#nowplaying
= There for you - Kim Na Young =
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The next day, I walked into class to an empty seat before me. For minutes I couldn't take my eyes off Myungho's seat, wondering if he was late to school because he overslept or something else. I have so many questions and doubts running in my head and I already planned to talk it out with him, but he has to be here in order for me to do so.
I shook my legs impatiently all through till the bell rang for first period, until I figured that he was not going to show up at all today.
The seat stayed empty for the next couple of days, and all I could do was stare at a soulless chair.
"Miss him much?" Seokmin plopped down the chair that my eyes were on.
"Is he okay?" I asked softly.
"I don't know," he shrugged. "I haven't seen him around too." Then he suddenly gasped and sat upright. "What if something happened at home again? Do you think his dad is back?"
I began to feel uneasy. I would never want anyone to experience such violence, even if that person was his own father.
"What are you doing?" Seokmin asked, looking up at me.
I blinked back in confusion.
"Why did you stand up?" He asked again. I didn't realise it myself but I did have a strong urge to walk right out of the classroom.
"I have to find him," I murmured in frowns, but I don't think Seokmin heard me.
I really, really wanted to run to Myungho and give him a tight hug.
Soon, the next period started and Seokmin screeched back to his seat. I lost my chance to escape and the rest of school was blurred me endlessly with Myungho on my mind.
...
Eventually, I ended up here again.
Standing in front of the rusty steel gate, this was the entrance to Myungho's home. I swore to myself I'd never be back because this place was a nightmare to me but I broke that promise too easily.
I remember stepping in cautiously and running out minutes later, looking pale and traumatised.
The same thing was about to happen, like déjà vu as I made small timid steps towards the staircase and climbed to the second floor.
"What the hell am I doing?" I muttered to myself. "He can't possibly be here."
The last time I came, I remember it was emptied inside out. No beds in the bedrooms, no sofa in the living room, not even tables and chairs. Seokmin mentioned before that the family had to sell all the furniture to pay back the debts. Apparently, Myungho's father owns this three-storey building, and it seems like a matter of time before he sells it.
I walked in with the slightest bit of hope for Myungho and scanned through every nook and cranny in the house.
There was no one.
I walked further into a bedroom and found a cheap mattress with a pillow and a thin blanket on the floor. It shocked me to see Myungho living in this state, struggling all by himself.
I knelt down beside his mattress, feeling the thinness of it, and let myself crash to the cold floor. My eyes had gone watery and I could pour it out any minute.
"It's not even my problem," I sobbed to myself. But what am I doing here?
At some point I realised that I cared for him more than a friend would, but now... I think I'm ready to admit it.
And I'll wait here until he comes back.
...
Yujin...
Someone was calling me in this pitch blackness.
YUJIN...
And it's getting louder.
YUJIN!
My eyes cracked open and it dawned upon me that all was just a dream. I was still beside his mattress, crouching to myself on the cold hard floor. I must've fallen asleep while waiting, but who knew that I'd dream of his pretty voice?
"Yujin ah!" Someone sat me up all of a sudden, one hand caressing my hair and then cupping my cheek. "Are you okay?! Tell me you're okay, please..."
I was still trying to process what this was about, but one thing for sure is that this person is the guy I had been waiting for.
"Are you hurt anywhere? Did he hit you again? Hmm?" His questions kept coming.
I cleared my dry throat before I could speak.
"Can you hear me? Can you see me? Do you feel dizzy? Don't worry, I'll take you to the hospital now. Don't sleep on me okay?"
"What's going on?" I finally cut him off.
"OH MY GOD you don't remember?" He panicked more. "Did he hit you in the head?! Do you remember who I am? How many fingers do you see?" He showed two fingers to my face.
"One," I said and watched him turn a tone paler.
"F*ck this is bad..." He muttered, looking like he was about to cry.
I cracked into a soft laugh with no attempt to control my smile, and that made him dumbfounded. I was laughing in relief, and he probably had no idea how happy I was to see him again. For days I had been stressing, worrying, and thinking about him but with him here, all that washed down the drain.
Tears streamed down my face as I met his eyes. We studied each other for a few seconds until I could no longer hold back. I leaned forward and tucked him in for a tight hug, squeezing him towards me.
He tensed up at first before returning my hug.
"I missed you," I murmured into his neck and felt his chest move as he breathed in and out.
"Me too," he said lowly. "I've been looking for you."
I peeled away from the hug and met his eyes. "Me?"
...
I stared down at the hand holding onto mine as Myungho was dragging me out of the house. He seemed urgent, and it was not romantic at all.
"Myungho ya." I have been calling him repeatedly, to no response. We just kept pacing down the street and I don't know where he was taking me.
I removed my hand from his and stopped walking so that he would finally look at me.
"Why? What's wrong?" He asked, suddenly looking concerned.
"What's wrong? You've been dragging me along for five minutes and ignoring me. What's going on?"
He ran his fingers through his hair, looking stressed. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."
I frowned back. "What's going on?"
Myungho seemed troubled, and I can tell that he has a lot in his head so I gave him some time to think, but we were not going anywhere until he told me something I can understand.
"I don't want you to see my dad. And I don't want him to find you here."
So this is what it's all about? I exhaled in relief. "I'm not here to find your dad. I'm here to find you."
"I know," he lit a small smile. "But it's still dangerous here. He could appear in the neighbourhood anytime."
He grabbed my hand to go again but I refused to comply. "It's not dangerous, dude. And he's not a threat to me. He's just your father. I'm not scared."
"I am," he stepped in front of me, staring deep into my eyes. "Not after what he did to you Yujin. He remembers you and still curses about you for getting in the way. I hate that." His voice was rich with anger for his father.
Myungho took a step closer, exhaling a big breath. Our nearness made me gulped hard.
Wrong time to be feeling nervous, Yujin.
"Can we get out of here first, please?" He begged. On account of his desperate puppy eyes, I willingly gave him my hand to fled together.
...
I poked my fork into my rice bowl and looked up. "So your dad is the one staying there?" We were finally having the conversation over dinner at a food stop called Don Don Donburi.
The mattress I had seen on the cold hard floor didn't belong to Myungho. Apparently, it's his dad, and his dad has been camping there. Myungho was shocked to see me lying there (sleeping) and he thought his dad had knocked me out or something.
"Then where are you staying? What about your sister?" I asked more.
"Seokmin's house," Myungho said. "We've been crashing over at his place for a few weeks now. I feel bad about it but it's our only safe option, especially for Myunghee."
"You were there all the time?" I questioned with big eyes, getting confused. "Even yesterday? But Seokmin said he didn't see you too..."
"Seokmin..." Myungho exhaled chuckling, "probably lied to you."
My eyes went wider. How dare he!
"I saw him just this morning. He even told me to look for you cause you went missing," Myungho added.
"I didn't go missing," I frowned in confusion. "I was looking for you."
"You could've called, y'know?" Myungho said, making it sound like it was the easiest thing to do but I do have my reason.
"I lost my phone."
"You could've borrowed Seokmin's phone to call me."
"I didn't want to trouble him," I reasoned. Partly because I didn't want Seokmin to think that I care so much about Myungho too.
"He freaking lied to you! You don't have to be nice to him," Myungho chuckled, once again reminding me that HE, Lee Seokmin deceived me about Myungho's whereabouts. I bear grudges by the way.
"I thought he was nice before he lied to me," I gritted my teeth.
"Well and he put you in danger, that son of a bit-"
"-Can we use nice words, please? And that's not the main point," I stated.
"You should've picked up when I called you," Myungho continued.
"Did you not hear the first part? I said I lost my phone."
"You shouldn't have lost your phone," he pointed out, making me snort at that ridiculous comment.
"So- you think... that I intentionally left my phone somewhere and walk away or, or threw it into the dustbin so that I could lose my phone? Bruh, you think I want that to happen?"
"No, I'm asking you to be more careful. Not to walk into dangerous places on your own without anyone knowing or to have your phone with you at all times so that when I call you, I can reach you and know where you are without having to worry!"
By the end of his speech, the entire Don Don Donburi was silent, with most customers and even waiters looking at us. Myungho had gotten more agitated that he raised his voice without knowing, and I just realised it too.
I sucked my lip in and kept my eyes on my rice bowl, embarrassed and conscience-stricken. I couldn't retaliate anymore, not with people's eyes on us, nor did I want to agitate Myungho further.
The silence lasted for a few long seconds.
"Sorry," Myungho said softly but audibly, soon after the room of people resumed their chatters. I could tell that he felt guilty for raising his voice. "I don't know what else to say, Yujin. But I know that there's a boundary I cannot cross..." He sighed again. "I just don't want to put you in danger."
I took the opportunity to study him when he avoided my eyes. This guy has a story to tell but he's not telling me anything because he's scared. Stress was written all over his face. And he hasn't touched his food since it was served. He looked skinnier, tired, and messier than usual. He'd usually style his hair to school but today he didn't.
"What does it take for you to cross that boundary?" For the first time, I was brave with my words. He didn't see that coming either and I wanted to take another leap. "I don't want you to be scared. I want you to think about me. If you really think I'm in danger, you can protect me."
Myungho looked up and met my eyes, waiting for me to continue. I hope it's not too selfish for me to say that because I would do whatever it takes to stay by his side. He just needs to agree.
I sighed once more. "Don't hide from me anymore. I didn't like you for being a coward, you know?"
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