downtown brooklyn
kasani amiri
exiting the shop, kasani got into his car and let out a long sigh. what a day. today was very exhausting for him and all he wanted to do was go home and lay in my bed.
essentially, he was overworking himself in order to ignore his feelings. he felt that keeping himself busy would keep him from thinking about it but i was actually making him worse, since he was stresssing himself.
not much long later, his phone began to ring. he wasn't paying much attention to whoever's name was on the screen, he just answered.
"bubsssss," endya's voice boomed through the speakers in his truck.
his frown immediately turned into a big grin. they haven't saw each other in almost a week and there was nothing kasani wanted more at that moment than to be with his girlfriend.
"yes my lord," he joked making her laugh.
he's barely talked to her because they've both been so busy but he was surely going to make it up to her.
"oh how i love when you answer to me," she joked back "but anyways i miss you so much ughh i don't think you understand," she began to whine.
"i miss you more baby come see me," he suggested in hopes that she would come over.
"yes massa."
"alright mama," he spoke laughing before hanging up.
after ending the call, he pulled off and made his way home. he got in the shower and changed before laying in his bed.
about an hour later, endya had made her way to kasani's house.
"ughh i missed you so much," he dramatically sighed while hugging her.
"it feels like we've been apart for years," she threw her head back dramatically.
my baby always matching my energy. kasani thought to himself.
he kissed all over her face making her giggle before grabbing her bags and picking her up to take her to his bedroom.
"how you been bubs," she asked as she sat on the bed.
"horrible, been tired as fuck" he laid his head across her lap as her hand immediately fell to his face her short acrylic nails gliding against his skin every few seconds.
best feeling ever.
"i told you to take a break. first off, you're honestly working just to work so you don't have to take that many clients. second, you've been acting real weird lately and i don't like that. thirdly, you're unnecessarily stressing yourself out."
"i'm sorry baby ion mean to act weird but it's getting close to pryce's death date and that's all that's been on my mind." he grabbed the remote and turned the tv on but endya snatched the remote out of his hand and turned it off making him sit up and stare at her.
"talk. talk and don't hold anything back. you clearly have a lot on your mind so let it out. right now." she faced him and grabbed his hands interlocking our fingers.
recently, kasani has been gaining more and more feelings for endya which isn't very surprising since he was stuck on her since the day he met her. he was bringing her lunch like a week after he met her, simped out.
they've been together for a month now and he could slowly see himself falling in love with her. something he never experienced in the sense of a relationship.
"i miss him man," my voice began to crack just thinking about him. i miss him more and more everyday. bry, pryce, and i were always together since babies so it's weird with it just being two of us.
"i just wish he was were. i wish we would've never gotten into that street shit, i wish i could've stopped him from getting hit, i wish he wouldn't have slipped into the coma, i wish we didn't pull that fucking plug," by now his face was full of tears as his voice cracked.
he honestly thought it was a bit embarrassing to be crying this hard in front of his girlfriend but at the moment, he couldn't stop the tears. he never felt comfortable talking about his feelings until he met endya.
"aw bubby," she hugged him "there was nothing you could do to save him. everything happens for a reason and as sad as it is, maybe his death was the only way to get y'all out of the game."
"i-i know but i can't come to terms with this shit man. i wanna be with him. i had so many thoughts of killing myself so i could see my b-brother again," he left out the fact that he almost killed himself. he was trying to figure out how he would tell her.
"sani are you still up," amara knocked on his bedroom door.
he was staying at their house because he didn't want to go home. he felt lonely at home and he thought staying here would make him feel less lonely but he was wrong.
he found the bottle of percocets and xanax he took to numb himself but this time, he wanted to numb himself forever.
amara knew if he was sleep he would still be able to hear her. she heard the pill bottle fall so she made her way into the room. not finding him, she went to check his bathroom where he was laid on the floor.
"what the fuck sani," she mumbled.
tears began to fall down her face as she yelled for her mother who was up due to her not being able to sleep. she was up thinking about her son's pain that was caused by his friend's death.
"oh my god," kimora sobbed.
amara began to slowly lift her brother body so he could be close to the toilet and stuck her finger down his throat sending the pills back up.
"you got me sani. youn have to keep yo feelings to yo self ight? you can talk to me that's what i'm here for," she kissed his forehead.
he felt safe with endya. he has never felt this comfortable with someone who wasn't his family.
"mk mama now can we get off this sad ass topic," he placed a small kiss on her stomach.
"you always got yo stomach out like it's not brick as fuck out," he rubbed her waist squeezing it a bit.
he doesn't have a problem with anything endya wears. she's grown so whatever she feels comfortable in, she wears.
"the girls that get it get it bae, you just not that girl" she kissed his forehead making him smile.
"you not that girl either, fucking treesha"
"you going too far. if i'm a treesh, yous a slut. you always going to work in joggers, put some clothes on you whore" she dramatically rolled her eyes.
"that is clothes mama," he chuckled. she always said how much she hated when he walked outside in joggers, gray joggers to be specific. she would always turn and say it was a joke and he could wear whatever he wanted but deep down he thinks she might actually be serious.
"if you want somebody to see yo dick just say that," she rolled her eyes.
he pushed her back and hovered over her, trapping her in by placing his hands on each side of her on the bed.
he leaned down to her ear, "this yo dick ight? it's all fa you mama," he spoke lowly into her ear.
he does stuff like this on purpose, just to see her melt in his arms. as tough as she may act, he definitely has endya wrapped tightly around his finger.
"kasani get off of me," she placed her hands on his chest in attempt to push him away.
lifting up, i removed myself from above her. "it is yours tho baby," i chuckled a bit.
laying on his stomach next to her, he turned his head to face her just staring in admiration.
his admiration quickly turned to a blank face with eyes that held a bit of sadness. he knew eventually he would have to tell her because if it ever were to happen again she would be devastated.
additionally, he felt that he just needed to be real with her. he didn't want to stop talking on the sad topic, get happy, then be sad again but it's now or never.
"baby," he called out. she looked down at him as he stared into her eyes. both of their faces held unreadable expressions being that neither knew what the other was going to say.
"i gotta tell you something and i don't want you to look at me different or feel bad for me. i was going through a rough patch in my life and my depression was getting to me."
she looked at him worriedly as she waiting for him to continue talking.
"after pryce d-died and i had broke shit off with jailah because of what she did but also because she never cared about my depression. i could be in the room crying and she wouldn't talk to me unless it benefited her. i felt like i was alone. i wasn't because i could've went to my mom or amara or bryson or a fucking therapist." his voice began to get shaky making endya sit up.
she pulled him toward her so he could sit up. he laid his head on her shoulder before speaking again.
"i didn't want to feel anything at all so i started popping percs. it didn't end well so after that i chose other methods that i don't really wanna speak on because i haven't did it since like a month before i met you. one day i was at my moms and i don't know what took over me but i just kept popping them. my s-sister and my moms saw me on the floor half fucking dead."
to say endya was shocked was definitely an understatement. she would've never thought that kasani would be that depressed.
"baby," she rubbed his face "i-."
"you don't have to say anything, i just wanted to let you know. i didn't want to leave you out and have you confused. i'm trying to get better but every year around his birthday or his death date, which is in like two weeks, my depression gets the best of me." he rubbed her arm in attempt to calm not just her but himself as well.
"i'm here for you. don't think that you can't talk to me. don't think that your only way away from your problems is to leave because it's not." she sent a kiss his way before continuing to rub his face.
little did she know, her words were going in one ear and out the other. it's not that kasani didn't want to listen, he couldn't.
his depression would always get to him. the question is how would he deal with it?
..TO BE CONTINUED..
sorry to leave y'all off like that but i had to get this filler out so i could give y'all the big chapters.
this chapter was very bipolar, sorry for that, but i had to set the mood for the next few chapters (sorry in advance).
do you prefer first person or omniscient point of view?