The Monster Called Regret
"Thatch is...dead," Marco said, barely audible. His lips wobbled downwards as he forced himself to remain composed.
Irin stared at the man with wide eyes as they filled with tears almost immediately, "What?"
This just had to be the first news that Irin received when she boarded Moby Dick; after her long months of work...
No words could be formed, she only stared at Marco as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her brows were stitched together, her eyes wide with tears overflowing, and her nose was red. She refused to believe it. How could this be? Why was Thatch dead?
"How? How did Thatch-san die?!" she cried as she brought the back of her hand to her face, attempting to wipe her tears away but alas, they only flowed infinitely.
Marco glanced down, not wanting to relive the memory of him receiving the news. He bit onto his lips, forced them to stop wobbling downwards before looking up and informing Irin, "It was Teach-yoi... He killed Thatch and jumped ship... Ace left to look for him..."
She stared at Marco in shock for a bit as she sniffled. The pink haired girl then wiped her tears off and a determined look then stuck to her face, "I'm going after that bastard," she said, in a tone that Marco had never heard before.
A furious Irin was something he had never seen before. She was usually happy, smiling, and bubbly, but now her tone was low and her eyes looked fierce with anger raging behind the brownness.
The veins on her forehead were visible. She was sad but she was also angry, how could he? How could Teach do that to Thatch?
Thatch was like a brother to her.
Even though they were not as close as Izou and her, he was still important to her. He was kind, funny and supportive. Thatch was one of the friendliest people she had ever met.
Thatch was like family to her.
Thatch was family to her...
Irin slung her bag over her shoulder and stormed towards her jet ski-like boat but was stopped by Marco, "Irin, wait!" he exclaimed as he grabbed onto her shoulder, "Don't go after him."
Her head snapped towards Marco as she turned around, "What?! Why?!" she asked, her tone brash, unlike her usual gentle, calm one. Realizing her disrespectful tone, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before sighing, "I'm sorry Marco-san. Why can't I go after him?" she asked, in a gentler and calmer tone but a frown was still sewn onto her face.
Marco stared at Irin, his brows furrowed too but with a look of regret and sadness instead, unlike hers. "It's what Pops asked for... There's something fishy about Teach, there's something fishy with everything about this-yoi... So don't go after that bastard," Marco said, anger hidden behind his worried tone.
He, too, just as much as Ace and Irin, longed to hunt down that traitor. However, Pops forbade them to do so.
"But how could I just let this go? Thatch-san he– he was such an amazing person! He deserved so much! He always talked about being a good cook! He was supposed to become one of the greatest cooks in the world! He was supposed to go on so many more adventures with the family! He– he wasn't supposed to die like this...!" Irin cried, collapsing onto the ground after voicing her despair. She sat on the wooden deck with her face buried into her hands, "This isn't fair... This isn't fair to him..." she said, her breath running through her words as she cried like a child.
"I miss him, Marco-san..."
"Me too, Irin. Me too-yoi..."
In her heart there was another cross out, another person she cared for she lost. First it was her father who left her, then it was her mother who died protecting her, third it was Sabo who died in the most terrible manner, and lastly, it was Thatch who was murdered by someone she thought could be trusted.
She hated this.
How could this happen?
How could she lose so many people she had cared about?
Sure, her father was not dead, but the emotional scar of him leaving was there.
These deaths and losses were wounds that would never be healed. It hurt her so much. Every time she gets over a death, a new one arises. She thought life would be less painful when she's older but now it seems that life only gets worse.
All the memories she had with Thatch flashed in her mind.
All those laughs they shared.
All those little moments that made her look up to him.
And now he was simply gone. There was no one to cook her favourite dishes whenever she came aboard Moby Dick. She could no longer see the bright grin on Thatch's face whenever she complimented his cooking anymore.
Thatch was gone.
The memories, however, remain.
Those memories both calmed Irin and saddened her. The happy moments made her smile but the thought of not being able to create new ones hurt her.
She missed Thatch.
He was a great cook.
He was a great friend.
He was a great person in general.
Irin wanted to send Teach to Impel Down just so Thatch could rest, but she was not allowed to.
She was not allowed to just drop her job and hunt for a nameless pirate and Pops did not want her to pursue him. She was frustrated.
Oh how she longed to just drop everything and hunt down Teach.
"Listen to me, Irin, don't go after Teach and don't face him alone when you encounter him. Thatch was not weak... You know what this means right?" Marco warned, looking at the girl worriedly.
The Whitebeard Pirates had failed to stop Ace, the last thing they wanted was to have Irin follow after him.
Neither of the two were weak, but there was something strange.
Pops had a strange feeling about Teach, and this strange feeling was something bad.
"I– I understand... But I'll still be on a lookout for him... I'll try to put in some word with the Navy and issue a search for him... It'd be hard but I can't just ignore this... This is the only compromise I can come up with... I won't personally search for him but I'll keep an eye out for him at all times.... Is that... okay?" Irin asked, after explaining her plans to Marco.
The man only stared at her worriedly before nodding, "Sure, as long as you don't go out of your way to search for him and try to fight him yourself," he said, reassuring, "Don't beat yourself up for this, Irin, Thatch wouldn't want you risking your life for him-yoi... He wouldn't want you to die because of this."
The pink haired girl looked down as she frowned, "I know but... I feel like I'd be such a worthless friend if I didn't do anything for him... He'd do the same for me... I'm sure Ace felt the same, that's why he left to search for that traitor," she said, muttering the latter part with venom filling her words.
Marco frowned at her words, knowing that what she said was true, but because of Pops' request, he won't allow her to go after Teach. He put his full faith and trust into Whitebeard, which was why he listened to his request and urged that people around him did too.
All Marco wanted was for his family to be safe. If Pops has a bad feeling about someone then he'd trust in Pops' words because he was the Strongest Man in the World and also because he had been with Pops for a very long time.
Irin was reluctant, but she decided to abide by Marco and Pops' request. She, however, supported Ace on the sidelines; emotionally and physically, maybe even financially...
Of course, this never quelled the underlying guilt that built in her...
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"You're nothing more than a stupid marine and I'm a pirate. I hate your cries and whines, you're utterly useless. You didn't even do anything for Thatch. I hate you, I always have..."
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Ace's words repeated over and over again in Irin's head, she shot up, eyes wide with beads of sweat rolling down her forehead. "No, no, that can't be it... Ace wouldn't blame me for something like this... He wouldn't," Irin breathed, catching her breath in between her sentences. Her hand was clutched onto her chest as she began to cry.
"He wouldn't... It's not my fault..." she huffed, panting for air as she brought her hands to her ears, shielding herself from her thoughts, "It's not me... It's not my fault... He wouldn't blame me for this..."
The girl cried to herself as she covered her ears with her hands. She looked insane. Her eyes were red and puffed up, so was her nose. Irin's body shook as she gasped for air and cried uncontrollably, "I'm okay, I'm okay... Ace is the kindest person I know, he wouldn't do this to me... He's lying..." she repeated, attempting to calm herself, but her insecurities and wounds only weighed her down.
'What if he wasn't lying? What if he really meant everything he said at Impel Down? What if he really did blame me?' Irin cried as those thoughts circled her mind infinitely.
She shook her head, attempting to stop her tears as she rubbed them away with the back of her hands, "No, Ace wouldn't do that...! He's just lying to me so I'd leave him... Right?"
Her hands trembled beneath her as she kept trying to reassure herself.
She knew Ace.
Irin loves and trusts Ace, which is why she's refusing to believe his words; not knowing a part of herself had already sunk deep into his lie.
It was too real. All the reasoning that Ace had come up with made sense. He knew her well enough to pick at her insecurities, he knew her well enough to send his knives of lies to her weakened walls of defence.
Nay, he did not even have to go past her walls.
He was already allowed to reside within her walls. His knives of lies were sent directly to her fleshy heart that beat almost solely for him.
It was no wonder that Irin began to crumble into small pieces.
Ace's words gnawed through her battle scars and opened them, allowing her insecurities to seep through and eat her away. He planted that poisonous seed in her as it bloomed in full, killing her slowly.
This lie was his parting gift to her, but what he did not expect was for her to try to brace through it by telling herself the truth that he wanted to hide. Her first guess was right, she saw right through his lies, but for once, Ace hid his emotions well enough. His cover up, his lies, his tone; those were all the evidence that pushed Irin to believe his venomous words.
Ace just wanted her to hate him, but she could never; for she loved him too much to ever hate him. Instead, she brought the blame to herself and shouldered them, causing her to drown in guilt and regret.
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Irin pushed her blanket away and got out of her futon, she could no longer sleep so she decided to stay up, devising plans to get Ace out of Impel Down.
She didn't give a shit if Ace hated her, well, of course it hurt but, his wellbeing was more important than what he thinks about her. The pinkette could care less what comes after, all she needs at that moment was to know that Ace was safe and away from the grasps of the Navy.
Time passed fast when she was busy thinking, and before she could even realise, it was time to report to work.
However, what she did not expect to see was the gathering of the Seven Warlords. This meant that Teach was present.
No, this meant that Blackbeard was present.
Entering the Warlord gathering area, irk marks immediately grew onto Irin's face when her gaze fell onto that traitor.
Anger seeped out of her endlessly as it filled the room with murderous aura, sending chills down the spines of the surrounding Marines. "Um, V-Vice Admiral Irin...? A-Are you okay?" a low ranking Marine asked, but alas, he was only ignored by the pink haired girl.
Blackbeard stared at the girl with a wide, sinister grin.
The both of them exchanged stares that meant no good. One with murderous intent and the other with an evil idea brewing in their brain.
"Irin! It's good to see a familiar face here! Oh– forgive me, it's Vice Admiral Irin, isn't it?" Blackbeard laughed, showing the empty slots in between his teeth.
Her glare only darkened as her eyes remained sharp, "Why did you do it?" she asked, in the calmest tone she could muster.
"Why did I– Why did I do what?" the tan skinned man laughed, in a mocking manner.
Another irk mark grew upon her forehead as her brows continued to be furrowed, "I said, why did you kill Thatch, you fucking traitor," she repeated, through her clenched teeth, using words she would almost never use.
The grin on Blackbeard's face only grew wider and more sinister-looking, "I only did what any pirate would do when they see something they want, say, Irin, why don't you join my crew?" he smirked.
His tone made Irin feel like vomiting. Last night's dinner seemed to rise up Irin's throat in a burning manner.
"I'd take real good care of you, even better than how Commander Ace did to you, so what do you say, huh?" he said, grinning widely and proudly.
With those words, Irin wanted to lunge at him and punch him straight in the face, but what, or rather who, held her back was Jinbe.
"He's not worth the trouble it'll cause you, Vice Admiral Irin," Jinbe said, glaring at the man in front of the two of them.
She turned her head slightly to look at Jinbe, her eyes filled with tears, yet anger still rang strong from behind her hazelnut brown orbs.
Those were tears formed by anger and frustration.
Irin pulled her hand out of Jinbe's and turned away, storming out of the room that continued to fill her with regrets.
Once again, the moment she left the room, her tears began to overflow from her eyes as they rolled down her delicate face. Her tears always formed easily, but this time, they formed in every waking moment and she did not know how to stop them.
The only thing she could do was try to reassure herself as she rushed towards the Whitebeard Pirates, gripping Marco's Vivre Card in her hands.
Irin hopped onto her jetski-like speed boat, following the direction of the Vivre Card and speeding towards wherever her family was.
She had to do something, she had to get Ace out and she needed help.
While repeating reassuring words to herself in her head, she dashed towards wherever the Whitebeard Pirates were, It's okay... I'm okay... I'll get him out... I'll protect him no matter what...' Irin thought, repeating her own words over and over again in her head as she set off towards Moby Dick.
She could see through his facade and she chose to believe that all he had told her that night was a lie. She had to believe in his kindness.
Irin had to believe in Ace.
It was hard but she was going to try her very best from falling into the depths of despair and to remain composed as she figured out a way to save the love of her life.
Patches of darkness circled the bottom of her eyes as she strained them to stay awake, her nose was red and her eyes were swollen. She looked like a mess, even though she could care less.
Quicker than usual, Irin had arrived at Moby Dick as she hurriedly hopped onto the deck. "Irin...!" Izou exclaimed, worriedly as he noticed the pinkette hopping onto the ship. Under closer inspection, he could see the puffiness of her eyes and the redness of her nose.
With that, Izou knew that Irin had been crying. He wasn't surprised to find out that she was crying, given the situation she was in, but he did not expect her to react so badly to Ace's execution.
The Irin that he knew cries very easily, but the Irin that he was facing at that moment looked like she had been crying herself to sleep every night for years, she looked as if she had just been released from a war that lasted for over 5 decades.
"Irin– why– Are you okay?" Izou asked as he brought his hands towards her and placed them on her shoulders. His words made her lips tremble downwards before she forced them into a reassuring smile, "I'm fine but, Izou-nii, Ace, he– What are we going to do? How– How are you guys coping with the news? Is Pops okay? What about Marco-san?" she asked, directing the attention away from her and towards her other worries.
Izou frowned and pursed his lips, knowing exactly what she was doing, "They're fine, they have a plan to save Ace, and they've already worked it all out, so don't worry about them... More importantly, how are you doing? Did you get to see Ace?"
The pinkette jerked her head back a little at the mention of Ace before forcing a smile back onto her face, "I– I'm fine and Ace, he's– he's uh– he's seen better days, but enough talking about that, I came here because I wanted to tell you guys that I have a plan and that you don't have to do anything," she explained, avoiding the topic of Ace and how she was feeling, "I'll handle it all."
The man stared at her with wide eyes and a slight frown, for he was too stunned to speak (a/n: THE WOMAN WAS TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK), "What?" he said, breaking his brief silence, "Irin, Pops already has a plan, don't worry too much, I know you're worried about Ace but it's alright, we're always here for you, so don't worry yourself too much, we'll handle this. You should really get some rest, we'll save Ace and before you know it, he'll be safe back here and we'd go on adventures together like how we usually would."
She shook her head in a slow manner, "No, no," she said, "I can't keep doing nothing, Izou-nii!"
Her voice creaked and strained through the choke that built up in her throat as tears began to stream down her face uncontrollably, "I can't just keep doing nothing... I don't want to... This is the reason why he hates me..." she cried, muttering the latter part to herself as she sobbed.
Izou raised a brow then continued to frown, "What do you mean?" he asked, referring to her last sentence, "I know you'll feel bad for not doing anything for Ace but, there's just too many risks for you and we don't want you to take those risks."
Irin ignored Izou's question and only focused on his concern, "Forget the risks, the safety of Ace means more to me than they'll ever be, I don't wanna just do nothing... Ace– he means so much to me, you can't expect me to just sit back and pretend that everything's alright when nothing is... I had enough of not doing anything so please, let me do this Izou-nii," she pleaded, voicing her thoughts and trying to convince the man that stood before her.
He only frowned before shaking his head and sighing, "I'm not the one who makes these decisions, Irin... You need to speak to Pops about that," he said, in a worried tone, "But, Irin– don't try to avoid my questions... I don't know what happened but, I'm here for you, I always will be, so don't be afraid of sharing your problems, okay? You're not a burden."
She glanced down, avoiding his gaze as she nodded to his words, "I'm alright, it's nothing of importance right now. Can I go speak to Pops?" she asked, forcing her smile back onto her face.
Izou pursed his lips together, as he saw through her lies and plain avoidance, "Alright," he sighed, before smiling worriedly, "Pops has been rather worried about you anyway."
The pink haired girl walked beside the man in the kimono as they made their way deeper into the ship and towards the main deck where Whitebeard was.
Her eyes met with the older man who sat next to his IV drip, the two exchanged wordless glances. Irin frowned a little before speaking, "Pops... I heard you had a plan..." she said, softly, but loud enough to be heard.
"Daughter... Are you here to stop me?" Whitebeard asked.
"No, I just want to be part of it... Pops I– I can't just keep doing nothing when I keep losing the people I love... I really wanna do something... I know that you don't want me to do everything on my own so at least let me help... Please..." she pleaded.
Her eyes held so much hurt yet so much determination behind the hazelnut brown of it. Pops could see the tears well up in her eyes as she stood her ground, hoping that he would allow her to be part of her plan.
However, he would not allow it.
The Whitebeard Pirates had agreed not to include Irin in their plan to rescue Ace. They had to pretend to be strangers for her sake.
Being associated with Pirates would do no good to her reputation which was why Pops and the rest of the family agreed not to include Irin in their plans.
"Irin, have faith in us, we're the Whitebeard Pirates-yoi, we'll be able to save Ace and you wouldn't even have to lift a finger. All you have to do is get some rest, okay? You look tired-yoi," Marco said, replying to her in Whitebeard's stead.
The older man only smiled that fatherly smile at his daughter, "We'll be alright, daughter, so don't worry so much and take care of yourself," he said.
She only released a breath that she was holding unconsciously, "I– Is it really okay for me to not do anything about this? I can't keep doing nothing, Pops, I don't want to not do anything anymore. I fear that if I just remain calm and do nothing I'll end up losing that one person I love and wish to spend my forever with... The thought of losing him scares me...I don't wanna lose anyone else that I love, so please, let me be a part of this," she begged.
The Whitebeard Pirates watched her with pity and regret, but they had agreed to this; they would not let her be associated with them during the war that is to be waged. She had a dream and they wanted to protect it along with her; not knowing that a monster called regret would form in her.
"Irin, do you trust us?" Pops asked, calmly and in a caring tone.
Her features softened at the question as she continued to frown very slightly, "Of course I do... I just–"
"Then let us do this, we're family and we don't abandon each other. We want you to take care of yourself and worry less, which is why we don't want you to do anything. You can return this favour to us in the future," Pops smiled, leaning down and patting her head gently.
With his actions, Irin began to tear up, the feeling that she felt at that moment was very contradicting; there was a lot of love, yet there was also a lot of hate, there was the feeling of comfort, but there was also a lingering unease that swam in her.
She felt loved.
However, she hated herself for being emotionally weak because she thought that was the reason Pops did not allow her to be part of their plan to save Ace.
She felt comfort because of the family she had.
But there was also an unsettling feeling that was growing in her and she did not know why she felt as such.
The monster called regret that shall prosper and grow under the river of purity was slowly hatching. May the volcanic heat be washed away by the innocent water of justice as the lilacs that bloomed beautifully swayed under the stormy rain.
As the events culminated to the end of the farmer who took care of those lilacs, the rain fell with melancholic water as it sang elegiacally.
He, who smiled finally, ignited the flames in the still water and shared the last laugh.
a/n: i'm so sorry for the late chapter!! i've been busy and haven't been able to write much which is why this chapter was late, plus i was out for the pretty much the whole day yesterday. i got a new ace figurine tho hehe.
anyway, i hope y'all enjoyed this weeks chapter and thank you so much for all your endless support!! i can't even begin to express how grateful i am for all the reads, votes, and comments! they really really motivate me to write more !!
also, i'm in love with snk's new ending T^T