1/7/79
Cordelia,
The pieces have started to fit as the perspective sinks in.
I bit you. I ruined your life. Poisoned your blood and passed on my own personal sin. And for that, I will never forgive myself. I will not ask for your forgiveness—not only because i'll never deserve another ounce of kindness from your soul—but because I know, you would extend it to me. Even as you read this, you are fighting the urge to write back. Call. Apperate.
Do you want to know why, Cordelia?
Because you are bonded to me. My venom is basically tailored to make you care for me. You would ask me if I was okay, even if you were dying inside; You would sleep on my chest after I made you cry; You allowed me to string you along, and now you will have to find your way back.
You never really felt anything at all.
It was a instinct, a primal urge, a way to cope with the loneliness of this disease.
After some space, the feelings you thought would last forever will fade rapidly. As time goes on, i'll be rid from your mind.
Know this little wolf, I never wanted love and for me, it always comes undone. And you, you were just trying to put me back together and got your life put into shambles as a result.
And I am so incredibly, deeply, truly sorry, for hurting you in the way that I did. For betraying our relationship and trust so readily. There is no excuse. There are no words to express how vile. There is only the truth. The truth i'm sure you have known longer than I have myself.
I love Sirius Black from the bottom of my heart.
Even on the days I hate him, and even though I don't want to; I fear I might love him forever.
I guess that should mean i'm not in love with you, too.
But I am, and for me it was real, and for me it wasn't a primal urge, or a way to pass time, or ease the pain.
I know I ruined us, forever.
I just thought, if nothing else, you should know.
I love you.
Even on the days you hate me, and even though I am aware now you don't want me to; I know I will love you forever.
—R.J.L
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real chapter coming soon and it's remus' pov
check out my hermione x fem oc fic while you wait if you want ;)
song: seven letters by Ben E King (no lyrics for this chapter)