I'm a Villainess, But So What...

By mrmacpuffy

586K 24.8K 2.6K

Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass about anything from the storyline. Those fucking capture targets are so da... More

Introduction
Three Year Old Alice's First Thesis
My Daughter and Her Antics
The Cliche Novel's Place in My Life
Magic Types
Alice's Sleep Deprived State
Alice's Mischievous Escapades
My Sister, The Troublemaker
The Sickly Prodigy's Appearance
I Met a Peculiar Girl
My Playdate With the Ragdoll
Boredom is My Enemy
The Awkwardness that is My Life
The Class from the Pits of Hell
The Deranged Novice Hunter, Nova
Maria's Absolute Retribution
'Camping Out' On the Clearing
Nova the Spy
Get Off of Me, You Piece of Shit
Alice's First Pet Named Lizzy
My Therapy Session with the Crown Prince
A Fly Buzzing Around My Ear
Deranged Friends and Family
Little Al's Ultimate Weapon
Lazy Alice and the Fifteen Year Old Assassin
Ax's Existential Crisis
Hibernating with Liz
The Dreadful Birthday Party
Scaring the Unscarable Assassin
Meeting Ms. Pink Fluff Ball
Temptations of Murder
Birdbrain No. 1 & 2
Pirouette-ing in Victory
The Bait, the Prince, and the Silly Dance
Am I Wrong, Professor?
I Can Break the Swatter
How to Beguile Mr. Shrewd
Lady Novea, My Newfound Rival
It's Fine, It's Fine, We'll Torture Him Together, Okay?
Castrating My Soon-to-be Boring Toy
The Glowy Sword in Chains
The Beginning of Summer Camp
The Hothead in the Morning
Alice Novea's Troublesome Conundrum
Alice, Naska, and the Two Phoenix Familiars
The Aruarnul Amulet
A Life After the Next
The Brightly Colored Cube in the Hall
Those Stupid People of Hers
The Talent Show, the Execution, and The Harmless Prank
Your Choice, Young Padawan
I Dub Thee Human Punching Bag
Fast Forward Overview
I'm Going Abroad
The Dolts of the Elven Kingdom
The Nature of [Descension]
Mixuni's Fling with Ms. Svennal
Her Peaceful Academy Life
Rain's Hellish Job
The Oasis, the Comrade, and the Airhead
The Elf Mixuni's First Breakdown
Flying Orange Peach with Gloved Stems
The Beginning of Winter Break
The Drunk Narcassist
The Stairway to Fairydom
The Past to the Present
Attitude Issues of that Goddamn Prince
Alice's First Cut
'Geh' Game of Brain
The Kingdom of Mer
Invincible Statue of Karaoke
The Appearance of Who?
Al's Small Realization
The Shivers
Beginning of a Journey
Daily Life of the Party
It's Fun to Mess With Assassins
A Girl and a Period
Kidnapped?! I'm So Scared... Not
The Barrier
To the Devil's Castle, I Go
The Nude Dude
Alice's First Sick Day
Sebastian Butler
The Perverted Servant, Miro
Parents' Dismay
The Games Begin
The Chair
UhHhHhH wHaT sHoUlD tHiS bE cAlLeD?
The Blackout Box
Pathetic Challenge
Jacob
I Think I'm Becoming More of a Brocon
First Time Skiing?
The Inscriptions
NOTICE!
Book Two Prologue
NEW BOOK BOIS!

The Novea Family's Baby Prodigy

31.4K 882 299
By mrmacpuffy

An empty space. Void of anything. It wasn't dark, there was just... nothing. No light, no color, no temperature, no pressure, nothing.

I feel empty. Is this what it means to die? ...I'm glad.

Bah! Is that what you'd expect me to say, you fuckers? Nah, I don't wanna die just yet! No! I was so beautiful, so charming, so utterly jaw-dropping that I'm sure that when people see me walking past, they'd think that I was a fallen angel or somethin'!

Nah! I can't die! My beauty, my smarts, my aura, all of can't be hidden in this void! Without me, Earth will surely fall!

GODDESS! HELLO! ARE YOU THERE?! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP RIGHT ABOUT NOW! WHERE'S THAT DISEMBODIED VOICE THAT MAKES ME CALM DURING MY MOMENT DESPAIR, HUH, GODDESS?! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HERE RIGHT ABOUT NOW TO CONSOLE ME AND FEEL GUILTY AND THEN REINCARNATE ME INTO ANOTHER WORLD OR SOMETHING?!

GODDESS? GODDESS! WHERE ARE YOU? I'M GONNA KEEP SCREAMING UNTIL YOU COME, DUDE! NOW SHOW ME THE BRILLIANT LIGHT THAT WILL MAKE ME GASP IN AWE AND FRIGHT!

I could swear I could have heard a faint exasperated sigh somewhere, but I was sure that was just my imagination... A bright light came right after my loud announcement, just as I expected. Hmph!

Next thing I knew, I was in a crib. I felt the outside bars. Marble bars? Well, anyway, ha. As expected, I must have reincarnated. I felt kind of guilty taking over my new parents' baby's body, but I'm sure they still think I'm their child, so I guess it's fine.

NOW! Onto the next question. Is there magic? I really hope there is magic. There has to be magic, right? Right? GODDESS! GODDESS, THERE'S MAGIC RIGHT? No reply. Oh, whatever. I'm sure there'll be magic here. There has to be. I struggled to swing around in my crib. Wow, even though I read stuff about this transmigration shit, I really thought those MC's were exaggerating when they said that it was hard to move as a baby.

"Alice? What's the matter?" An unknown person burst into my room as soon as they heard the sound of my squealing. I didn't really understand what they said, though. Just a bunch of gibberish to my ears. Oh, whatever. I'll try using magic. I'm sure they have it here. And if they don't, it'll just look as if a baby is playing by making strange poses.

I struggled to put my chubby hands on my chest. Then I recited a spell from the recent novel I read, trying to feel the so-called 'mana' in my veins. All I did was feel my heart palpitating and my energy from feeding earlier, but whatever. [Oh free spirits, take my mana as yours and, in exchange, free me from these worldly shackles!] I cringed.

Wow. It's even more embarrassing when I say it. Wait. How did I say it? Is that even possible as a baby? And that didn't feel like I was saying anything. As I continued to contemplate, my young, fragile, and adorable body started hovering. I felt the cold win faintly graze the inside of my diaper and yelped out in surprise before shouting out in glee. Wow! It actually worked! I controlled the so-called air magic and slowly flew towards the person near me.

"Ba-bablallla! Hambalalfelu! N-nano? N... nano. Nano. Nalo? Naaaanaaa!" I eventually cried out in frustration after hearing babbling instead of Japanese and gave up, instead moving closer and taking a closer look at the person's face. After looking at me up and down, then seeing my feet hover in the air, they just downright collapsed in front of me. No sigh, no scream, no loud thud, nothing. They just fell to the ground. It looked like they died.

Hey? Dude? Did ya die? Hey! I wanna know where the hell am I? Come on. I floated down. With me still hovering, I looked down at their faces. Wow! She's beautiful! Silver hair, beige eyes, a soft and full face, it felt like I was looking at a painting. I pinched their face as hard as I could to try and wake her up. Uh, well. Whatever. I'll look for someone else. I decided. I started floating higher up and moved towards the door handle.

"Madam?! We heard a loud noise! Are you alright?!" A girl in a maid uniform burst in panting, with her hair in a frizzled mess. After realizing that something was blocking her eyes, she stepped back and looked at me, who was reaching towards the door, and my feet, which were hovering in midair. I expected her to drop dead like the other person did, but instead she just screamed.

"Ahhhhhh!!! Th-the miss is flying!"

----

'The Pride of the Novea Family' Was what I was called. I, a three month old baby, was called this. Yes, yes. I am amazing. At three months old, I couldn't walk, but I could fly. At three months old, I couldn't speak, but I could read. I never thought that my Hyperthymesia would carry on to this life too... Hyperthymesia. Meaning that I can recall memories from basically every day of my life with detail. I could memorize anything after one look. Thus, I learned to read the basic language of this kingdom after my third escape from the crib to the main library.

Finally, after three years of reading books on magic and feeding from my mother's breasts (that is really embarrassing, so I'm just gonna... yeah, we are not going to talk about this anymore, moving on...), I was finally three years old. Although all human life forms got their magic at age eleven when they got their blessings at the temple from the goddess, I was a rare case. After all, I already met the goddess (I think...?), and technically my soul is 23 years old now, so...

"Miss, it's time for your swordsmanship class." Maria calmly entered. She was eight years old, five years older than the current me, and right now, she is my personal maid.

"Alright. My thanks for alerting me, Maria." I calmly replied. I stood up and smoothed out the (somewhat crumpled) European styled dress. It was frilly, pink and white, and poofy. If I had to put my thoughts about the dresses here in three words, I would say that it would be 'fuck this shit'.

(Author's Note: Hey guys! Just to clarify, this is not my design. I take no credibility. (BTW: Disregard the blond hair) Thanks!) 

But, whatever. Last time, I wore a tank top and jean shorts around the house, the maids screamed while the male servants blushed profusely. I got a three hour lecture from Mother on etiquette as a noble lady. It eventually led to me getting etiquette classes from the age of two. 'Seriously? Did those men get turned on by a two year old? Ah, those fucking pedos, now I have to take the damned ettiquete class. Urgh.'

I remembered thinking about that in my second etiquette class where I had to practice 'drinking tea.' Cup at a 90 degree angle when setting it down, don't make any sounds, don't blow... TOO MANY FUCKING RULES! Thankfully, after begging my father to attend swordsmanship classes with the accompaniment of two of the duchy knights, swordsmanship class allowed me to wear pants and a shirt, at least. It was my saving grace after being weighed down by those damned floofy dresses.

"Young Lady Alice! Your hand position on your sword is two closed. Open it up and repeat!" Knight Ellingston commanded as I swung my wooden sword towards the wooden pole. My knights looked at me in amazement. I bet they're thinking, 'My lady is so amazing and cool!' or something. Well, yes, I am very cool, and yes, I am utterly and indisputably amazing.

When I first wielded a sword, I found it extremely backbreaking and difficult, even after my hardcore training. But, after realizing that I could use Earth magic to strengthen myself, I immediately exceeded my knights in pure strength. And, with my amazing capabilities, I soon exceeded them in skill too. Ah, Goddess, I knew you loved me. My slightly wavy silver hair paired with dazzling ruby red eyes, I was an angel who descended from heaven. A pure being who cleansed the world of impurities. Well, I am a villainess, but so what.

Oh yeah! I'm a villainess from the book I Shine for You. Ha! Imagine my surprise when I realised that I was the Alice Novea. The one who bullied the heroine and after garnering the love interests' ire, was subjected to death by torture. When I read the book, though, there were a few things I really didn't understand.

'Wait... isn't the villainess a doted on duke's daughter? And she was forgiven for all of her horrible acts before, so why did she die just because of a baron's daughter. Okay, I get that the capture targets have a lot of power, but seriously? Just after they found the villainess bullied the heroine, she was put in prison? I thought the dukedom had more power than that. And, one more thing. Why is the heroine so easygoing with the capture targets that are, like, seven social rings above her? Like, you'd think that she wouldn't be so touchy-feely after being saved by the prince ONCE. And, doesn't she know that the prince has a fiancee? Okay, really. And what of the king? I mean, come on. She's a baron's daughter, so what if she has light magic? Do you ever wonder what might happen to the political discord that will cause?' That was my thought process at the happy ending where the heroine got married to the crown prince.

My mind wandered once again and my lack of concentration caused me to increase my physical strengthening and I ended up breaking the wooden pole by hitting it with the sword. Well... oops.

I could see the instructor's and my knight's eyes goggling at me while I tittered sheepishly and said, "Ummm... my bad?"

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