Brielle
Nothing was helping me relax, my whole body feels tight all over I have no way of releasing this tension. Between Chris, Kataleah, and the media I can't get a damn break. Found out that Kataleah's mom popped back into the picture, it was a one night thing she only wanted money. Didn't even bother to speak to her own daughter. Kataleah thought she was coming back for her good thinking her mother was going to take her away from me, as for the stairs incident it's still unclear. But she not going to be alone with Mijo anymore I know that for sure. Maybe we're getting too attached to each other, I would love to help her but I can't keep this up if this little girl gets crazy over me. She tried to call me mommy, I'm okay with her being so close and open with me but that's a bit too much. Something is going to happen that's going to cause me unable to see her anymore, that little girl is going to be hurt bad and I don't want responsible for that pain of abandonment she's going to feel. Best I end it now.
But before I build up the strength to do that I need to chill, today I'm taking my first class of prenatal yoga. I'm determined to go get some peace in my life. Even if it means posing in my positions that got me pregnant in the first place, let's get it! After an hour of leg opening, zen music, and stretching I was good to go. But I wasn't going to Ryan's just to get my mood fucked up, I went home to my boys.
"Your a damn cheater! What the hell you doing?"
"Don't get mad at me cause your ass losing, you know the deal. I win you rubbing my feet!" I smirked as we played Burnout together on the PS3.
"Nah you cheating, you always cheating when we play games."
I laughed, "Boo hoo nigga! That's why you losing now cause you bitchin'."
"Aight watch I got something for that ass. Watch, you looking?"
"I don't see you, where you at babe?"
"Now what, you ain't talking the shit now."
Chris used all his juice to catch up to me, it ended up putting him in first place so his ass won.
I smirked. "Aight your ass won go head get your cocky on, you don't have to rub my feet."
He smiled pulling my legs up on his lap. "You lucky I want to, give me the corns."
I laughed kicking him playfully in the stomach. "Don't play yourself, I don't have corns!"
Chris went to work on my feet, as Mijo ran in from around the corner.
"I mad!" He said angrily.
"Why baby? Did daddy do it, want me to beat him up for you?"
"No, a boy called me a name at the park."
"What he say?" Chris asked.
"I'm a creamy, what's that momma?"
"I don't know, why would he say that?"
"Cause I didn't look like him, what am I?"
No way a two year old should be asking why he's being called racially out of his name. What world do we live in when a little ass boy is upset because someone didn't want to play with him because of how he looks? What type of shit is that?
"Come here Mijo," I said putting him between Chris and I. "I'm a bit lighter than daddy because I'm Puerto Rican, I'm proud of my color too! I'm happy being who I am."
"You are a young black boy, say it." Chris said.
"I am a young black boy."
"Good, everyone comes in different colors . Brown, Black, White, Red, Yellow. Don't let no one tell you who you are or have to be, you're a mix of Puerto Rican, African American, and Native American."
"But when this really sets in when you are older, know that no matter what you black and proud. A dap will do you, say it!" I said.
"I'm black and proud!"
"Say it loud!" Chris smiled.
"I'm black and I'm proud!"
"Say it loud!"
"I'm black and I'm proudddd!"
"That's my boy!" Chris said picking him up shaking him up a bit.
The luck in this damn family needs to change, I'm trying to have a positive outlook on things. Fuck all that negativity. We took to Instagram and announced to the world that another Brown is coming soon, we want the sex of the baby to be a surprise but I have my fingers crossed for a girl so I can just stop at two kids. Being pregnant is a blessing but I can't do the things I want, soon as the baby is out you already know!
"I've been thinking about this a lot, I told that the only way I'll quit my job is if I get another one that gets me closer to you. I've been thinking that after this baby drops I take up dancing."
"Dancing?"
"Yeah babe you seen me dance before, together we can kill it! I think that I should open up a studio and on rare occasions I can come on tour with you."
"Studio sounds good, but did you consider whose watching the kids when were on tour? It's too crazy for them to be out with us."
"That's why I said rare occasions, when your around the area l could do it. But other than that my parents could do it or your mom. But you don't got to beat around the bush with me, you don't want me around on the road just say it though. It's really not a big deal."
"No baby, it's not like that." Chris said laying beside me kissing me since he couldn't be on top of me. "I would love for you to twerk your ass next to me on stage, I'm just thinking about how difficult it would be for the kids to dump them off while we disappear for 3 weeks maybe more."
"Mijo does fine when your out."
"But he had you."
"I feel like you trying to make up an excuse, people do this shit everyday Jay and Bey do it, Chyna and Michael do it. So what you really trying to say Chris?"
"We ain't doing it, I don't think you should be on the road while they home. They're too young to come."
I wanted to tear his skin off his face, but a smiled curled upon my face. Nobody can tell me what I can't and can do, we'll see how this plays out in the end I got something for his ass.
"Okay," I smiled getting up from the bed.
"Wait, where you going? Don't walk around with a funky ass attitude because I said no, it's no place for you." Chris said thinking I was mad.
"I don't have a funky ass attitude watch yourself, I understand what you saying. It's okay, you just don't want me to come."
"You still love me though right?" He asked licking his lips.
"Always," I said as he pulled me down to the bed trying to get it in. "Chris not now, I need to go I'll be back."
"Wait where you going?"
Nigga got me fucked up, now I'm eager to get this started. If I wasn't pregnant then I would be diving into this now, but that still gives me time to have this project grow. One thing my daddy taught me is never have a man tell you what to do, especially if it's something you feel so strongly about. I took Mijo downtown in the stroller while we walked the streets to find a dance studios going on and some vacancies. We popped in on the class where I sat and watched till they went to break, this one dude stuck out to me he was like dancing to survive .
"Excuse me can I talk to you real quick! You are good as hell, what's you name?"
"Jason."
"I'm Brielle," I said shaking his hand. "Like I was watching you and I can tell you have a lot of heart, I'm putting together this project for my boyfriend.. You're not going to believe me at first, but it's Chris Brown, if you don't believe here is my Instagram. I'm just out with our son looking for hot talent. I would love to talk more about this if you have time around 5 o' clock at Dunkin Donuts on Rowan Ave, I don't want to bother you too much right now."
He hesitated, "Yeah sure."
"What do you think boo boo, is he good ?" I asked Mijo .
"Very very good like daddy, I want to see more!"
I smiled. "We can't bother him anymore. Please don't forgot about me, I'll see you then." I said to him.
Now all I want is some raw talent, so I went down to Venice Beach and walked the strip to see what I can find. Everyone was good but not good enough, I was about to give up till I heard this group of people getting hyped a couple of feet behind me. These people were freestyling, each person had 10 seconds to show what they had to give and only this one girl gave it her all.
"Damn, that was good!"
"And who are you?" She said giving me attitude.
"I'm Brielle, I was wondering if I could talk to you?"
"I don't think you have anything to say to me, take your Rugrat and go home before you get hurt out here."
"Excuse you, if I wasn't pregnant I would run your ass all up and through this strip. You don't know who you talking to!"
"I know your type lady, you look like a cheap ass scout trying to scam on people like us. Same ol' story told before, bye see you later kick rocks."
"Chill Mel, you know who she is that's Chris Brown's baby moms!"
"So what do you want?" She asked.
"To give you an opportunity, you want it or not cause I don't need to be wasting my time anymore."
I explained and took a risk bringing this girl in my car as we went to Dunkin Donuts to meet up with the dude.
"Obviously this project is going to take a while, I'm pregnant and not dropping till another few months. I want you guys because you both have something good. But to ensure I'm not the only one getting something out of this, I want to put you both on the map. I'll even get you an opportunity to dance with Chris."
"What makes you think he'll want us?"
"I'm his girl, why wouldn't he?" I laughed. "But trust me he will, if he doesn't I'm still planning on opening my studio if you want to be part of the experience then that's cool too."
"What do you do beside poppin out babies?" Mel asked.
I raised my eyebrow up at her. "I'm a nurse, but I want to take up something else."
"I'm definitely in," Jason said.
"My dude, aight that's one!"
"Aight, I'll do it."
"Great! First thing we work on is that attitude, I need both your numbers so I can check on you from time to time and give updates. Both you got a ride home?"
Mel didn't, I was happy to give her a ride. I wanted to tap into her mind a bit.
"I'm not trying to get false hope, so if this is a flop let me know now!"
"I wouldn't do that. It's a scratch my back, I'll scratch yours situation."
"Big difference between you and I, I'm not doing this to get over. I'm doing this because it's my life, it's all I have. I'm hungry for this and I'm not trying get played, I met somebody like you before scammed me out my money all 600.00 dollars. Time wasted, I got no where."
"I'm not here to do that, you won't trust me now but you'll see soon. I'm not that person either, you might think I'm just living off him or some dumb idea but I'm not. Chris has his own hustle and I have my own. I'm not some bitch that plays tricks for kicks. I work hard for mine and I earn it like everybody else."
"Mommy, don't say bad words!" Mijo demanded.
"I'm sorry baby. You have my number, you want to feed that hunger of yours act right and you'll get what's yours."
I'm taking the biggest skeptic and turning him into a believer, I'm turning a blind eye to why I really feel like Chris wouldn't want me on the road with him. Probably trying to hide something from me, but I don't feel like going into that I'll deal with that later. I want this bad now, I've done my part making kids feel better day in and day out. ime to help out with people my age. Least I get to build a family and friendship with the people I encounter throughout this, I'll be able to get know someone for who they are and hopefully they won't try to use me.
"Mijo don't tell daddy what we did today okay? It's a surprise for him, I don't want him to know."
"Okay momma, can we go to the beach again tomorrow?
"Maybe if daddy can come too, remember what I said Mijo don't tell!"
"I not!"
"Where y'all been?" Chris asked as we walked into the house.
"Out," I said with a smile on my face.
"And where is that?"
"You asking a lot of questions, what you nervous for chill! I should be asking you questions but we ain't on that subject right now."
He smirked, "Yeah okay."
I put Mijo in the tub and watched him play around in the water as I waited.
"Momma, why is your tummy bigger?"
"It's the baby growing."
"When is it coming?"
"Not that long, soon before you know it."
"Am I still mommy's baby
I laughed. "Of course baby, you excited to be a big brother?"
"Sounds like a lot of work, I don't want to work."
I smiled. "It's not for you, but it'll be fun to have a baby brother or sister to play with. Don't you want someone to play with?"
"I guess, I'm not sharing my toys. They can get their own!" He said reaching up to get out.
"You a little jealous one, what am I going to do with you?"
As I got Mijo dressed I felt the baby moving.
"The baby saying hi to you, you feel that?"
"Why is it hitting you?" He said keeping his hand there.
I smiled, "It's not. It's getting comfortable, getting ready to see you. You feel it still, talk to it!"
"Hi baby, you better stop hitting my mommy . I don't like you but I'm your big bother, mommy said I'm the man."
"I hope you learn to love your sibling Mijo, can you do that for me?"
"No!" He said crossing his arms.
"You will, don't worry."