I walked.
I walked.
There was no means to where I was going but I just walked.
My thoughts swirled like broken glass around my mind and the gaze went to the person in my hand. He needed medical attention. And soon.
I stopped.
The rain still poured. He would get ill if I didn't find somewhere for him.
I knew that Hanje would be fine. As would the others, they would be close on our heels.
"I'm sorry Heichou." I whispered. "I cannot help anymore." I covered him with my other hand and turned going back the way we had come.
A thicket of trees- a small forest was near by and I headed that way.
Levi was safe. He would be healed. I would wait until the scouts met with him and then I would leave.
Pushing the bracken aside with my foot and uncovering Levi slowly, I grabbed leaves from the branches above me and laid them on the ground. Then slowly and gently placed him on it.
I then removed myself from the Titan body a few feet away- steam filling the air as it disintegrated. I ripped the shirt from the bottom and made bandages. Then I collected the rain water in my hands before soaking them and placing them over his wounds. That was the least I could do. At least until help arrived.
My back to a tree nearby and curled into a ball- eyes locked on him.
If he died the reason I had for living was over. If he lived then...at least he could live on and find someone who wasn't the monster beside him.
Hating myself I went for a small walk- hating every step as it took me away, but I had to find something that would stop a fever, and help fight infection.
This carried on for days.
He showed very little side of improvement.
My heart despaired.
On the fifth day- I heard hoof beats. As a Titan I crouched over Levi. Hiding him from view. My gaze on the people who arrived.
Then I relaxed.
Hanje jumped from their horse and sprinted over to me.
"Layla. Thank Ymir your alright!" They said tears in their eyes.
"Captain isn't. All my fault." I said emotionlessly.
The others jumped off their horses and began to make plans for an camp.
This was it. Levi was safe.
I removed myself from my Titan and found myself pulled into a group hug.
Hanje began to take over what I failed to do.
My heart ached.
They would be far better for him than I ever could.
I walked away, family and friends tried to talk to me but their words fell on deaf ears.
A hand pulled me sharply.
Jean.
"Don't. You. Dare." His voice was cold and sharp. "Don't you dare leave us."
He pulled me into a tight hug and pulled me with him.
My swords were removed from my hands and I was placed inside a tent that had been erected. And I was guarded.
The sixth day rolled around and Hanje came to visit.
I failed.
My hands shook and I curled into a ball.
"Layla what happened?" They asked.
"I hurt him." I croaked, voice shaking. "I hurt him trying to save him."
"But he's ok. He'll live because of you."
"No. He'll live because he's Heichou. I have nothing to do with that."
"So its all over for you?" Their voice went soft.
I just nodded.
They sighed.
"Layla, we need you. More than ever. Levi needs you."
"What use does he have for a broken woman?" I retorted.
That made them step back in shock. I heard it.
"Your not-"
"I am!" I shouted. "I am broken, I can barely tolerate touch, I will never be able to be intimate with anyone, what use do I have when this is all over? I won't be able to have children because the mere thought of intimacy makes me throw up!"
I paused, chest heaving. "He wants children. He has told me so." I paused again. "I won't take that dream from him."
There was silence.
"Then you need to tell him that." They said finally. "I won't be a messenger."
They left.
They were right. I had to end this with him myself.
I stood up and left. The guard went with me as I went to see him.
To my surprise he was awake. A bandage covered his eye and most of his face.
He was talking to Hanje. And his eye locked on me.
I turned my gaze away.
"Commander, may I speak to Levi please?" I asked softly.
Hanje nodded. The guard went with her. I kneeled down beside him my gaze to the floor.
"So you've been hiding." His voice was cold. Colder than usual.
My heart heavy I nodded. "I hurt you."
A hand grasped my own, tight. I winced.
"And you saved me, so why?"
The hand grew tighter. It was as though he knew what was coming.
"You need someone stronger. Who you can be beside. I am broke-"
He pulled me to him and grunted in pain. His hands held my face.
"They won't be you."
I lowered my gaze. "But they will give you what you want."
"And I want you." His words sliced through my heart. "I want you and only you. I told you I would wait for you and I will."
I slowly removed his hands from my face. "I hurt you...."
"No. If you hadn't have been there my injuries would have been worse." His hands grabbed my face again and forced me to look at him.
Tears brimmed in my eyes.
"Layla. Your all the woman I could ever want. I will wait for however long it will take you to feel like you can be truly with me. But don't you dare hide from me."
Tears trickled from my eyes and a gentle thumb wiped them away.
I leant forward and his arms went around me as I sobbed into his shoulder.