in a satisfied heap next to him as our chests heaved almost in sync. I rolled over so I could see him better, and was rewarded with the lovely sight of Fen's skin, which glistened with sweat and which still glowed faintly. His eyes were otherworldly, like nothing else I had ever seen, and were made only more beautiful by the look of complete adoration in them as he stared at me. Those eyes crinkled adorably when he smiled.
It actually hurt, how much I loved him. It hurt because it was too big, too real. It hurt because of how badly I needed him with me.
"Fen?"
"Hm?"
"Marry me." Shit. I had just spent an entire therapy session going over the best way to fix the mess that was our betrothal, and the one rule I'd been given was that I had to be respectful of his right to choose. "Please," I added, as if that made it any less of a demand. Shit, again.
Fen leaned up on his elbows so he could frown down at me. "Zale, I..."
My heart pounded while I waited for his verdict. I had screwed this up all over again.
"I want to, but I need to know what that means for me."
He looked very serious and very sad, and I wished I had kept the proposal for another day, when I had more of my brain working. But here we were. I propped myself up on an elbow, too, so we were on the same level. "It means whatever you want it to mean. It won't be your job to run my country, Fen. I'd like you by my side at functions like you've done before, but you can skip whichever you like. If you want to be a total recluse, that's fine. If you want to join in on council meetings and get involved in politics, that's fine too."
Yes, it would be frowned upon if Fen hid himself away from the public and didn't visibly support me, but I didn't care. If I had his support in private, that was enough.
Fen bit his lip. "I want to try," he whispered.
My heart pumped faster. "Try what?"
"I want to try to be the partner you deserve. I'm going to need a lot of help, though."
I couldn't hold back my smile, even though I still needed him to say the words. "So, you'll do it? You'll marry me?"
"Is that all you care about right now?" Fen asked, laughing a little.
"Yes."
He laughed again and leaned in to kiss me. When he pulled away, he stayed close enough that I could see the darker golden flecks in his eyes. "I'll marry you."
I laid back and pulled him on top of me so we were pressed together intimately.
"I was serious about needing help," Fen said. I thrust upward, letting him feel how hard I was already. Had I ever wanted sex twice in one day? I didn't think so.
"And you'll have it."
"This is serious. I need a tutor or something. Etiquette classes," Fen continued.
I thrust up again. "Whatever you want."
With a sigh of exasperation that was entirely nullified by the amusement and affection in his eyes, Fen reached out for the lube and slicked me up again. He didn't speak again until I was fully nestled in him.
"What I want is you."