~BEGIN DREAM-~
The woods were dark, crickets chirped all around me, my heart was pounding as sweat dripped down my pallid face; I was white as a ghost, almost gasping for air as I ran for my life. A gun rested in my death grip, my hands trying to hold on as hard as I could while my sweaty palms threatened to let the gun slip away. Where are they?
I could hear them all around me, the quiet groans, the twigs snapping under their weight, the whispers. "Come to me," a whisper called out. "You can't escape us. We. Will. Kill." I skidded to a halt as a figure appeared before me in the dark, slowly trudging towards me.
"No," I whimpered. The figure growled lowly, reaching out towards me, it's torso covered in a bloody bullet proof vest, it's head topped with a familiar ridiculous man-bun. "Jesus...no."
"You can't run forever, Michaela," Jesus whispered.
I tried to run away, but stopped as another figure appeared at my side, his body singed, his tan button shirt tattered and covered in seeping blood at the bottom left of the torso, and a bloody, unkempt beard that jumped as the figure's jaw snapped at me with a snarl. "Rick..."
"We are everywhere," Rick whispered. "We are inevitable." A loud explosion in the background filled our ears as a bright orange light filled the distant woods. Jesus and Rick slowly turned to look at it, but I took the opportunity to get away. I ran in the opposite direction, dodging trees as fast as I could. A small light at the edge of the woods caught my attention; daylight was leading me to safety.
"Michaela," whispers called out. "We. Will. Find. We. Will. Win. We. Will. Kill." I was so close to the edge of the woods, just a few yards more. My legs aches with exhaustion, threatening to give out from underneath me. "Kill." Twigs snapped under my pounding feet. "Kill." Just a few more feet; I can see Alexandria's walls. The gate is open and a dark figure stood in the opening, holding their hand out to me, begging for me to hurry. "Kill." The woods fell silent. Everything around me fell still as my foot reached the outer edge of the tree line. "Now."
A massive hand gripped me by my hair and yanked me back into the woods. I let out a scream, but fell silent when my head collided with the solid ground. A massive figure climbed on top of me, holding a large knife in their free hand. I looked to Alexandria, the figure was gone, the gate had closed. I felt the blade drag along my jaw, but I felt no pain. I looked up as the figure pulled the knife away and tugged on my hair, pulling my face from my body and holding it above me as it dripped with blood.
"We. Are. Coming."
~END DREAM~
I quickly sat up in a panic, grabbing my hair with my hand as I frantically gasped for air; I felt like I had ran a mile. I could hear my heart beating in my head as I scanned the room. Harper was asleep beside me, un-phased by my nightmare. Negan was lying beside her, his eyes open, staring up at me with confusion.
"Michaela?" Negan softly spoke. "What is it?" I didn't answer, I just got up and quietly rushed out of the room, shutting myself in the bathroom. My hand rested on the sink, gripping it for dear life as I tried to control my breathing. Panic. I haven't felt this much panic since...since Rick.
Rick...is that what has become of him? Will I ever see him again? Will his face belong to a Whisperer? I looked up at myself, my hair a tangled mess; I could still feel the Whisperer's hand in my hair, gripping, pulling. I frantically searched the bathroom mirror, taking a pair off scissors into my hand. A gentle knock at the door filled the silence.
"Michaela?" Negan quietly called out. I lifted the scissors and put them to my scalp, cutting away at the hair that had grown over the years. "Michaela, what's wrong?"
"Go away, Negan," I whimpered.
"Michaela, open the door." I ignored Negan and continued to cut away at my locks. Negan knocked on the door once more, but I ignored him, chopping away half the hair on my head. The door suddenly opened and Negan stared at me with disbelief. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I looked at him in the mirror.
"Help me," I sobbed. Negan quickly wrapped me in his arms and held me close as we slid against the wall and onto the bathroom floor. I cried into his chest until my face was numb. Negan took the scissors from me and tossed them to the side, I didn't even fight him. "Oh, God," I cried. "Jesus..."
"It's alright," Negan quietly spoke in a calm voice. "It's alright, I'm here." His hands held me, one gently stroking my choppy hair as one held my arm, gently stroking it with his thumb. "What happened? Bad dream?"
"No, it was real...it was so real."
"You've had bad dreams before—"
"Not like this!"
"Shhh," Negan hushed. "Harper can't see you like this."
"They got me," I whimpered. "I was runnin', I was almost home; someone was holdin' the gate to Alexandria open for me, but the Whisperers grabbed me and cut my face off."
"Sweet—Michaela, it was just a dream."
"No, it's reality!" I quietly snapped. "The Whisperers are comin'! They're comin' and they're gonna kill us all!"
"That's enough, Michaela," Negan argued. "Since when have you ever given up so quickly? You're not gonna give up now, not when the fight hasn't even started." The room fell silent. "You're a goddamn stubborn bitch, you know that? You're stubborn as fuck, and right now, you need that. You're gonna survive these freaks and you're gonna come home to Harper and be the mother she deserves, alright?" I faintly nodded. "Why did you cut your hair?"
"I—I didn't want 'em to get me...I could still feel their hand in my hair." Negan let out a sigh and carefully reached across the floor, picking up the scissors.
"Well...we can't let them have the upper hand now, can we?" Negan released me and carefully cut away at my hair, not stopping until all the strands were gone, leaving me with only an inch or two of hair. We both staggered to our feet and brushed ourselves off before I finally looked myself over in the mirror. Overall, I liked it; at least now they'd have to be on top of me to be able to grab me.
"Well..." I slowly turned to Negan. "How do I look?" Negan slowly ran his fingers through my hair and sighed with a smile.
"You look beautiful."
"Seriously?"
"You could look like a fucking nutsack and I'd still think you're beautiful, baby."
"Negan—"
"I know, no pet names. But right now, I don't give a fuck." Negan took a step closer to me, closing the gap between us. "I love you, Michaela. You know I'm in love with you, but you're not. I've accepted that, but it'll never change how I feel about you. I just—I can't stop loving someone who gave my life purpose again. And I know that I fucked yup that chance to get you back, but I'll forever pay for that mistake if it means keeping you here with me."
"I don't live here."
"I meant in Alexandria."
"Negan—"
"You said someone was holding the gate open for you, in your dream, who was it?"
"Negan—I don't know who it was, I couldn't tell."
"Right," Negan mumbled before finally stepping away. "Get in the shower and clean up, I'll be in here in a second to sweep up."
"Negan—"
"How are you gonna sweep with one hand?" I didn't respond. "Just do what I say, please?" I let out a sigh, but nodded. Negan stepped out of the bathroom and began to shut the door, but stopped. "It could've been me," Negan softly spoke. "At the gate, it could've been me." Without another word, Negan gently shut the door, leaving me to my thoughts.
It wasn't Negan. It couldn't have been. I thought back to the dream, remembering the distant figure at the gate. Short hair, dark pants, and a light shirt. It wasn't a girl, but it wasn't Negan, it couldn't have been Negan...could it?
~~
"Wow," Harper smiled as I entered the kitchen, a large duffel bag slung over my shoulder "Mommy's a boy!"
"Funny," I laughed.
"What happened to your hair?"
"I was bad, so the hair monster came and cut it off."
"Michaela," Negan chastised.
"Okay, fine, I got a haircut," I chuckled.
"Can I get a haircut?" Harper asked.
"No," Negan and I automatically answered as I sat my bag down on the kitchen table.
"Where are you going?"
"Harper," I sighed and took a seat beside her. "I've gotta go and take care of somethin'."
"The monsters that killed uncle Jesus?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "I might be gone for a little while, possibly longer than I have been away from ya before, but I —"
"Okay," Harper smiled and resumed eating her eggs.
"Harper, it's okay to be upset—"
"I'm not upset."
"Harper—"
"They need to go away," Harper smiled.
"Yes, they do," I nodded once more. "I promise that I'll come back as soon as I can, okay? I'll try and check in as often as possible, so if someone comes for you, ya go with 'em, okay?"
"Why would they come for her?" Negan asked.
"The radio," I answered. "If I can't make it back, or if I'm gonna be out there for a bit, I wanna call over the radio and talk to 'er." Negan didn't respond, just raised is eyebrows briefly, as if to say "oh" and looked away. I turned back to Harper and sighed. "I gotta go, baby."
"Now?" Harper asked.
"In a few minutes, I wanna talk to Negan first."
"Okay, but don't leave yet."
"What—" Harper suddenly got out of her seat and rushed back upstairs, leaving Negan and I alone in silence. "She's a good kid."
"Why are you doing this?" Negan asked.
"I gotta go, Negan."
"It's not your war."
"It's my family, I gotta protect what's mine."
"And Harper? How are you protecting her by being so far away from her?"
"I'm keepin' those bastards away from our gates, that's how." Negan tan his hand over his beard and grumbled to himself. "Negan, I'm doin' all I can to protect 'er, she's my daughter—"
"She's not mine!" Negan snapped. "It shouldn't have to be up to me to keep her safe here, it should be yours."
"You wanted 'er as a daughter. I'm not sure ya realized it yet, but I think she's done chose that for ya." Negan didn't respond. "Negan, I'm not tellin' ya that ya gotta step up and be her father, I'm askin' ya to step up and protect 'er like a father would. I'm askin' ya to be there for 'er and make sure she doesn't feel unloved for one second...I'm askin' ya to be 'er friend. Can ya do that?" Negan gently nodded. "We'll discuss this when I get back."
"Discuss what?"
"Daryl wants me to talk to 'er again about 'er meetin' 'em, but last night wasn't the right time. When I get back, hopefully things will be calmed down enough to talk about it."
"What if she says no?"
"Then that's her choice."
"...What if she says yes? You just gonna take her away from me?"
"She lives here in Alexandria, Negan. If she says yes, Daryl will have to come here to see 'er and he will have to accept the fact that you are a part of her life no matter what." Negan softly nodded, a smile hiding in his sullen expression.
"Mommy!" Harper exclaimed as I rose to my feet. I turned to Harper as she embraced me in a tight hug and finally pulled away. "I made you this." I held out my hand and instead of putting something in my hand, Harper loosely tied a yarn and bead bracelet around my wrist. I looked the bracelet over and smiled at the word MOMMY that was spelled out with Leyte beads, surrounded by purple and pink colored ones.
"Harper, this is beautiful," I smiled. "I'll never take it off."
"You better not. It'll mean you don't love me anymore."
"Not possible," I chuckled.
"Here," Negan softly spoke as he approached me. I held out my arm and Negan closed the gap between us, only to tighten the bracelet around my wrist and knot it. "There, now it'll never come off."
"Thank you," I nodded. Negan's eyes stared into mine, silently begging me not to leave, hiding the unspoken words he longed to say.
"Are you gonna kiss?" Harper asked.
"Maybe," Negan teased.
"No," I answered sternly.
"You know you wanna."
"I'd rather eat a cat turd."
"I smell better than a cat turd."
"You are a turd."
"But you love this turd." I rolled my eyes and picked up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder once more. "You didn't say no."
"I didn't say yes either."
"No answer is better than a no."
"No answer is a no," I tittered and turned to Harper, giving her one last hug and kiss. "Keep 'em in line, sheriff," I smirked.
"I will," Harper smiled. "Go get those monsters."