Maddy did not pass out.
She couldn't, even if she felt like she was going to. She was a vampire, and even though she was overwhelmed, it was no cause for her to go unconscious. Besides, there were important matters to address. Like the reason why they were in Chicago to begin with.
Rebekah didn't have what they needed to contact the Original witch. They'd have to wait until the next day, when Gloria's bar was open again, which meant retiring for the night and heading out in the morning.
They'd gone to stay at a nearby hotel, each getting their own room. It seemed Klaus trusted that no one would try to run off on their own, because no one had been locked in, and the hybrid certainly wasn't patrolling the halls.
Maddy had been grateful for solitude. In most instances, she hated being alone more than anything. But right now, it was what she needed. Some part of her would have preferred to go to Stefan, curling up next to him and crying her eyes out while he listened to her blubbering about how she felt. However, Stefan didn't care enough at the moment. There was no one she could turn to.
She supposed she could have called Damon, Alaric, or Elena now that she was awake again. But that felt like a dumb idea. Klaus would get angry, not to mention he might find out that Elena was still alive, which was likely the reason he was failing to make hybrids.
Thus, Maddy found refuge in the luxurious hotel bathroom. The instant she turned on the shower, she started to sob.
She didn't know what to feel. Or why she was like this in the first place.
It felt like a part of her had been ripped out, then forced back into place. There was relief and happiness but also indescribable rage. How could Klaus have done that? How could he have made her forget their time together? If he had given her a choice, what would she have decided?
More and more memories were worming their way into her conscious mind. Reminding her of every touch, every kiss, every conversation between the two of them. Maddy thought she'd never quite known passion, but these memories were proving her very, very wrong.
"Nik, stop it," she groaned one evening at the bar. "We've been in here long enough. Other people— human people— might need to use the bathroom."
He didn't emerge from under her flapper dress, and she just sighed, gripping onto the sink and holding herself up. "This is so wrong, we shouldn't be... doing this..."
"I don't care," he murmured, and she barely heard him as her mind went fuzzy, her legs trembling as he held on, keeping her upright.
"Nik—"
"Shh, love. Relax. I want you to fall apart completely."
Maddy felt her skin starting to burn. Until now, she hadn't been able to remember herself doing such dirty things. Saying such dirty things. Oh, the things that Klaus had made her say... she would have died instantly if anyone had ever heard her.
"Did you ever want kids?" she'd asked him once, when they were dancing in her and Stefan's apartment, one night that her brother wasn't there. "When you were human, I mean."
"I imagined myself as a father," murmured Klaus in her ear. "I suppose it made sense at the time, given that was what my duty essentially was. Marry, produce strong offspring, be valiant in battle. Those fantasies quickly faded when I recalled what my father was like. I knew I'd be just as awful as he."
"I don't think we're destined to be just like our parents. We're not required to parent our children the way ours did us. We may come from them but we're our own people. We have a certain experience that came from them, but we can choose to be different. Otherwise, I'd be dead. My mother is, so..." she noticed he tensed. "It's okay to laugh, if you find it funny. I try to cope with humor."
"It isn't that. I simply... I... I'm not sure if I ought to say this to you."
"If you don't want to, it's alright."
"I wish to. But you cannot tell Rebekah. You must not."
"I'll keep your secret, Nik."
"I killed my mother."
"Why?" she asked simply, which caught him off guard. He expected a gasp. Or for her to pull away. But she hardly reacted. She preferred to know more before judging him at all.
"In my rage, after she performed the spell that suppressed my werewolf abilities."
"Do you regret it?"
"Some days. Other days, I feel that I gave her what she deserved. Go on. You have my permission to tell me what a wretched man I am."
"Stefan killed our father. I was bitter for a while, but he had it coming. Anger... does things to us. Makes us do things we don't intend to. It happens and you can't take it back. You can only accept it and move on. I don't blame you. She never should have treated you that way. Nik..." she drew back, holding his face, "they were so awful to you. You didn't deserve that. You should have been loved no matter what. You were just a child. How could she have allowed your father to mistreat you so? For something that was her fault? I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
He could feel himself getting emotional, and he tried to force it down, but she reached her hand up, running her fingers through his hair. "It's okay," she said. "I don't judge. I will never, ever judge you for feeling. It's natural. There isn't anything wrong with it."
"You would have been a wonderful mother," Klaus said shakily.
She half-smiled. "And I think you would have been a wonderful father. What did you see yourself having, hmm? How many kids?"
"Oh, seven of course."
She giggled. "What, because you're one of seven?"
"Yes. You, three, I assume?"
"Two, actually. Being the middle child isn't fun, you know that. In some instances you're shoved aside and it isn't pleasant. I don't want only one, solely because I fear they may end up spoiled. It's silly that I even say it that way... considering I'll never be able to have children."
"I'm sure there are ways."
"Dark magic, yes. But I wouldn't wish to use that, it could have side effects on the child. Besides, I would have to fight the perfect man to be the father of my children, it can't be just anyone." She wiggled her eyebrows playfully. "Interested?"
A low chuckle rumbled in his chest as he kissed her. "Very."
"Make it stop," said Maddy desperately into her hands, which were covering her face to muffle her sobs. "God, please make it stop... it hurts..."
It wasn't actually causing her physical pain. But she thought that it was. Her skin tingled everywhere as she recalled what it was like to have his lips and hands moving over her body. The emotional overload was what was really making her perceive pain. She hated it. And yet she loved it.
"Let's go to Italy," he'd suggested, while she was posing for him in her favorite dress so that he could paint her. They'd been like this for hours already, and she was nearly done. "Perhaps there are Salvatore relatives there that you've never met."
"Mm, and then you can tell me all about the wine there," she cooed. "And you can bend me over a balcony overlooking the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Provided my relatives aren't nearby."
Klaus stopped painting. He smirked, and set the canvas aside (thankfully, the painting only needed a few finishing touches that could be made without her continuing to pose). He reached for another canvas, and propped it up. "Take off the dress, love."
Her heart leapt into her throat. "What?"
"You heard me. Take off the dress."
Mustering up all the courage she had, she sat up from the bed, and started to remove the dress. Klaus watched her hungrily, and she kept his gaze, kicking the garment off of herself, and laying back casually, unlike how she'd been before.
"Come and position me," she said, forcing a poker face. Challenging him.
Klaus moved leisurely toward her. He kicked off his shoes, climbing on top of her. "Perhaps I should wait to paint you," he murmured, taking her wrists and pressing them down on either side of her head. "Until after we're done."
"But then I'll look a mess."
"And that'll mean I did my job properly." He flipped her so that she was on her stomach, and put his hand on her throat, bringing her back to press against his chest so that he could whisper in her ear. "You, love, were sculpted by the gods themselves. Greek sculptors would be jealous."
"I don't think you were sculpted by the same people," she panted. "Those statues tend to have... rather small appendages between their legs. Yours, however, is anything but—"
He turned her back around, letting her finish her sentence against his lips.
How much they could have had if he hadn't made her forget. How many years they could have been together. That love, that safety, she hadn't felt it since. And it ached knowing that he'd been so scared, so desperate to protect her, that he figured it was just better for them to be away from each other for a little while. Which had turned into a long while. Where her relationships never worked out and she always felt empty. The entire time, a piece of herself had been missing and she hadn't known it. It had been but a nagging sensation in the back of her mind.
She sensed that someone had entered her room. She quickly shut off the shower, thinking it might be Stefan. She went to the door to open it, but—
"Maddy?"
It was Klaus.
She let go of the handle immediately, turning away and pressing her back to the door. She knew he could hear her heartbeat. Her shaky breaths. He would know that she'd been crying. He might have even heard her. Why else would he have come by? It had to be past midnight.
"Open the door, love."
"No," she managed. "I can't."
"Are you alright?"
"No."
"Let me in... please, Maddy..."
"I can't, Nik—" she covered her mouth when she realized what she'd called him. She shuddered, and sank down against the door.
How was she just supposed to jump back into a relationship with him as if nothing had happened in between? Everything was different now. She wasn't the same person she'd been when they met. He wasn't, either.
He sat down on the other side of the door, resting his back where he estimated her to be. There was the smallest gap between the bottom frame and the floor, and though his hand was too big to fit through it, he managed to slide his smallest finger underneath.
Biting her lip, Maddy dropped her hand, and pressed it against his, allowing their pinkies be linked. Her breath hitched, remembering his touch as if it were truly yesterday that they'd been lovers.
"I think I'm in love with you," she'd told him dreamily while they held each other. "I love you, Nik. I'm sure of it."
He brushed her hair away from her neck, kissing it for a long while. For the first time in centuries he was remembering what it was like to be human. To care. To love. "You are... something else, Madeleine Salvatore. Something I cannot quite place. I adore you." He waited until she was asleep to whisper, "I love you," in her ear.
"Please say something, love," he begged from the other side of the door.
"There's so much I could say," she murmured. "Where do I start? I... I can't believe you'd do that. No matter what the danger, how could you just... take it all away? I was so confused those first few days, finding things in my apartment that didn't belong to me. Things that I didn't recognize. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I'd finally snapped after worrying so much about Stefan."
"It was never my intention to hurt you, love."
"Why did you put me to sleep? That's like the equivalent of daggering me without... daggering me. And in Mystic Falls, why... how... I thought you were just trying to tick me off."
"My temper got the best of me. I never should have laid a hand on you. I thought in the back of my mind that keeping up the ruse was best for both of us. Since the twenties I have become... far crueler. I can admit that. I... I apologize. I was far too violent with you."
"Why didn't you want me to come with you?"
"I feared that the more time you spent with me, the more you would despite me. It would make it far more difficult for you to... see me in any sort of positive light. You never saw evil in me before. Despite knowing what I did, who I was. Putting you to sleep would keep you safe. It benefitted both Stefan and I."
"You killed Elena," Maddy whispered. "What you did to Stefan... how could you...?"
"I figured I was doing him a favor. Sparing him the grief. It was for fun... really."
"I can't... I can't just pretend nothing happened in between N— Klaus."
"Don't call me that," said Klaus in a pained tone. "I gave you permission to call me Nik. Call me Nik."
"Okay... Nik. My life went downhill after the twenties. What I suffered... the t-torture." Her voice broke. "I need time. I can't rush back into your arms just like that. As much as I want..." she hiccuped, "want to... all over again... we don't know each other anymore. That's the truth. So until we find out..."
Klaus wanted to yell. He wanted to ask her how she could possibly want to wait after remembering everything. He thought she would have rushed toward him, kissed him, told him she still loved him and that she never wanted them to be apart again. He almost wanted to force her to look him in the eyes so that she could say it all to his face. Perhaps then she wouldn't be so confident.
But he could feel her shaking on the other side of the door. And he realized he knew nothing about how she felt. He had had the memories. He could turn to them in troublesome times. Enter a world where he had everything he wanted in life.
Her, however? He hadn't the faintest idea what 'torture' she was referring to, but he was ridden with guilt knowing that she likely hadn't had enough good memories to get her through it. He wanted to kill whoever had hurt her. To ruin their lives and ensure that they could never lay eyes on her again.
"Nik?" she whispered, not hearing a response. She was still holding his pinky, she knew he was still there. "Don't... don't be mad..."
"I'm not angry with you, love," he said. This was true. The one he was mad at was himself. He should have found her sooner. Been kinder to her when he saw her again. "I understand."
"I swear, it doesn't mean this is it," Maddy whispered. "I don't want you to think that I'm done for good. I'm just not... not ready yet. I need more time. Please don't ever... ever take my memories away again. It wasn't fair. I wanted to go with you."
"I couldn't allow you to," he said. "You would have been killed. It would have ended permanently. I couldn't live with myself if something had happened to you. Even in a time where I was becoming more of a beast than ever, I couldn't allow myself to be selfish when your life was on the line. If you think it did not pain me to let you go, you are quite wrong."
"I never thought about that. I suppose it hurt us in different ways."
"I want to see you. Open the door."
"I'm a mess. I think I might burst into tears again if I see you. I don't wish to be sensitive, I just..."
"I should not have criticized you for that. Though, I am curious why you allow yourself to cry now. You used to say that—"
"—crying made me feel weak," Maddy finished. "My father used to beat me when I cried. Said I was encouraging Stefan to be too feminine by expressing my emotions in front of him. I think he just needed an excuse to hit me. But um, after the fifties..."
"Who hurt you? I'll kill them."
"They're gone now. Most of them. Damon and I took care of that."
"What did they do to you?"
"I'm not ready to talk about that. Because then there's... so much to explain. And unless you already know about Augustine..."
"It rings a bell. That wouldn't happen to be located in Whitmore, would it?"
Maddy cursed internally. Of course he knew. "It is."
Klaus knew exactly what she was talking about now. He'd heard of vampires being taken in, and never coming out. He'd never cared to investigate, because then he'd be going too close to Mystic Falls. No one of importance was there. He'd even thought, at one point, that anyone stupid enough to end up there deserved what came to them.
He had a different opinion now.
"How did they get to you?"
"A relative sold us out. Stefan doesn't know. We never told him."
"How did you escape?"
"Damon found a way. We didn't all make it out. One of the other vampires died in there. His name was Enzo."
"Did you love him?"
"Not romantically. I think that being trapped together forged a connection but it wasn't like that. It didn't make sense to see him that way. He was family for those five years." She shook her head. "Where were you? From 1953 to 1958?"
"In another body. After 1933, Elijah and I parted ways on a bad note. He learned I'd daggered Rebekah in the twenties and he... was not pleased to know that the letters he'd been receiving from her were actually from me. I disappeared after that. Had my body locked away with a dozen spells so that I could conduct my business covertly. Tell me more about where you were. After we parted ways."
"Er... let's see. In 1922, when I thought I was losing my mind following the compulsion, I contacted Lexi. She was like a sister to me. We spent every waking moment with Stefan working through his rehabilitation. In 1942, Lexi decided the final step was making amends. We knew Damon was in New Orleans, and I... felt this calling, and I joined them even though Lexi insisted I ought to spend some time alone. My brothers and I, we talked about joining the war effort as medical assistants. We'd drive ambulances and help heal people. But Lexi thought it was a bad idea for Damon to be included in those plans. It was the one time I grew angry at her... she convinced Damon to leave and kept them from making proper ameds. I chose to go with Damon when he left New Orleans, figuring Stefan would be alright with Lexi.
"We spent some time traveling throughout the United States, getting to know new cities, feeding. I let myself be more irresponsible because I'd spent two decades with a very strict schedule so as to not ruin Stefan's path to controlling his hunger again. In 1953, we were lured into Mystic Falls and trapped with Augustine. We got out in 1958... and um... Damon turned off his humanity. He had to, because I was already out of the building, and it was on fire, and Enzo was... was still there. And he couldn't get him out or he'd die, too. So he turned his humanity off and left him behind. I cried alot those years. I didn't know how to help Damon. My focus had always been Stefan. He was the one I knew how to take care of. Damon had always been the one taking care of me when we were together. I stopped restricting myself. Crying was what I needed to let it all out so that I wouldn't be tempted to turn it off, too. I knew that if I did, we'd wind up dead because we cared so little.
"When the 1970s came around, I could no longer hide the truth from Stefan. I had tried and failed far too many times to do anything for Damon. I was just following him around, trying to cover his tracks. He didn't kill me solely because I stayed out of his way. But he threatened to rip my heart out several times. So... I let Stefan and Lexi handle it. Lexi, mostly. And I came to regret it so much because Damon tricked her. He tricked her into thinking that his humanity was back on when it wasn't, and they hooked up, and then Damon left her to burn in the sun. She almost died that day. She called me frantically, needing my help. I found her before she was incinerated. My brother basically assaulted her after I begged her to help.
"So I gave up on Damon for a while. I was alone for a bit, then I traveled with Stefan and Lexi, then with just Lexi, and in 1994, we all came together again. Kurt Cobain died, and I guess it encouraged Damon to come and see us. Stefan was being so silly, trying to get us both to drink animal blood. I tried it. Hated it. Resorted to sneaking a few drinks in when he wasn't looking. But Damon just... he still didn't care. And he was so bitter that Lexi and I were there for him in the seventies instead of Stefan and I. So he killed the girlfriend of Zach Salvatore, one of our relatives. He was always so sweet to us. The woman, Gail, had been pregnant. After that, I didn't want to see either of my brothers. I wanted to separate myself entirely from my family because I was so disappointed in myself for not being able to keep us together properly. From there, you likely know the rest. My brothers contacted me when they returned to Mystic Falls and I kept... refusing to go.
"Until at last I went back because of Katherine and now we're here. Stefan's girlfriend is dead, Damon probably thinks we abandoned him, and I'm... sitting in a hotel bathroom too scared to look at you because I remember everything. And I almost want to hate you because I would have felt so much safer if I had you. Every memory that's gone into my head since you removed the compulsion brought me this comfort, this security, that I haven't felt since. You were home to me. And I was wandering around for so many years unable to understand what part of my life was missing. But it was you. You were missing."
"I'm here now, love," he said, getting up when he sensed her starting to move. "If you wish to wait..." he sighed, "I am not the most patient man. However, I can make my best attempt if it would mean there is a chance I can be loved by you again."
She opened the door, and pulled him into a tight hug, burying her face into his chest. He was shocked, and it took him several seconds to react before he placed his hands gently on her back, resting his head onto hers, trying his hardest to conceal a smile.
A/N: Happy 200 pages! Hope you are liking this. Comment for more :)