He closed the door shut, but it wasn't the loud banging of the door being shut that deafened his ears nor that lingered in his head. But it was his cries and screams. Especially, that one last time he screamed for his name.
It was so loud, so emotional that his heart of glass, shattered at the painful sound. He stayed there, releasing all the tears that he held on as he looked at his face for the last time – remembering every line and curve that builds up such a beautiful masterpiece. He etched them in his mind, but somehow his broken heart etched them better than his mind; his broken heart that bled at the sight of him begging for his love that he could have given but chose not to.
He wanted to go back at the room, pick him up, cover him with his clothes and hug him. Tell him that he didn't mean the things he'd said, kiss him, and tell him 'I love you' because he loves him...he loves him more than anything in his life – more than his life.
But he won't because going back would make everything harder for them to let go, to move forward and go on. God, he felt like a bastard that didn't deserve his love. Though, they were young. So young, god, they haven't even graduated. He was living off the allowance his mother and father gives him but it wasn't enough – not when they both have dreams and plans of marrying each other.
Jimin's family wasn't rich, and Jungkook was taking care of his grandmother. And this offer...this offer was Jimin's dreams. It was nailing two birds with one stone – he would have a shot at living his dreams and make a living out of it. Then, he can finally give Jungkook a better life – even his grandmother.
Jimin had to break off things especially knowing what he was about to enter. He was about to enter the music industry, where it songs were important as well as being sellable in the target market. He knew where boy groups stand in this matter and what the company requires, he left his past behind in reaching for his own future.
It didn't help Jimin with the fact that his father was an overseas worker – he chose to work out of the country while his mother stayed in Korea. The first few years were okay, but as it moved on, his father had to continuously work for them making most of his father time being away from them rather than with them. And he didn't want that, didn't want to lose time for the person he loves the most. He could see how his mother suffered the loneliness and longing for his father who would go home just once a year or on special occasions and sometimes, he doesn't go home in a year. But his mother bore with all of it, it was for them anyway.
But knowing how a person so close suffered from it, he didn't want Jungkook to do that. And maybe, the moment Jungkook starts crying on the other line because he misses him; Jimin would get onto the nearest flight back to Korea and abandon all his dreams.
He left, but he wanted Jungkook to know that he left him with his heart.
His broken pieces of a heart that he wishes Jungkook would fix when the right time comes.
I love you, baby. I love you so much, this is all for you, for us.
He massaged his temples as his hands slowly crept to cover his eyes before he started to break down. He leaned against the wall as his back slid down against it, just like how his tears fell from his eyes.
He fell asleep hushing Jungkook against his chest, he could feel Jungkook's naked body against his own, and god he love the feeling of it. He missed it so much. He hugged him tightly, he knew he had hugged Jungkook a few times since they've met again but this time it was different because he finally had the chance to savour the feeling of hugging him. This time, he wasn't desperate or begging. He was just in love.
He leaned down on Jungkook, planting a chaste kiss on Jungkook's forehead as his hands softly grazed his cheeks. He didn't know why he cried, but he thought he might've been too rough though Jungkook asked for it and he had obliged, wanted Jungkook to be sated with the night – part of him wanted Jungkook to remember that it was him that could give him what he needed, but there's also part of him that just want to made love to Jungkook, wanted to feel him – his body and heart, all of him just for Jungkook.
This was one of the best night and sleep that he had, nothing but the spending the night with the one you love and sleeping against them – it seemed so mundane for some but for Jimin, it might've been his only wish.
Hours later, Jimin woke up, he rubbed his eyes to clear his vision but an inevitable smile had invaded his lips at the thought of last night. He quickly turned to the side of his bed, only to be slapped by the empty and cold space. His heart skipped a beat before he appeased himself that Jungkook might've been out in the kitchen or living room.
He stood up, arranging the sheets that clung around his body and upon doing so, he had realized that he was stark naked. The rays of sun illuminating his chiselled body, making each muscle more prominent and defined – he looked like Adonis, so sinful yet so tempting. He searched the floor for his boxers and out of haste, he sloppily put it on resulting for the boxers to rest low in his hips.
"Love?" he chirped once he's out of the room. His gaze roamed around the living room, but it was too clean, but he didn't let his hopes down and ran to the kitchen to look for his lover. "Jungkookie?" His tone sounded lost, but it was the fact that once he stepped foot on the kitchen there was no presence of anyone. No soul.
He left.
His chest felt constricted all of a sudden and he was never quick enough to go back to his room. With the rush that he took earlier, he failed to notice how the clothes that were sprawled on the floor that they took off in the heat of passion last night were only his, his alone; when it was clear as the fire that knocked their souls out of the impenetrable walls of fear and regrets, that there were the two of them. Intimacy was always two, intimacy and love was always him and Jungkook.
Jimin rummaged to the bedside table for any sign of letter, or goddamn at least a note! But he was slapped by nothingness. In his peripheral vision, his phone had lit up with notifications, he took it hoping it was Jungkook sending him a message but damn so much for hoping. It was just a bunch of messages from his hyungs asking him about where did he go last night and why he haven't come back home.
He stood there, staring into the void like he was loss of words. His chest felt heavier than ever and there was a banging on the area, it felt like his bones and heart were nails and the rising pain that was consuming him was the hammer – it was crushing him. He wanted to scream out loud, the grip he had on his phone was getting stronger before he threw it across the room.
God, he didn't feel okay.
Fuck it! He felt like shit, absolute shit.
His lungs were screaming but damn, he didn't have the heart to scream, as it was stomped upon by Jungkook who had done nothing but run away from him.
This time, he was the one who stayed and it was him that left.
Deadly thoughts drowned Jimin's mind, he was gasping for air as he clutched – thoughts of Jungkook going to his boyfriend suffocated him. They were the ones who were supposed to meet last night but Jimin had to intervene, he had to. It was dirty of him, but he had the chance, he was not going to let it go like the idiot he'd been for years.
If he was playing unfair, he didn't care anymore.
He found himself aimlessly walking towards the shower, the boxers that hung low in his hips stripped off of him. He went inside, putting dial to the peak of cold and the water dripped onto his body. It was goddamn cold but nothing was colder than how he was treated. Nothing felt colder than trying to reach for Jungkook's heart.
He punched the wall again and again, god he was really becoming a mess lately. The itch of malevolence was consuming him so quick, but damn it was the unrelenting pain in his heart that was destroying him to the brink. Jungkook was merciless when it comes to him, he was so kind to everyone he'd met and a perfect father to his son – their son, but the indifference was too alienating, too overwhelming and too obvious.
Jungkook was so different, so-so different. But fuck, Jimin loves him too much, he doesn't care what changed all he knows is he loves him. Loving you was like waking up from a dream, sometimes you remember but most of the time you tend to forget what it feels like.
But he was going to do anything to have him back in his arms, even if what he's feeling like was so close to death, like a sharp poisonous knife being pierced against his heart only to look back and it was Jungkook holding the knife.
Yeah, he wouldn't care. He wouldn't care if it was Jungkook that was going to kill him, he'll hold his hands for the last time and pierce the knife deeper in his heart. As long as it's you.
He didn't bother if the cold water was replaced with the hot tears that are dripping from his eyes, he can't hide it anymore, the pain was fucking unbearable and such a fucking blow on everything he's been wishing, even if it seemed impossible now.
-
"I'm really sorry, hyung," He bowed down to his manager, knowing full well what he did is against their protocol.
"It's fine, I'm not against it, Jungkook, but you know how stressful our workplace can be and I'm afraid this may stress him and you out, plus you know what happened the last time,"
"No, no, I can handle this one, hyung. It's just that he just told me that he didn't want to go to school today and that his tummy aches. I believed him, but he ended up lying, it's okay. He told me he wanted to accompany me to work instead of going to class. I can't resist him, and I feel like I've been neglecting him lately."
"Okay, okay, it's fine by me. Just next time, let me know prior too, kook. Bring him in here, and let me play with him for a while. Go prep up so you can cut down what you have to do later,"
"Thanks, hyung, you're the best!" Jungkook bolted out of the door and called the little boy who ran towards him in a heartbeat. "You stay here with Jin-hyung, okay? Appa has to do work today, I'll check you from time to time and we'll eat together. What's it that you want to eat?"
"Anything's fine but should be apple pie, appa!"
"You said anything but you specifically wanted something, stop messing with appa, he might not give you anything at all, then." He pinched Jikook's bubbly cheek.
The boy winced but let his appa have his way anyway. He blew a kiss on his appa's cheek before struggling his way out of hold and start playing with Jin who brought out his secret stash of board games on his desk drawer.
"I'll be back, okay?"
"Yes, appa! Jin-hyung said how are you going to turn from a person into a back?"
Jungkook just rolled his eyes before shutting the door and hurrying off to work. He brewed coffee, pre-sliced all the cakes and some pastries, re-stacked some tissues and cups on the counter for the customers who'll ask for wipes because apparently some don't get enough tissues in their life.
At the while, he sliced a piece of pie from the fresh one that he'd baked, keeping it aside because it's for his son. He'll put it in his tab, a slice and a glass of Orange juice. Some time in, Dean arrived and greeted him.
"It's been a while since I last saw you," Jungkook told him as they hugged each other.
"I know, I've been really busy with...things," He told hesitantly as he tied the apron on his back.
Jungkook contemplated for a while before, "Hey..."
"Yeah?" He looked at him. Dean was really good looking, his looks could pass off as one of those idols or actors looks that these teenage girls are obsessing and swooning lately.
"Do you plan on resigning the job?"
"Huh?" That threw Dean off guard.
"Are you resigning to apply for another job?"
"No," Dean answered back, "Why did you ask?"
"Oh," Jungkook's mouth formed an 'o', "I just happen to heard while we were conversing on the phone last time, that the chairman would like to see you."
"Oh...that," Dean looked a bit uncomfortable at the mention of the chairman. He couldn't meet Jungkook's eyes, "it's nothing, really. I wasn't applying for a job at all. I was there as I had something to...uhm...deliver. Yeah, deliver. That's all."
"I'm glad to hear that, I thought I was going to lose a friend at my workplace," Jungkook commented, exhaling a sigh of relief.
"Wait, I forgot my visor on the back. I'll be right back."
Jungkook just nodded, before going back to what he was doing. A customer arrived asking for an iced Americano on the go, and Jungkook was quick on his feet and gave the customer his order. At some time, Dean went back and assisted him for the customer's order of desserts.
Jungkook thought that he and Dean worked really great as a team, it's been a while since him and Dean became co-workers. Jungkook was the one who taught Dean with the things to do because he started off earlier than Dean. Which brings back, that day Dean looked like someone who give zero flying fucks when he arrived here the first time, he wore headphones, jeans and a leather jacket – typical delinquent style. But then the next time he went to the cafe, he was completely a different person. He sought out to help others and tend to impress Jin, the manager, a lot.
When there were no customers to serve, he and Dean chatted. "So what were you up to these past few days?" Dean asked him as he took a sip of coffee.
The question had flooded Jungkook's mind with memories he wanted to burn and erase from his mind. He swallowed the forming lump in his throat, god if only he could do so. "It...nothing. It was really boring."
"Oh yeah? How about Jikook what did you do together then?"
"Speaking of, I brought him with me. He's in Jin-hyung's office. He said he wants to call in sick and wants to go to work with me."
Dean chuckled, "he sounds like me as a child. God, I hated school."
"Why? Because math is hard?" Jungkook joked, a laugh escaping from his mouth.
"Nah," Dean dismissed, "It was more like I hated how I needed to blend in with people in order to have friends and not be bullied. That's not me. I have my own wants and needs. I have my own identity and I don't want to be subjected to other people's whim."
Jungkook pursed his lip together before nodding in agreement, it was true. But the way Dean spoke it felt like he wasn't merely talking about school anymore but rather life in general. But he had to agree still because it is really common in the school setting, now and even back then.
"Oh, I have to bring Jikook his snacks, he must be hungry already. Wait," Jungkook said before filling a glass with orange and taking the slice of apple pie he had prepared beforehand. He held the slice and glass in each of his hand.
Dean took notice of what he was doing and took the small plate of slice from him, "let me help you."
Jungkook just smiled gratefully before they headed to Jin's office. The two were playing scrabble and it looks like they were on a tight game because gone was the smiling Jin and both of them were serious on thinking which word to build and what area to place.
"Appa!"
"Looks like you're pretty busy with your hyung there. I won't bother you much but here are your snacks. We'll eat a meal later once appa's done."
"Okay. Oh, hi Dean-hyung!"
Dean bent down and hugged Jikook. The boy kissed him in greeting, "Go beat Jin-hyung in scrabble okay?"
"I heard that!" Jin yelled who was making the most of Jungkook and Dean's arrival and maximize the thinking time for his turn.
The three of them chuckled before Dean and Jungkook leave and go back to their shift. Dean opened the door for Jungkook who stepped outside first and Dean followed him.
"Jikook's really cute," Dean told him, still smiling at the boy's cuteness in mind.
"Well, guess where he got his genes from," Jungkook retorted.
Pause.
"I can't believe you just said that," Dean shook his head whilst trying to hide the creeping smile from his face.
"Well, I can't blame you. To see is to believe,"
Dean chuckled again then he saw the person who was holding cups in his hand walking towards Jungkook. He took hold of Jungkook's hand and pulled him towards him before they could bump against each other.
"That was a close call," Jungkook said with widened eyes. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Dean just smiled, catching a glimpse of his hand intertwined with Jungkook's.
It was so fast, he moved like a hawk who had sighted his prey. He grabbed Jungkook's hand from the other side. Jungkook turned to see who it was that grabbed him and damn, he was angry. He was ready to kill, with a glare for murderous intent and powerful hold on his hand, he knew he was angry.
It was too quick that before Jungkook had the time to protest, they were out of the café already. He stepped back, pulling his hand away from him as he take in the sight of him, Jimin's chest was heaving up and down, he bit his lip in restraint and that unnerving glare in his eyes told Jungkook enough of what was wrong.
He was jealous.
"You left me all alone after last night, so I searched everywhere for you only to see you with him," He said, his voice running deep which he doesn't know if it was from screaming or withholding his voice for such a long time.
"Wasn't me leaving ahead did you a favour, Jimin? I gave you what you want already, now let's forget about each other and move fucking on. I don't want to see you and I know you, you got what you wanted from me – quits."
Jimin shut his eyes before breathing in and breathing out.
"Fuck," He heard Jimin cursed. "Jungkook, if I wanted that the moment I came back here, I would have pounced on you already. I would have taken you as you stand. If you did know me, you should know that already. But I didn't. I'm being sincere here, Jungkook. If I wanted to bed you just for a night, I wouldn't have taken those words and slaps, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have followed you and beg you like a damn fool but I did. I did all of those. Because I fucking want you back so much, I love you too much that I'm willing to do anything to have you back and our son."
"Yeah, and I have a boyfriend already, haven't I told you? He's the one I want and you've seen us together, so you can't have me back no matter how much you want. I belong to some-"
"So you already have him but you're screwing with me?"
"Last night was a fucking mistake! I was drunk and maybe you were too, things happen, but it was nothing. You know damn well that, that should be nothing. And that this thing between us isn't really going to work no matter how much you try."
"A mistake? So what am I, Jungkook? Your fucking slut that's here to satisfy your needs when your boyfriend can't? Or maybe you screw around with the both of us, that's right, I fuck you and he fucks you when it's his tu-" Jimin's eyes were prickling with tears but he fought so hard not to cry.
Slap. Jungkook hit Jimin's face so hard, the sound was so crisp.
"You don't have the right to throw that at me when last night happened between us and you have that person beside you! Why did you fuck me then? Don't you have your own boyfriend to warm your bed? We have somebody in our respective lives now so it's best with shut our mouth and forget about what happened." Jungkook was red all over, how dare he acknowledge him like that.
"Boyfriend? Who?" Jimin's voice sounded so lost as he asked.
"I hate playing charades with you but you kept insisting the same fucking game. Aren't you tired, Jimin?" Jungkook palmed his face, rubbing his temples at the headache that was invading his system.
"Tell me, who? You know I have no one else but you!"
"Yeah, and you slept with somebody and that's why we broke up."
"Shit," Jimin now knew who Jungkoook was talking about. "He's not, he's not my boyfriend!"
"I'm sorry but I still have work to do,"
Jimin pulled him back and spun him around to face him.
"Listen to me," Jimin told him but he closed his eyes shut. "Yoongi's not my boyfriend. He was never my boyfriend."
Jungkook didn't spoke, he was tired of hearing lies and he was also tired of responding to lies.
"That night...that night when you saw us, nothing happened. I was so drunk that night because I really can't handle breaking up with you and I went drinking with Yoongi. I really didn't want to break up with you but I had to, because the company wanted us to be single and sellable, and I also think that long distance relationship isn't going to work for us. We're going to miss each other so much and I'm afrid that you'll be too lonely and that the moment you tell me you miss me, I'll be hopping the next flight back to Korea. I drank too much that I was starting to have my mind hazy and I was so stupid because I started seeing you in Yoongi. I admit, something almost happened but you came, you snapped me from my stupor before he and I did something."
"We spoke after that, he knows you. He knows how much I love you, even though we broke right after. I told him that we can't have that; we can't have what he wants even if we parted because it was always you. He accepted that and we stayed good friends. We worked in the same group, of course we were together but not romantically at all. He's not my boyfriend, Jungkook."
Jungkook finally opened his eyes, and there he saw Jimin. He was crying, god, Jimin was crying. He was looking up at him with those glassy eyes. He wanted to wipe those tears from him like he did for him when he used to cry so badly. He wanted to hug him tight and kiss him alright.
But damn, he felt hurt. Did he feel that little to Jimin that he had to keep him blindsided to everything? That here he was after being so devastated and depressed, seven years later, that truth is being fed to him in order to appease him. It was all too late and too heartbreaking.
"And, what? Do you think that magically cures everything, Jimin? You could have told me! You could have told me everything, I was your boyfriend! I deserved to know the truth, Jimin. A relationship is composed of two people! Two people, Jimin! We were in it together! We could have talk like decent people and think about what actions we would take and decision to make. You have no right to decide for me. For us! I spent nights thinking about what's wrong about me that you fell out of love with? I spent nights crying about the memories we've shared. I spent so many nights wondering and crying because you left."
"Then, suddenly, I found out I was pregnant with your child, god, Jimin. I was pregnant with our son, the doctor told me that I should eat more. Avoid being sad and stop crying because it will be bad for the baby. I couldn't be happy, I couldn't be happy because you weren't there. And I couldn't happy because his father was the man who broke my heart."
"I felt disgusting, you know, because I almost thought about aborting our son. I couldn't handle the pain, Jimin. It was too much. First, I lost my grandmother. Then I hurried to you, that night I hurried to you because I needed you beside me, but I caught you with somebody else. It was too depressing, it was too painful. I can't take care of our son when I can't even take care of myself. I was afraid. I was scared. I was alone. God, you were gone when I needed you the most."
"But I stuck through it, because our son has nothing to do with you, he's not you. I told myself that. He shouldn't be the one to suffer for our sins, and that he deserves to live. And thank god, I carried him for nine months because it's thanks to Jikook that I'm still here, that we're both still here. If there's one thing I'm thankful about from you, it's our son. And, that truth is seven years too late, Jimin. It's useless."
Jungkook walked out, dashing to the back building before he started crying there. He cried until his lungs were on fire and his eyes were waterfalls begging to be dried out. He was a mess, he didn't mean to let out like he did but he just did. He was tired of feeling angry at Jimin, but damn, the truth made stripped off the tiredness that he felt and make him lost control. He didn't mean to tell everything but he couldn't keep everything bottled up inside.
Jungkook felt a pair of strong arms sneaking and wrapping itself around his waist. He fell back against someone's chest. Jimin was hugging him and he could feel Jimin's hug getting tighter at the passing second.
Jimin hugged him as he felt Jimin's tears dripped down on his neck. He was crying, the both of them were crying, they were crying a story wherein they were the characters, the story of their love that had gone wrong, so wrong.
What happened to us, Jimin?
Why is fate so cruel that it managed to ruin us?