Senior Year: November, 2 Days Before Thanksgiving Break
Sirius
The empty bottle of blue raspberry vodka lay between us. We never made it back to the party. The pavement was cold and hard underneath my back. The snow had gone away a while ago, taking most of the clouds with it. A light, white layer of snow covered the parking lot. I should've been cold, but the alcohol kept me warm. Tomorrow I would probably have a cold.
Remus rolled onto his side to face me, "Ugh, sucks that we can't see the moon."
He was right, from our spot on the ground we had an amazing view of the stars, however the tall trees of the Forbidden Forest blocked out the moon.
I let out a deep breath before turning over to face him. "Well Moons, I cooooould show you my special spot that's guaranteed to have a great view of the moon."
Remus shot up to a sitting position, grabbing my hands and pulling me up too. "Let's go."
I tried not to think about how warm my hands felt in his. "I don't know..." I faked a yawn, "I'm pretty tired.
"No you're not. Take me now!"
I pulled my hands out of his and stood up, "Beg."
"What?"
"You heard me moon boy, beg."
"Sirius, I'm not doing that. I. Don't. Beg."
"Then I guess you're not seeing the moon from my secret spot either," I shrugged, beginning to walk away.
"Wait."
I turned around and Remus was on his knees. God, I guess he was really drunk.
"Please, oh wondrous, amazing Sirius Black, please will you take me to your special moon place."
I walked toward Remus, extending my hand to him, "Get off the ground, this is too gay for even me to handle."
"So are we going to your special spot?" Remus asked, taking my hand and using it to help himself stand up.
"Yes Mr. Greyback, we are going to the spot. You'll see your moon." I rolled my eyes while we started our way towards the forest that surrounded the east part of school. It got the name 'Forbidden Forest', when a couple years ago a group of kids tried acid for the first time in the forest, and claimed they saw mythical creatures that tried to eat them. Since then the school has banned kids from entering the forest. Pretty suspicious.
"We're about to enter the spoooky Forbidden Forest so if you need a hand to hold, my hands are open," I expected a sarcastic comment, or at least a laugh from Remus but nothing. I turned to look at Remus, and all of the spry and animated energy I only saw just moments ago was gone. He looked sick. "Woahh, are you gonna puke?
"I hate, HATE, that last name! It's not mine, it fucking Fenrir's! I fucking hate him AND the name," Remus explaoded with rage. Hands vividly in motion, I guess holding hands was not going to happen.
"Who's Fenrir?" I asked, confused. For the three months Remus has been here, he's never brought up anything about his personal life or really anything.
"My dad." Remus slurred. " Well I guess he hasn't been my dad since I was seven, but he's the one who gave me the last name."
"Since you were seven?" I mumbled trying to take in all the information, but my drunk brain couldn't comprehend what Remus was saying. "I'm still confused."
Remus started to rub his eyes harshly and looked somehow more confused than I was. "You don't have to explain," I started but was cut off.
" Fenrir, my dad. " Remus spoke using air quotes when saying 'dad'. "went to jail and since then I have been bouncing between families in foster care. And even though I haven't seen him since I was like SEVEN, I still live with the reminder of him with this dumbass last name and these dumbass scars."
I was stunned. Speechless really. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I didn't know what to say. Do I make a joke to try to lighten the mood, or do I try to rub his back like James does when Pete's upset? I feel like if I tried to touch him he would bite me.
"So, why don't you change it?" I finally gathered the courage to ask.
"And what do I change it to?"
"Black..." I responded a bit too fast. The words came out before I could even think, but before I could regret them Remus laughed. His anger vanished.
"But don't you hate your family?"
"I do but imagine this. You look up the name Black, one of the richest and homophobic families in America and what is the supposed heir comes up, it's hot, sexy picture with his hot badass looking husband. My parents would SHIT themselves." We laughed and before I even knew it, we were at the spot.
The spot wasn't anything too exciting. It was something James and I accidently stumbled upon when we first came to the school. We were trying to look for centaurs the group of kids were talking about, but instead we found this place. It was the more open part of the forest and the trees were more spread out, making looking at the sky perfect. The best part was the lawn chairs that came with the spot. Worn out blue and white lawn chairs laid directly in the middle of the open area. It was the place me and James tried alcohol for the first time, and it was also the place where I came out to James. This place was special to James and I, but Moony was also special to me.
I sat down on the lawn chair and waited till Remus followed before I laid back. The view of the sky was truly amazing and I understood Remus was so obsessed with the moon. It was silent between the both of us, clearly from awestruck, but eventually Remus asked the question I knew was going to come up tonight.
"So, I'm guessing the whole outing thing didn't go well with your parents?"
"No. They kicked me out." It felt almost relieving to finally tell someone. I turned my head to see Remus' reaction but he was already looking at me with his golden eyes. I tried to read what his reaction was but it was unreadable which I almost was grateful for. I hated pity. "Don't tell James please?"
Remus didn't say anything, he just continued to stare at me. Eventually he moved his head back to where he could see just the sky. "Where are you gonna go this break?" He asked after a while.
"I'm not sure yet. I still have my car so maybe I'll just find a parking lot and stay there until break ends."
"Then what about Christmas and summer vacation, you gonna stay in a parking lot then too?"
"I don't know! Jesus! You're the last person I would expect to judge," the last sentence comes out too quickly and I regret it immediately.
"I just don't understand why you won't tell James, I'm sure if you told him-"
"You've been here for like three months, and you think you know how James' gonna react?" The alcohol and the uncomfortable topic were not mixing well.
"Jesus Chirst! You're right! I have been here for three months but I can tell James would help. God he would convince his parents to adopt you. So I don't understand why you won't tell him,"
"I...I will." I mumble embarrassed. Remus is right, I know James and his family wouldn't hesitate to bring me in but I'm a fuck up. My own actions were the reason why I got disowned, I was the one who deserved this. I didn't want fuck up another family. A perfect one. "Please just let me tell him."
Remus made an uncommitted hum, clearly not 100% believing me. I still stared at him, at his eyes that reflected the moon, and his sharp jaw that displayed his silver scar. How did his dad, Fenrir, give him that? I was going to ask but Remus started to dig around in his pockets, and before long he pulled out a plastic bag filled with some sort of capsules.
"What are those?" I asked when he handed the bag to me after he took out, maybe three.
"I'm not sure," He swallowed them dry.
I pushed the bag back to him. "No, thanks. Someone has to get you back to Lily safe and sound."
Remus groaned, "Fuck Lily. I don't like her."
"You're just drunk, and probably high," I pointed at the plastic bag Remus was putting back in his pocket. "You don't really mean that."
"Don't tell me what I fucking mean. I'm serious."
"No, I'm Sirius," I joked, trying to lead the conversation away from Lily. I've recently noticed Lily was a touchy subject between James and Remus, and did not need any more drama.
Remus glared back at me, "I'm not joking Sirius. Being with Lily is suffocating. I'm always letting her down and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it."
"Why don't you just break up with her then."
"I wish I could but it's not that simple. Lily was my first friend at Hogwarts, she's been so amazing to me these past three months. Lily deserves to be happy. I can't break her heart."
I moved closer to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. "She deserves to know the truth, Remus."
"Yeah I know..." he trailed off.
"Well I guess you and I both have unpleasant things to tell people."
"I guess."
We stood staring at each other for sometime. I ran my eyes over his long scars that seemed to glow under the bright moon. How I longed to trace their edges with my fingers and kiss each one until Remus didn't hate them anymore. Until they no longer reminded him of Fenrir, but of me.
"I cheated on Lily."